The Sun That Never Sets

by switmikan74

The sun that never sets brings hopelessness to a man who once shunned the thought of emotions and of ever falling in love. Akashi in both his cruelest and saddest moments, and Furihata in his kindest and quietest.

Title:The Sun That Never Sets

Pairing:AkaFuri

Genre:Romance/Angst/Tragedy

For: Calico Neko

Warning: Extreme OOCness! Akashi is a bit—a lot—out of character as he narrates this story, maybe. XD. But really, I don't know if Akashi could play perfectly here since you know… this is so awkward for me… hahhaha. Anyway, you have been warned! Forgive me,, if this is not what you expected from me! DX, I poured all my angst away in my novel that I am writing! It's called Forget The World, not a fanfiction, it's a real novel on gays. I'm so sorry!

OoOoO

…I'm sorry…

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Maybe I should start from the very beginning just so I could let it all out.

I was never one for emotions; those are for my friends and teammates. I don't have the time for those feelings; they would only drag me down as I constantly saw with each and every one.

So, I thought I could live without them, thought I could just prance my way up and stay on my throne without trying to have an ounce of experience with those silly sentiments that often clouds the judgment of people.

Or so I had believed but then you came.

You came strutting your way behind Tetsuya trembling and downright nervous into my life. And quite frankly, I thought it was rude as your mere presence disturb the circle of which you would quite never belong to. So, I told you to get out.

But what did you do? Stood there like some idiot and held your ground and meet my stare.

And for the first time, I felt a spark of interest that I had long lost.

The spark grew to a steady flame day by day and by the time you made that shot that startled everyone, I was aflame with curiosity over this one little mousy boy who seems to always shake like a leaf when fall every time I was on the vicinity.

Then came with curiosity was a variety of emotions.

You made me feel…

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…Amusement…

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My life had been really dull and quite bluntly, I abhorred it. I get everything I want within a snap of a finger without being questioned why. The challenges of life outside the familiar warmth of the basketball court had been knocked down for me just so I could walk through life in stride.

But you…

You gave me challenge, you gave me what I needed, an escape of my awfully boring life.

You keep running away from me, trying to evade my manipulating mind and the forces that make everything for me so simple.

You, shaking and nervous and utterly oblivious, continue to amuse me with all your little quirks and your simple-mindedness.

Maybe, I was using you to ease my boredom. Maybe, you're simply extraordinary in my eyes in all your ordinary and average glory.

But for the first time, you made me feel… like I was… in…

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…Love…

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I would have never had guessed that my little torture that I constantly teases you with will lead me into believing that I was indeed in love.

I was disgusted by the mere thought. Me? Akashi Seijuurou?In love?

Why would I be?

Love. What a repulsing thought that was. Love is a pain in the ass, I was never one for it lest I wanted to be weak.

But the wretched emotion was restless and did not dare leave me. It grew inside me until I only ever think of you wondering if you ever think of me too.

It appalled me, truthfully. I don't like the notion of it. God knows how much I hated it, it made me feel vulnerable in my loneliest state because when everything is at a standstill and I was left with nothing to do, you would strut your way in my mind until the only thing I was capable of pondering about is you.

How is Kouki doing? Is he alright? Does he miss me too as I do to him? Should I see him? I haven't seen him for weeks so should I?

Those were what I always think every time you came in mind. How is Kouki?

But when I looked around me and assure myself that there is no one around, I found myself allowing the absolute emperor side of mine become unguarded and asked the one million dollar question that always leave me restless at night.

Does Kouki love me too?

So, one day, I came to you with the intention of telling you my deepest secret.

Maybe, it had stunned you at first as I would have if I was on your place, the very words of mine seem so uncharacteristic of me but it left my mouth and there was nothing I can do about it.

"Kouki, maybe this is love I am feeling right now towards you."

But you took me by surprise more when you tilted your head and smiled gently, so different from your trembling ones.

"What a funny way to say I love you, Akashi-san, should I tell you that way too?"

