Authors Note- This place at precisely twenty-four hours before Out to Get You chapter 21-Backhanded and right after 20-Try Like Stank
Carl put the key in the ignition as he looked up at the morning the sky. The rain fell hard in angry and sullen shades of gray and silver. Stormy. He had never driven in that type of weather before.
Nature possesses no regard for the individual yet it still reflected how he felt. Michonne sat reluctantly beside him passenger side.
She had opted to remain with her niece who instead insisted she go along with him.
"He is impulsive when upset. He might get into an accident or try to kill a bunch of used to bes. It would be my fault. I couldn't live with that. Just because I am angry with him and kinda planning his murder at the moment, doesn't mean I want him dead."
Michonne tried to argue. Jagadamba replied with a graciousness beyond her years,
"You do not really want to stay here with me anyway. He is your heart just like he is mine. I know he feels strongly about you, too. He will be careful with you aboard. Go. Keep our lovable dumbass safe."
Fifteen minutes down the road, after an hour of silence, Carl let out a frustrated yell. He hit the steering wheel and pulled over.
The rain came down harder. The rushing water foamed like rapids.
"What about me is so horrible that no one wants to be with me?" He asked holding back tears.
Michonne took a deep breath. She mulled over what to say to young man.
With problems of her own, she flippantly replied, "It is not you."
Feeling slighted, he rejoindered, "Why do you Anthony bitches feel the need to always give me such a fucking hard time especially after I declare how I feel about you?"
Michonne said, "Maybe if you didn't think of us as bitches."
"I am sorry. I don't. I love you both. What is it about me that you two can't love? Is it because I come on too strong? Am I too controlling? Do I want too much? Not enough? Am I too selfish? Do I smell funny? Am I horrible in bed? Is it my eye? Am I too skinny? Too short? What? Whatever I can change, I will. Here and now. I swear it."
"You know why about me and you. Jag has some shit she must work through."
"She is not gonna. Enid is tired of me, too. I don't have anybody now. I can't go back to being alone. I would rather die. Just tell me what is wrong with me. Why can't you love me?" He pled sobbing.
"I love you in a way I can't describe. But, let's not conf-"
Before she could get the rest of her sentence out, he planted one on her.
She kissed him back but a minute into, she pushed him off.
"Here we go. You always do this. You give me a little taste and then you push me away. You're like a sample at Sam's. It tastes great, you go to the freezer to buy it and all sold out," he said.
"We can't. I want to. But, just because we want to, doesn't mean we should. Again."
Carl chuckled mirthlessly.
Four minutes passed.
In the afar off distance, two funnel clouds coiled around each other like dueling black mambas while roaring like twin locomotives as Carl and Michonne decided it was high time to stifle their drama and ditch their car and seek shelter.
Carl got out first snatching the backpack from the backseat. He jogged over to Michonne's side.
She had the door open when he pulled her out by her forearm. He wanted to throw her over his shoulder and run with her but he was not confident in his physical strength to get the desired effect. He wanted her to swoon. Running with her by hand would have to do.
He was moving so swiftly that if she had been a kite she would have been gliding gracefully in the wind.
They spotted an old portable steel shed.
"Looks a little janky but it will absolutely have to do. Hold on to my arm," he said using the butt of the gun to beat it open.
She obeyed. It was his injured arm. She could feel the stitches through his shirt.
The lock broke. They ran in.
"Anything to barricade the door with?" She asked.
"This fridge?"
"Seems dangerous. Maybe me should just concentrate on covering ourselves."
"Walkers," he said.
"Always fucking walkers," she said going towards the behemoth steel refrigerator.
It took some doing but they moved it.
"How's your arm, Carl?"
"I will live. You all right?"
"I am scared. What if it goes to Alexandria or the Hilltop?"
"It won't. It can't. And by the sound of it. It is coming straight for us. I hope it us coming for us. And not our family. I couldn't face that," Carl said.
"Neither could I."
"You are ready to die? I am," Carl said with a confidence and certainty that gave Michonne pause. He was just such a man in that moment.
Michonne nodded yes.
At that point, Carl walked towards her. Directly in front of her actually.
Looking more frightened than he ever saw his warrior queen, Michonne quivered at the terrifying winds coming their way.
Carl smirked then clutched the sides of her face. He put his forehead against hers.
