Chapter 1
Kim's pov
My head is pounding, and my sight has gone dizzy from staring at the black second hand tediously tic around the face of a bleach white clock. Sixty more seconds, one whole minute left until this block is over and I can go to English, my new favorite class. I've always loved English because of the simple fact that I'm an openly accepted book worm. "Book Girl" is even my dubbed nickname from the wrestling team, but the reason I'm so excited to move on to my English class is because I get to sit next to a blazing God. His name is Jared Cameron and I'm completely head over heels in love with him. How couldn't I be? He's perfect.
The bell rings and I snap out of my daze. I pick up my load of books in a scatter, rushing out of the room to dash down to Ms. Glacis's English room. The whole time I'm just dreaming up more and more of Jared. I've yet to see him today, and am having withdrawal, he's my addiction. Ok, so maybe this "crush" isn't so healthy, but can you blame me? He's amazing, and he's actually even grown more amazing over the past few weeks which I didn't even know was possible. He's shot up about another foot, and his muscles have bulked up, toning him on every inch of his perfect body. Well, of what I can see anyways, but I have a wild imagination, so I can take a guess to the rest. I've had a crush on him for about five years. Kind of pathetic? Maybe, but I'm crazy about him. The only problem is he doesn't even know I exist. I've sat next to him in at least one class every year since the seventh grade, and I'm nothing buy vapor to him. He doesn't even know my name. I think the most he's ever said to me is, "Can I borrow a pencil?" Yet strangely I just can't get over him, and it's not like I want to either. So I'm stuck admiring from afar. It's not like that'll ever change. I could speak up and just talk to him, but that's never going to happen either. My shyness can be my own worst enemy, but so can my self confidence. Scratch that, you actually need self confidence for it to work against you. I know I'm not pretty, or popular like him or the girls that he chooses to go out with. I know I won't even make it on his "hit list" despite both his and his best friend Paul's being extenuating. I'm not pretty enough, and I'm not worthy enough for him. He's perfect, and I'm just...Kim.
I reach English to see I'm the first one there per usual. I take my seat in the back and pull out my book, pretending to read as I steal glances at the door waiting for Jared to arrive. When he finally does a few minutes later the whole room is aware of it. Him and his friends walk in laughing loudly, and pushing each other jokingly. Jared takes his seat next to me, and doesn't even acknowledge my existence. Not that I'm surprised, I'd be shocked if he actually did. He goes on joking with his buds until the bell rings, and class officially starts. I spend my time all class pretending to take notes on Frankenstein while actually starring at Jared and doodling his name over and over again in my notebook. Thank god he doesn't ever look over here because I'd never live it down.
Halfway through class Ms. Glacis decides to let us discuss our opinions on whatever part we're talking about, I never have any idea what's going on in this class because I'm always distracted by Jared. I'm lucky I love to read or else I'd be failing. Jared turns to his friends talking about last night's game rather than the book, and everyone else turns to their own friends, leaving me and my notebook to myself. I sigh. Sometimes being invisible has it's advantages but other times being the outcast can really suck. I stare at my blank piece of paper and begin to doodle my own name connected with Jared's last. If I cant talk to anybody I might as well daydream.
I sigh. I'm not exaggerating when I say I only have one friend here. My only friend here is my best friend Anna. I see her a couple times through out the day, and at lunch which is really good. But mostly this year has been hell. Same as every year here. The only time I'm not invisible is when someone wants to laugh at the freak. That's partly the reason I don't want to get over Jared. It's better to have an impossible dream by crushing on one of the popular at school rather than picking a reality and getting hurt on top of everything else. Sometimes it's better to live in a daydream rather than come crashing down. If I didn't have Jared there just to look at everyday, I don't know how I'd ever make it through. I never complain about any of this out loud though, just to myself. My problems aren't really important. They're minimal compared to everyone elses, so there's no reason to bring them up and burden anyone else.