It was not the first time that I had felt it but it was the most remarkable one in my mind. You taught me how great it really was to know…

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…Happiness….

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Those are the good days. When I'm with you and when you're with me, it makes the whole world stood in silence behind us and envy how delicate and pure this bond between us as horribly poetic that was.

But it is.

My happiness was in the form of you, Furihata Kouki. I see happiness in its truest and purest glory every time I look at you. So, I throw all caution away for the very first time of my life, I throw every little cautious blood that I have and just trust for the sake of it.

All those little ticks of the clock that passed us by gave me a lovely sensation of solace and protection without feeling the restraint of being too guarded. Those good days had buried all my worst away as if they never really happened.

And for a while, I was free.

Free from myself and all the expectations I have to meet, free from the gripping urge to have power and all the coldness that I shrouded myself in, free from priorities that I really don't have to do and free from my twisted beliefs.

Who could have thought that I could be happy? Happy for everything that is you and me and us and not for the reason of the pain that I caused everyone for my selfishness.

You made me so different from the old Akashi Seijuurou that takes everything in stride because everything was handed to him in silver plate already.

Tetsuya told me to be happy, to forget everything because I deserve to have a taste of humanity, of being truly and purely giddy with the world because you're in it.

I shook my head at him and shrugged my shoulder and said with a small unintentional smile, "Why not?"

Why not? Why not I just forget everything and just keep on loving you?

Really, I should have known.

I should have known that every good day will pass and a rather bad tempest could overtake everything leaving us ruined.

That day… I am sure I was full of…

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…Anger and hate…

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I did not saw that coming. I was fully unguarded for it to happen.

But what I want to ask is how and when and why did it happen?

I don't know really. I don't know how it happened and when it started and why it even occurred.

We had been happy from the very start, so who would really think that there would be a strain between us?

Oh, but we have one and it happened. Surely, we could have fixed it.

If we only know the cause of the tension between us, we could have fixed whatever mess we had gotten ourselves into.

But we didn't.

I didn't try hard enough as you had attempted. I didn't try and that was really the reason why that small rip had gotten bigger and bigger and awfully bigger.

I only consulted myself as I have done in the past before I met you. With my mind clouded with emotions, I grew unnecessary hateful and bitter and harsher.

It's your fault, I told myself irrationally. With you, I had grown illogical from all the feelings that flooded my way since you started swaying my questionable heart.

And so, I blamed you for all the rips and tears that keep wearing down our bond. I blamed everything on you and put all the mistakes that we might have done to cause all this mess in your hands while I take neither part nor share of the faults and flaws.

Why should I? I asked myself haughtily, I'm Akashi Seijuurou and I have never had faults. So of course, it must be you that was at fault. It must be you that started ruining us.

I told myself that it was alright to be angry at you, to at least hate you for a few moments because you must be root of the strain between us. What with your hundreds of mistakes and being so normal, you would do what is typical and that was to cause errors and holes.

I did not stop for a minute that maybe, it was me after all.

I did not even pause to acknowledge that thought. I did not listen to you and keep pushing you instead.

I should have listened. I should have tried. I should have halted from my arrogance and tell myself that because I was as human as you, it might be me that had been wrong.

I should have cleared myself from emotions to think properly and logically but I did not. And the thing is, I hadn't try enough to convince myself that—after I realized that you were not the only one who caused this clutter—I deserve you.

After all the spite and all the anger when everything had calmed down at least—I don't even know why we had started fighting—I can't even look you in the eyes properly.

You gave me a trembling smile, the one when we first met, and shakily assured me that everything is going to be fine, that we'll be fine.

I pursed my lips and for the very first time in a long while, I felt…

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…Insecure…

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I was so lost really.

I don't know if I can trust myself to love you without hurting you, without making you cry, without you trying to give me an unsure smile, without having any doubt.

Should I still be the stony and guarded Akashi Seijuurou that you have completely changed, I would never felt this surge of insecurity that keeps knocking on my door.