He said, "It is okay. We're together."
She smiled. This is something she did so seldomly this was the first time he noticed her and Jagadamba had the same cheesy smile.
She pressed her body against his and said, "If we are going to die. Let's go out with a bang."
Eight hours before.
After cooking for her niece, Michonne fled back to the portables and had herself a good cry.
Forty minutes passed.
Unable to go to sleep, a sniffling Michonne looked up at the ceiling as she continued thinking about the boundary she had so willingly crossed.
He is almost seventeen, she thought.
I am twenty-nine. Almost thirty. But, how old is seventeen now really? He doesn't act his age.
Except when he does. Even then, he is more mature than me at that age. He has seen horror and done his fair share of it. I wonder if I could have survived it at their age?
Their. Them. They. Jagadamba and Carl. She is my blood. I love her. I do. She has been through so much. She has been betrayed so many times. Last thing she ever needs is to find out is me and Carl.
Carl.
I don't know. I do know. If this was some old bitch and my son, I would send that heifer to jail or hell.
But, I used to consider him a son. Didn't I? Of course I did. Last year, everything changed. This place. I began to see . . . him.
I always saw Rick. I don't think he always saw me, though. I am certain that he didn't. But, Carl. Carl always saw me, she reckoned and sighed.
Now talking a loud, she said, "I am such a fucking idiot. My boyfriend's son and my niece's husband are the same person. Why is this so messy? Why couldn't he be older or I younger? Shit, would be so much easier. What the-"
She put her hand over her mouth. She never really allowed her brain to really complete that thought let alone say it out loud.
Tired of her thoughts, she decided to go the infirmary.
Jesus had been playing chess alone by the door keeping guard.
He was beginning to nod when Michonne said, "For even the Son of Man has nowhere to lie His head or something like that.
Go to bed, Jesus. I got this. They both mine. "
Jesus mumbled, nodded and left.
The infirmary doors were double which meant there was a space between perfect for eavesdropping.
She came in just in time to hear Carl give Jagadamba the ultimatum.
He just didn't. Lord, Michonne shook her head in disbelief.
Inside, Jagadamba puked again. It took her all to resist her baser instinct to do it in his face.
After she was done, she turned to Carl and gave him a warm and loving smile.
Opening her arms as if she wanted a hug.
Dumb-dumb took the bait.
Instead, she balled up her fist and punched him in the stitches. Tearing them.
The pain was so excruciating, he inadvertently blurted out his thoughts, "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"How dare you give me an ultimatum concerning my body? My fucking womb. God. How could I have been so blind? You're no different than Cort or Galen. Your way or the fucking highway!"
"That is so fucking unfair. I am nothing like those piece of shit assholes."
She scoffed, "Says you."
"All I know is those motherfuckers hated you and you gave them babies. I love you and you want mine dead. See anything wrong with that picture?"
She led out a yell.
"You were always such a spoiled fucking brat. Get out my room."
"No. This is so unnecessary. We'll go home. We will deal with her. Maybe she had reasons for not telling you. Maybe she didn't want to get your hopes up."
"You don't care, Carl. You will say anything to have your way."
He softened his tone, "This is not that. They are innocent. The future. Our future. I don't mean to be selfish. The four of you, I couldn't ask for more. Why be like this?"
She got real quiet and slouched. She then said, "I don't deserve this."
"You deserve to be happy," he said.
"No, I don't. I'm a bad person. Why else do bad things keep happening to me?"
"Jagadamba, baby, bad things have happened to us all."
"I know that. But, I am speaking for me.
I consistently have been some man's whore for nearly five years. I survived by being submissive, obedient. Small.
No will of my own. I would still be married to Cort if he hadn't murdered Mo. I am pathetic. I am not brave. I am angry. There is a difference."
"I don't understand everything you have been through. I am sure I can barely comprehend it. However, I know what pain is. Regret. Things you can never forgive yourself for. I shot my mom's bra," his voice trailed off and he began to tremble.
He finished, "I blew my mom's brains out. The top of her head just exploded. She must not have been completely dead yet when I did it. She twitched. And her hand reached out for mine. It was just instinct. I held her hand. Her lips moved. No sound. I have never told anyone this.
So, I get darkness. I came out of her. She is half of me. She is the x in my xy.
