Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of this work of fiction, and no profit, monetary or otherwise, is being made through the writing of this.
A/N: Written in response to a comment left by bsal8 on a story posted on A03 (and here, too, "Forced Kiss") suggesting that I write a tag to episode 21 of season 7, "Be Your Own Best Friend".
Warning: This story involves cheating, though it is not deliberate, and it involves Joey and Jesse kissing for the first time. Those who are uncomfortable with homosexuality and stories that deal with repressed feelings of homosexuality, should not read this as it may be a trigger for them. I do not condone cheating.
Joey knows how to read his friend. They've been close for years now, which makes it really hard for him to date successfully, because every single woman he's brought home seems to rub Jesse the wrong way. The clothes she wears, her tone of voice, how she speaks to Joey, how she treats the girls, how she views Joey's living arrangement, the scent of the perfume that she wears, or doesn't wear... - all come into question.
It shouldn't be a problem, because, well, Jesse isn't Joey's keeper or anything. They're just friends. He shouldn't have that much say in what Joey does, or who he spends his time with outside of work and home.
Still, if Jesse doesn't approve of a woman that Joey brings home, that woman doesn't last very long, because Joey eventually loses interest in her as well. It's almost funny how much sway Jesse's approval has on Joey's love life, or lack thereof.
The problem is that, as far as Joey can see, no matter how good the chemistry is between Joey and one of the women that he dates, Jesse has never once approved. And it's not so much what Jesse says, because he doesn't say anything, it's what he does, and the tone of voice that he uses which lets Joey know that he isn't a hundred percent behind whoever it is that Joey's currently dating. A sniff, or a frown, or a prolonged vowel give Jesse away better than any clearly spoken rebuff could.
Roxy's a great woman. Joey can see himself settling down with her. Well, he can see himself marrying and going on the road with her, maybe starting a comedy routine together, because they are good, and they can make people laugh, which is what Joey loves to do more than anything else. They've got chemistry. They can even finish each other's sentences.
He and Jesse can finish each other's sentences, too, but that particular ship has left the dock and sailed, and is now happily bobbing along in the sea of bliss where Joey's own hopes and dreams are waterlogged and drowning. He needs a life vest, and had thought that Roxy might be it. That she would be the one that would finally earn Jesse's approval, because, together, she and Joey can make people smile and laugh. Not that he needs his friend and business partner's approval for who he dates, falls in love with, and marries, but that doesn't make him want Jesse's approval any less.
The problem is that, once again, Jesse's not happy. He feels left out, and if Joey isn't mistaken, he thinks that he detects a hint of jealousy in his partner.
Jesse's willingness to admit that he feels rejected and ignored, even as backwards as it comes out - during an emergency break in their broadcast - is the closest that Joey's ever heard his friend come close to admitting that he harbors feelings about anything at all. That he's bothered by the types of emotional issues that bother everyone else in the world. It's a small coup in their relationship, and Joey sits back to watch his friend, and sees probably more than he should see.
Jesse's smile is tight. His shoulders tense when Becky touches his arm in an attempt to help soothe his ruffled feathers, and he leans away from her, just slightly. No one else seems to notice. But when Joey clasps Jesse's shoulder, Jesse seems to lean into the touch, and his smile softens, and his eyes light up.
Joey's breath hitches, and his palms grow sweaty as he's hit with a sudden shock-wave of emotion, and understanding. And he doesn't know why he didn't notice any of this sooner - the way that Jesse smiles and looks at him; the way that he seems to almost always veer toward Joey whenever they're in close proximity, like magnets; the way that his tongue darts out to wet his lips, his eyes dilate, and he blushes when Joey says something that makes him laugh.
It's suddenly clear as day to Joey now why Jesse's approval has meant so much to him throughout the years, and why Jesse will never, ever approve of anyone that Joey dates, no matter how good they are together.
Joey knows that Jesse will never say anything about how he feels. He knows that, if left to his own devices, Jesse will spend the rest of his life quietly disapproving of Joey's girlfriends until Joey eventually stops bringing them home and settles down as a lonely bachelor. It's easier spending the rest of his life pining after someone that he cannot have, than being honest with himself, and with everyone else because possibly being in love with one of your best friends isn't exactly a thing that Hallmark has a card for.
It's gut-wrenching, because, knowing that, deep down, they're both in love with each other, have been for quite some time now, there's Becky, and the twins to consider, not to mention Danny and the girls that Joey and Jesse both love as their own.
