Carry Me Far Away
Fireworks - are they worth it? Ryan and Summer betray their other halves one night. They must deal with a consequence from that night together in order to keep their relationships with Marissa and Seth. Deals with abortion: you have been warned.
Warning: Deals with Abortion
Ryan/Summer one shot
But also Ryan/Marissa, Seth/Summer
Italics are flashbacks
Sometimes, when she closed her eyes she could still feel the way his hands touched her face as they first kissed. The start of the fireworks.
They had met one night and in the throes of anger and hurt; they came together in a way neither of them had ever expected.
It was wrong, they both had known it. But it just felt so right.
Fireworks. That was what it was; drawn together by the moment and then unable to separate because of those damn fireworks.
Betrayal; it was such a scary word.
But it had been worth it.
As Ryan sat on the cold hard plastic chair he thought back to the moments that had brought him there.
Of the actual 'deed' he had tried to put out of his mind many times before so as to pretend it never happened, so thinking about it now it came back to him slightly disjointed, like flashing memories as if he were watching a movie.
Swapping stories of their annoyance at their other halves. Just talking about life. Cheering each other up. Laughing. Innocent touching and giggling. Then suddenly kissing. Intense kissing. Not so innocent touching...
The want and need for someone.
The sex they had had been the most intense of his life. They knew they were doing wrong but chose to ignore the betrayal of it and get wrapped up in the fireworks.
Ryan remembered the guilt of the next morning.
The morning after was filled with tension and neither could remember feeling so awkward as they shifted awake under the sheets and finally remembered who it was they each were lying next to.
Uncomfortable, Summer had sat up and reached for Ryan's shirt they lay wrinkled at the bottom of the bed, Ryan averted his gaze and she put it on, buttoning up all wrong, she then pulled the sheet back hauling herself out of his bed.
He watched as she began to pace up and down at the end of the bed. When she eventually stopped she turned to him, for the first time their eyes met; filled with shame and guilt.
"We are going to hell," she stated.
Ryan nodded in agreement; "I know."
"It's not like we've cheated on them with strangers, or even just someone they know... I'm her best friend and you're his fucking brother," Summer said with heavy emphasis. "We've fucked up and they can never know...If they ever find out about what we did..." Summer gasped and clutched at her chest, "it would destroy Cohen... And Marissa, god you saw what happened when she saw Luke and Holly kissing but this time it's me and you and that's so much worse... and what we've done," she gestured at the bed, "is so much worse."
Ryan nodded, "you don't have to convince me, Summer. I'm already sold. This stays between us."
She began grabbing her clothes that had somehow ended up strewn across his floor, "I'm gonna get dressed and get the hell out of here."
She left to change in the bathroom and Ryan took the opportunity to get up and pull on some sweat pants, his heart felt heavy, as much as he enjoyed his night with Summer, he couldn't believe he had betrayed Seth... and Marissa.
When Summer came out from the bathroom they stood across from each other, "so... it didn't happen," Summer confirmed, messing with the hem of her short dress.
"Seth and Marissa... they love us... and we love them and nothing would ever get them to forgive us... so yeah, it just... didn't happen."
"See you around Chino," Summer said abruptly, heading for the door...
For ages Ryan had felt guilty just being around Seth and Marissa. Just when he was beginning to feel comfortable again he thought Summer suspected Seth was onto them...
"I need to talk to you..." Summer was nervous. She had no clue how Ryan was going to react to her news.
Ryan looked towards where Marissa and Seth were at the food table selecting things for their plates.
Summer caught his nervous glance, it had been like this ever since that night a few months ago, she huffed, "we're allowed to talk, y'know."
Ryan's gaze returned to her, he laughed embarrassed, "sorry, yeah, of course... so what's up?"
Summer bit her bottom lip, "actually, I mean I want to talk to you later... in private."
Ryan gulped, "you think he suspects something?" he asked lowering his voice, there wasn't a lot else she would want to talk about was there? - Especially in private. Seth must have guessed something was up...
"Actually, probably, yeah... but I can't think about that right now," she saw their other halves approaching, "I'll come by the pool house later."