Should I still be the absolute emperor both in the court and in life, I wouldn't even bother to bat an eye in the ridiculous notion of uncertainty. For I was always firm and absolute and I would only conquer that silliness in a snap.

But I was only Akashi Seijuurou, the lover of Furihata Kouki. That was me, that life was my escape from being alone in my own insanity for power and control, it was my escape before the whole lust for being superior swallow me.

But I don't deserve to be loved by you. Not anymore.

For all the hurt and the sufferings that I had put you through, how could I deserve you?

You offered countless of smile, each time brighter than the last as if you knew what I was thinking of doing. You tell me how much you love me and only gave another smile when all the instant replies I once gave you quietened down into silence. You gave kisses and hugs and whispers of assurances and all the while trying to put up a strong front even if the redness in your eyes gave you away.

It was breaking, did you feel it too? It was breaking because of me.

And indeed, it broke.

It broke a few days after you came to me with a last draw of your hope and took me to places that you hoped would remind me of the good days, of why I love you and why you love me too.

You cracked a smile at me and nodded your head when I snapped and pushed and glared and told you to give up.

You saw through me, didn't you? You saw how insecure I am and that I would keep feeling that way if you continued to stay, you saw through all the barriers that I had been putting up lately and hesitantly let go of my hand as I shove you away from me and left with my head still held high.

Arrogance and pride and everything in between ruined us.

And so the whole world was at a standstill and everything was awfully silent even with all the cheering going on around me.

I grew colder and harsher and crueller than ever before. I show no mercy anymore and I crushed and tear everyone apart in the court to let out all my frustrations.

For all those quiet days that followed the wake of my life after I left you with an icy heart, I had forgotten what you taught me.

Absolute emperor Akashi Seijuurou came alive again, a monster both in the court and in life, feared by everyone in general, a man with no heart.

But I was not satisfied with it, I was not contented being on top. The nagging feeling within me grew unbearable along with the misery that came from being alone on your own.

One day, Tetsuya approached me with a frown and a pair of furrowed eyebrows.

His voice was quiet and monotone, but his words are anything but.

"Akashi-kun…" He said before facing me, eyes staring unafraid towards my own. "I don't know if you knew and I know that I am in no place to be the one telling you but can you come by the Tokyo Hospital if you have any time?"

"Why?" I raised my eyebrow and felt the dread that had constantly haunted me for a while.

"It's…" He paused before biting his lips, "…it's Furi-kun… he got hit by a car two weeks ago…"

I don't know what made me say it; I don't know why I even think of it. Maybe, it was the fear of being shunned away by you for my selfishness. Maybe, it was the lingering insecurity in my system that made me uttered those words. Or maybe, it was just Akashi Seijuurou in all his cruellest moment.

"I don't care." I remember myself asking why my eyes were cold when I was telling Tetsuya this, "I don't care what happened to Furihata. We had been over a long time ago therefore I am free of any responsibility over his being whether he's on the brink of death or not."

The punch of Tetsuya did not hurt as much as the bitter taste of me calling you using your last name and my stupid act of not caring.

I convinced myself that it was alright to be that way because I really don't have anything to do with you anymore.

So, if I am really cruel and uncaring, why does it hurt?

The relentless feeling I have in my guts grew stronger day by day until I found myself looking at the door that hid you behind my eyes. The room was silent and void of people as it would be since it is still school hours.

I opened it up and there you lay, pale as the sheet you are on and looking so lifeless than you should have looked.

I simply sat beside you and stared and hoped that you would wake up soon from your coma. I told myself if you do, maybe I would have the courage to tell you that I still love you.

As cliché that must sound, as uncharacteristic I may look, as overrated it might have been, that's the truth.

Akashi Seijuurou took down the emperor act and just be who used to be your Akashi.

If you woke up, maybe I could finally tell you that I'm sorry for everything that I made you go through. If you woke up, maybe I could finally have the courage to tell you how much I miss you. If you woke up, maybe I could finally tell the world that you are mine.

