A.N: I had this idea in 2013. I have reworked it three times because I wasn't satisfied- this is the end result. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Inception. I don't own the music of Ludo, Jimmy Eat World, or the All-American Rejects. I don't own Star Trek. I also don't own Eddie Izzard's 'Death Star Canteen', Big Bang Theory's extended (Lizard/ Spock) version of rock paper scissors. I also don't own anything related to dating game shows. Or any other game show. I also don't own the movie They Live or the quote taken from said movie.
The Dating Show
"I'm on vacation," Arthur said slowly, as if Cobb had made a mistake in coming to see him while he was 1) on vacation and 2) dare to visit before 9 a.m.
Arthur had habits and routines that Cobb was well aware of- he knew that it was a dumb idea to bother Arthur with anything before 9 a.m. Arthur had answered the door in his pajamas; with sleep tousled hair and predictable morning breath. It may have escaped Cobb's notice that his point man was breathing a little heavily or that his unshaven cheeks were pink. All Cobb commented on was the smell of freshly brewed coffee and made himself at home.
"I know that you're relaxing, but I've got a job with a time limit and need input from you."
Sitting in his throne of a chocolate brown La-z-Boy recliner, Arthur sipped at his coffee and made an imperious hand gesture at the seated Cobb, indicating that he should continue.
"We have a client getting over a bad breakup- and by 'getting over' I really mean that he'd like us to incept his former girlfriend into loving him again."
"Highly unethical," Arthur said before taking another sip of coffee. "Also, this is something you could have sent me an email about."
Cobb nodded and ignored the last thing that Arthur said.
"Yes, but I thought we could do something different. I think that we could do better trying to plant an idea into his head, suggesting he should let her move on with her new life."
Cobb waited expectantly.
"That's a little less unethical, but still bad. If I were a member of Starfleet and worked on the Enterprise I'd tell you that it violates the Prime Directive."
When the Star Trek reference was met with a blank stare, Arthur spoke plainly. "If you want to mend relationships become a counselor and leave the PASIV out of it. I thought that we were going to be working legal jobs that help people rather than leave us open to death threats?"
Cobb agreed, but ruined it by mentioning, "He's a little jerk that won the lottery; the likelihood of him trying to kill us is low and the paycheck is very tempting. The job," Cobb said, leaning in a little, "involves a dating show!"
When Arthur calmly sipped at his coffee and didn't take the bait, the extractor leveled him with his most charming look, the look that said 'I'm so very dependable, bet on me!'
"The young lady we have been asked to incept is going to be on a dating show soon- very soon. It's the best opportunity for Eames to gather some information on the woman, watch her mannerisms, and study her. He has already done some preliminary work and we have decided that if we are to turn the tables on our client she would be the best person for Eames to forge."
"I have this feeling that there's a 'but' coming on."
"But," Cobb said, nodding in agreement with Arthur. "He needs a partner to appear on the show with him. I told him that you wouldn't really like the idea, but I had to agree with him in the end."
Arthur raised an eyebrow and waited for it. He had a feeling what it was supposed to be, but he wanted to hear Cobb say it.
"I tried to suggest other members of the team that could pose as his better half, but we all had to agree that you and Eames look like the best couple."
Arthur said nothing.
"And, my kids really want to go to Disneyland, Arthur. Do you know how much that's going to cost?"
Cobb's expression morphed from charming to pleading. It hinted that the amount was more than he'd like to pay, despite how one phone call to a certain tourist could get him and his kids to any Disney park in the world, free.
When Arthur didn't respond immediately, Cobb fell back against his chair, almost in defeat.
"I should have known better," the extractor said. "You're in your home where you are most powerful. You have to be the only man I know that is capable of being this intimidating before having even brushed his teeth."
Arthur would have smirked at this, but this new information gave him pause. Did Cobb really not know? Arthur's eyes narrowed. He ignored his coffee, his paper, and his comfortable throne of a chair.
He got up without saying anything, ignoring Cobb's searching gaze. Arthur stomped his way to his closed bedroom door and pushed it open. There was a short yelp from Arthur's only guest who had no doubt been pressing his ear to the door to try and hear Arthur and Cobb's conversation.
The sight of a half-dressed Eames falling on his ass was almost enough to make Arthur smile. Almost. Scrambling out of the way on the floor, the forger began to explain himself.
"Darling, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to listen in."
"I don't care that you were eavesdropping," Arthur forced out, not caring that he had left his door half open. He reached down and gave Eames a hand, helping the forger to his feet.
"What I care about is that Cobb came here with a job offer. What I care about is that you already had us set up to go on a damned dating show! When were you going to tell me?"
Eames remained exactly where he stood; he didn't try to run off, or beg, or distract Arthur with some other activity. "You had just started the vacation and I didn't want to bother you- there's a time limit. At first it was going to be me and Ariadne- but we both realized that we don't come off well."
Arthur thought about it. Maybe it would be a little difficult to believe seeing them pretend to be a couple.
"It's obvious you're not a couple because you lack chemistry?"
"It's obvious me and Ariadne are not a couple because I'm in love with you."
No matter how many times he heard it, it still made Arthur's heart skip a beat. Though they had a working relationship and had known each other for years, their romantic relationship had only just begun. Cobb didn't need to know that it had been a few months, but that Arthur had wanted an excuse to have Eames to himself. So Arthur had pointedly said it was time that he had a vacation and didn't come in the next day.
It was lovely. Eames was already spending more nights than not at Arthur's place. It was comforting to wake up next to the other man. To have breakfast with him, and if he wasn't working that day, spend some personal time together.
And they actually went on dates! Not just quick lunches or rushed dinners shared during a job. It had been hard, but Arthur hadn't wanted to say anything about their relationship to the team yet.
He had thought they deserved some privacy, some time to see where their relationship was going.
As Arthur was thinking, Eames had quietly, stealthily worked his arms around the other man, pulling him in for a hug.
Though Arthur himself wasn't a hugger, he couldn't get enough embraces from Eames; they were always so warm and reassuring. Eames was already petting Arthur's mussed curls.
"I intended to say something sooner. I didn't think that Cobb was going to bother you in person."
Arthur was already relaxing against the other man, pressing his cheek against the forger's chest. "Does he know?"
Eames chuckled to himself. "I think he knows as much as anyone else, really. That we are obviously attracted to each other, have good chemistry, and work well as a team."
They were quiet for a moment.
"The only question now is if we actually do the job."
Arthur considered this. "Cobb thought he could get me to work on the job just by asking and dropping a very big hint that his kids want to go to Disneyland or Disneyworld or something."
"He thinks that you won't say no to him."
"The worst part is that what I do next is going to make him think that he's right."
Arthur began to disentangle himself from Eames, ready to go and face the extractor. Eames stopped him, reeling him back in so he could look at his face more closely. The forger appeared satisfied with what he saw there and then took Arthur's pulse. Arthur waited patiently for Eames to stop examining him, as if his willingness to give in to a plan he didn't have a say in was a sign of some medical malady.
"Are you sure?"
"Eames."
"I can find someone else if you're uncomfortable with it."
"It's fine."
"No, really. I'm sure that if we work on it Ariadne and I can pass as a decent couple. It's just a crummy dating show."
