Disclaimer: Once Upon A Time and its characters are the property of ABC/Disney and its creators. The book that I quote and refer to is "The Amber Spyglass", which belongs to the "His Dark Materials" trilogy by Philip Pullman.
Credit to the cover: captainswans*tumblr*com /post/59692082729
Notes: One Shot. Red Beauty. Written in 1st person (Belles's pov). A special thank to my beta lostandalone2011 (fanfiction*net/u/5389158). Thank you again for the amazing work editing this story!
Paradise Lost
Chapter [1/1]
When the loneliness got too much, I would go to the docks and gaze at the horizon. Memories of that fateful day crashed my mind the same way the waves crashed against the harbor; the day Rumple left for Neverland, the day I was left behind. It had been a week now. I had been going to the docks every day since; holding out hope that perhaps today I might find some trace of the returning ship; some trace of him coming home, coming back to me. Each day I would fight a losing battle with the setting sun, and each day I would return home without him.
After Rumple left, I did what he asked of me. With the help of the Blue Fairy, we cast a protection spell over Storybrooke to prevent any outsiders from entering the town. Once again the town ceased to exist for the rest of the world. And this made things a lot more difficult for us. The near-destruction of the town from that fail-safe trigger caused too much loss and the town was in dire need of repairs. Now without the Mayor, the citizens were drifting about, completely lost. They needed a leader, but who could that be?
I had read somewhere that one must not present a problem unless one is willing to pose a solution as well. While the lack of leadership was a problem for the people of Storybrooke, I knew better than anyone that I was not their solution. After all, I was a simple librarian who loved books. Before that I was a prisoner; of Regina's for 28 years as a patient in the psychiatric ward, and of Rumple's in the Enchanted Forest as his housekeeper. And before that…I don't know what I was before that.
Before I met Rumple, I was simply the daughter of a rich man who possessed many lands. I was never a queen or a princess like Regina and Snow. I had never ruled or governed any kingdoms, but I knew how they were run, at least in theory. My insatiable curiosity had led me to read all the books on governance in my father's library. I had also read up on the administrative duties of a mayor in the town library and that seemed to be good enough for everyone in Storybrooke. To them I was the perfect candidate for the job and I accepted the position in the same spirit that I had accepted Rumple's deal of becoming his housekeeper in exchange for his help during the Ogre Wars. That was three days ago, and today I found myself again at the docks, looking at the sun setting over the horizon, signaling my cue to walk home, alone.
I decided to continue living in Rumple's house. It made me feel close to him, but I didn't have the courage to sleep in the bedroom we once shared, albeit briefly. It was too painful. I could barely look in the direction of the bedroom door without feeling the sting of tears behind my eyes and the tug of longing in my heart. So I slept in the guest room, where there was everything I needed but nothing that reminded me of him. And yet he was always present, at least in my dreams. It was kind of disturbing and comforting at the same time because while I worried about his safety, it felt like I could still take care of him, even from a distance. I lay awake every night wondering if he would return to me safely until the busy day finally caught up with me and sleep consumed me until I had to wake up again the next day to do a job that didn't belong to me.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Today the town meeting was more stressful than usual. Everyone present there needed some concern addressed and that too urgently. I heard them all as I took diligent notes of all their complaints and after they all left, I stayed behind to analyze each request, to see which were genuinely important. Unlike everyone's personal opinion, most of them could wait. I did my best to resolve issues that were for the common good. But it was quite another challenge doing so within the budget. Although Regina was never kind to me in either world, on days like these I couldn't help but wonder how she kept everything running so smoothly in addition to raising her son. I was quite overwhelmed with keeping the town in order and couldn't wait for Regina to return and take over the reins. At the end of each day all I wanted to do was go home, take a shower and crawl into bed with my books. But I would invariably end up at the docks, awaiting his return.
My ordeal would have been much harder had it not been for Ruby and her wonderful company during lunch time. Like clockwork, she would show up at the office with a big basket packed with enough food to last me the rest of the day. No matter how much I insisted that she need not go through all the trouble, she would simply ignore my protestations and continue her ritual the next day with a basket in her hand and a huge smile on her face. She would not let me pay for the food, and so all I offered her in return was a sad smile, because sadness was all I was left with. She would return my cracked smile with her warm one, wish me a "good rest-of-the-day" and leave.