Whatever you want to tell me doesn't beat I killed my mom."
"I am cursed. Pure and simple."
"You're not cursed. You-"
"Ask me why."
He humored her.
"Because of how I got here. I am the product of adultery."
"Plenty of people are born that way. King Solomon. Queen Elizabeth I. They turned out fine. Plus, your parents got married. You are legitimate."
"I knew you wouldn't get it. Adultery is a violent thing. You are essentially telling your spouse they're garbage. Your life together is garbage and you are looking for a replacement."
"That is how you feel about it?" Carl asked trying his best to have a conscience.
He saw Jagadamba as a lot of things but garbage was nowhere on the list.
"Yes. People were hurt because I was born. Of course, I am jolly well fucked.
Priya's dad committed suicide before I was born. The day my mom filed for divorce."
"I didn't know that. But, how is that your fault? That guy was looking for a reason. Plus, I am sure Priyanka told you that shit. You know she can't be trusted."
Giving in to her depression, Jagadamba said, "Maybe I deserve what happened today. I knew better than to go wandering off by myself in a strange place. I was asking for it."
Carl took her hand.
"No one asks for it. In that case, that night that guy pulled me out the car. Licked the side of my face, squeezed my ass, put my hand on his hard on and whispered in my ear, 'I gonna rip your asshole wide open. Make it nice and loose for the others.
Be sure to let your pappy know how good it is. Pretty little thing like you. We'll find you a dress. Keep you for a couple months until you wear out.
Nobody knows he said that to me but you. Was I asking for it?"
"No. But-"
"No buts, Jag. You did nothing wrong."
"I was born. Don't you see? I am so scared for C.J. She was born of rape."
"So. Rape is not an affair. She is the biggest innocent of all. And you were an innocent, too. You didn't ask to be born no more than she did. Hell, I was conceived before they got married. It is all relative. Plus, C.J. is awesome. We couldn't ask for a better little girl."
Jagadamba smiled then sniffled, "Her life has to be better than mine. Ours. It just has to be. We can't fail her. My parents failed me."
"Through no fault of their own," Carl said.
"No one made them go. I begged them to stay home. I had a bad feeling. I thought maybe a war would break out or the plane would crash or they would catch malaria. I knew deep down I was never going to see them again."
"You said you felt that way about me. And, here I am. Who is to say that any day now they won't show up at the gate like you did?"
"Or that they died when they bombed Atlanta?"
"I know you are in a bad place right now. You woke up in one."
"Woke up in one? I have never not been in one. Not since I was twelve. Some days are easier than others but life sucks. I never wanted to be a mom this young. Or a wife or in charge. I am the youngest. When my parents managed to be home, they spoiled the shit out of me. I miss them. So much. I hate the wondering."
"Ambiguous loss, you called it."
"Yeah," she went to hold his hand and saw his shirt sleeve was full of blood and was trickling down to the front of his hand.
"I am so sorry. I can tell Paul to go get the doc."
"It is fine. I asked for it. I am the one who is sorry. We'll stay. And whatever you decide, I will be there to support you. There'll be a next time. We will choose it," he wanted to cry about it but figured this was hard enough without him adding his histrionics.
Jagadamba took a deep breath.
She asked, "You mean it this time?"
"Yes."
Two minutes passed awkwardly.
Jagadamba smiled at him before reaching for his johnson.
It was in this moment that he realized why she slept with him that first night and some, not all occasions since- she used her body as a way to say thank you. She had been conditioned over the years to believe this is basically all she has to offer a man. Her greatest asset.
Carl took her hand away and kissed it. Even though he was hard as a diamond left out in a snow storm.
Jagadamba pouted. She was not used to being rejected sexually. Carl picked up on this.
He said, "Don't get me wrong. I want you. I will always want you. Excuse my French, but I want to fuck your brains out like all the time."
She held her head and said, "I needs my brains."
He kissed her forehead and said, "It is the sexiest thing about you."
She blushed, "Carl."
Her blush into a pout and she asked, "It is my eye, isn't it?"
Carl scoffed and said, "I can't, literally cannot judge you because your eye is a little swollen shut. At least you still have an eye. That said. Would I be a total asshole I want them to have your face and complexion but my eyes? They'd be stupid gorgeous. And girls. I want daughters. I am a son and I know how much we suck. Boys are gross. Little girls like me except Ana."
