CHRISTIAN POV

It has become like a common custom to me to get up at night after having a horrendous dream about the worst day of my life, the eternity. I shudder and go to the washroom which once was shared by my dear wife. I smirk to myself, Oh those beguiling big baby blue eyes of her, her full pink lips and the silky smooth touch of her skin. It always used to raise the carnal desires.

These dreadful 3 years...

I go inside wash my face feeling the same feeling of nothing, being lost and no hope. Oh so familiar. Except that this time I am lost forever and will never return. Looking into those eyes in the mirror which used to look to that brunette with love and affection are so lifeless. I HATE MYSELF. With that flows the warm tears which have become my companion for 1096 days.

I wake into an empty bed and go out for my routine jog and do my squats later, pour all my anguish into the physical activities. When I return there it is Mrs. Jones now a Taylor cooking something magical but who cares? It's not important anymore. I give her a little nod and sit down with the newspaper in hand.

Both my kids are getting ready for their school. Though teddy is my 8 year old version without all that fuss I had, he still has Ana's eyes and not to forget her stubborn nature! While my little angel, Pheobe looks like her mother and always reminds me of her is very much like me with her grey eyes. They are the reasons that keep me together, they are my life support.

"Mr grey, there has been hostile takeovers the book company that you were looking after." Taylor says while having his phone in his hands "Mr. Ross called me as you asked not to be disturbed."

"Fuck" I say under my breath so my kids don't hear me."Give me the phone." I snap at Taylor. He gives me the phone.

"Welch"..." how did this happen?"... "I do get it, I want you to send all the reports to me by evening and get Andrea to send letter to Layover's telling how much of a disappointment it is, Okay?"..." And send the legal affidavits too." With that I shut the call. "Taylor tell Sawyer to drop the kids, and you come with me and drop me to the office." Taylor should know better than to say no.

I get ready in 15 mins and go down in elevator with rage burning through me, well it is always there.

I get into the Audi Q7 and Taylor drives me to grey house.

The day goes fairly well with me barking around and well the people who tried to take over were disqualified and eventually we landed with the company. It was a one heck exhausting day.

I go down the lift and find Taylor waiting to take me to whatever place I demand.

"Where to, sir?" he asks.

Though he knows the answer still as it is his job to ask he always asks. "To the grand Dior bar." Huh, my mood is heavy as usual. That place has become like my second home after office. After Ana died I was a shattered mess. Women came and went but I never got anyone like Anastasia again.

She wanted me because of me and not like other gold diggers for the mullah I had, or like whores for the looks, she wanted me for my quirks. I sigh, my Ana.

Taylor stops the car in the drive way and I get down.

Inside the bar I am greeted by strawberry blonde wearing short pants of red colour with white halter top and a bow tie. I hate when people drool over me. I am only for Ana...

I go to my reserved corner far from the grinding people. I want to take out all the enervation and pain which feel this day. It has been 3 fucking years but it is impossible to get Anastasia's face out of my mind. I tried all the stuffs I could, the therapies, flying and sailing, flynomania , hardcore subs and what not but none seems to help. I have now resorted to one thing that always stay a celibate and never fuck.

I am pulled out of my reveries when the bartender serves my scorch "Sir?!" The hidden exasperation says that this is not the first time he has called me. "Keep and go." I snap back which I am sure was done with lot of force so he left me the same instance.

I take a sip and try to relish it but no good I can still not get away from the bittersweet pain. I LOVED HER! With all that I had, I wanted to say her but no I just couldn't.

3 years ago

"For fuck sake Ana, why do you always defy me?" I was more than angry, how could she just go off with that fucker Jose. I hate him and she still intends to go with him?

She retorts with same rage I have. "It's just a decent ride Christian, what's going to happen and anyway I have Prescott and Jake with me. They are more than efficient Mr. Grey."

She doesn't get the fact does she it is about that and her what if made a pass again? I will never take any risk...

"If you are thinking of Jose than he is different now and anyway it is just a flight that's it and that even what 2 hours or3? Oh please." She says.

"Okay if that your office tour is so important and you don't want to take a jet of mine ,than," I pause to see her reaction which was her furrowed brow, so , I sigh and continue " Take this ticket which I have of the other flight I had booked."

She looks thermo nuclear but she calms and rolls her eyes. "Mrs. Grey don't forget I can still spank you!" I say with humour in my voice with intense desire for it to really become true. She smiles and walks away probably because she is already late.

Hardly did I know that this was the last time I was ever seeing her alive. Cause the last thing I hear is of her is that the plane she was on had a crash and all the people were dead." It was a living nightmare.

I drink harder. I blame myself till this very day though I don't know how many times my family and her family and John (FLYNN) has said that it was a bad luck. But it could have been procrastinated by letting her go on the flight with Jose. Fuck my controlling nature and fuck myself.

I am startled when I hear my blackberry buzz asking my attention. I look through the inbox and almost get coronary when I see the message is sent by Ana?

WHAT?!

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Your Life

Date: 15 October 2016 19:20

To: Christian Grey

Christian,

I jeopardized your life!

Anastasia Steele