That was our routine, and although it would last only a few minutes each day, it was during those few minutes that I would feel a little less alone. She called me "Madam Mayor", which I found annoying sometimes. But then she had that tone, which was both sweet and teasing, and so I would let it slide as a joke. But following her lead, others started addressing me as "Madam Mayor" too. And the more I heard them call me that, the more I felt like an imposter. I could never be the mayor they needed.
I wasn't made for this. All I wanted to do was go back to my previous job as the town librarian. I missed my books, my stories - the world that I knew and belonged to. I missed losing track of time as I tried to choose a book. I missed the rustling sound and the smell of pages as I turned them. I missed the excitement of finishing a chapter and the anxiousness of starting the next one with my heart in my throat as I approached the climax. Everything in the city hall was too taxing. It took up all my attention, all my time, and I could barely think of anything else. I prayed each day for all of them to return soon; I prayed each night for his return.
But each night as I waited for sleep to take over, Rumple's last words before he left would echo through my mind. He had said that he may not return. And although I prayed that he was wrong about it, a part of me that he was right, and that I would never see him again.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
The next afternoon I didn't go to the docks but rather the docks came at me. I was so focused on all the paperwork in front of me that I didn't notice Leroy enter the room. He stood in front of my desk clutching his hat against his chest. I didn't hear what he said because I could feel my heart shrinking inside of me. I sat there in stunned silence until he extended his hand towards me, motioning me to come with him. When he took me to the city square, I saw everyone there, except for the one I was looking for. Emma, Regina, Snow, David, Henry they were all back; all except Rumple.
But my eyes still searched for him although my heart was breaking into a million pieces knowing he wasn't there. I didn't notice, but Snow's eyes were following mine. When she approached me and took both my hands in hers, her silence and the sadness in her eyes told me everything that I had dreaded to hear. I didn't cry like I thought I would. I just hugged her tightly while she told me how Rumple had died a hero's death. Had it not been for him, Henry wouldn't have made it out of Neverland alive. I looked at the boy; he had a sad smile on his face and tears in his eyes. He came up to me and said,
"Grandpa did exactly what he had to do. He did the right thing, even when no one believed in him."
I didn't want to know the rest of the story. I hugged Henry, kissed him on the forehead, and left as the town celebrated the victorious return of their heroes.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
I went back home completely alone that day; devoid even of the hope that maybe tomorrow will bring Rumple to me. For the first time after Rumple's departure, I went into the bedroom. As I sat on the antique bed and pulled his pillow towards me, I realized that it will never again smell of him. I felt faint with the stuffiness in the room and the tears I held back. I opened the windows to allow some fresh air in. I then opened the wardrobe and ran my fingers along all those suits that he once wore. I started pulling them out one by one in silence. It felt as if the whole house was mourning with me. Everything felt dead; I guess a part of me died as well.
Once the wardrobe was empty, I stared at the emptiness and the layer of dust left behind. I packed all his clothes in a big suitcase and dragged it to the front entrance of the house. It was already night time by the time I had finished. I felt tired all of a sudden and sat down on the front steps with the suitcase besides me. I intended to take them to the donation center but the instant I sat on those steps, I felt weighed down with the realization that now I'll have to learn be live without him, forever. I let that thought consume me and finally felt my tears running down my face.
The silence was deafening. I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream his name; scream how much I loved him. I wanted to scream that it wasn't fair; he deserved a happy ending, and I deserved to give him that. But that perhaps wasn't meant to be. I couldn't give him a happy ending because he didn't need one. What he needed was redemption, and I knew he found it for himself. The moment his heart stopped beating was the moment he stopped being the villain; that was when he became the hero.
I stayed on those steps for a long time as the night grew darker and my heart became heavier. I cried even more as I felt the cold seep down to my bones. My tears were a mix of sadness and despair. Perhaps with time his absence wouldn't hurt so much, but at that moment all I had was the emptiness in my heart, the cold in the night air, and the full moon in the sky watching me cry.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
I woke up on the couch with a blanket covering me to the smell of pancakes. I couldn't remember how I got there. The last thing I remembered was that I cried myself to sleep with my skin enveloped by the cold air. I could vaguely remember dreaming about a wolf. I first heard a howl, and then felt the soft wolf hair brush against my skin. It seemed as if the wolf was trying to tell me something, but it only came across as a snarl before it reached for my hand with its muzzle. These were my memories from last night jumbled together in a haze.