Ryan remembered Summer giving him the bad news and his heart ached at the devastation one night caused them both.
Summer snuck around the back of the Cohen's house to enter the pool house unnoticed.
She found Ryan lying fully clothed on his bed reading, when he heard her enter he placed the book to one side and sat up, "hey."
Summer took a deep breath and choked on her words, tears suddenly creeping out.
Ryan looked at her, alarmed, and stood, making his way over to her, "hey," he said gently, reaching to touch her, "what's wrong?"
Summer jerked away from his hand, "don't touch me..."
She pulled herself together, wiping hastily at her tears and moving around him to sit on the edge of his bed.
He cautiously sat beside her.
"So, he knows something," Ryan stated, wanting her to object to his worst fear, but at the same time trying to coax more from her; he needed to know what his brother suspected exactly.
"He knows something," Summer agreed, "I couldn't bring myself to sleep with him since... that night."
Ryan was shocked, his brother hadn't mentioned anything as he would do normally when having "Summer problems" and it had been two months... he must know Ryan was involved to have not come to him for advice.
"That's another reason why I know..." Unable to continue Summer put her head in her hands.
Moments passed and Ryan cautiously and carefully put his hand on her back to offer some sort of comfort and then abruptly she stood.
Summer stood in front of him as he sat and looked directly down into his eyes, "I haven't slept with Seth since that night, my period was the week before and I haven't had one since," she blurted.
Ryan felt his jaw drop. But at the same time he stood, as if it would give him some control over the situation.
"I'm pregnant and it's yours," she confirmed.
Ryan felt his knees go weak and he sat back down, "fuck."
Summer moved back to her original place beside him.
"I've had a week to process this since my Doctor confirmed the pregnancy and it's still hard for me to process, so I'm sorry for landing this on you all in one go."
"We said we'd never tell them... anyone..." Ryan started, his voice rough, "we'll have to tell them now... it's going to kill them..." Ryan felt panic inside of him at the thought of both Seth and Marissa's reactions... Sandy and Kirsten weren't exactly going to be too pleased, not only had he knocked a girl up, but their other son's girlfriend.
"No," Summer said with surprising confidence. "This changes nothing. They can't ever know."
"But -" he looked to her, confused.
Summer blinked away a couple of tears, "I've got an appointment at an abortion clinic in Chino this weekend coming, I need you to take me," she gave a small snort, "quite appropriate huh?" She asked referencing to his hometown.
Ryan stood and began to pace to help process her words. When he finally grasped her plan he turned to face her.
"You want to get rid of it? Our baby?" He had never thought much into abortion before; but he'd always thought if he'd be in a situation like this, he'd man up and take care of the child - like he'd been planning to with Theresa... but this wasn't exactly that situation; this situation would tear people and families apart.
Summer stood, angry at him questioning her choice, "what option do we have, Ryan?" She half yelled, "we do this, or we wreck everything! We wreck Marissa!" Ryan winced, "we wreck Seth! - We wreck your happy little home with the Cohen's!" Ryan knew she was right. "We wreck everything so we can play happy families - when we're too young! - When it's not even what we want! - I want - I love Seth! And you love Marissa! There is no other choice here!" She began to cry.
Ryan quickly stepped forward and embraced the sobbing girl, "Okay, okay," he soothed, "we'll do it. I'll take you," he squeezed her tighter, vowing to take care of her, after all it was partly his fault they were in this mess.
When she had calmed from her tears and Ryan had begun asking some questions about the procedure she would be having, Summer produced some leaflets stashed in her purse for him to look at.
Ryan eyed the torn and creased leaflets with uncertainty. Finally picking up the first one he flicked through to find the page on Medical Abortion as this is what Summer informed him she would he having.
"I have to go there on Wednesday," she informed him, her voice shaking, "to take a pill..."
He looked up at her shocked, "I thought you said Saturday -"
"- I have to go back Saturday," she nodded at the leaflet in his hands, "for the second part - it's all in there..."
"Well, I'll come with you - on Wednesday," he began, wanting to support her, "and Saturday."