Arthur stopped trying to step out of the bedroom; he stopped thinking about the awkwardness of going on a stupid dating show, revealing his romantic relationship to his team and anyone with access to a television, and proving Dominic Cobb's assumptions about his friendship right.
He gently placed one hand against the forger's cheek and said, "My only plans for when I got up this morning were to brew some coffee and make some tea, make breakfast, and have the best kind of sex there is."
"And what kind is that?"
Arthur leaned closer, saying it a breath away from Eames's lips.
"It's the kind of sex I have with you on a slow Sunday morning, when I'm too comfortable to get out of bed but totally ready to ride you into the mattress."
Then he pressed a kiss against the other man's mouth, humming to himself and pulling away before Eames could get carried away.
Looking a little flushed, Eames stopped himself swooping back in to steal a second kiss. "It would have been sex, then coffee for you and tea for me, and then breakfast?"
"Yes, Mr. Eames. But the doorbell rang."
Now the forger grimaced, looking over his shoulder at Arthur's alarm clock. It was barely past 9 a.m.
"I thought that Cobb knew about your 9 a.m. rule."
"It's clear that Cobb doesn't care about my 9 a.m. rule. He also doesn't seem so worried about my vacation. Let's go out there together and negotiate."
"So you'll do it? You want to be my partner?"
Arthur reached for Eames's hand, laced their fingers together, and gave him a serious look.
"It took us forever to get to this point and I love what we have. I love you. So, because I'm an awesome point and good boyfriend, I'm going to go on this show with you. And you know what?"
"What, darling?"
Arthur smiled at the endearment. After judging that Eames's bare chest and sweatpants weren't enough to scandalize Cobb, he nudged the door open and began to tug Eames through.
"You have the best point man in dreamshare as your boyfriend, Eames." Arthur smile became competitive. "Together, we're going to win!"
Sometimes, Arthur forgot that Cobb was a father. Then he would get a swift reminder.
"How long has this been happening?" Cobb said, standing before Arthur and Eames who were seated on the couch, holding hands.
"Do you mean seeing each other romantically, sleeping over, or the hot sex you stopped us from engaging in?" Eames drawled
Arthur tried to hold back his laughter at Eames's words and failed when he caught the look on Cobb's face. He liked to imagine he was just practicing this type of speech and that type of angry-but-maybe-sort-of-constipated look for when Phillipa was old enough to date. Arthur wasn't sure how he should feel because he had clearly been cast in the role Phillipa would hold in the future.
Arthur had already experienced this type of talk when he was younger and had to explain to his parents that "Yes, I like boys. Yes, what me and Garret my classmate tutoring me in math were doing was completely consensual. But I'm also pretty sure he's not going to be coming over anymore since you scared him into climbing out my window in his underwear."
Poor Garret, Arthur remembered fondly. The guy had tried to shimmy his way down the drainpipe but it detached from the side of the house. It was amazing how fast a sprained ankle and two weeks being grounded had quenched the other boy's interest in him. Even if according to Garret they were just experimenting anyway.
Judging from the shade of red Cobb's face had turned, Arthur thought that it was best to nip this in the bud.
"Cobb, I'm turning twenty-eight this year. You are way too late to try and scold me over how I conduct my relationships or the people I choose to have a relationship with. Eames is winding you up because we were going to have a lovely morning together."
Cobb thought about it, took a deep breath and fidgeted on the spot.
"Stop fidgeting," Arthur said. "Just sit down and talk to me about the job."
So Cobb did.
"Well, like I said before. We have our client Evan Simmons, who has recently won the lottery and lost his girlfriend."
Eames cuddled against Arthur, resting his chin on the point man's shoulder. He spoke softly but was close enough that Arthur could hear him. And if Arthur turned his head ever so slightly he could see the other man smiling at him.
"By 'lost' Cobb actually means 'was kicked to the curb by' said girlfriend. From what I have been able to gather, their relationship wasn't about love. It was about money, and poor Evan wants to get the girl back in the only way he believes will work."
"Inception isn't going to work," Arthur said thoughtfully. "Well, incepting her into loving Evan is definitely not going to work."
"Very unethical," Eames commented. "It's also against the Prime Directive."
The couple shared a look and laughed. Cobb was confused.
"We both like Star Trek," Arthur said, hoping it would clarify things for Cobb. "I'm more of a fan of Next Generation. Eames is a fan of the original series."
The forger smiled to himself. "I liked Kirk, but I can agree that Picard has his merits."
They got back to the topic at hand and discussed the show. It was a small, not outstanding dating show. It gave audiences what they expected from any sort of game show; answering questions, solving puzzles, displaying a physical ability, or showing off a talent such as singing or dancing. Cash prizes or expensive trips were offered to winning contestants.
"I've been researching the program that Gabriella, Evan's old flame, has gone on with an old boyfriend. It is a fairly standard show that asks couples to prove their knowledge of one another, prove the lengths they will go to in order to win the prizes, and during the talent portion, involves the audience in rating each couple's performances."
Eames reached for Arthur's hand, pressed a kiss there and smiled when Cobb twitched.
"I'm certain that we will do fine. We also know quite a lot about each other, another point in our favor. And," Eames said softly, "I know for sure that you will destroy the competition in the talent segment, darling."
Arthur blushed just a little bit because he doesn't let it be widely known that he has interests outside of work, good coffee, and firearms.
Cobb seemed to agree. "Target shooting, research, and how to make perfect coffee?" As if to lighten what the comment implied, Cobb raised his still warm cup of coffee. "This is really good, by the way."
Arthur couldn't say anything bad about that- it was very good coffee. It wasn't Cobb's fault that he didn't know that Arthur had talents outside of dreamshare. The next question was about how they get a spot in the show alongside their mark's former sweetheart.
"Though references are something of a specialty of mine, I called in a favor."
Arthur shot a curious look at Eames, who hadn't moved an inch. He was still pressed against Arthur's side, warm and comforting.
"Apparently, Saito bought the rights to the game show. He owns everything to do with Life Could Be a Dream."
"But what could he possibly want with a game show, Eames?"
The forger shrugged. "I thought his 'it just seemed neater' was implied and thanked him."
They had the show, they had an in and could very easily become contestants with Saito's help. There had been an open spot that Saito made sure they got. They had just enough time to prepare for the show, practice with questions, and get some kind of game plan in order.
Cobb stood, uncertainly holding his empty coffee cup in his hand. "So you'll do it?"
Arthur had a moment where he wanted to tell Cobb off; to tell him that he could pair with Eames. But as they had been talking about it, even though Arthur had already agreed to help kick their fellow contestant's asses, he had warmed to the idea of being on this show with Eames. He had a feeling that they could win it.
"Yes, Cobb," Arthur stood and took Cobb's cup, making shooing motions when the extractor tried to take it back to put it in the kitchen sink himself. "I'm going to be on the show with Eames- here, watch us!"
Arthur turned and looked at Eames, smiling encouragingly. "What's my favorite movie quote?"
Eames smirked and thought about it. "Of course, darling," the forger smiled and recited, "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass…and I'm all out of bubblegum."
Arthur looked back at Cobb and grinned. "We've got this, Cobb."