I followed the smell of pancakes to the kitchen. Seeing Ruby there made me realize that I didn't dream about a wolf. She was the wolf who brought me to the couch, covered me with the blanket, and probably spent the whole night with me. After yesterday's events, watching Ruby in the kitchen prepare breakfast felt surreal. I noticed how different she looked in this morning compared to all the times I had seen her in the diner, or when she was dropping off my lunch. Her hair was tied up in a bun and she was wearing an apron I had never seen before. Realizing my presence, she smiled at me as she poured some batter onto the pan.
"Hi. I'm sorry, did I wake you?" she asked in a voice laced with concern. I shook my head in reply and took a seat at the kitchen table. She continued making pancakes while I sat there in silence, staring off into the distance. Her gentle voice brought me out of my reverie.
"I thought you'd like something to eat. That's why I came by last night and found you asleep on the steps. It was pretty cold outside and you were shivering; so I brought you inside," she explained.
"You were in your wolf form, weren't you?" I asked. She merely nodded her head in the affirmative and turned her attention back to the pancakes. I realized I hit a raw nerve. Ruby was very sensitive about her werewolf characteristics. Fearing she would hurt someone, she would remain in the woods as she turned every full moon. She didn't want anyone to see her in wolf form and everyone respected her privacy. I gathered she lied about dropping by to check on me. I think she was watching me while I poured my heart out and waited for me to fall asleep before bringing me in. But I knew she wouldn't admit it. Her silence made it clear how uncomfortable she felt.
"You're always taking care of me, Ruby. Why do you do that?" I asked, trying to break the ice that had formed between us. She smiled as she continued cooking and said, "It's just something I do."
"Breakfast's ready," she smiled again as she placed a plate with pancakes, scrambled eggs, and some bacon before me, along with iced tea. I could only repay her with a sad smile. She stayed with me the rest of the morning but didn't mention his name. We talked about random subjects and she was even able to make me laugh occasionally. She insisted that I eat every bit of my breakfast. I wasn't hungry much, but then I didn't want to disappoint her. She was satisfied only after seeing my empty plate. She ignored my protestations to clean the dishes and did them herself. After she left, I sat there in silence looking around the big house. I eventually made up my mind: I couldn't live there anymore; not without him.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Days turned into weeks and it was nearly three months since I had moved back into my apartment above the library. It was small, but for me it was cozy and perfect. Ruby had insisted that I should come live with her and her grandmother at the bed-and-breakfast, but I couldn't accept. It wouldn't have been fair to continue taking advantage of their kindness. Besides, I needed a place of my own. And what could be better than living over a library?
I had resumed my job as the town librarian. No matter how rough things got, I always found comfort when surrounded by books. I loved every minute I spent in their company. I enjoyed watching people debating with themselves as they skimmed bookshelves trying to decide which book to check out next. I looked forward to Wednesdays when the elementary school children would come over for "Story Hour at the Library" and I would read to them the legends and fairy-tales I grew up reading, and in some cases, living. Watching their eyes shine with fascination as I read to them stories of dragons, and princes, and princesses, filled me with joy. The library was my world and I couldn't imagine living anywhere else.
Ruby never stopped visiting me and she always brought with her the basket full of food. She would bring everything I needed to pass the day, so I never had to worry about buying anything else. She would stay a while longer on the day the children came. Occasionally when I would be helping other patrons, she would read to them. They adored her; she was full of fun around them and a great storyteller. Little by little I was getting more and more enchanted with this woman.
Perhaps enchanted wasn't an appropriate word to describe how I felt about her. Maybe it was just admiration, or fascination. I didn't know because I don't think I had ever felt like that for anybody else before. I didn't know how to name it. While most days she would have this infectious smile that would light up a room, there were times when she felt like a mystery and everything about her felt like a mystery too. The more time I spent with her, the more wanted to know the woman beneath the surface. Afraid that I might lose her essence, I didn't try to decipher her. So I just observed her in silence. And in that same silence I observed a love for her growing in me. This new feeling scared me because I didn't know if the feeling was mutual. It took me a long time to get over Rumple and I was not sure if I was ready to give my heart to someone else yet. Or maybe I was afraid to find out that my heart didn't fit with anyone else but him; that maybe I had lost my chance to a happy ending.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
One Wednesday afternoon there was a huge thunderstorm. Rain pounded on the roof and windows as thunder and lightning filled the sky. The kids didn't come over in the afternoon and I resigned myself to the possibility that Ruby might not come either; but to my surprise she did. I don't think I had ever greeted her with a bigger smile before. She gave me an equally big smile as she came closer and handed me the basket she was carrying.