Summer shook her head, "I'll be fine on Wednesday - it'll look weird if we both disappear from school. Wednesday is just about taking a pill plus they'll be taking my medical history and stuff. It's Saturday I need you, I can't be alone afterwards and won't be able to drive. I'll book a motel for that night so you're going to have to come up with an excuse - I'm going to a spa," she informed him.
Ryan looked back down at the leaflet, reading about the first pill Summer would be taking on Wednesday to break down the lining of her womb so the pregnancy would not be able to continue, and about going back 2-3 days later, Saturday, to have one inserted vaginally to begin the contracting of her womb and she would begin bleeding.
Ryan swallowed, this was heavy stuff, he looked back to Summer who looked guilty and nervous, and to his distress, unsure.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked quietly.
"I love Seth more than anything in this world," she said confidently, "I refuse to hurt him. I'm sure."
Ryan nodded, "Okay. But, you have every right to change your mind. I'll support you no matter what."
Summer's eyes flashed with fire, "no. You can't lay this all on me, Chino!" she said angrily, "none of that 'it's your body, your decision' crap! We did this, we both agree - because if you're not sure, then I can't do this. And I have to do this. Fuck! I sound so messed up! That doesn't even make sense!" She growled at herself angrily.
"It's okay, it's the situation that's messed up..." He walked over and took her hands in his, "I'm going to be honest with you here, yeah?"
She nodded and waited for him to continue.
"I'm not thrilled that I've got someone pregnant. Had it been anyone else - even if I have cheated on Marissa with someone else and this happened, I can't say I'd be rooting for abortion... and even in this situation, you being Marissa's best friend and my brothers girlfriend, I'm not rooting for abortion. But you are right, it would wreck everything - not only our relationships and friendships, I love Marissa and Seth and I don't want to lose them. It'll wreck my current family life and it'll affect the rest of our lives. I'm not ready to be a dad; I'd be a terrible dad. We can't have a child."
Summer nodded, thoroughly in agreement. She was about to speak but Ryan started talking again, "but, if you don't want to do this, then don't. There are other things we can talk about - adoption's one..."
Summer shook her head, "I couldn't have a child at the cost of losing Seth, to then not even have it in my life."
Ryan swallowed, "if you were to tell Seth you were pregnant then would he -"
"Would he think it was his?" she shrugged, "I don't know, Ryan. The timings all wrong - but it's Seth, I don't know if he'd work it out - not right away anyway. But if the baby came out looking all blonde and blue eyed then... And could you do that? Watch Seth raise your child?" Then she shook her head, "none of that matters anyway. I'm not ready to be a mother. We have to do this. I've said it before and I'll say it again - there is no other choice."
She took in a deep breath, "and yeah you're going to look at me and seeing me doubting myself and looking nervous and scared but I'd be this way whether it be your baby, Seth's or Joe Bloggs'. I'm freaking out; you're going to be freaking out. We've just got to help each other and pull ourselves together for Cohen and Coop. We love them and we can't hurt them."
The guilt had been overwhelming when Seth and Marissa expressed concern for Summer's absence on the Wednesday.
When Summer's name got called Wednesday morning in the only class Ryan would have had with her all day his chest tightened and his stomach lurched as Seth informed the teacher she was off sick.
Marissa then complained at lunch that calling Summer to check if she wanted company after school she had been given the "brush off" by her best friend.
"She probably just wants to be alone if she's sick," Ryan said casually - or so he hoped.
"Man, have you met Summer Roberts'?" Seth asked with a laugh, "she'd milk it for all it was worth." He looked to Marissa, "We'll run the shop after school get some glossy mags and some of that juice she likes and go check on her, yeah?"
Marissa nodded and agreed, Ryan felt the colour drain from his face, he knew Summer wouldn't want the company having had the abortion pill that morning; he had received a message from her less than twenty minutes ago to let him know she had started the ball rolling and taken the first pill, that there was no going back now.
After lunch and seeing his brother and girlfriend head off to their next class Ryan snuck away to the playing fields to call Summer.
She answered after the first ring, "Ryan. I'm fine. I swear to god -"
"- Seth and Marissa are coming over after school. I thought I should warn you," he said quickly.