"I'll do a little more digging on Evan- see if he's hiding anything that we need to know about. I'll get the list of contestants from Saito and get started researching them as well."
"While you're doing that I'll do more research on the show. Care for a crummy game show marathon, darling?"
Arthur laughed, ignoring the look that Cobb sent their way. Eames clearly had the most recent episodes on their DVR and got ready to watch and take notes. He looked at Arthur and held the remote in one hand, pointed at the television but not doing anything until Arthur said the magic words.
The point man shook his head and smiled, finally saying, "Make it so, Mr. Eames."
Cobb was gone before the television was turned on.
Arthur would have been nervous, considering it was going to be the beginning of the filming for their episode of Life Could Be a Dream, but he was strangely calm. He had done all the research and found nothing unusual about their client (if making creepy requests to force a woman to love him wasn't unusual) or that the research for the woman Eames was set on studying for the forgery hadn't offered anything that Arthur hadn't already suspected.
Gabriella had used Evan because it had been easy. She was currently between jobs and had money troubles that Evan fixed for her as soon as she mentioned them. That didn't mean she had adopted better spending habits, though. After breaking it off with Evan, she had decided to go on this show for the cash prize but asked a close friend and former lover to be her partner.
The partner was a whole other kettle of fish. His name was Xavier and in certain respects he was the complete opposite of Gabriella. Xavier was personal trainer for a local gym; he had held the same job for over four years and he had very few fines or debts attached to his name. And if one didn't count police reports documenting a history of vandalism (young Xavier considered himself to be a graffiti artist), Xavier didn't get into much trouble with the law aside for a few unpaid parking tickets. The young man was the type to file his taxes on time, donate to charity, and leave a lot of his personal information online where Arthur could easily access it.
Arthur loved that sort of person. They made his job easier! The other contestants (two other couples) had similar habits with information left online, though Arthur made extra efforts in his digging to see if any of the contestants had ties to dreamshare or had been militarized.
When he caught sight of them in the green room, they all looked clean. Well scrubbed, even. Arthur had been at the snack bar when he received his first threat.
"We will end you!" A voice hissed. He turned to look at the person and sized her up. The tall leggy blonde was attached to her boyfriend's side. The boyfriend was hulking but otherwise unassuming- if anything, he was embarrassed by his girlfriend's behavior.
"Ingrid," the man said softly. "Please don't start a fight in the green room."
Arthur smiled, showing off the dimples that Eames swore were an ingenious form of defense. Because they stun people, darling. They see them and melt inside- in a good way. In a disarming way.
Thinking of disarming people with his smile made Arthur's hand itch for his gun. He couldn't risk bringing his gun, so he made a useless fidgeting move when he wanted to reach for the holster he actually wasn't wearing. He stopped and continued to smile, instead asking the angry Ingrid, "So that means you won't pass me the napkins?"
She looked at the small stack of napkins and then spotted something else on the table filled with cheese and fruit platters. Ingrid smiled and reached for the container of salsa that went with the nearby tortilla chips. Arthur had palmed the only thing within reach; the point man was ready to face Ingrid armed only with a spork when Eames made his appearance.
Smiling brightly, Eames waltzed into the green room, and stood in between Arthur and the salsa wielding blonde. He intercepted at just the right moment, accidentally smacking the jar of salsa out of her hand and sending the spicy tomato based dip splattering all over her formerly spotless white blouse.
When she was nailed by the half-full container of salsa she frantically tried to wipe it away with her bare hands, only thinking to get a handful of the napkins Arthur had so politely asked for when her poor boyfriend nudged them into her salsa stained hand. She took them up and began to mop up the damage. Unfortunately, with showtime being so soon, there wasn't a chance of saving the shirt. She glared daggers at Eames, who played the perfect shocked and apologetic gentleman.
"My goodness," Eames said, if possible becoming even more British than he already was. "I'm so terribly sorry, miss- what was it? Ingrid?" The forger spotted a person working in the green room and asked them if they could find some club soda for the stain on the young lady's shirt?
They didn't have any and Ingrid was now sobbing to herself. Not sad-sobbing, but too-angry-to-speak-sobbing. Her boyfriend led her away to see if they could get some help for this wardrobe malfunction.
Now mostly alone aside from the two remaining couples, including their mark Gabriella and her partner Xavier, Eames passed Arthur a spare napkin. Even though Arthur already knew that Eames was going to look perfect, he still took a moment to appreciate the way Eames looked. The forger had already spent his time with hair and make-up, sitting obediently as they touched him up and complained that he didn't use enough moisturizer. Arthur had been beside him at the time, listening to the makeup artists talk about his hair, about his skin, about what a lovely couple they made.
It was true- Arthur and Eames complimented each other very well, even if they weren't going to be on a television show. Arthur had agreed to not wear a suit if Eames agreed to not wear something paisley. No, Eames was just clean shaven, wearing casual clothes that didn't clash, ready and willing to play the part of Arthur's better half and win this game show! And also get the information he needed about their mark!
"When I approached, you had this look on your face," Eames was saying softly so their fellow contestants wouldn't hear. "It positively screamed that you were imagining the blood running down the canteen floor."
The reference to the Death Star canteen won Eames a very chaste peck on the cheek. Arthur held up his improvised weapon, the lonely spork, and waved it.
"I hadn't gotten to that point yet. As I lacked the power of the Force or a tray, I was considering doing some serious damage with a spork," Arthur answered in just as soft a voice.
Anyone watching them could assume that they were whispering sweet nothings rather than talking about death by spork or a popular Eddie Izzard routine immortalized with Legos.
"Put away your spork, darling. We're going on soon and need to look as charming as possible."
Arthur did so, not sure if anyone was going to miss a lone spork. He slipped it into his jeans pocket without thinking. He forgot it promptly in favor of smoothing his hands down Eames's solid black button up, admiring the way it fit the man's frame, smiling to himself and thinking only charming thoughts. It was going to be difficult to be half as charming as Eames.
With his hair not gelled back into submission, Arthur looked less than his age. If he tried to buy alcohol with his hair all loose and curling like this, he'd get carded for sure. Arthur was dressed more or less like a college student might. He was going for approachable, playing on his youthful face, and what Eames described as a winning smile, Arthur agreed that he would look stiff and too formal in a suit. Right now, he would look like a young man playing dress-up. This look worked. Arthur was in a pair of jeans that were well worn but not ragged, he had slipped on dark grey button up shirt and ditched the tie he would have worn. With his sleeves rolled up to the elbow he looked like he had just started a study session. It had taken him ten minutes to persuade Eames that it really wasn't necessary for him to wear his messenger bag.
"I swear," Arthur had said that morning, looking at their reflections in the mirror. "I look like your barely legal boy-toy."
"Don't wear your glasses," Eames had advised. "Personally, I'd love for you to wear your glasses, but I'm in enough danger of jumping your bones while we lurk backstage."
"Same to you," Arthur slid one hand down Eames's side, watching his progress with the aid of the mirror. He slipped his hand out of sight to give the man's rear a firm but appreciative squeeze. "I told you that actually getting a pair of pants that fit you correctly would do wonders."
Eames had said something, but Arthur couldn't recall what, because what followed was the make-out session that had made them a little bit late.