"Madam Mayor, here's the lunch you didn't order," she said as she continued smiling at me.
"Thank you. I didn't think you'd come in this awful weather." I hoped I sounded as grateful as I felt.
"We at Granny's pride ourselves at our commitment to service. Come hell or high water, we always deliver," she said with immense pride.
A loud crack of thunder filled the room and the rain started coming down harder.
"Well, I don't think the kids will be coming over today. Do you think you can find an excuse to stay for a while?" I asked expectantly.
She pretended to reflect over the request and walked towards the bookshelves. She stopped before a specific section, ran her long fingers over the book spines, and pulled out a book.
"Maybe I can stay for a while and read a book until the storm subsides," she said while looking at the cover before putting it back again. "Any suggestions?"
"There is one that I think you might like very much," I said as I moved around the circulation desk and walked in her direction. I browsed the shelves momentarily and pulled out the book for her. She looked at the cover and frowned.
"What makes you think that I'd enjoy this one?" she asked.
"Well, because I enjoyed it," I said while holding out the book to her.
"Oh, and you think we have shared tastes, Madam Mayor?" Ruby asked in a teasing tone while raising her eyebrows.
"Maybe… I mean, we both share the taste for storytelling," I said as she walked towards me and stood so close to my face that I could feel her breath on me.
"And what else?" she asked in a whisper as she took my hand holding the book in hers. I didn't know what her intentions were; was she teasing me or did she mean something else. Not wanting to ruin the moment by saying something stupid, I answered,
"And we both like animals and Granny's pancakes!"
She laughed at my reply but didn't move away.
"Nah. You like my pancakes more, Madam Mayor," she said and smiled knowingly. I had to agree that was the truth; if given a choice, I would pick her pancakes over Granny's any day.
"And what other tastes do we share?" she asked again and her green – or were they blue? – eyes looked into mine. I got lost in them and found myself following the contours of her face down to her lips, which today were painted red. The color was striking but in a beautiful way; the kind that incites an invitation to kiss them. I retraced my trail back to her eyes and this time I found her staring at my lips. I don't know how long we stood there studying each other as if we were seeing each other for the first time. The girl, who a moment ago was teasing me, was no longer there. Instead, there was this gorgeous woman, with mesmerizing eyes and an intoxicating scent, before me. Another crack of thunder rang through and the spell was broken. She moved away from me, creating space between us, as she took the book from my hand and smiled.
"I'm sure I'll love the book, Belle," she said as she smiled at me one last time before leaving. It had been so long since she had used by my name that I didn't realize how much I had missed hearing it in her voice.
The sky had cleared out by evening and it had stopped raining. For the first time in three months, I walked to the docks. I watched the sun go down the horizon and I felt my chest get lighter. It didn't hurt anymore like it did before. I knew that I was afraid of falling in love again, but then I already had. I was in love Ruby. Maybe my heart didn't fit with hers, maybe her wild nature didn't match mine – of which there is nothing wild. But in the midst of so many "maybes" and so many "what ifs" there was a simple "why not?" which made me smile to myself for the first time in ages.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
As per usual, Ruby came back the next day carrying the same basket in her hands and the same smile on her lips.
"I started the book," she said with delight as she unloaded the food from the basket. I gazed at the huge smile on her face.
"And?" I asked keenly.
"You were right! I'm loving it. What I like most about it is the fact that the people from the book have souls outside of their bodies," she answered cheerfully.
"I know, right. And it manifests itself in the shape of animals," I couldn't help but join in her excitement about the book.
"If your soul were an animal, which animal would it be?" she asked.
"I don't know," I answered truthfully, "I never really thought about it."
"I think it would be a cat," she said with a gleam in her eyes, which made me laugh.
"A cat?!" I was surprised at her answer.
"Yeah, a cat. One of those yellow cats with some white on it. You know, the one that loves to get on books and purrs when it is stroked," she explained while her fingers lightly brushed against mine. I felt electricity run through my hand at her gentle touch.
"How about yours?" I asked as my eyes travelled up her hand, that was still on mine, to meet her eyes.
