Intro note: This story refers to events from chapters 117-122, 129, and 132.
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A LIGHT IN THE DARK
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I was always falling into infatuations with girls when I was younger. Well, I still am even now, but my feelings are never returned. They always have someone else, someone better. I used to wonder why I was so unlovable, but I know the answer to that now. I'm a hollow void with nothing inside.
Aunt Yukiko is the only person who has shown me love. She became both my father and mother, but we have an even deeper bond than that: we share the same inevitable fate. I've made peace with my failing eyes… I've accepted that I must live in the dark. But what I'm still wishing for is someone who will lead my heart to the light. I thought I had found her. She glowed with the passion that I lack and her hand was very warm. I was filled with happiness, but it all ended when that boy returned my scarf and told me to stay away from her. Maybe it was a good thing that my delusions ended that very same day because the longer she remained in my thoughts, the more it would have hurt.
Despite all of that, I needed to see her again. Luckily, one of my kohai's had her number. I asked if she still wanted to play a match, but it was his voice who accepted my karuta proposal. That boy stole her excited "yes!" from me and even forced his way into my university club without receiving an invitation. I was angry at him, but I took it out on her. She wilted when I said that she would never become queen. A girl who has everything couldn't possibly take the title from Shinobu. Greedy, that's what she is. People who are blessed with so much disgust me, yet I continue to gravitate towards their energy. I reach for them the same way a pitiful indoor plant reaches for a sunny window.
As it turned out, that boy was lying to me. She isn't his girlfriend. Not that it matters because she avoids me now. I destroyed what little chance I had with her when I said those words.
Will I ever feel a kind hand in mine again? I don't know, but I haven't lost all hope yet. Surely a girl exists who can love the incomplete me. The good thing about a void is that it can be filled, and I want mine to be filled with love.
I managed to become the eternal meijin, but the only titles that would truly mean anything to me are "husband" and "father." I'd like to create what I never had: a family. That is my dream.
Closing Note: I don't usually write in 1st person POV, so this was a bit of an experiment. I hope that I managed to get inside Suo's head and be true to his character ^_^; He's very dear to me. I think about him and feel sad because he's so lovable, but no one in the manga has seen that yet T^T Please find your happiness, Suo!