When they were eventually called to the stage Ingrid and her boyfriend Saul had finally made an appearance. She had gotten a new blouse to replace her salsa stained shirt- this one was a deep wine colored blouse that fit her decently and didn't clash with what she already had on. She shot Arthur and Eames a bitter glare when she was escorted past them to a loveseat on the farthest corner of the stage. From the way Saul was being dragged along by Ingrid's hold on his arm, it was like she tugged a big man-shaped hunk of granite. Saul had chosen to wear a suit that might fit an aging football player who now looked like an accountant. Arthur knew for sure that Saul had once played football, both in high school and college but missed his chance to go professional after an injury. Fun fact, but instead of being an accountant, Saul actually made a living selling life insurance! In the middle, closest to Ingrid and Saul was the other couple Arthur had researched.
They were a quiet, genuinely nice couple that didn't have the same level of competitiveness as the others, but were just as eager to get started. From what he could tell from the research, Tiffany and Jacob had been in a relationship for several years and felt comfortable in their knowledge of one another. They were the type of couple that didn't try to say they didn't keep secrets from each other and Arthur could respect that; he had found some mundane and generally harmless secrets that wouldn't break them if their relationship was that important to them. Tiffany had a very small record for shop-lifting, something that she had only done when she was younger and Jacob was frequently getting on and then falling off of the wagon when trying to kick his love of cigarettes. Seated together on their loveseat, Arthur could get a better look at them. She was a little heavier than was considered healthy but from some pictures Arthur had found in his search, she had come a long way. Both she and her boyfriend were ginger haired and green eyed- the only differences being that her face was freckled and his was not. They were dressed more conservatively than other contestants, having decided to go with the combination that suited them best. Tiffany wore a dress that was a bold blue, but it worked with her complexion and hair. Jacob had chosen a similar colored suit and a nice forest green tie.
That left the mark and Xavier for last. Gabriella was on the short side, with masses of dark wildly curling hair that reminded Arthur just a tiny bit of Yusuf. She was more curvy than voluptuous and chose to wear a simple blouse and long skirt combination with sensible heels. Her olive skin tone begged for vibrant colors and she had given in- she was wearing an emerald green matching blouse and skirt that made her skin glow with warmth.
Arthur wasn't sure if Xavier knew how to dress himself, but maybe Gabriella had helped a little. He didn't have as warm a skin tone as she did, so the choice of deep red shirt and a black jacket and slacks wasn't the best- so maybe Gabriella had hindered more than helped. But they were definitely eye-catching. Arthur couldn't help but watch as the young personal trainer settled himself more comfortably on the loveseat next to Gabriella. As he watched the young man move, he recalled something that Ariadne had mentioned during the planning stages.
She said, "Ten bucks says that Xavier is gay."
Arthur had waved that away. It hadn't come up in the research. It wasn't like it mattered. From the hacking he had done into both of their email and social media accounts, he hadn't seen anything but an amicable break up between the two and friendly conversation afterwards. Apparently she still went to the gym he worked at and asked him to join her on the show as a favor.
Arthur hadn't taken the bet, not really, but had let the thought slip back to the forefront of his mind, where he should have been busy plotting their fellow contestant's defeat. But, Xavier was there. And he pointedly made eye contact with Arthur. The man smirked and then dramatically rolled his eyes at him.
Arthur didn't react, but he did make sure that one hand stayed on Eames's arm. He hoped that Eames didn't see that. Maybe he was still wowed over the paisley patterned loveseat they had been directed to sit on.
"This is a lovely loveseat," Eames said aloud. And then in an undertone, "Xavier is making contact? I'm not sure I like this…"
Arthur leaned in closer so he could whisper to Eames. From an outside perspective, Arthur could have been giving him a kiss. "What worries you most?"
Eames chuckled, "That Ariadne might win the bet. That we look a little drab next to everyone else."
"You look good in black. I look better in a suit, but this will work out fine."
"You should have brought your glasses. You look very sexy with your glasses."
Arthur shook his head and waited patiently to be wired for sound. There were only so many private conversations they would be allowed to have when filming started. From their seat, he could look out and see the cameramen and the live audience. The audience was filled with men and women of various ages and levels of boredom at this point, looking at them and waiting. A few smiled at him and caught his eye. And that was when he noticed the team.
Sitting near to the front row, centered directly in front of Arthur and Eames's place on stage, were Cobb and Ariadne and Yusuf. All three dreamworkers started to wave excitedly. He wasn't sure if they were allowed to have signs or not, but Cobb very proudly held up one that said, 'Take my kids to Disneyland!' Arthur was sure that glaring stormily in Cobb's direction would be a bad thing, so he forced himself to smile while attempting to send a message telepathically to Cobb.
He was in the middle of powerfully thinking 'Not on your life' when another familiar face popped up.
"Welcome to the show, gentlemen," Saito said, looking unusually pleased with himself, offering a hand like this wasn't weird at all.
Eames chose to make this look as normal as possible. He smiled and reached for the former tourist's outstretched hand and shook it, as if he had never met the man before and hadn't almost gotten trapped in Limbo with him. Arthur did the same, still glad he wasn't wearing his microphone yet.
"What are you doing here, Saito?" Arthur asked looking around to see if anyone noticed how unnerved he was sure he looked. So far, it looked like he was safe.
Saito was dressed neatly in a suit that Arthur sort of coveted right now. He also held a microphone in one hand.
"When I purchased the rights to this show, I realized that I have always wanted to be a game show host."
"You'd think that being rich beyond anyone's wildest dreams would be enough." Eames said, suddenly thoughtful, leaning back against the loveseat and wrapping an arm around Arthur's shoulders as if he belonged there. Arthur was willing to agree to that. He'd waited for Eames for what felt like forever, though if he were to be completely honest, he had also been waiting for the time to be right for them. Eventually, he'd learned that sometimes you have to jump blindly and hope that it worked out.
Catching Eames's warm smile, Arthur was so glad that he made that choice. It was working out nicely.
"Hello and welcome to Life Could Be a Dream. I am your new host, Saito. For those unfamiliar with our show, we will have four couples playing for a free vacation to wherever they wish to go and a cash prize of one thousand dollars. Please allow me to introduce our first couple, Arthur and Eames." Saito said with a smile that Arthur found a little unsettling and fought not to show it. Instead, he smiled at the former tourist turned dating game show host. He had to smile because the cameras were rolling.
"Glad to be here!" he said. His words were followed by Eames's.
"I'm a big fan of your show!"
It didn't matter that they were laying it on a little thick – this was a job for Arthur and it was important to him and he and Eames win. If he had a choice between being on a game show and staying at home having a lazy day kicking back with Eames, he'd choose the latter. From what Arthur knew of Eames, it was possible that he had gotten to sort of like the show after spending hours deconstructing previous episodes and familiarizing himself with commonly used games.
After moments were spent on introductions and useless chitchat that revealed nothing of any importance from the other couples or their mark and her partner, the game began!
It was made clear to them, in private during their special dreamshare team briefings, that Saito would use his influence to guide the games and tasks into areas that they would excel in. Arthur didn't like that very much and knew that it was tactics like these which forced the older game shows to disappear in the beginning. He didn't want to be accused of cheating even if this whole game was just a ploy to get more information on Gabriella.
