Here is my penance for all the angsty things I contribute to this fandom!
Five Christmas Presents General Jack O'Neill Bought
1.
In 1994, all the cool kids had BMX's. Or so Charlie adamantly declared.
"You're barely old enough to ride without training wheels," Jack protested over fruit loops and cold coffee.
Charlie kicked him under the breakfast table for that. "But Daaaaaad."
Sara placed a plate of scrambled eggs in front of him and flicked his ear playfully. "All the boys at school are getting BMX's, right Charlie?"
"Exactly." The kid looked at Jack, smug, and Jack rolled his eyes; they'd been ganging up on him like this lately, and it would frustrate him if he didn't find it so damned cute.
Jack shrugged and returned to his coffee. "We'll have to see what Santa thinks."
Charlie rolled his eyes.
2.
He'd had suspicions all year that Catherine and Ernest's wedding would fall around Christmas time, but he'd never considered the fact that they might schedule it for dead on the 25th.
Two weeks prior to the big day he'd been sent outside into the blasted icy weather with strict instructions to return with a group present. They'd all decided to club in and purchase a ridiculously expensive china set, and although Jack hadn't been instrumental in this plan, he had to agree that saving the world on multiple occasions came with a fairly decent pay packet, and if they couldn't splash out on their friends' wedding, then when could they?
That had been Sam's reasoning anyway.
Jack was only bitter that he'd drawn the short straw and been sent to pick up the gift from the store. He made a promise to himself that if he ever got promoted past Colonel, he'd hire lackeys to run errands for him.
3.
Something for Daniel. A book for Daniel. 'Secrets of the Mayans' or 'Prophecies of the Sumerians' or 'How To Beat a Goa'uld At Chess' or something equally pretentious and unbeknownst to Jack. He was knee-deep in bookstore detrius with a tiny piece of paper clutched in his hand, Air Force logo conspicuously watermarked onto the corner, a small line of writing in his own handwriting giving the instruction: weird history book for Danny.
He wasn't exactly sure why he was buying a book for a guy who had a library in his house for crying out loud, but he had it on good authority (Catherine's) that, though Daniel had been lusting after this particular book for a while, he hadn't actually purchased it.
"Can I help you sir?" Said the clerk, appearing at Jack's elbow.
Jack wheeled 180, raised his paper proudly. "I have this friend. Bit of a geek. And he wants this book."
4.
Jack was pretty terrible at buying presents at the best of times, and merely average when he had help, but he had to admit that buying a gift for a hundred-and-fifty-plus year old Jaffa rebel was next to impossible.
"It's not like I can buy him socks, y'know," he said to Sam, sitting on the edge of her desk and probably bugging the hell out of her. Maybe it was her Christmas cheer, but he thanked his lucky stars she hadn't kicked him out of the lab already.
"Well why not?"
"Because! Because he's this really enigmatic… enigma, and I want to buy him something appropriate. Something cool and nifty and so totally Earth-like that he's actually surprised when he unwraps it." And then the idea occurred to him with such surprise that in later years Sam will swear she saw a light bulb flicker on behind his eyes.
At least, that's what she tells Cam when she tells him the story of how Teal'c came to own a Playstation.
5.
He hadn't bought a present for a kid since Charlie, and that was such a kick in the teeth that he could feel his heart sink as he trudged his way around the mall in early December, screaming kids everywhere, pointing at toy trucks and action dolls and games consoles.
He was almost glad Cassie wasn't at all definable as a 'normal kid' and that therefore she had zero assumptions about what constituted a decent present from her pseudo-uncle.
She had coloring books in their hundreds, paints in every shade and hue, enough stuffed toys to weigh down a Goa'uld ship, and all the latest gadgets that other teenagers were currently going crazy over; Jack was totally clueless what to buy a thirteen year old who seemingly had everything. Aside from a biological family and a life on her own planet, but Jack supposed that sort of thing was impossible to give her, and Cassie seemed to have adjusted well enough to life on Earth.
He was just about to admit defeat and beg Janet for advice, when his gaze was caught by something purple and fluffy and terrifying. A little card underneath the display informed him that it was the must-have toy this year.
"Furby huh?" He frowned a little, looking at it. It reminded him somewhat of Thor, and that alone was a good enough reason to buy it.
(And one he forgot!)
The SGC Christmas party was usually the date by which he'd handed over all his wrapped gifts and began to feel some sense of relaxation and relief that all this was over until next year, but when Sam marched up to him, he felt a sinking sense of realization that he'd overlooked her.
"Oops," he said, childishly. He was certain he was supposed to be focusing on her face, and the angry expression thereupon, but that dress was beyond stunning and, damn, when did Carter get curves?
"Oops indeed," she said, hands on hips.
"I'm sorry," he tried to cover his tracks, "Your present's at home. Scout's honor. I'll bring it tomorrow."
"Never mind," she rolled her eyes, but Jack was struck by a sudden sense of bravado, and grabbed her wrist, steering her over to the side of the room.
"Look," he pointed upwards, "mistletoe." And sure enough, Sam tilted her head up to look at the dangling bushel of green and white. It was fake, of course, but better than nothing, and he was running out of excuses not to kiss her. "Let's call this an advance on your real present."