"A wolf, without a doubt," she replied confidently and we laughed again as she bid me goodbye.
The next day she was back with the book and her basket, but no smile. She had finished the book and was really upset with how it ended. I explained to her that it was part of a trilogy and gave her the next one in the series. That seemed to lift her spirits considerably. She kissed me on the cheek and left hugging the book.
I followed her with my eyes as my hand found its way to the spot on my cheek where her lips were seconds ago. I had no doubts about what I felt for her, but now, with that innocent kiss I was certain I would take any and all risks to be with her and love again.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"It's not possible!" I heard Ruby say as she walked into the library. She had the book in her hand and her eyes were all red.
"Have you been crying?" I asked feeling concerned.
"No," she replied with an altered tone, "I need the next one." Her voice was filled with despair mixed with a little bit of anxiety.
"I spent the whole night and this morning reading it. I didn't have the time to do your basket. I'm sorry about that," she said sounding calmer but tired.
I laughed in response and gave her the next book. She gave me a huge smile and almost skipped out the library hugging the book to her chest.
Thirty minutes later Red Riding Hood was back again; this time with the basket in her hand.
"Madam Mayor, here is the lunch you didn't order. Our commitment to service is infallible, remember?" she said with a surging smile on her face. Her innocence was so endearing that I couldn't resist leaning over the desk and kissing her cheek. She smiled once again in response and walked away. But before she left, she stopped at the door and looked at me. She seemed to searching for the words to put her thoughts into and after a few seconds of silence she said, "When the trilogy ends, I hope we can find more things to share with each other."
Saying that she left before I had time to respond. Had she waited, I would have agreed with her. I hoped we would have much more to share and that our story didn't end with these three books. I hoped that there would be many more stories that brought us together. And most importantly, I hoped that one day our stories would unite and we would find our happy ending in each other.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
Ruby took some time to finish the third book; a day and a half to be precise. And when she showed up that afternoon with her signature basket, she had a content smile on her lips. I knew that smile all too well. It was the smile of satisfaction one got from thoroughly enjoying a book and yet it carried a hint of sadness one feels when bidding adieu to a dear friend. I was happy to see that smile on her face; it meant that she truly enjoyed the series. I stood there and stared at her in the silence.
"I think that was the best book I've ever read in my entire life," she said, more to herself than to me.
"I didn't think I could fall in love within the first few lines nor did I think it was possible to get addicted by the second chapter. I don't think I've ever cried so much while learning so much more. I'm kind of sad it's over now. I never imagined that books could take me on such intensive and beautiful journeys like these did," she mused nostalgically as if talking about an old friend.
"What did you like best about them?" I asked and she drowned in her own thoughts.
"The message," she replied after a while.
"And what message would that be?" I was intrigued by her response.
"That when you choose one way out of many, all the other ways are snuffed out like candles, as if they'd never existed. It made me think about how the choices we make become our reality and then all the"what-ifs" don't matter because they don't exist anymore. But do you know which part I liked most?" she asked with a smile on her face.
"No. Tell me…"
"The part where Mary Malone talks about China."
I couldn't remember which part she was talking about. She smiled and began quoting that part as if she had memorized it just to recite it to me.
"Being in love was like China: you knew it was there, and no doubt it was very interesting, and some people went there, but I never would. I'd spend all my life without ever going to China, but it wouldn't matter, because there was all the rest of the world to visit..." she finished and held the book closer to her body.
"Do you agree with Mary Malone?" I asked and she shook her head.
"No, I don't. Because unlike her, I don't want to be happy and fulfilled without the love of another person. I do want the love, and I do want the passion. I want to fall in love every single day with the same person over and over again. I want to feel those butterflies in my stomach, those flurries in my heart that come with falling in love. And I want to feel that for the rest of my days. So even if I could travel the rest of the world, I'd rather go to China."
For a moment there was silence.
"Have a great day, Belle" she said sweetly as she delivered the basket of food and left while I stood there thinking how much I wanted to fall in love but how much I dreaded it.
Inside the basket, along with the food, I found an envelope and an elongated box. I picked up the box and opened it; there was a desk name plate inside it with "Mayor" engraved on it. Inside the envelope there was a card which said: "Madam Mayor, I know you don't think this title fits you anymore; maybe it doesn't. But I want you to know that if I had to choose a place to live forever, I'd pick the place that would be governed by you. I hope you enjoy the plate!"