"Our first game will be a Life Could Be a Dream classic," Saito gestured with his microphone and then turned to the audience. "If you would all be so kind and announce it? Nice and loud, please!"
Arthur was tempted to look behind him, where he knew a large sign had been lowered. The audience, pleased to be a part of the show shouted together, "Can You Read My Mind?"
The volume was almost enough to obliterate the question mark that was tacked at the end of the phrase. Arthur imagined it falling off, shattering, and then being swept away by a helpful janitor, making the name of the game a statement rather than a query.
Then the audience began to clap, only quieting when Saito made calming gestures with both hands. He turned and regarded the contestants with a critical eye, before finally choosing Arthur and Eames to go first.
The former tourist waved a set of large index cards. "Before we began today's show we asked each of you to fill out a detailed questionnaire. Many of those questions are on these cards." Saito waved them again for extra emphasis. "In this first round I will ask each couple four questions, making it two questions per partner. The pair that gets the lowest score will be asked to leave. We will begin with you, Arthur."
Arthur waited patiently for the question, unsure which one it would be. Arthur had been separated from Eames during this process, just like everyone else had been separated from their partners. But he was confident that they understood each other well enough, that they had known each other for long enough. They were an excellent team in dreamshare, but now it was being tested in something so silly that it would be laughable if they lost during the first round and missed out on the opportunity to observe Gabriella.
"Arthur," Saito began, looking at the card for guidance before continuing. "We asked Eames about the first time you had a fight. Could you tell us which fight he could be referring to and explain how you happened to resolve it?"
For a moment, Arthur froze. He- he couldn't recall them having had an actual fight! What could Eames possibly be referring to? Arthur calmed down and thought about it logically. They had known each other longer than they had been dating. Their first fight. Their first fight...
When it occurred to him, Arthur laughed and felt the reassuring pressure of Eames's hand against his back.
"Well," Arthur said eyes bright and already anticipating this. "It would be better if I showed you. Eames?"
The forger stood with Arthur and smiled before winking. Without making a sign for it, they immediately sprang into action reenacting that very first fight.
Arthur forced himself to not smile at the other man, scowling instead and clenching his fists, looking ready to knock Eames's block off. "I told you, I'm not watching BBC again!"
"I don't know what you're talking about, you bloody Yank! It's my turn to pick the television station!" Eames growled, his voice low with warning.
Eames stepped closer at the same time that Arthur did, just like they did in years past when they argued over what to watch on the television in their hideaway. The job had gone bad and they were stuck together without anyone else to referee, ending up squabbling over something so stupid.
"It is quality programming! I'd like to see you stop me-," and just like before, as Eames said those words, Arthur moved in to take him down. They clashed together and Eames mimed holding a remote high above Arthur's head. Arthur then changed tactics and darted around the man to jump on him from behind, climbing the struggling forger like a tree to try and reach the space where the remote was supposed to be.
Arthur remembered exactly what he had said, and he wasn't ashamed of saying it again now. "It's my turn! It's my turn and I want to watch PBS- they're screening Oklahoma! I'm not missing out on Hugh Jackman!"
"I'm not giving a piggyback ride to someone who-who..." Eames paused in obvious thought before finally saying, "Damn," in a defeated tone of voice. Eames's raised arm dropped to his side and he stopped struggling. He let Arthur hang from his shoulders like a human backpack. The point man had even stopped reaching for where the remote was now supposed to be resting at Eames's side.
"What's the problem?" Arthur asked, a little out of breath because even if they were reenacting what had happened that night, it was still tough to try and manhandle Eames.
"I like Oklahoma! and Hugh Jackman, too."
Arthur had dropped from Eames's back at that point and they had stopped bickering. Neither would let the other live it down that they had behaved well enough to watch the made for TV movie without starting another fight. Afterwards didn't count.
Now, as they had returned to their starting positions, Arthur realized that the noise he had been ignoring as he performed for the audience was just that. It was the audience! They were clapping and whistling for them! Arthur caught sight of his team clapping for him and Eames; Ariadne was leaning in, maybe to ask Cobb if it was true. And Yusuf was slowly shaking his head, clapping for them anyways.
Together, Arthur and Eames turned to face Saito who held up the card and read from it out loud for the audience's benefit.
"Eames's answer was, and I quote, 'That one time I wouldn't give Arthur the remote so he could watch Hugh Jackman in Oklahoma!'"
There was a loud ding! noise which obviously signaled their getting the first answer correct.
Eames laughed and pulled the point man into a quick victory kiss before falling back onto their loveseat.
"See, it's easy!" Eames said to him, wrapping an arm around Arthur's shoulders and holding him at his side, staying pressed there.
This was a good sign, Arthur was willing to admit. When he turned to look over at Gabriella and Xavier, he noticed that they both stared with calculated interest. Eames watched too, watching for the small tics that made up Gabriella's expressions.
Arthur ignored the others for a moment so he could watch Eames instead.
Arthur and Eames knew each other too well. Arthur's next question was about whom Eames's closest friend was. There was a chorus of aw noises when Arthur answered, "Me." There was a cheer when he was proven right. Eames called out into the audience, "Sorry, Yusuf!"
Eames did well during his turn. When asked about Arthur's previous relationships he was able to answer that Arthur's first boyfriend was a guy named Garret. The second question was about Arthur's education and the highest level Arthur had reached. He glanced at Arthur for just a moment, a little tiny moment, but when he saw Arthur's reassuring nod, Eames was also able to answer that Arthur had dropped out of college. What he didn't mention was that it was because Cobb and Mal had tempted him away from school and into dreamshare. No one had to know that. And even if it was something that stung Arthur a little, not finishing a college degree wasn't the end of the world.
Gabriella and Xavier went next, each answering two questions that came from their partner's form.
"Oh," Gabriella said in response to the first. Biting her lip, she smiled at Xavier and leaned forwards, as if she were about to share a secret with the audience. "Xavier is terrified of snakes."
"What are Xavier's criminal offenses?" Gabriella frowned at Saito's next question. "My Xavier has one blemish on his record. When he was younger he liked to cover the alleyways of his neighborhood with colorful art. He could do wonders with a can of spray paint!"
Xavier smiled, a little embarrassed by her praise.
"I don't vandalize walls now. I have a studio and regularly invite people with similar interests to help cover the walls with whatever has caught and held their interests and imagination."
Ding!
"Gabriella's childhood dream was to be a ballerina."
"Her first pet was a hamster. His name was Justin Timberlake."
Ding!
Tiffany swallowed and asked for her second question to be repeated.
Saito raised an eyebrow and said it one more time. "I asked if you knew what Jacob's dream job was?"
"Jacob wanted to be a surf instructor," Tiffany said, looking unsure and trying to hide it. But she had committed. She was lucky on her first question (Childhood Injury- Jacob played with fireworks and had to go to the ER)
A loud buzzer went off- the type that made a person grit their teeth! She got her second question wrong! If it were typed out it would read like so:
Bzzzt!
Jacob began his turn by looking at his girlfriend and mumbling, "I can't believe you didn't know I dreamed of becoming a news anchor."
