DISClAIMER: Harry Potter, Visa Cards, Dr. Laura and paper do not belong to me! I did not invent them or have any copyrights to them. Sue me and you'll be sorry, I haven't a dollar to my name.
My apologies up front, I wrote this story to get my mind off my ailing Fic, don't judge my other Fics on this one. This is almost too ridicules to post! I haven't even spell checked it! That being said, read on! And by all means tell me what you think!
The Fic That Shall Not Be Named
by Mackenzie Thea
Harry sat in his dormitory sulking over his latest problem (I don't know, something to do with a Dragon I guess) when who should enter but the Weasley twins.
"Come on Harry!" Yelled George in Harry's ear, patting his back hard. "You gotta stop sulking like this and enjoy life while you still have yours!"
"Yeah," Fred joined in. "You never know when Him-Not-Namin is going pop in through the window."
"Probably in the night..." George reasoned bobing his head.
Harry stared, pardon me, glared up increduly.
"Gee, THANKS!"
"Aw Harry, we didn't mean it!" Laughed Fred.
"Yeah, we're just trying to cheer you up mate!"
Harry rolled his eyes.
"I know your just after my Invisiblity Cloak!"
Fred snapped his fingers.
"Damn," he said. "He's on to us."
"Don't be silly Harry!" George laughed. "We want your gold too!"
Harry took out his Gingotts charge card (Visa is the only one they offer) and handed it to the two twins. Harry sighed for about two minutes.
"I wont be needing it, even if I were, I haven't done anything heroic lately. Have to save face, you know?"
But Fred and George were already at the Gryffindor fireplace, placing orders for two Nimbus' and some stocks.
Harry sighed again, but then Hedwig burst in through the window with a note tied to her leg.
Darn, thought Harry, that's the second time I should have kept that window open, poor Neville... Oh well, wonder what Hedwig has.
Harry untied the note from Hedwigs leg and read it out loud so that any dark wizard could hear, in the hopes that Hermione (who was in the girls dormitory) and Ron (who was in the library) would hear him. (He didn't feel like rounding them up.)
"Dear Harry,
I heard that a Slytherin student kept a book on Asia out two months more than allowed. That sounds darn suspicius! I'm going to go to any insane lengths, including dancing naked infront of the Dementors if need be, to find out why! It might have something to do with... the evil guy ... kind of bald ... what was his name again? Oh well, suspect everyone! Any never leave your dorm room! For that matter hide under the covers!
Sniffer ... er, Sniffles, grrr, Snuffles!
good thing this is just a rough draft"
But poor Harry hadn't hide under the covers! So who should pop through the door but Lucius Malfoy! What sinister plan had he? What was he thinking?
Meow, meow, meow, must kill Harry, meow, meow, Blood, meow, meow, meow, Kill Harry!
"There you are! Ha! What's that?!" Mr. Malfoy snatched the note from Harry's hands and waved it over his head saying "You want it? Huh? You want it?"
Lucius took a look at the note.
"Conversing with criminals," Malfoy said in an surperior tone. "Harry bein' bad!"
"What's that!?" Snape said bursting into the room. "Is there some way I can trap that boy, get him expelled, or otherwise punish that boy for my hatred of his father and bretrayed adortation of his mother!"
"Lord in heaven!" Yelled Harry. "I didn't just hear that!"
"Oh this is fun! If it tortures you in any way, you should know Harry there was a certain way your mothers hair fell-"
"-I'M NOT LISTENING!"
"Fine," growled Snape. "I didn't come here to reminisce, I want names, I want places!"
"But, Severus, I thought you had a name!" Cried Mr. Malfoy disbelievely.
"Of course I have a name you obtuse excuse for a rotting carcus-"
"-Hey! What does obtuse mean?"
"ARGH! Look Harry, I know your in contact with your Godfather."
*Writer risists a bad The Godfather song and dance*
"Of course you do! Dumbledore told you at the end of Jo's last book!"
"What! you mean I haven't anything to hang above your head?"
"I have something to hang over his head!" Yelled Lucius proudly. "This note! See?"
"What? Give me that!" Yelled Snape as he began to wrestle over the note. "I-want-something-to-hang-over-his-head!"
The wrestle, in which everyone got hit with the Smeltings stick, ended in the note being ripped to shreds.
Severus and Lucius hung their heads guiltily. They both wined "Sorry..."
"That's okay..." said a voice from across the room. Hermione and Ron had just entered the room, Hermy holding Crookshanks. "Look what I got!" She yelled at Snape holding Crookshanks proudly.
Snape's mouth expanded and he swirled around turning into a cloud of sand and escaping through Hedwig's hole in the window.