"She got raped. A lot."
"I know. Now. She told Michonne earlier. It really hurts my heart. She is a baby. Why?"
"The reason why anyone does anything. Cause they can. Simple as that. You scare her."
"Why didn't you tell me before?"
"I hoped you would figure it."
"Why would I? Rape is not my go to, like it is for you."
"What the fuck does that mean?"
"I haven't been exposed to it on a daily basis. Not until now. I am sorry. I am not trying to hit any sore spots."
"I am just more sensitive than usual. This is all so extra. You know?"
"I never imagined this would ever be my life ever. Let alone now at seventeen."
"Me neither."
"I just saying, saying thank you is enough sometimes. Or not even that."
She looked at him confused.
"You don't have to have sex with me just because I am nice to you," he said.
"Oh, my goodness. Carl. Is there any other reason why I should have sex with you? You think I would let anywhere near my good pussy if you were mean to me or C.J.? Hell, Tomeka, Ana and Marco for that matter? You are decent man. So, yeah you being kind to me makes me want to fuck you. Idiot. I have had enough of men being evil to me to last me a lifetime. That was literally the dumbest thing you have ever said. Don't psychoanalyze me. You suck at it," she said.
In all reality, he was right. The fact embarrassed her to her core.
"Sorry."
"Let it go."
"I can go get Ceej and the rest and come right back tomorrow."
"I would like that."
"Good. Me, too."
Then they both got real quiet.
Michonne was still listening outside. Surprised by how mature and mostly forthcoming they were speaking to each other.
They really do sound like a married couple, she thought.
Inside, Jagadamba took his hand shyly. She lifted up her shirt with the other.
Carl's hand was cold on her bare midriff. They both gasped. Then laughed then cried and laughed again.
He said with tears in his throat, "Please, please, don't take this as a dig but I swear I can feel a difference. I noticed last week but I didn't know what to say."
"I did, too. My tummy is poochie right there. I absolutely can't suck it in."
Carl leaned down and told them what he told his other fetus with a couple notable differences.
She was rubbing and kissing the top of his head as he spoke.
". . .We have always wanted you guys. Since we were children. So, you were always planned. We just did not know when you were going to happen. Or if. For the longest time, we were apart by no choice of own."
"The emphasis on the no choice," she pouted.
He kissed her hand then he resumed speaking.
"I always hoped we would but I never thought we would actually see other again. Maybe in Heaven or something. Then one impossible day happened. Then that night y'all happened. The way l see it. You guys are just meant to be. We are meant to be."
Jagadamba knew manipulation when she heard it no matter how sweetly it was spouted. Michonne heard it, too.
Jagadamba was half-tempted to call him out on it but instead decided to take it as a plea and not a ploy.
"We love you," she cooed.
"I love guys, too."
They kissed harder and deeper than they ever had.
She fell back and pulled him on top of her.
They rubbed their noses together as his hands found their way on her breasts.
"Dude, they were tender before you knocked me up. Seriously."
"Sorry. But, say that again."
"Dude?" She smirked.
"You know what."
"You knocked me up," she said pushing down his boxers.
He began to kiss her neck before he whispered, "Say it again."
"You knocked me up. You put two babies in me, hotness," she rose up and nibbled on his earlobe.
"Oh, my damn," he moaned.
She knew how much he liked that.
After a couple minutes, he began to move down her body. When he got down to her belly, he kissed it all over and I love you and I want you- more to her than to them.
Jagadamba was weeping. Happy that the day was finally improving.
When he got down to her thighs, he saw the bruises.
"You know what happened to those motherfuckers' bodies?"
"Uh, weird time to ask but they were thrown outside the gates."
"Good. I am going to piss on their corpses," Carl said before kissing her thighs.
Jagadamba chuckled.
"I think of so many more interesting things you can do with your cock other than piss on some dead dudes who literally are not going to know one way or another."
He smirked and said, "You are right. I have my beautiful, sexy ass wife in front of me. Fuck those guys."
"No. Fuck me," she said.
Meanwhile, Michonne continued to listen up until the teen drama turned into softcore porn causing her to go stand outside.
She noticed the full moon was swathed in ominous clouds and she could smell the rain heavy in the air. It was also considerably warmer.
She was surprised the weather had turned so quickly.