Tiffany patted his arm. "I'm sorry, baby. I forgot."
Jacob tried to let it go and answered his first question.
"Tiffany's favorite movie is Titanic."
Ding!
Jacob turned to look at Tiffany and asked (in all seriousness), "Is that why you thought I wanted to be a surf instructor? There was no surfing in Titanic."
"I believe that you should let the matter drop, Jacob." Saito was waiting patiently to read the next question. But even as he waited so patiently it was clear that he was measuring the amount of time wasted in dollars and cents rather than minutes and seconds. Jacob nodded quickly and blushed, his flushed cheeks matching the red of his hair.
"Sorry." He listened to the question and answered quickly. "Tiffany's favorite hobby is to go horseback riding."
Ding!
Ingrid was having some trouble. She kept shooting looks in Arthur's direction, as if she just couldn't help herself. It should be mentioned that Arthur was very politely smiling, waiting for her to wow them with her knowledge of her boyfriend.
Maybe it was throwing her off.
She would have worried her lower lip with her teeth but had reapplied her lipstick.
"Saul's mother's birthday is in…" Ingrid looked at Saul, who was waiting. His eyebrows were raised. If they had actually practiced Morse code like they originally planned he could have blinked the correct answer at her.
"Her birthday is in January."
Bzzzt!
Saul was at a loss for words. "But, you made such a fuss over your mother's birthday. You gave me hell for it the time I forgot. The one time I forgot! My mom's birthday is in October."
Saito ignored this mini argument in favor of offering Ingrid's next question. "What is Saul's top pet peeve?"
Ingrid was quicker this time, as if saying it faster would make her answer true. "People chewing with their mouths open!"
Bzzzt!
"Damn it!" Ingrid said, clenching her fists.
"How could you not know that one?" Saul was asking, looking a little hurt. "You do it to me all the-."
Ingrid shushed him. "No, Saul! You specifically told me that you hate it when people chew with their mouths open! You complain to me about it all the time saying stuff like 'I just hate SEE-FOOD.'"
Saul was trying to reply when she cut him off again.
"This is terrible! Terrible!"
Saito cleared his throat. "Just for the record Ingrid, Saul's pet peeve is being interrupted while he is talking."
He turned to the camera and called for a short commercial break, leaving the two bickering until it was time for Saul to answer questions.
"Now, Saul," Saito said, smiling at the pair who had only just stopped fighting. "What was Ingrid's first car?"
"Come on," Ingrid said, butting in as Saul was about to speak. He shot her a look that begged for silence while he thought about the answer.
"It's simple," she berated him. "It was my baby! I've told you a million stories about it! It was the only car I named!"
"A Toyota?" Then, in a moment of inspiration, he tried to win some points with his girlfriend by offering the name of the Toyota. "You called it Fred?"
Bzzzt!
Ingrid narrowed her eyes at her boyfriend and then looked in Arthur's direction. He was being as polite as ever! But to those who knew him it was clear from the look in his eyes that he was laughing on the inside.
She hissed in her boyfriend's ear. "No, no, no! It was a cute little Honda, I called it Walter!"
"What is Ingrid's least favorite pet name?" Saito asked, not caring that he was interrupting the contestant that liked to interrupt everyone else.
Saul answered immediately. "Doll-face!"
Ding!
But the one lonely correct answer wasn't enough for them to move on to the next round.
There was a moment where Ingrid looked like she would cry as Saul lead her off the stage. There was also a moment when it looked like she would take off one of her high heels and throw it at Arthur.
But she did neither and left without comment or complaint.
The second round was clearly geared towards Arthur and Eames's skills.
"Round Two!" Saito announced. "I'm sure that many are familiar with our puzzle round?"
The loveseats had been moved out of the way to allow for greater range of motion and three large, complex puzzles were brought in from backstage. The puzzles were constructed out of large blocks of wood, each with a different intricate design carved into them.
"Our contestants haven't seen these puzzles," Saito began, "They haven't practiced with these puzzles. Today they will solve these puzzles with the help of their partner while blindfolded." Saito pulled three blindfolds from behind his back and offered them to the audience so they could attest that they really couldn't see through them.
But before the blindfolds were passed out, they had to decide who would be better suited for each job. Arthur and Eames spent a moment playing rock-paper-scissors (no lizard-Spock necessary) to decide who got to wear the blindfold.
"Lucky me," Eames said when Arthur helped him put on the blindfold, already standing before their square like the other contestants. "We should do this more often, darling."
Arthur smirked and rolled his eyes, making sure the knot of the simple cloth blindfold was nice and tight. He also had to do a test of his own to be sure.
He held up two fingers in front of Eames's face and asked Eames if he could see the number.
Eames didn't try and guess. He blindly felt with his hands, making Arthur laugh.
"What are you doing Mr. Eames?" Arthur asked as the other man found Arthur's raised fingers, his hands, and patted his way up Arthur's arms.
"There you are, darling!" Eames said when he got what he wanted, cupping one hand against Arthur's cheek.
"And what are you going to do now?"
Instead of answering, Eames leaned forwards and kissed Arthur on the nose. He frowned as Arthur laughed. "Hmmn, I seem to have missed. Give me a chance to recalculate and we'll call it a kiss for luck."
The other teams took less time to decide who got the blindfold and didn't bother being adorable.
Jacob was blindfolded and so was Xavier. The partners that weren't blindfolded were asked to stand behind a large red line that had been chalked on the floor.
"This round is all about communication." Saito moved to stand next to Arthur who stood behind the line but directly in front of his puzzle and Eames, who had carefully knelt down and felt blindly for the maze to make sure he was centered.
"Each will go one at a time so as not to needlessly distract the others. Arthur and Eames, you will be first. These are the rules; you may not pass the red line and are only aloud to give verbal directions to your blindfolded team mate. You will have two minutes to solve, good luck."
A timer was projected on the wall behind Eames and the other blindfolded contestants. At Saito's command the timer started counting down. "You may begin!"
Arthur was worried, but once he took a closer look at the puzzle he realized what was so special or what was so specific to their skills.
The block at been carved with a design that Arthur was familiar with. It was a maze.
Much like the smaller mazes made of plastic where the object of the game is to manipulate a tiny metal ball through a series of turns and dead ends, their maze was similar. It was just bigger and held a sizable steel ball bearing in the deep indentations carved into the wood.
Arthur looked carefully from his restricted vantage point, counting the passing seconds in his head and watching how patiently Eames stayed crouched in front of his maze, waiting for instructions.
"Eames," Arthur said, licking his lips and saying quickly. "The puzzle is a maze- the maze is in the shape of a circle."
Dom had shown him the maze that Ariadne had drawn for him during their first meeting. It was very similar to this; the loops of a circle, the walls that would block the path of someone navigating the maze, the many dead ends or tricky paths. But he could see where it was meant to end. From his perspective it would be the left corner nearest to him- to Eames it was the right corner on the farthest edge. Getting the correct path in mind, he began to guide Eames through.
"The metal ball is at the center and will move easily if pushed along the indentations in the wood. Feel your way along and keep track, hold the image of the level in your head."
