az: First Who-fic... and probably the last, at least until I properly watch the whole of the 2005's Who to get a proper grip on the series... and maybe try digging for the classic Who. This muse popped up when I finished watching the End of Time. If this had been explored before... well, fine. But I wanted to explore this particular scene so here it is. The Tenth held a special place in my heart so there.

If there were any inconsistencies... or perhaps I should have inserted a bit more Donna in him etc, feel free to point it out.

A/N: End up editing this piece a lot.

Resonance

Written by Izzu alias honou-no-izumi

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It was now nearly four months, since the Doctor had sent Rose and Jackie back into this Pete's world. Alongside himself.

Then again... as if he had not expected this to happen. After all, who knows what other complications might arise by having two Doctors existing in the same universe. Not going to be good, that should be expected. And by having made Rose to remain by his side; in a way, the Doctor was giving him a chance in taking another path in his life where it would not have been possible otherwise. Considering right now, he was part Time Lord and human.

Still, not sure how Rose was taking this—even he himself still finding it hard to cope with it right now—but seeing as they still managed to keep together, well that was a start. At least he was now no longer bitter at his other self over that one particular moment when it almost sounded as if he felt his existence was something bad. That he was just another problem he needed to remove from his sight. When he had a hand in causing this meta-crisis to manifest.

Funny that now it seemed to be like a twist of fate, for that long ago wish of the him; that had been temporary turned into human back in 1913, to not return into being a Time Lord—despite he was still part Time Lord now—be fulfilled. He still needed to be getting used to it, yet he still wondered.

It was an odd feeling; feeling that you were still you yet knowing that you were not really you. And wondering if the people that you cared about while you were still yourself before this whole meta-crisis happening, still loving you or actually missing the other you.

John shook his head as those lines of thought started to turn towards the depressing direction. Somehow, he wondered how his other self was faring...

He shrugged before looking down at the note he had been holding in his hand. On that small piece of paper, was written several addresses of nearby schools for which he wanted to inquire if he could work as a teacher there. It was the most likeliest job option he could have chosen, at least there would be something he could do to spend his time with. He could not just sit around home, just focusing on growing the new TARDIS and not doing anything else.

John stopped walking to look around for any incoming traffic before taking a step towards the crossing on the other side of the road where the first school on his list was situated.

Suddenly, just before he could lift his leg to start walking... John saw a brief flash of the Time Lords—standing before him as one special figure amongst them nodded her head to him, giving him courage to do the right and inevitable thing—before another wave of pain... and sadness... and pain again; hit him as John collapsed on the pavement, stunned. Before he could make sense of the things he had just saw, another flash of images made its way into his mind as he recognized those inside the flashes being the people who used to be his companions when he was still the original Doctor. John frowned as he felt a great wave of sadness overwhelming him before pulling himself back on his feet.

What... was that?

It was not often that he gets to see any vision from his other self ever since they became two separate existences. Or actually, it never happened... aside from them still having the psychic link with each other. Yet to be able to see these flashes... could it mean that the emotions revolving these visions were too strong that it could reach him even in this parallel universe? John bit his lips as he realized what these vision could have meant for the other him, before trying to push the thoughts aside and concentrate on his present reality.

Without warning, John was hit with a great wave of pain before seeing himself being inside the TARDIS. John gasped in alarm as he looked down towards his hands to see them starting to glow brightly. His heart started beating rapidly before darkness claimed him.

xxx

He opened his eyes to find himself back inside his room on his bed, as Rose looked up towards him worriedly by his bedside.

"Are you all right? I came home as soon as I heard what happened. Someone had found you collapsed by the side of the road and went to get help. I was so scared!" she cried before hugging him. "John, they said your heart stopped for a moment... I—if anything happened to you I don't know what'll I do..."

Rose sighed before brushing a hand over his cheek. "What happened? Earlier you've been crying in your sleep,"

John shook his head before trying to push himself into a sitting position. Rose helped him up before sitting on the bed beside him. John leaned his body against Rose's before letting out a choked sigh.

"He's gone. He's regenerated."

Rose bit her lips as she understood who John had meant. John started to sob.

"It felt as if I'm back to being him. I was so scared... the terror of being forced to leave everything behind, to lose this sense of being me... it was too overwhelming. When the vision came... it felt as if Iwas the one who had regenerated!"

John turned towards Rose as her heart almost break at the sight of his terrified face. "I never felt so attached to being in this form of me, none of my past regeneration had been so hard to let go as this—I kept repeating to myself: I don't want to go... I don't want to go. Even if I retained all of the memories I had of my past selves, I won't be the same person... I don'twant to disappear like that,"

John looked at her in alarm. "If that anomaly had not happened and the meright now did not exist; if I had remained being that one and only Doctor..."

Rose stopped him from finishing that thought as she wrapped her arms tightly around him. "Don't think about that! Don't...," she said as John kept talking.

"To be losing that sense of yourself... yet retaining the memory of it. To be essentially the same person but also different, never being able to turn back. Being the same... yet different. To no longer be able to meet the people you knew with the same persona, the same state of mind... them not being able to recognise the old you inside the new you—oh god, that would be like dying yet not dying at the same time—"

Rose tightened her hold of her Doctor as she muttered words of comforts to calm him down. She felt the man in her arms shake in fear as she tried to convey the warmth she had to him. Rose's mind wandered back towards that time when the Doctor had sent them back into this world. She wondered if there had been something more inside his words that time, when he said he entrusted him into her care. As if he anticipated this to happen...

She caught the sound of soft sighs coming from John, before noticing that the man had fallen asleep again. She placed the man back on the bed before placing a kiss on his forehead. She wondered if this reluctance of the Doctor—John—of not wanting to change from his tenth regeneration form, had been partially influenced by her. Rose recalled the old memories when she had first witnessed the Doctor's regeneration. She recalled that fear she felt when she thought she would be losing this version of her Doctor after all of her efforts to come back to his side. She remembered his words when he explained on why have his appearance not changed despite his regeneration, that time when he was hurt badly by that one Dalek. She never placed much thought about that moment, but perhaps that was one of the many instance that the Doctor revealed his reluctance openly, on not wanting to regenerate into another appearance any more. Could it be because the loneliness he felt had started to become a bit too much? Could it be because he loved her so much that he did not want to change...?

Rose took hold of John's hand before placing a gentle kiss on the back of his hand. "Don't worry. I'll protect you... I'll be by your side."

A part of her still worry about the other Doctor, how would he fare now... how would he end up looking now. Yet a part of her was glad that she still have this doctor with her—her own John Smith—the same man with the same appearance, the same quirk that she was so familiar of. At least it warmed her to know that she could try making this Doctor be happy the way he would have wished to be. And hopefully... the other Doctor would also be able to find his own happiness. Rose gently placed a kiss on John's lips before softly whispered.

"I'll stay with you... always. You're not alone. You're still here... and that's all that matters."

"You're not going anywhere."