Michonne did not want to admit it to herself but she was little miffed at his having sex again so soon. Jealous.
Before she could think on it too long, she saw a long abandoned chess game sitting on a table by a moldy half drunk glass of tea.
"The Hilltoppers play a lot of chess," she said.
She knew she knew her and Carl were playing a really fucked up version of chess with each other. She was the white queen constantly retreating and he the black knight was dead set on having her.
So what did that make Rick and Jagadamba?
Meanwhile, Carl had just finished eating his wife out and was positioning himself to penetrate her.
He could get barely the tip in.
Now he was used to a little resistance when opening her but nothing like that before.
And it downright hurt.
He pulled out.
She was embarrassed.
"Sorry. This hasn't happened in a really long time. I'm still more upset than I thought.
It would lock itself up all the time with Galen. One of the reasons why he was so brutal with me. He thought I was doing it on purpose. The pain was indescribable."
"I am so, so sorry he hurt you."
"Me, too. Want me to take care of you? I don't mind. I came. You haven't."
"I am okay. It'll get soft in a few. I know it has to be difficult to think about what they did to you."
"It's easier when I am with you, Carl. You are the only man I have willingly been with. I love you in a way that I can't hardly express."
"I feel the same way about you."
Jagadamba hid her face.
"You only said that because I did. Forget I said it."
"You forgot your first night here. I've been told you how much you mean to me."
"You're right. You are right."
In an attempt to express how deeply he understood his wife and demonstrate his real empathy for her situation, Carl said absolutely, positively, without a doubt, the most insanely wrong thing he could have possibly said. He strung together the three phrases she hoped no one would say to her ever.
"I have been doing some research. I know how difficult it must be for girls like you."
Jagadamba asked with clenched fists, "Girls like me?"
"You know victims of sexual abuse. Slaves, basically."
"You realize that you, a white guy, just called me, a black woman or at the very least a woman of color a fucking slave?"
"Not a literal slave. You had no choices. And I know between Galen and Cort that there is a lot to get over. But, I will-"
"Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch. I know you have a giant hole in your head but no one is this gross and insensitive for real. You have been in a bit assholish since you arrived but come on."
Carl was genuinely confused by her reaction.
"What did I say?"
"Are you serious?" She thumped his eye socket.
Which naturally made him recoil in pain.
He grabbed her hands and said, "Quit hurting me, damn it."
"I can say the same to you. Telling me to get over it. You sound like Priyanka. Those men took things from me I can never get back ever. Just like your beautiful blue eye and your wonderful mom. Those things are lost to you forever. Like my sense of self worth, true trust in another human. My son! My son," she got up and squatted in a corner. She took her i.v. with her.
He got up to comfort her. She jutted out her leg and kicked him down. They are both naked right now.
"Baby, I am sorry," he said.
"Fuck you. I mean it. You are so stupid. Which means the twins are going to be half stupid. I can't unleash that type of idiocy on the world. You and your asshole dad are enough. He actually thought it was a good idea to kill a bunch of people in their sleep. Who does that? The Idiots Grimes. That is who."
"So, this is how it is going to be now? Every time I say something you don't like you are going to threaten the twins? You know what it is like to lose a child and that your weapon of choice?"
"Oh, My God! Did you go to say the wrong thing university yesterday afternoon? It doesn't compare. Doesn't come fucking close.
Mohinder was a living, breathing, flesh and blood human. I saw my body nourish him and I bore him. I knew every inch of his body just like I do Carly-Jayne's. I see his face every time I look in the mirror. He looked more like me than my daughter does. And she looks just like me.
These little accidents are nothing more than two clumps of unconscious cells that barely have heartbeats. Worst, they are sickness. Look at what they are doing to me. What you personified are doing to me. You are literally making me sick. I could have died earlier because of them. Do you care? No."
"If I didn't care I would not be here."
"You are here to defy your father. Not because of some great love of me."
Exasperated, Carl said, "This is what I mean. You are so full of shit, Jagadamba."
"Oh, oh, really? So, you never want us to have sex again. Great. Nice to know. You are definitely giving me nothing to be grateful for."
"You are loved and you know it. No one is this unreasonable unless they know someone is willing to take their shit," Carl rolled his eyes at her.