"Got it," Eames said softly, finding his way with reminders from Arthur. They got stuck at a dead end but after backtracking, Eames was able to navigate the twisting labyrinth, getting to the farthest side of the maze towards the right corner with Arthur's help. The forger was stretched over the maze, trying to ignore the audience's loud countdown starting from ten, just pushing the steel ball bearing to its final resting place where it settled with a pleasing thunk. That was when the audience's countdown reached zero.
After a moment there was nothing. Then, there was the victorious ding! sound, marking Arthur and Eames's success in yet another round.
Eames ripped off the blindfold so he could see where his darling was and then tug the other man into his arms so he could press kisses against the point man's face, ignoring when he shied away or laughed. The audience was eating it up, but Arthur didn't care about them. All Arthur cared about was that they were winning!
After they calmed down, they got to see the looks on the other team's faces. Tiffany and Jacob were speechless and a little pale. Gabriella looked determined and Xavier gave both Arthur and Eames an appraising look. Eames was committing Gabriella's look of determination to memory and Arthur was trading his own appraising glance with Xavier. He needed to know how much of a threat this guy would be. He needed to weigh the odds of them being able to complete a maze that was as difficult as theirs.
Tiffany and Jacob failed their maze. At first, Arthur felt a little bit bad for the surge of elation he felt when Tiffany couldn't help the blindfolded Jacob get out of the tricky part of the maze that lead into multiple dead ends, stretching across the maze like the many heads of a hydra. Every time she led him away from one, defeating it, Jacob would encounter two more and was lead astray.
But when Xavier managed to get the puzzle solved with Gabriella's guidance, almost running out the clock in the process, he yanked his blindfold off and offered Arthur a challenging smirk.
Arthur simply raised an eyebrow, his most imperious expression. The expression clearly said, And?
They moved on to the final challenge and said goodbye to Tiffany and Jacob.
"You have all worked hard and proved that you have great knowledge of your partners. You have proven that you can communicate during difficult situations. And now for the final challenge we will test the depth of your love. But, some have trouble putting it into words. Sometimes," Saito said thoughtfully, "love makes you want to sing."
If Eames had done the same as Arthur (and Arthur was sure he had), they would have had to write down a list of songs that they felt characterized certain points of their relationship. Arthur remembered the numbered points on the questionnaire. Before the Relationship, Starting the Relationship, Falling in Love, Breaking Up, Getting Back Together, Moving In, Getting a Pet, Marriage, Divorce and so on and so on.
While on break for another commercial, the remaining contestants had watched as a wheel (divided into sections which stood for a different 'stage of the relationship' category) was brought onto the stage and carefully placed against the rear wall. It was hung with care and given several test spins to make sure that it was secure.
"Let's toss a coin and see which pair will spin the wheel first."
There was silence from both couples.
"What, you expected me to choose alphabetically every time?"
The audience laughed at the unexpected joke. Arthur had been wondering why they went first for the other rounds, but didn't want to question it. If he did, he'd worry that Saito was playing favorites. Except for the obvious ways that Saito had already played favorites with them- buying the show, being the host, getting them on the show, and the puzzle round?
Saito produced a coin allowed both couples to check and see that it wasn't double sided and then performed the toss, asking them to call it in the air. Eames called heads while Xavier said tails.
"It's tails!" Saito informed them, gesturing for Xavier and Gabriella to decide who would go to the wheel.
After a moment spent whispering to each other, Gabriella walked to the wheel with Saito at her side.
The loveseats had been returned to the stage, one placed on each end, leaving the center vacant. Xavier moved to sit on his loveseat by himself while Arthur and Eames migrated back to the paisley loveseat and turned to watch Gabriella.
"Go ahead," Saito encouraged her, "spin the wheel and let fate pick the song you will sing about you, Xavier, and your relationship. I should remind you that it will be up to the audience to grade your performance so, as they say in theater, break a leg!"
Gabriella nodded quickly, gritted her teeth, and grasped the rounded edge of the wheel and tugged it down hard. It began to spin, blurring the titles of each category, making a strange but familiar noise as it went.
Eames said, very quietly, covering the microphone clipped to his shirt. "I think Saito took the Wheel of Fortune wheel."
Arthur frowned and stared, also covering his microphone. "I think he used the design. It's just a wheel…"
They would have said more but the wheel stopped. A large arrow at the top of the wheel indicated which category had been chosen.
"For those of you who cannot see," Saito said, looking at the category carefully. "Gabriella has landed on Breaking Up."
There was a mass groan from the audience.
"No, it's okay!" Gabriella was quick to say. "Xavier and I have only just gotten back together- we did break up once before."
She launched into a story that might have been true. How she and Xavier and been drifting apart. That Xavier had been cheating on her (a horrible, horrible mistake that he had long since apologized for) and she needed a change in her life. What she wasn't saying was that change happened to be the lottery winner Evan Simmons. But Arthur's mind started to drift away at this point; he was already thinking of what was coming next. He was busy thinking about leaving this competition behind him and going home. Arthur just wanted to get back to his vacation. He also really wanted Cobb to stop waving that damned sign at him! He tuned back in when Saito asked another question.
"And which song will you be singing for us today?" Saito asked politely, speaking into the microphone he held and waved or used as a prop during the show. Arthur was fairly certain that Saito was enjoying himself very much while playing game show host.
"I will be singing "The Wind Blows" by the All-American Rejects."
Gabriella launched into another story the centered on why she chose the song and what special meanings it held for her. That she liked to listen to it for empowerment and this sense that she would be able to get through the tough times. She smiled and cooed at the still seated Xavier, "But we're all right now, aren't we?"
Arthur knew it would have been impolite to gag at the sight the pair made, it was just a very strong urge he had when faced with all the lying.
Thankfully the music started and she began to sing. She had a fair voice, but there was something off. Arthur almost couldn't put his finger on it even as he listened carefully. It was a song about a breakup, about infidelity, about needing to leave. He could understand the concepts but it wouldn't sync up with everything he already knew about this pair.
When it was over, the audience applauded, some polite while others had an honest appreciation for her performance.
It didn't stop Eames from giving Arthur a very slight nudge in the side to remind him to politely clap, too.
"What did you think?" Eames asked as he clapped and watched Gabriella curtsy for the crowd. Arthur smiled to himself, thinking that maybe Eames was counting the very precise number of steps (three forward, but then, one step back) Gabriella took before executing that move. That she led with her left foot, or that she tucked stray curls of her hair behind her ears, smiling indulgently and closing her eyes as she performed the move.
"I'm impressed," Arthur said.
Eames chuckled, his attention taken away from the woman he was meant to forge. "Your condescension is, as always, much appreciated, Arthur."
"No 'thank you' this time?"
Eames would have answered with some other comment, but they were called to attention by the sound of applause and Saito's expectant look as he stood, now alone, by the wheel. Gabriella had already made her way back to the loveseat where Xavier waited for her.
It took a moment for them to decide who would go up- Eames beginning to stand before Arthur waved him back down.
"Are you sure?" Eames asked with a smile. "No sudden stage fright?"
Arthur held out one hand and let Eames examine him. "No tremors, no shaking hands. Let me show off for you."
Eames took that hand and laid a kiss against the back, making the audience sigh happily.
Saito's loud clearing of the throat forced them to stop being so cute and in love.