"Whoa!" Shouted Ron. "I didn't know he could do that!"
Meanwhile Hermione was doing one of her imfamous jigs.
Lucius Malfoy suddenly drew his wand.
"Aint none of you taking me alive! You hear me?! AINT!"
"Dad!?" Yelled Draco entering with Madam Pomfrey (who, upon entery joined in Hermy's jig) "Did you forget to take your medication?"
Draco poured a vile of something vile down Mr. M's throat.
"GARGH! That's poison!"
"Of course it is Dad! What did you think, I was concerned for your health?!"
Harry began pouting again, he wished he had his letter.
"I want my letter!" He demanded of Lucius.
"Alright! Fine, I shall take Cedric's head, Harry you take Frank Bryce's and you my son who have no hands, take my hand in your mouth and we shall go and see Voldemort."
"Why would we want to go see him?" Harry asked.
"It's a trap, duh!" gloated Draco. "you just caught on?"
"Shut up! I knew all along, I was only as stupid as I wanted to be! I mean..."
But Hermione abruptly stopped in her jig, Madam Promfrey, not anticipating this sudden stop, fell to her feet.
"What Harry?!" Hermoine asked with tears in her eyes. "How could you be stupid, haven't I taught you that it isn't a good trait to posses?"
"Yeah..." said Harry shuffling his feet with his head hung.
"And?" Hermione took on a McGonagall stance, her arms crossed.
"Not to go to court with danger..." Harry recited rolling his eyes.
"Wrong! Not to go courting danger!" Hermione smacked Harry repeatedly.
"You'll never be worthy of caring down the Hebrew legends!"
"Unfourtunately for Harry's face," Said Dumbledore entering. "No-one has to anymore, there is now a wonderful invention called the Bible. It carries all the stories of the Hebrew."
"But Professor dumbledore?" Said Dr. Laura entering. "It says repeatitively in the Bible that you shouldn't practice sorcery, what do you have to say about that, HUH?!"
"My dear Laura, it says in the Bible that sorcery comes from Satan. We are fictional characters, and our Magic comes from the premise that we were born with it, that God gave select few the ability to preform magic. But feel free to judge us however you see fit, in the end our judgement will not come from the likes of you."
"Well," said Dr. Laura. "My work here is done..."
She was pushed out the window by an author who promises not to mention religion in chapter two and who wont even ask her readers to review, it's too silly a story!
My apologies up front, I wrote this story to get my mind off my ailing Fic, don't judge my other Fics on this one. This is almost too ridicules to post! I haven't even spell checked it! That being said, read on! And by all means tell me what you think!
The Fic That Shall Not Be Named
by Mackenzie Thea
Harry sat in his dormitory sulking over his latest problem (I don't know, something to do with a Dragon I guess) when who should enter but the Weasley twins.
"Come on Harry!" Yelled George in Harry's ear, patting his back hard. "You gotta stop sulking like this and enjoy life while you still have yours!"
"Yeah," Fred joined in. "You never know when Him-Not-Namin is going pop in through the window."
"Probably in the night..." George reasoned bobing his head.
Harry stared, pardon me, glared up increduly.
"Gee, THANKS!"
"Aw Harry, we didn't mean it!" Laughed Fred.
"Yeah, we're just trying to cheer you up mate!"
Harry rolled his eyes.
"I know your just after my Invisiblity Cloak!"
Fred snapped his fingers.
"Damn," he said. "He's on to us."
"Don't be silly Harry!" George laughed. "We want your gold too!"
Harry took out his Gingotts charge card (Visa is the only one they offer) and handed it to the two twins. Harry sighed for about two minutes.
"I wont be needing it, even if I were, I haven't done anything heroic lately. Have to save face, you know?"
But Fred and George were already at the Gryffindor fireplace, placing orders for two Nimbus' and some stocks.
Harry sighed again, but then Hedwig burst in through the window with a note tied to her leg.
Darn, thought Harry, that's the second time I should have kept that window open, poor Neville... Oh well, wonder what Hedwig has.
Harry untied the note from Hedwigs leg and read it out loud so that any dark wizard could hear, in the hopes that Hermione (who was in the girls dormitory) and Ron (who was in the library) would hear him. (He didn't feel like rounding them up.)
"Dear Harry,
I heard that a Slytherin student kept a book on Asia out two months more than allowed. That sounds darn suspicius! I'm going to go to any insane lengths, including dancing naked infront of the Dementors if need be, to find out why! It might have something to do with... the evil guy ... kind of bald ... what was his name again? Oh well, suspect everyone! Any never leave your dorm room! For that matter hide under the covers!