I couldn't hold back my smile. I looked at the plate and then the card written in her delicate handwriting. I sat down on my chair and put the plate under the table. I really wanted her to know that I shared the same sentiment. And more than anything I wanted her to know that there was already a place she governed – my heart.
I didn't want to keep this to myself anymore. Nobody should fear love, I thought. But the fact was, it was not love I was afraid of; I was afraid of the possibility of being rejected by her. But I think that Mary Malone was right. Falling in love was like China, or more like going to China. It is a long trip and it is exhausting. It takes persistence to overcome the fear of the heights and endure the long hours on the flight. It takes courage to go someplace whose culture and language is completely foreign. But one thing is certain: it is an amazing feeling to be faced with an adventure; not knowing whether you will want to turn back the first minute you set foot there, or whether you will want to stay there forever.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
I had never thought that despite all the reading I had done over a lifetime, I would be at a loss for words. I didn't know where to start or if I wanted to start at all. Confessing my feelings to Ruby would make them real, and I was not sure if I was ready for that yet. I thought about how much simpler life would be had I not fallen in love. But then I realized how absurd that thought was. Falling in love with Ruby was the best thing that could have happened to me and now it was time to go after the happy ending I had only dreamed of until now.
So that morning when I saw her approaching the library with the basket in her hand, I placed the name plate she had given me on my desk. I was glad that there were no other patrons in the library today. She entered the library and walked towards my desk with her flawless smile and greeted me with the same sentence as always,
"Madam Mayor, here's the lunch you didn't..." I pulled her into a kiss before she could finish the sentence. I couldn't see her reaction because I closed my eyes instantly. At first she didn't seem to respond to the kiss, and I panicked for a moment but resisted the urge to pull away. Then I heard the basket fall from her hand and felt her fingers tangle in my hair, pulling me closer. I then felt her tongue pushing against my lips. The only thing separating our bodies was the table, but not for long.
She climbed over the table and leaned back on its edge. She smiled and pulled me closer to her, our bodies fitting perfectly into one another. Our kisses spoke in lieu of ourselves. Mine told her everything I had wanted to say and hers told me everything I had hoped to hear. We moved slowly towards my apartment upstairs without breaking contact for more than a second despite the breathlessness. We just responded to the desire we felt for one another. When we reached upstairs, we let our kisses take other paths, and it instantly became wilder and more intense. Her mouth trailed a path from my jaw down to my neck and then back again to my lips.
"Do you think you prefer smiles or kisses as a payment for all those food baskets?" I asked her trying to catch my breath. In response she just kissed me passionately, making it abundantly clear which of the two she preferred. She stayed close to me the rest of the day. I didn't think her perfume would ever leave my body, and I hoped it didn't. I wished that she would never want to go away; and if she did, I hoped that she would always come back to me. She was right: falling in love was beautiful; China was beautiful.
-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-
"I have a surprise for you!" Ruby sounded pretty excited over the phone.
"Do you now? What is it?" I asked and heard her melodious laughter on the other side of the line.
"It's a surprise, Belle! If I tell you what it is, it won't remain one, now will it?" she replied still laughing.
"Of course it won't. So are you calling just to tease me and create unbearable suspense?"
"No, I'm not, my love. I'm calling you because I want you to stay at the library for a couple of hours after your shift and come back to the inn only when I call you. Can you do that for me?"
"What are you planning?" I asked suspiciously.
"It's not a big deal. But I promise you are going to love it! I'll call you soon!"
"Can't wait," I said and she hung up the phone.
I spent the rest of the day thinking about what could possibly be the surprise. After I closed up the library for the day, I went upstairs to change. We would spend most of our free time here, unless Ruby worked the late shift at the diner, in which case we would spend the night at the inn. I preferred to stay here because it was more private, but any place I could be with Ruby was good enough for me.
I watched the clock strike seven and began to wonder if Ruby had forgotten about me. But right then she called and asked me to meet her at the inn. I walked over to the bed-and-breakfast bursting with excitement over this unexpected surprise. When I entered the lobby, Ruby was waiting there with a blindfold in her hands. I confessed that I felt really odd about all of this, but she assured me that it would all be worth it as she covered my eyes with the cloth.