If you woke up…

…I know I will tell you that I love you so.

Maybe, tomorrow you would.

So I visited in secrecy, trying hard not to get caught that I once again succumb to my vulnerability, to my only weakness.

Maybe, tomorrow you would.

But secrets will inevitably be release and catch as Tetsuya and the rest of his team entered the room without me noticing just because I was only paying attention to you.

But they left me be, did not shun me as I expect them to.

"Furi-kun loves you…" I looked at the blue eyes of the shadow of the team.

I lower my eyes; the sharp edges of it softening making me realize how much you really change me.

"I know." He nodded his head and smiled, making me wonder when you will wake up and smile at me again.

As I left you, I told myself again as I had been doing since the first day I entered the room.

Maybe, tomorrow you would.

Hey, when I speak to you, can you hear me in your state? Could you? Would you?

"Maybe this was…."

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…Pain…

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Maybe, tomorrow you would.

I told myself once more for the two-hundred and sixty eight times that I visited and left you in the hospital.

Today, you failed to wake up again. Your parents told the doctor to unplug your life support last week but I stopped them and told them that I'm going to pay the bills.

Just so you can live. Just so I know you're still alive somewhat.

Everybody told me that maybe it was time to give up on you. I shook my head stubbornly at them and did not listen, I stop listening to them anymore.

They told me that there was just a very slim chance or maybe even none at all that you would wake up. The doctor declared brain dead; that it was near impossible for you to open your eyes anymore.

I shook my head once more and keep waiting for tomorrow.

I keep telling myself that maybe…

Maybe…

…you could wake up tomorrow…

Maybe…

…you could open your eyes the next day…

Maybe…

…you would next week…

Maybe, tomorrow you would.

Yes, you might wake up tomorrow and I can finally apologize.

But as Tetsuya patted my shoulder when a year ended and you never responded to any of my words or thoughts, I realized that fate is anything but kinder.

So, I keep thinking that maybe tomorrow would come.

That maybe, I could fix this tomorrow the moment you wake up. That maybe, I could ask for forgiveness the next day. That maybe, Furihata Kouki would open his eyes and will be kinder than the world and assure me that everything will be fine, that we'll be fine. That maybe, I could have another chance tomorrow…

But…

A long beep sounded in the white room deafening everyone in it or maybe, it was just me.

That tomorrow…

My eyes grew dead along with the silence that followed the beeping and I knew right then that it was the end when I looked at you and realized that you can't look back at me anymore.

Never came.

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I'm sorry…

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Me: I'M SORRY! UWAAAH! I DON'T EVEN…. I'M SORRY! GOMEN NASAI! PASENSYA NA! FORGIVE ME!

That was…. I don't know where it all came from… so…

Did you like it?*abruptly hide behind a table to dodge the tomatoes and the sharp scissor*

Me: I said I was sorry! Hey, Akashi! Drop that scissor right now! That's dangerous!

Akashi: I'll kill you for killing Kouki, you stupid woman! *holds a rather sharp knife and scissor*

Me: Wait! Don't kill me! I got dreams, man! I still got dreams! I'll make it up to you in The Absolute Courting of Akashi Seijuurou! I promise!

Akashi: You are?

Me: Plus, Kouki is too cute to die! I didn't kill him. You did.

Akashi: *raises his knife*, you made me do it!

Me: You're the Akashi Seijuurou, you could have disobeyed me!

Akashi: Why you little piece of—

Furihata: Akashi! What are you doing?!

Me: Kouki! Save me!

Akashi: *runs to Furihata and embraces him tightly* You're alive, Kouki. Thank God…

And then, a mushy and cheesy thing was happening behind me that had me giggling and texting Kuroko, Himuro, Kasamatsu, and Sakurai.

Game: (for whoever reads at the very end)

Anyone who could explain the title gets a quick sneak peek on the next chapter of The Absolute Courting of Akashi Seijuurou.

:D. Review, Please! Review! Review! Review!