"I thought you said you did research on girls like me. If you did you would know I have real self-worth and esteem issues. I don't have any. Why else do you think I thank you with my body? It is so bad you noticed. That's why my pussy wouldn't work a few minutes ago. You peeped me. I am ashamed of what happened to me. For you to just bring it up like we are talking about the weather. It hurts me. You think less of me because of what happened. I always suspected."
"But, I don't. I think more of you. You are so strong. You have no idea how truly awesome you are. The twins are half awesome. Between my stupid and your awesome- you need both those of those to be courageous. You got greatness in there. They have to be better than us."
"What if they are not? What if they are boys?"
"Then we will have two deaf sons. We will figure out how to make sure they survive. Hell, I am half blind. I am handy-capable."
"This is not funny."
"I am not laughing. I can protect them and you. Them being deaf is not set in stone. They might be fine."
Jagadamba hunched. Her negative self talk was full bore. She was not trying to fight it.
He kept talking.
"I know you need to be loved and saved and protected. I want to protect you. Your aegis, remember? You refuse to give me the chance. I wish I had been here. You can't keep things from me," he paused for a moment a little appalled at his own hypocrisy. He shook it off.
"You should have told me the real reason why you were coming.
Those guys were cowards. They saw a tiny, beautiful woman by herself and yes they attacked. You could have been anyone. They wrongly assumed you were helpless."
"I was helpless."
"Michonne saved you. You keep forgetting you are not by yourself anymore.
And I honestly believe this would not have happened if I had been here. I believe that."
Jagadamba scoffed, "Because you are so imposing and scary."
"Having one eye goes a long way," Carl laughed.
Jagadamba pouted and hunched. She was being petulant.
Carl caressed her face before reaching for his backpack. He took out two small baggies.
"I couldn't find any boxes. Close your eyes," he said.
She took a deep breath and did so.
He slipped two rings on her left ring finger. He placed another in the palm of her hand.
When she opened her eyes, she was met with a rose gold and platinum wedding band that looked like chain links. The one in her hand was identical.
And an engagement ring that had at least a two karat ruby in the middle surrounded by diamonds and pearls and set in platinum. She almost smiled. Almost.
Confused but not shocked by her silence, he said, "I was going to wait until your birthday. But, I figured after the day you had, this would cheer you up. Everyone knows we are married now. So, makes sense. Put mine on me. I am yours."
Instead, she clutched his ring in her hand. He turned his back to put on his boxers. When he turned around, she had all three rings in her open hand.
He passed her a clean shirt to put on, unsure what this meant.
"I can explain the engagement ring. It-"
"I am not stupid. I know what it means. I use my brain. I am not you," she snarled.
He decided to take the high road. He knew she was trying to get him to dislike her. She had done this a couple times when they were younger.
"Okay. You have always been smarter than me. That's not news. You are going to have to try a little harder."
"Okay. I don't want this. Any of this. I want a blank slate."
Misunderstanding on purpose, Carl replied, "I do, too. That is perfect. So, you want to have a real wedding? That would definitely shut my Dad and Bigelow up."
"No. Carl. I mean we undo it. I get rid of the twins and we put this whole thing behind us."
"What are you saying? Like try to pregnant on purpose? Okay. I guess."
Flustered, she said, "I mean we break up. Pretend like this didn't happen. I stay here permanently. That way we won't be tempted. I will still let you see Carly-Jayne."
Carl cocked his head and looked at her kinda like he hated her. He gave her a Rick look.
It took her aback. He never looked at her like that before.
Deadpan, Carl replied, "Okay."
And then he snatched the rings from the palm of her hand.
He knew this would get her goat.
"I just told you I don't want you and all you have to say is okay?" She hit her fists on the tops of her thighs.
"What the hell else am I supposed to say? Isn't this what you want?
Am I supposed to tell you, my wife, that you are killing me here? That I love you and want you and need you. It is all going over your head.
That I wish you had been a better shot and got me in mine."
"Don't say that. I couldn't live if you died. I love you. I do.
I just want to know why are you being so insensitive? You were so sweet and understanding this morning. Now, you are being downright mean to me."
"How am I being mean? We have difference of opinion. We don't always have to agree."
"We actually do. Supposed to be one, remember?"
"I mean compromise."
"I am doing all the compromising. You are making demands."
"I am not."
"Name one time you did something just for me."