She took my hand and led me upstairs to her room. With my eyes still closed, she guided me to the center of the room. I felt her body move closer to mine as she moved her hands around my head and took off blindfold. For a moment I was blinded by the light in the room, but when I blinked away the blind spots, I could see that the room was beautifully decorated in hues of yellow and red. Huge Chinese lanterns hung from the ceiling. There was a lifelike cut-out of an enormous dragon with its mouth open and teeth showing in the corner of the room. In the other corner, there was a low table with a spread of foods I had never seen before.
I looked at Ruby and she looked gorgeous, like she always did. But today there was something different about her. I couldn't exactly place my finger on what it was; maybe it was what she wore, or the fact that her long auburn hair was tied up in a bun, or that the light make-up on her face made it look even more expressive. I had no idea what she was wearing; only that it made her look beautiful.
"It's a Kung Fu costume, in case you are wondering" she said when she realized I was looking at her too intently.
"Oh, I get it. You look beautiful in it," I said and pulled her in for a kiss. She then took a step backwards and gestured a Chinese greeting. I smiled at her and returned the same.
"Are you inviting me to a Kung Fu fight?" I joked. She simply pulled me in for another kiss in reply.
"You know, I thought that it is quite possible that we may never go to China. So I decided to bring China to us," she said as she took me away from the center of the room and we sat in front of the low table.
"And I love it. It is a wonderful surprise." I was really impressed with what she had pulled through and she smiled at me.
"I researched a lot about China. There's this food that is kind of bizarre," she said as she offered me a plate filled with something that looked like little scones. I took a bite out of one and it tasted amazing. "But there are so many incredible things as well. Like, temples, and pandas, and a Great Wall," she continued.
"You mean, The Great Wall?"
"Yeah. People from all around the world go there just to see it. It's huge and apparently it takes hours to get on top of it."
"Perhaps one day we will go there and climb The Great Wall together," I said.
"If we're going to the China just to get tired, I'd rather get tired with you doing other things. Know what I mean?" she said teasingly.
"Ruby…" I began in a serious tone as I put the plate back on the table. There were so many things that I sometimes needed her to reaffirm; like that fact that I would say "I love you" often and she rarely did. Instead she would show me how much she loved me. She was different from Rumple in many ways and one of them was, I feared, that she didn't need me as much as I needed her.
Sometimes my insecurity would dominate to the point where I imagined that if we were to break-up one day, it would destroy me completely. While it was an exaggerated and nerve-racking thought, some days I couldn't help but wonder if I would ever recover from that heartbreak. While she didn't say "I love you" often, she did have her own way of showing how much she loved me in the form of little gestures, like bringing me flowers with my lunch, or holding me close while we slept. And of course big ones like what she was doing right now.
"Of all the wonders of the world, why do you want to visit The Great Wall of China with me?" I asked.
"Because of the adventure. For that the feeling of accomplishment at reaching the top. For that feeling fulfillment when I look back and see all the steps I climbed and realize that not one of them was in vain and that all the pain was worth it."
She stopped talking for a while and I realized that it was not The Great Wall or China that she was talking about; she was talking about us, about our relationship. I scooted closer to her and she took my hand in her own as she continued,
"I don't know what awaits us on the other side of that Great Wall, Belle. But I do know that I want to make that journey with you by my side every step of the way. Maybe when we get to the top we'll find out that everything that we went through was not worth it and we'll go our separate ways. But for now, you see, we're halfway there. When I look back I can see the long way we have come to be where we are now and looking forward I can see that we still have a long way to go… Do you want this, Belle? Do you want to walk this path in life with me?" she looked at me earnestly and I sat there in silence absorbing everything she just said. I looked down at our hands and I realized she was caressing my ring finger. I understood then what she was doing. There was no ring, but just that gesture meant a lot to me.
"I don't need symbols or repeated phrases to know that you love me… I just need you by my side. So, Belle, will you allow me to love you forever? I may not always be able to love you in the way you want, but I promise to love you in the best way that I can." She continued stroking my ring finger. With that simple gesture she put to rest all my doubts once and for all. She reaffirmed our love, unequivocally and irrevocably.
I didn't need to say 'yes'. I let my answer be known with every kiss that I places on her soft lips. I didn't need to know how long our journey to this Great Wall will be or how many steps we may need to climb before our journey ends. I just entwined my fingers with hers because there was only one thing I cared to be absolutely certain about and it was that my love for her will always be bigger and stronger than any Great Wall that was ever built.