This was different before. I decided to completely rewrite it; it was exceedingly confusing and long-winded. Hopefully this version will be briefer and more entertaining. :) There is nothing rated in here except the overall tone of morbidity. No language, etc.

Chapter 1.

'I have a problem,' said Ra's al Ghul to the Joker one day while he and his friends sat in the Villain Club smoking. 'No. I have ninety-nine problems, and they're all the Batman. All my life- well, all his life, I've been trying to kill him. Started with a hole. A nice, cozy, deep, dreadful hole for him to fall into. And he did! He fell right in, but did that kill him? Nah. It so happens that this kid is very tough. So I try again. This time I kill off his parents, thinking maybe he'll commit suicide- but does he? No! It's so frustrating! He runs off who-knows-where and becomes a vigilante! Stupid.'

'Calm down,' said Harvey Dent. 'It's not just your problem. The Joker has been trying to get him for a long time, too.'

'No, I haven't,' said the Joker. 'I simply am trying to bring him down to my level. Entirely different.'

'Well,' said Ra's, annoyed at the interruption, 'as I was saying: he turns vigilante. So I try to kill him again by messing up his stupid city, which needed getting rid of anyhow, and what happens?'

'I dunno,' said Dent densely.

'He kills me!' yelled Ra's angrily. 'He kills me! The idiot. If I hadn't been a decoy, I wouldn't be standing before you today!'

'You're not standing; you're sitting,' said the Riddler matter-of-factly.

'I diagnose you with a severe case of schizophrenia,' Dr. Crane called from across the room, where he was reading the newspaper.

'Anyhow,' said Ra's, trying to ignore the others, 'I swear I will get that Bru-'

'Stop!' shouted the Joker. 'Club rules! You're not allowed to reveal anyone's secret identity!'

'Whatever,' said Ra's. 'I swear I'll get that Batman if it's the last thing I do!'

'It almost was,' Dent sniggered. Harvey Dent was not popular at the Club, for reasons.

'I have an idea for you,' said Crane, walking over and dropping his newspaper on the table. 'You're trying to kill the Batman, but he can't be simply killed. He has to be tricked somehow, so that you can get close enough to stab him in the back. What better way than Inception?'

'What are you talking about?' asked Ra's, frowning.

'You get into someone's mind by invading his dreams, then you trick him into thinking something that isn't true.'

'Um...'

'It so happens,' Crane continued, 'that I am rather hard up at the moment. I have a proposal for you. If you decide to do this inception, I will help you out.'

'What do you know about it?' asked Ra's, trying to not get distracted by the Joker's dangerous handling of his automatic.

'It's happened to me, is all,' said Crane, sticking his hands in his pockets and trying to look nonchalant. 'It's also happened to your daughter.'

'I said no revealing secret identities!' yelled the Joker.

'I hope she was incepted into going and killing herself,' Ra's muttered. 'I can't stand that girl.'

'You mean you didn't hear?' said Dent. 'It was in the news all over the place. She went and jumped off a building.'

'And would have died, if Batman hadn't ruined everything by saving her,' said the Riddler.

'Does everyone know who we're talking about except me?' said the Joker.

'That's what comes of being obsessed with Club rules,' said the Riddler, banging him on the head.

'So, why did the Batman save her?' said Ra's, hating Batman even more than he had previously.

'Because he is an idiot who likes to catch people when they fall out of windows,' said Crane shortly. 'It was on telly. How did you not see it?'

'Oh, that part of my life was rather busy,' said Ra's, pouting. 'Mainly being used up burning houses down that belonged to random members of the Wayne fam-'

'Club rules!' screeched the Joker, covering his ears.

'I was doing more important things than anyone else, it appears,' said Ra's. 'How do you guys have time to just sit around watching telly?'

'Back to the subject from which we so swiftly diverged,' said Crane, clearing his throat. 'I will help you incept Batman into thinking whatever you want him to think. Just because he thinks something, though, does not mean he will act on it, so if it doesn't work, it's not my fault.'

'Wait, I missed something,' said Dent.

'I got incepted into selling a very profitable business,' said Crane angstily. 'It would have made me millions.'

'Yes, well, let's not drift away into the realms of fantasy,' said Ra's. 'What I want to know is how to do it.'

'I have a plan,' said Crane, sweeping everything off the table and laying out a large piece of paper. He smiled evilly. 'This is, in short, how Inception works. First: You get the right team. A team needs an inceptor, an architect, a point-man, a-'

'Get on with it!' said Ra's impatiently. 'We'll deal with that later.'

'This is too confusing for me,' said the Joker. 'I don't plan. I just do things.'

'I know, right?' said the Riddler. 'Some villains overthink everything.'

'I will be your inceptor,' said Crane, ignoring the others. 'Second: The team goes inside the subject's dream and plants the idea through an intricate process that requires lots of brainy cleverness- which will all come from me, by the way- and then, Third: The team gets out of the dream, leaving the idea in the subject's mind. If the lie is actually worth-while, it could help you completely defeat him.'

'Like the idea that I'm not actually Ra's al Ghul!' said Ra's. 'Hehee! I like this plan!'

'He already thinks that you're not Ra's al Ghul,' said Crane, rolling his eyes. 'He thinks you're dead.'

'Well, then, what do you propose?' said Ra's, frowning sulkily and crossing his arms.

Crane flashed a toothy smile. 'Let me show you.'

This story is driving me cray-cray. Sososo sorry that I had to redo it- I just wasn't happy with the way it was turning out.