Paperclips
By: Forgotten Moments
"I am going to kill him… with paperclips!"
"Whoa babe, put down the lethal paperclips."
"Shut the fuck up, Jackson! And stop laughing!"
"Why don't you make me?"
"If I wasn't dating you, you would've been dead… a long time ago… murdered… by me…"
"I'm hurt, sweetheart."
"If you say one more cutesy nickname, I swear I'm going to castrate you!"
"You would love a chance you get your hands on my gear shift wouldn't you?"
"You mean that tiny little thing you call a penis?"
"You say that now, but your screams in the bedroom tell me otherwise."
"…I hate you…"
"You love me, babe."
"…"
"…"
"…Your phone is ringing, you douche."
"…"
"Answer your damn phone already. The ringing is giving me a headache."
"Hello?"
"…"
"Oh hey, Lorie, what's up?"
"What!"
"Thursday, um, let me check."
"…"
"Hey Kim, is it okay if Lorie comes over on Thursday? She said she recently took up karate and wants me to help her."
"Jack, hang up right this minute!"
"Okay, Lorie, Thursday sounds great! See you then!"
"Jack! What the fucking hell! Call her back this instant and cancel your damn plans with her!"
"And if I don't want to?"
"Then I am going to walk straight out that damn door and you can consider yourself single again."
"…"
"…"
"Hey Lorie, I'm afraid I can't help you on Thursday. Something came up. Glad you understand, bye!"
"I'm glad you see it my way Jackson!"
"I'm not going to be single, right?"
"…"
"Right?"
"…"
"Kim! I'm not going to be single, right?"
"…"
"Kim!"
"Ugh, what? Oh sorry Jack, I must've fallen asleep."
"Standing up and with your eyes open?"
"Yeah, I do that all the time in Mr. Yolo's class."
"I never get why his last name is Yolo. Doesn't that stand for 'You Only Live Once'? Like, to live like your dying? If it does it totally doesn't fit him. All he does is sit there and watch porn all day."
"Jack, you're thinking of YOLO, not Yolo. YOLO and Yolo are two completely different things. YOLO means 'You Only Live Once', but Yolo is Mr. Yolo's last name. And how do you know that? But, I agree, he seems like the creepy, stalker-ish, pedophile type of people."
"…"
"…"
"…I am extremely confused. Anyway, I know that nasty tidbit of information because I can see the screen's reflection on his glasses. That and he keeps jacking off and humping the table."
"Okay, ew…"
"Yup, and do you see the way he keeps looking up the skirt of girls when he "drops something and bends down to get it," or how he looks down a girl's shirt?"
"How is he still a teacher?"
"Maybe he's in a friends with benefit relationship with the principal?"
"…"
"…"
"…That's disturbing on so many levels, Jack. One, Mr. Yolo is like 60 and our principal is 30. Second, our principal is married. And third, our principal is a dude."
"…"
"…"
"Stop looking at me like that…"
"…"
"You're creeping me out, Kim…"
"…"
"Seriously, stop it! It looks like you're about to rape me…"
"Huh, what? Did you say something, Jack?"
"No… nothing… nothing… at… all…"
"Why… are… you… talking… like…this…"
"I… don't… know…"
"Well… you… should… stop…"
"Yeah… you're… probably… right…"
"No seriously, you have to stop talking like that, it's creeping me out."
"…"
"…"
"Hey, who did you say you wanted to kill… with paperclips?"
"Huh, oh that…"
"Yes, that…"
"Well, there is this and that and when there's this and that, there's probably here and there. But have you heard about when and where? Yeah, those are all cool animals. Hey Jack, on a scale of one to ten what is your favorite color of the alphabet? And, like, if I, like, totally, like, want to, like, go, like to the, like-"
"Randy slapped your ass…"
"…"
"And started groping you…"
"…"
"And you flipped him…"
"…"
"And he looked up your skirt…"
"…"
"And commented on your choice of thongs…"
"…"
"…"
"…Bingo! We have a winner!"
"…"
"Down River Street, take a left at 6th Avenue, third store to you left, take a left and then another left, second ally to your right."
"Thanks babe. By the way, I love the green thong. Very sexy."
"…Maybe, if you get Randy… You can get a better view…"
"I'll be back in ten minutes."
Author's Note
I'm on a roll! As you can tell, that was my failed attempt at humor… So sad… Anyway, I couldn't resist posting more one-shots and I happened I find this old file and ta-da, instant one-shot. Leave a review and tell me what you think. Happy Thanksgiving!
Live Like You're Dying,
~Jackie
PS I do not own Kickin' It… yet…