Summer was quiet for a minute, "I... I'm not ready to see them... I don't think I'll be able to hold myself together - I'll be fine tomorrow, I... I just need tonight."
"I'll try and convince them not to bother, but you know what Seth is like... I just wanted you to know so you could prepare yourself... "
When Summer didn't reply Ryan kept talking. "I'll try and get Marissa to call you again to tell you they're coming over - if you could say you're better and doing something with your dad later or whatever," Summer didn't acknowledge his idea, "...You're very quiet - are you sure you're okay?"
"There were protesters," she said quietly.
Ryan gulped, closed his eyes and sighed, "I should have come with you -"
"- They were outside and they shouted that I was a murderer..." she sounded so small and so insecure, Ryan had to fight the urge to go get in his car and drive to her to take her in his arms...
"Fuck. Summer - I knew I should've -"
"Then they would have just shouted it at you too, and you'd have got mad and punched someone... I just hope they're not fucking there on Saturday..." her voice shook.
Ryan took the opportunity to show his support, "I'll get Marissa to call you okay? - make sure you tell her you're feeling better, so she and Seth won't worry and tell her that you're busy so they aren't tempted to come over. I am coming over though, it might be later - after dark, but I want to be there for you -"
"Ryan, really, I told you, I don't feel like holding it together right now -"
"- Then don't," he interrupted, "you don't have to hold it together for me. I've got you." He ended the call abruptly so she didn't get another chance to protest.
He had to be with her that night. This wasn't for Summer to do alone. It wasn't all her fault.
Ryan's plan went smoothly, Marissa and Seth both called Summer individually and she managed to spin them a story about feeling better and going for a meal with her dad.
Ryan ate dinner with the Cohen's and then excused himself, rejecting Seth's offer to play PlayStation as he had to go pick up some books he was borrowing from a "friend" for research for a school project.
He had been advised by Summer to park a little way down the street and when arriving at her house to go around to the back where he would be able to climb a trellis into her room, she said it would be the only room on the second story with the light left on and the window open so he would know where to aim for...
He climbed up with ease, finding the most difficult part was manovering in through the window without knocking everything off Summer's desk.
When he finally made it onto his feet he surveyed the room. Finding Summer was curled into a ball in the middle of her huge bed, fast asleep.
He approached her quietly and felt his heart break as he noticed the tracks of dried tears on her cheeks.
Ryan flicked off the light on her bed side table and settled down on the bed next to her, drawing her up to him. She automatically clung to him in her sleep and sighed softly.
So on Saturday Ryan found himself sitting in a uncomfortable plastic chair at the clinic in Chino.
Thinking over the events that got him here wasn't going to do any good, he realised. What was best to do now was look to the future, to become good - great friends with Summer because they shared this secret heartache.
Only they knew how much the other loved Seth and Marissa. Despite their betrayal, their love was somehow proved by choosing them over the baby they made together. Abortion was most certainly not the easy way out; it had been the hardest decision of their lives, but their love for Seth and Marissa was undeniable and they wouldn't risk losing it.
Summer was suddenly in front of him, looking very pale and he stood, "hey."
"Can we please get out of here?" She asked, he could tell she was trying to be brave but he could see the pain in her eyes.
They exited together and Ryan was relieved the clinic car park was still void of protesters.
He opened the passenger door for Summer and caught her as she half stumbled, "you OK?"
She met him with an even gaze, "fine," she hissed, "just get in and drive."
It took them half an hour in traffic to find the motel Summer had booked.
Ryan glanced at Summer as he pulled the key out of the engine, "you OK?"
She was sat with her legs half curled up in the passenger seat, her head was thrown back and her eyes were closed. At some point during their journey she had moved into this position and Ryan suspected the pain of having her womb ripped apart was beginning.
"I'll be OK," she opened her eyes, "but you might need to go book in and get the key."
She reached down to pull at her purse handle at her feet and winced in pain. Ryan reached down and grabbed it or her.
Summer quickly pulled out some money and handed it to him, "under the name of Lewis. Generic sounding, y'know?"
Ryan nodded, jumped out of the car and headed for the motel's reception.