"You are joking, right? Your first day here. I let you in. I gave up a sure thing to take a chance with you. And your daughter, our oldest. We bonded in a huge way yesterday."
"I am glad you have fallen in love with her. And she you. I am. My daughter has a father. A Papa. A real family. But, everything you have done benefits you."
"I fight with my Dad- my leader for you. I know I discredit him every time I go against him because I want you.
I go to bat for you almost everyday with everyone, not just him. Hardly nobody wants us together."
"Maybe they have a point, Carl. You ever thought about that?"
"No. I just want my family. There are so few of us left. So few. I just don't want to be extinct. We deserve to go on."
Smug, she replied, "I have a child. You think you deserve to go on. And I agree. You do. Maybe not with me."
"What the hell are you saying to me?"
"I don't think we should do this. I think we should cut our losses and uh, just forgot we ever did this."
"Why do you want to break up? I am sorry down to my soul that I offended you. I am trying to understand. I am trying. Why aren't you?"
"You don't love me like you think you do."
"Jagadamba, don't tell me what to feel."
"Want to know why I leave the room when you do your physical therapy?" She asked almost smirking.
"Gee, Jagadamba, why?" He said rife with attitude.
"I think it is funny. Me and Tomeka call you king dumb darts. Why even bother? You are not getting any better at it. And I have nightmares about your eye. And sometimes in the morning I smell your eye. It discharges, too. Such a disgusting fucking thing on an otherwise pretty face-"
"Stop it," he said almost in tears feeling more acutely aware of his wound than he had in months.
"Oh, it hurts. Me making fun of you about something you can't do anything about. You had no right comparing my son to these zygotes. If they die now, it will be painful. I will probably mourn the possibility but it will never be like my Mo. You were making fun of me. When you called me a slave, when you said girls like me. All that hurt. Is that what you think of me? You feel sorry for me. No wife wants to be pitied by her husband."
"I don't pity you. I empathize. I want you to help you. I want to be a hero. I want to be your hero."
"I don't need hero. I saved myself already. If anyone is my champion, it's Bigelow. I resent him half the time because I will always owe him my life and Carly-Jayne's.
I don't resent you. But, I am starting to."
"I know I come on a strong sometimes. And I am headstrong. Baby, I apologize. I wanted you to know you can talk to me. I am an idiot."
"Me, too."
"I love you, Jagadamba Boudica Grimes."
She blushed and crawled over to him.
"Anthony-Grimes. I dropped Chowdhury. My daddy gave me Anthony and my husband gave me Grimes. I love you, too."
They kissed again. One thing led to another and to so eloquently paraphrase Jagadamba, her pussy worked this time. She rode him like a horse.
Soon after, they cuddled up like a lion and a lioness, they soon after fell asleep butt naked on the floor.
Three hours passed.
Now one is probably wondering why and how did Carl and Jagadamba fall out to such a point each felt unloved by the other? Why would they not willingly leave the Hilltop together? Why did Carl tell his Rick that Jagadamba was broken?
Here goes:
Carl woke up first and woke her up by growling in her ear. This was a throwback to their childhood. They loved watching the Wild Kratts together. And The Lion King.
She giggled then growled back.
"Hi, handsome," Jagadamba said before yawning.
"Hi, gorgeous. You feel okay?"
"Meh. It is almost dawn. Gonna be puking soon."
"Oh, Jag. Let's get dressed and go home. I will take of you."
Jagadamba grunted before breaking from his grasp.
She looked right at him and said, "Nothing has changed. Last night, this morning rather was one more time for the road. I am still getting the abortion. I am still leaving you."
Carl looking every bit like a confused Rick, "But, we made love. No offense, but you rode it better than usual. That is really saying something.
I thought all was forgiven. I forgave you."
"Forgave me for me what?" She scoffed.
"You have always had a short memory when it came to how you hurt other people. You fucking shot me, Jag. With that said, I am not even pissed about it."
"How magnanimous of you."
"It is."
"Sex is sex. Why are you being this way?"
"You are my wife. Don't you be this way. You are pregnant with our twins. I know you are sick because of it. If I could trade places with you I would."
"You wouldn't last ten minutes as me."
"Maybe so. I wouldn't reject love."
"You rejected Enid."
"For you, crazy pants. I have given up a lot to be with you," he said.