If Joey does give this a name and call Jesse out, demanding that he come clean, and be honest with his feelings for Joey, it could ruin everything. Joey could wind up jobless, homeless and heartbroken, and that's not something that he can even begin to contemplate doing to himself, to Jesse. It would kill him.
So, he does the next best thing. Joey breaks up with Roxy. Lies, and tells her that it just won't work between them, because they've got too much in common. He needs a polar opposite, someone who can be the yin to his yang. Someone she's not.
There are no tears. No harsh words spoken. The breakup is smooth, and uncomplicated, and Joey's never felt more alone in his life, even though Jesse is sitting right next to him during their next rush hour traffic broadcast, and they're both riffing off of each other like every other day.
Nothing's new, and that thought hits Joey like a punch to the gut, and he's breathless, and his heart's hammering so loud that he can't hear a word that Jesse's saying, though he can see his best friend's lips moving. Everything slows down and speeds up and slows down, and Joey's vision tunnels. Before he knows what he's doing, before his brain can translate the actual thought into comprehensible words, he's switching from open air to a commercial break, turning his head, cupping the back of Jesse's neck, and pulling the other man in for a kiss.
It's nothing like the kisses that Joey shared with Roxy - light, getting to know you pecks on the lips. It's deep and breathtaking, and Jesse tastes like coffee and strawberries, and their tongues are animals performing some kind of mating ritual, their teeth don't clash, though Jesse nibbles a little on Joey's bottom lip, and then he sucks, and it goes right to Joey's gut and groin, and there's no turning back, even if Jesse rejects him afterwards. It's heady and dizzying, and when they part for air, foreheads bent together, Jesse's pupils are blown wide.
"Have mercy," Jesse breathes the words out, and his lips quirk upward in a smile. His fingers are on the back of Joey's neck, playing with the tiny hairs there, raising gooseflesh.
"Ditto," Joey says.
His heart's hammering, and he closes his eyes, because as much as he wants this, as much as he wants Jesse, Joey knows that he can never have him. He can't, won't, come between Jesse and Becky. He can't be a homewrecker.
"How did you know?" Jesse asks, voice soft, as though fearful of Joey's answer, fearful of the question itself.
Joey smiles, rubs a thumb along Jesse's collarbone. "You were jealous of Roxy and me," he says. "Jealous of all of my girlfriends, and, I...I couldn't stop myself. I'm sorry, Jess. I don't want to break up your marriage. I can't be that guy. I won't."
Jesse shakes his head, squeezes the back of Joey's neck lightly. Joey opens his eyes, sees tears shining in Jesse's. "I've loved you since the first day that we met," he admits, voice little more than a whisper of breath.
Joey laughs. It sounds like a sob. "Why didn't you say anything?"
Jesse shrugs, and blinks back tears, shrugs again, and takes a shuddering breath, kisses Joey. It's light and quick, and yet it feels to Joey as though he's been hit with a bolt of lightning. He doesn't want this to end. Knows that it has to, that he has to do the right thing for Jesse, and Becky, and their kids, even if it's not the right thing for himself.
His heart will hurt, and he'll probably never find a girl that he'll settle down and have children with. He'll become one of those lonely, old men who reminisces about lost love and the good old days from his wheelchair, or maybe just a front porch rocking chair, watching the world go by while he stays put.
It won't be easy, but it's what's best for everyone. What's best for Jesse.
"I was afraid," Jesse whispers, and he plays with the little hairs on the back of Joey's neck as though that will give him the strength to finally face his fears. "I was a coward," he says, voice a little stronger. "I'm sorry."
"I'll quit, move to a place of my own, you won't-"
Jesse cuts off Joey's plans with another kiss that makes Joey's toes curl, and which makes his heart settle deep into his bones. A startled gasp makes Joey flinch, but Jesse doesn't seem to hear it, or maybe it's just that he's no longer afraid, because he doesn't pull away, not until after he's made it clear to Joey that this is what he wants.
"Don't quit, don't move. You won't have to be that guy," Jesse says. "I will."
"I think it's time that the commercial break was over," Becky says. Her voice is quiet, controlled. "If the listeners have to hear the jingle for Pepper's peppermint toothpaste one more time, they'll start a riot."
It's hard to read the look in her eyes. Her cheeks are pink with anger or embarrassment, or something else. Joey can't meet her gaze, but he pulls away from Jesse when she reaches between them and turns off the commercial, and they're live again.
Jesse reaches for Joey's hand, squeezes it, and then he's introducing their show again, and returning Becky's sad, knowing smile with one of his own. She rests a hand on Jesse's head, and then on Joey's, and, without saying another word, walks up the stairs and out of the studio, closing the door behind her.