Disclaimer: NCIS doesn't belong to me.
Contains spoiler for 'Shabbat Shalom'
.Eventually.
Tony wondered why it was always raining whenever something terrible happened. Kate's death, Franks' demise and now Mrs. Vance and Eli's. He stared out the window, watching the rain pour down relentlessly in the darkness outside. He felt hollow, didn't know what to do or how to help. They had brought Ziva back to the Navy Yard together with the corpse of her father. It just wasn't right, it wasn't how it was supposed to be. Tony had never liked the man very much, had even despised him at times, but he had never wanted to see Ziva like that, hurting and desperate. And if that hadn't been enough, Jackie had followed him shortly afterwards. Her death was probably even worse. Her children were still, well, children and while Eli might have deserved his end, Jackie most certainly hadn't. Tony had only briefly seen his director afterwards as he had climbed numbly into Gibbs' car, but it was enough to break his heart.
Tony didn't know what he was supposed to do now. He was supposed to follow up leads, was supposed to help in some way and yet he had no clue how to even get up from the chair behind his desk. McGee was still busy processing the crime scene, Abby was trying to figure out the identity of the shooter and Ducky was downstairs in Autopsy. Tony had accompanied Ziva to the Navy Yard before she had fled towards one of the ladies' room. He had realized that she wanted to be alone for the moment, so he had let her be, knowing that he would appreciate the loneliness in times like these, too. He was getting slightly restless by now though. He desperately wanted to help her in some way and even though they were closer than ever, he had no idea how to do that. He knew that Ziva wasn't the kind of person who would just want a hug or who would feel consoled by a few words. Maybe she didn't know yet, but Tony was pretty sure that once the denial of losing her father would fade, she would most certainly want revenge. And he would be there right along with her, no matter what anyone would say. He just would be there. But that was still a long time away and he needed to do something now or else he'd go crazy.
Subtly shaking his head and raking a hand through his hair, he realized that he had to do what Gibbs would do. But he wasn't entirely sure what that was. All the time at the hospital, before the others had arrived, Tony had been staring at Gibbs just standing there like a watchdog. It had broken his heart seeing him like that, knowing that it had to be the most horrible thing for Gibbs of all people to wait for the news of Jackie's death. All the time, Tony had just stood there, while deep down he hadn't wanted to do anything else than just go over to the other man and hug him. Just to do something to make that haunted look disappear from his features. He hadn't dared to, though, knowing that Gibbs – much alike Ziva – probably wanted to be left alone. The older man had, however, taken action as soon as Vance had spoken out the unthinkable, had him driven home and god knows what else and for that Tony couldn't help but admire his boss because he most certainly would have preferred just going home and drinking his bourbon to forget.
Tony was just about to get up and look for Ziva after all, as he heard the ding of the elevator echo loudly through the empty bullpen. He looked up and saw Gibbs walk towards him, the haunted look from the hospital back on his face. He came to a stop in the middle of their bullpen, his shoulders slumped, his hair and coat dripping wet from the rain outside. He didn't say a word, just stared at Tony with a look so devastated that Tony felt his heart drop. He looked right back at him, trying to convey the message that he understood, but when he noticed the blue eyes glaze over with unshed tears, he couldn't help but get up and approach the older man. He stopped mere inches apart from his boss, not daring to touch him, even though every fiber of his being wanted to, almost desperately. They stared at each other for a long moment and Tony had to choke back his own tears and sobs because he just didn't know how to make it better, didn't know what to do, didn't know how to help Ziva and Vance and his kids. He just didn't know anything anymore and he couldn't stand it. Gibbs always used to be his solid rock in any time of crisis, but he didn't seem to be up to the task this time because otherwise he wouldn't just stand there like that, looking utterly lost.
Just as Tony had opened his mouth to say something, Gibbs closed the short distance between them and engaged him in a tight hug, his arms all but crushing Tony's ribs. Tony stiffened for a split of a second before his arms came around the other man, too, holding him just as tightly. They didn't speak, didn't need to. They just stood there for a very long time, simply holding on to each other. Tony knew that they were in plain sight in the middle of the bullpen and yet it didn't matter. He knew that Gibbs needed this and that he, himself, probably needed it, too. So, he simply held on to him until he felt Gibbs stiffen ever so slightly and then ease the grip on him without actually letting go of him.
"What do we do now?" Tony finally asked quietly, trying not to choke on his own words.
"Don't know," he felt the older man shake his head as he answered softly, his arms momentarily tightening around him again.
Tony nodded imperceptibly, feeling choked up again as he realized that Gibbs wasn't able to help him this time. He blinked a couple of times, trying to get rid of his tears and jumbled thoughts. He knew that they couldn't keep on just standing there, doing nothing, so he finally stood up straight, let go of the older man and then gripped his shoulders and looked into the bright blue eyes.
"Ziva's in one the ladies' rooms down the hall," he finally said, his voice still quiet, but at least he wasn't choking up anymore. "Do you want to talk to her or should I? One of us has to deal with SecNav and we need to get whoever did this. We can't just stand here. So what's it going to be?"
Gibbs stared at him for a moment, blinking furiously before he visibly shook himself and answered.
"Ziva," he all but whispered and Tony nodded, internally bracing himself for the talk to the – not really – beloved Jarvis.
Gibbs let out a sigh and stepped away from Tony, but he caught him by the hand, taking it into his own.
"We can do this, right?" Tony whispered softly. "Tell me we can do this, please."
"Yeah, we do. Have to."
"Okay," the younger man just said, giving Gibbs' hand one final squeeze before he let him go and watched him disappear down the hallway.
He just really hoped that they actually could help and that all would be alright again.
Somehow and sometime… eventually.