My heart drops as the bell rings signalling the end of the day. I sigh and pack up my stuff, watching as Jared sprints out of the room with his friends off to whatever they do after school. Curiously though I watch as Jared's best friend Paul exits the room slowly a few minutes after them. He hasn't been hanging out with Jared and his friends lately. He's actually been distancing himself from everyone. Paul's always been the hotheaded type, but lately he's seemed even more querulous. He bulked up right before Jared did, and then missed school for about three weeks. There was a rumor he was fatally sick, but he's back now and is seeming to be better despite the fact that he's avoiding all his friends. I wounder what really happened to him, and what happened between him and Jared.
"Miss. Diaz?" I just out of my skin when I hear my name, and look around me embarrassed to find myself the last one in the room left with just Ms. Glacis. A bright red blush raises on my cheeks as I grab my books and begin out of the room, mumbling a, "Sorry," on my way out. I stop my locker and look out the window to see it raining. Big surprise here on La Push. I sigh and throw on my jacket and make my way out of the school. I prop up my hood as I begin down the street. As I'm walking a black truck speeds by me, splashing a wave of water all over me. I sigh, but can't even be mad as I see it's Jared's ford speeding down the road. I shake of the some of the excess mud and continue on my way home. La Push being small it's only about a twenty minute walk. Not a big deal in the rain when you're as used to it as I am. Both my parent's work and my brother's at college at Washington State, so I'm on my own for transportation home now. I'm seventeen, and a junior, and I do have my licenses, just not my own car. I usually share with my parents, but they need them during the day for work, and my brother took his with him to school. I'm saving for my own, but money's tight right now in this economy, so most of the money I make from my crap job at the local diner is used to help out at home. I could take the bus home, which is always an option, but I stopped that in middle school where people kids become their cruelest. Too many issues occurred, and I'm not willing to chance that again. Walking ins't to bad, and it keeps me in shape, but it really does stink when the weather isn't in my favor. A light drizzle is typical for my walk home in La Push, but when it decides to down pour or snow, it can really get difficult.
I finally reach my destination of our little rickety, barely put together home. I step inside and hang up my soaking jacket, and kick off my boots which have been drenched straight through. Note to self: blow dry them later. I go through the mail, sighing at the stack of bills on the table and go upstairs I change out of my wet clothes into a nice dry pair of jeans and comfy sweatshirt before crashing on the bed of my room. It's nothing too special. A couple bookshelves, pale blue walls. My comforter is a black and white image of the Golden Gate Bridge, and complete with a warm purple quilt folded neatly at the end. I have a walk in closet, barely big enough to fit me and my clothes, a lamp sitting contently atop my night stand by the window. I take a look out the window, barely able to see anything by the pouring rain, but I can make out the mass of green trees that are the woods of La Push just outside my window. My backyard leads directly to the woods which is good for whenever I want to just get away. I sigh and flop back onto my bed and opening my diary to write type a new entry.
Dear Diary,
Today was the same as always. My invisibility cloak still in tact. Everyone around me was the same. Oblivious to everything except their own little worlds. All of them running around laughing, joking, kissing in the blazing high school experience. Everyone including Jared. My day was a waste of space like I've been told so many times by other classmates. I fell asleep last night in hopes that I'd wake to see this life be a dream built in the worst of my subconscious, but I woke to disappointment. I still woke to being just Kim. Unimportant, not pretty, and invisible Kim. Again I sat starring at the boy who makes my whole body tremble, coming up with the fantasy of him actually knowing that exist. With complete disregard to my mental sanity I continued to pine over him in my mind through out the day. Starring with open mouth like a dumbfound idiot in my last block, the favorite of all because he's so close I could just reach out and touch him. How can I be so disparately in love with someone I've never even had a conversation with? Someone who doesn't even know I exist? And even worse, with someone who's friends think of you only as an outcast, a speck of dirt that isn't worthy of it's breathe. Yet still, I'm crazy for him, and always have been, and maybe always will be. In my wildest day dreams I can imagine being Mrs. Jared Cameron to all my heart's content. But in reality, I'm still just plane old invisible Kim.
I sigh and close the book, returning it back to the top drawer of my nightstand. I lay back starring at the blank ceiling with apathy written across my face. Just another day in paradise.