Sniffer ... er, Sniffles, grrr, Snuffles!
good thing this is just a rough draft"
But poor Harry hadn't hide under the covers! So who should pop through the door but Lucius Malfoy! What sinister plan had he? What was he thinking?
Meow, meow, meow, must kill Harry, meow, meow, Blood, meow, meow, meow, Kill Harry!
"There you are! Ha! What's that?!" Mr. Malfoy snatched the note from Harry's hands and waved it over his head saying "You want it? Huh? You want it?"
Lucius took a look at the note.
"Conversing with criminals," Malfoy said in an surperior tone. "Harry bein' bad!"
"What's that!?" Snape said bursting into the room. "Is there some way I can trap that boy, get him expelled, or otherwise punish that boy for my hatred of his father and bretrayed adortation of his mother!"
"Lord in heaven!" Yelled Harry. "I didn't just hear that!"
"Oh this is fun! If it tortures you in any way, you should know Harry there was a certain way your mothers hair fell-"
"-I'M NOT LISTENING!"
"Fine," growled Snape. "I didn't come here to reminisce, I want names, I want places!"
"But, Severus, I thought you had a name!" Cried Mr. Malfoy disbelievely.
"Of course I have a name you obtuse excuse for a rotting carcus-"
"-Hey! What does obtuse mean?"
"ARGH! Look Harry, I know your in contact with your Godfather."
*Writer risists a bad The Godfather song and dance*
"Of course you do! Dumbledore told you at the end of Jo's last book!"
"What! you mean I haven't anything to hang above your head?"
"I have something to hang over his head!" Yelled Lucius proudly. "This note! See?"
"What? Give me that!" Yelled Snape as he began to wrestle over the note. "I-want-something-to-hang-over-his-head!"
The wrestle, in which everyone got hit with the Smeltings stick, ended in the note being ripped to shreds.
Severus and Lucius hung their heads guiltily. They both wined "Sorry..."
"That's okay..." said a voice from across the room. Hermione and Ron had just entered the room, Hermy holding Crookshanks. "Look what I got!" She yelled at Snape holding Crookshanks proudly.
Snape's mouth expanded and he swirled around turning into a cloud of sand and escaping through Hedwig's hole in the window.
"Whoa!" Shouted Ron. "I didn't know he could do that!"
Meanwhile Hermione was doing one of her imfamous jigs.
Lucius Malfoy suddenly drew his wand.
"Aint none of you taking me alive! You hear me?! AINT!"
"Dad!?" Yelled Draco entering with Madam Pomfrey (who, upon entery joined in Hermy's jig) "Did you forget to take your medication?"
Draco poured a vile of something vile down Mr. M's throat.
"GARGH! That's poison!"
"Of course it is Dad! What did you think, I was concerned for your health?!"
Harry began pouting again, he wished he had his letter.
"I want my letter!" He demanded of Lucius.
"Alright! Fine, I shall take Cedric's head, Harry you take Frank Bryce's and you my son who have no hands, take my hand in your mouth and we shall go and see Voldemort."
"Why would we want to go see him?" Harry asked.
"It's a trap, duh!" gloated Draco. "you just caught on?"
"Shut up! I knew all along, I was only as stupid as I wanted to be! I mean..."
But Hermione abruptly stopped in her jig, Madam Promfrey, not anticipating this sudden stop, fell to her feet.
"What Harry?!" Hermoine asked with tears in her eyes. "How could you be stupid, haven't I taught you that it isn't a good trait to posses?"
"Yeah..." said Harry shuffling his feet with his head hung.
"And?" Hermione took on a McGonagall stance, her arms crossed.
"Not to go to court with danger..." Harry recited rolling his eyes.
"Wrong! Not to go courting danger!" Hermione smacked Harry repeatedly.
"You'll never be worthy of caring down the Hebrew legends!"
"Unfourtunately for Harry's face," Said Dumbledore entering. "No-one has to anymore, there is now a wonderful invention called the Bible. It carries all the stories of the Hebrew."
"But Professor dumbledore?" Said Dr. Laura entering. "It says repeatitively in the Bible that you shouldn't practice sorcery, what do you have to say about that, HUH?!"
"My dear Laura, it says in the Bible that sorcery comes from Satan. We are fictional characters, and our Magic comes from the premise that we were born with it, that God gave select few the ability to preform magic. But feel free to judge us however you see fit, in the end our judgement will not come from the likes of you."
"Well," said Dr. Laura. "My work here is done..."
She was pushed out the window by an author who promises not to mention religion in chapter two and who wont even ask her readers to review, it's too silly a story!