It shook Ryan up to say the least when he returned to the car for Summer and their bags and she had finally admitted he'd have to help her as she was in a great deal of stomach pain.
He opted to make a return journey for their overnight bags as he supported Summer as they located their room.
"Fuck," Summer said as they entered and Ryan helped her to the bed as she sat down, "I specifically asked for a twin room. This is a double bed," she stated the obvious.
Ryan gestured at the sofa, "it's probably a sofa bed, but even if it's not I'll be fine on there anyway. I'll go get the bags," he started to head out the door.
He also noticed Summer had left her handbag on the front seat, he grabbed it and as he did so a brown paper bag fell out and what was inside fell to the floor. Scooping it up he realised they were extra strong pain killers and had the address of the clinic on.
"Here," he handed her the brown bag as he re-entered the room. "It fell out of your bag; you should take some if you're in pain."
He watched in concern as Summer let the paper bag drop to the floor, "yeah I will in a bit."
"But you're in pain now..." Ryan was confused, "I can get you some water - or there are some vending machines at reception if you want -"
"-Ryan, I'm fine."
But as he watched her make the effort to stand he could tell she wasn't fine.
"Summer," he scooped the bag from the floor, "just take the pills. They'll help you -"
"- I'm not taking any pills OK, Ryan," she said angry he was questioning her, "I deserve the pain OK? I just killed a baby."
Ryan stood shocked at her response.
"I'm going to run a bath." She pulled her towels from her night bag and headed into the small bathroom slamming the door.
Ryan swore under his breath as he glanced at the small clock on the wall. He had dozed off, and suddenly it dawned on him Summer had been in the bathroom for over an hour.
He pulled himself up from the bed, "Summer? You OK in there?" When she didn't reply he began to panic and moved to just outside the bathroom door.
"Summer? Summer?" Ryan ran his over the door, "If you don't answer me, Summer? I'll have to break in." The locks in these places were usually pretty unstable anyway.
"Summer? OK, well, I'm coming in," he gave the door a hard shove and sure enough the lock pinged and Ryan half fell into the small bathroom room.
The sight was more than disturbing.
Summer was in the bath as she had said she would be. She appeared to be in a daze, staring at the wall in front and her eyes looked lifeless. The bath water was blood red around her naked body.
Ryan stilled in shock for a few moments before he sprang into action.
"Summer?" He called her name again in attempt to pull her out of daze, he grabbed a towel and pulled the plug in the bath at the same time.
He covered her body with the towel, not caring it was also getting wet - he could replace it with a dry one once he'd got her out.
The bath water, as well as being red, was cold. He noticed Summer was shivering as he scooped her out and sat on the toilet pulling her on his lap he rubbed at her cold arms.
"Summer? Talk to me," Ryan was getting worried about her mental state.
He grabbed a fresh towel and quickly swapped it for the stained and wet one that was around her. He held her tight to him as he whispered comforts to her, "come on Sum, it's going to be OK now, right? We get to go home to Seth and Marissa and live happily ever after. And I'll always take care of you OK?"
He then gently lifted her up and carried her into the other room setting her down on the bed. He kept his grip on her and joined her on the bed, pulling her to him and the blanket over them to try and warm her up.
"Summer? Please?" His voice shook and he realised he was close to tears.
Finally he felt a reaction from her, she didn't reply but her head buried closer into his chest and before he knew it she was sobbing.
Sometimes, when she closed her eyes she could still feel the way his hands touched her face as they first kissed. The start of the fireworks.
They had met one night and in the throes of anger and hurt; they came together in a way neither of them had ever expected.
It was wrong, they both had known it. But it just felt so right.
Fireworks. That was what it was; drawn together by the moment and then unable to separate because of those damn fireworks.
Betrayal; it was such a scary word.
It hadn't been worth it.
.
.
.
I was really nervous about writing about abortion. I know most people have a view on it. I hope to get some reviews on your opinion on the story but I did warn about the abortion topic so if you are against abortion then you should've seen the warning and not read the fic.
I did some research in this area, but if any points are off then I'm sorry, I did my best with the knowledge I have.
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