"What? Orgasms? You have lost a lot of come being with me. My heart aches for you."
Hoping he would reply in kind, Carl said, "And you haven't?"
Jagadamba smirked, pointed at herself and said, "Act-ress."
"You are the worst liar. Good actress, terrible liar. Did I or did I not make you squirt, not once, not twice but three times the other day?"
Glenn gave him a tip and Carl used it and it worked.
Jagadamba hunched and said, "It was a fluke."
"Want to know what isn't a fluke?
Most guys my age would have been too afraid to really get involved with you. No matter how well they knew you. And if they did, they would have hit and quit it. Bragged to other dudes. We had sex the first night. I respect you.
Instead, I basically proposed to you that night. Volunteered to raise that awesome little girl who really needs a dad and a mom to love her. I get it. I was a daddy's boy. Still am. You are a momma's girl. Priyanka is and always has been her substitute. My mom, too.
You don't get it. I get C.J. in a way you can't. And there is nothing wrong with that.
I married you. You are literally a dream come true. But, you are acting like a nightmare."
She folded her arms and snarled, "I, I, I. Me, me, me. Fuck you.
Much to my chagrin, all my men have kept me! So, join the club on that one.
My sister ruined my life. Have you forgotten that? She took everything from me. Including you, I thought. You might have been the only favor she ever did me. And as for my daughter. She will forget you in time."
"Jag, you know what? This was a mistake," Carl got up and got dressed.
"That is all I am saying."
Knowing he had an advantage that she didn't, he decided to cross a line because he felt like she had.
"I am not bringing you Carly-Jayne. You got to come home if you want see her."
She pulled the i.v. out her arm and got in his face, "Are you threatening me?"
"No. I am making you a promise. I am not bringing her here. I'm not letting anyone else either. She has four houses she can go between in Alexandria. People who know her and love her. I am not confining my girl to a room or a trailer. She is better than that. But, obviously you don't think so. You don't even like her. Her birthday makes you sad. She deserves better."
Jagadamba pounced on him.
Hitting him in the face and chest, she said, "I love my daughter. I hate you. She is my daughter. Mine. I will kill you before I let you take her from me."
"I won't kill you. But, you can't take her from me, either. Her and Judy is a chance-"
"Are a chance. Not is."
"Really you take time to correct my english? Now?"
"Speak it well and I wouldn't have to."
"They are a chance to prevent what happened to us won't happen again. To right wrongs. I told you, I want to save them. Ana, Marco and Tomeka, too. It is not too late for them like it us. Like it is me. You give me hope."
A kind word calmed her down. Jagadamba quit hitting him. But, the look on her face was implacable.
"Fine. We share the children. But, you and me are a disaster waiting to happen. It's over."
Carl pushed her off him. He was tired of what he perceived as her insanity.
"Fuck you, Jag. Seriously. You are just too unreasonable. You want to suffer. You want to punish me and you."
He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her and screamed in her face, "I am not Galen and I am not Cortez. Quit taking it out on me."
"I am hurting. Really hurting and you don't care. My heart is broken. And instead of making it better. You made it worse. So much worse. Go away. Just leave. I can't stand the sight of you right now. Go home to your daddy."
"At least I got one," he said never recalling ever feeling so spiteful. Not even towards Rick when he thought Judith died. This was the first time he had ever intentionally hurt her feelings.
He stormed out. He did not want to see her reaction. He wasn't a complete psychopath.
If he had, it would have broke his heart and made him do whatever she wanted.
She crumbled. She couldn't breathe. She was bluffing mostly. She didn't think he would take it so far.
She began to throw up right there on the floor and herself. She made no attempt to move. She couldn't.
Much to his surprise, he saw Michonne standing against the wall outside the door.
At first, Carl was glad to see her. Then he saw the anger in her eyes. He knew she heard him.
"Michonne, let me-"
Michonne slapped him.
"Shame on you," she went to her niece.
Jagadamba reached for her aunt like a baby does its mother. She buried her face in her bosom.
Michonne wrapped her arms around her and rocked with her.
"Freckles, it's okay. The two of you just had your first real fight. Just breathe," Michonne said feeling responsible.
Michonne had no doubt their fight probably would not escalated the way it did if she and Carl had not been intimate.
New Coke just isn't as good if you have had Coke Classic.