Eames let Arthur get up from the loveseat and walk to where Saito stood.
The former tourist turned game show host smiled- Arthur was getting used to seeing that smile. He wasn't automatically thinking of how terrifying he probably was in a business meeting.
"So, Arthur," Saito gestured at the wheel. "Do you like your odds?"
Arthur reached for the rounded edge of the wheel and gave it one smooth turn. He was strong and it spun and spun. Saito raised an eyebrow at him- he almost looked disappointed.
"No bantering?"
"You know I banter exclusively with Eames."
The wheel came to a stop and they examined the winning category.
"Starting the Relationship," Arthur said, remembering the song he carefully penciled in on his form. "This is going to be nice."
Together, Saito and Arthur moved a little more to the center of the stage and away from the wheel. Arthur was handed a microphone, just like Gabriella had.
"Which song will you be singing for us, Arthur?"
"I will sing "23" by Jimmy Eat World."
"And what made you choose this particular song?"
Arthur hadn't been planning on making a speech, but well, it happened. Maybe he was more nervous than he let on.
"At first, I couldn't decide how I felt about the category. I feel a lot of different things when I'm starting a relationship, let alone a relationship as important as the one I have with Eames. At first I thought that "Kill" was apt because it was more like a song about wanting a relationship but being too scared to go through with it; that things were inevitable in the worst sort of way or that we might just end up hurting each other. But then, I thought about it some more, because I've always believed that it was just a matter of time before we did get together. I'm not saying I wasn't terrified, who wouldn't be? Saying you're in love is like stripping yourself bare of every single defense you have. I think that's why I settled on "23". To me, this song is about saying you want to change your situation, your relationship, and admitting that it scares you. But that it's okay."
Arthur clearly remembered the time in his life he likened this song to. It was in the middle of the inception and it was very likely that they could get trapped in Limbo. That threat, that fear didn't stop him from continuing the job, but it made him reevaluate how he was living his life and what he wanted most. And it turned out that what he wanted most was Eames.
Arthur shrugged, trying to shake off his nervousness. He almost thought that if he had something in his hands he might be able to focus on that more. He hadn't been lying about being talented- he just didn't specify how he was talented. Arthur was musically inclined. But he hadn't thought to bring the guitar. He wasn't going to play the piano. Shit, he wasn't even going to play the drums.
All he was going to do was sing.
He heard the introduction starting. It was a lengthy intro, but it was still so damned pretty.
But, then there it was- Arthur had sung this song so many times he knew just where to start, taking over for where Jim Adkins would usually start singing. This had to be a karaoke type thing, Arthur thought to himself before he began to sing for Eames.
He worked his way through the beginning and it brought him back to the inception so clearly. When they were getting off the plane and going their separate ways, Arthur couldn't bring himself to say anything to Eames yet. And yeah, there was waiting and regret. Feeling sort of trapped until it hit him- that for all the attempts Eames made it was time that he, Arthur, did something.
Arthur chanced it right there. He looked over at Eames as he began the next verse.
The expression on Eames's face was pure wonder. He knew that the forger had heard him say these things before. He knew the honest sentiment behind the words and the lyrics. Arthur was telling the truth when he said (or sang) that 'no one else will have me like you do/ no one else will have me, only you'. But the chorus! The chorus was what got Arthur every time. He had known before that waiting around for the right time and being miserable wouldn't get him anything that he truly wanted. That after the inception, long after the inception when Arthur finally got his ass into gear, he was ready for Eames and everything their relationship could mean. The end was something they didn't know, the future wasn't something they could see for themselves but they could put a good effort into making it a brighter one. And that way it would be theirs.
Arthur may not have been twenty-three when he came to these realizations, but it didn't change their importance or why he found this song to be so meaningful. The song was petering off to the end, till finally, the music stopped.
The sound of the applause from the audience caught Arthur off guard. It wasn't like he thought they would boo him (Arthur had already had that happen when he was much younger and urged to join a karaoke contest by a group of his friends who promised to sing with him. They all backed out at the last minute and let him twist in the wind. Jerks.)
Saito appeared at his side with his microphone precariously clenched in the crook of his elbow so he could clap for the point man.
"Nicely done! And your judges appear to like your performance, as well!"
Arthur was dismissed after giving back his mike and accepting more applause. He ran back to Eames and the paisley patterned loveseat.
Eames hadn't moved. Or, it seemed like he wasn't able to. When Arthur got closer, Eames reached for him and wouldn't let go. Arthur got to sit, and that was about it, because he couldn't move with Eames wrapped around him like that.
"You romantic bastard."
"Yes, that's very loving," Arthur said dryly.
"That was the song? My god, you belt that song out in the shower and I didn't know all the deeper meanings you had attached to it?"
Eames buried his face against Arthur's neck and stayed very still for a moment.
Arthur smiled to himself and began to pet Eames's hair.
"Are you going to cry?"
"No."
"That sounded a tad bit sniffly."
"Hey, if I went up there I would have made you cry your eyes out."
Arthur couldn't help but smile fondly.
"What would you have sung to make me a wreck, hmmn?"
"Ludo."
"What?"
Eames cleared his throat and stopped hiding his face against Arthur's neck. His eyes were a little bit red-rimmed but Arthur was saying nothing.
"I'd sing you a bunch of Ludo songs. I'd sing "Anything for You" for when I started the relationship, "Manta Rays" for when I fell in love with you, and "Topeka" for how you make me feel about myself, like I might actually have a chance at being a good person sometimes. "All the Stars in Texas" would be about our work together even though we don't rob banks."
Arthur shook his head. "But am I your Bonnie or am I your Clyde?"
"Whichever one you like best, darling."
Saito was continuing the show without them, but that was okay.
"Now, if our audience would be so kind, I will draw your attention to the personal response systems or clickers that are attached to your chairs. You may use these devices to cast your vote for Arthur or Gabriella. You may not vote twice with the same device, all votes are final, those caught trying to cast extra votes using clickers from vacant seats will be asked to leave and their votes will be stricken from the final tally. To vote for Gabriella please press 1. To vote for Arthur please press 2." Saito took a moment and looked at his watch. "I will give you a few moments to get your votes in and then, we will declare the winner of not only a cash prize of one thousand dollars, but an all expense paid vacation, too."
There was muttering and conversation, seat mates arguing over which performance was better, but no doubt comparing the two couples performances for the entire show. There wasn't much of a way for Saito to prevent this.
Arthur sat on the edge of his seat and was currently having his hand crushed by Eames's grip. He was sure that Eames had meant to be reassuring but Arthur felt that he would have been lucky to keep the feeling in that hand. Eames was worried.
Then Arthur thought about it. And when he started thinking about it, he couldn't stop! If Eames was worried, how much of a chance did they really have of winning this game? Sure it was just a ploy to get Eames more chances to observe Gabriella, but both became invested in the idea of beating everyone else and taking the prizes as their own!
Arthur tried to focus on a positive- that they had performed well as a couple and the audience had seemed to like his song. A traitorous bug of a thought wormed its way into his head. What if they won but it was just because of all the help they had been given? Getting on the show because of Saito, Saito getting the rights to the show and becoming the host, how three of their friends and colleagues had been a part of the audience and would probably vote for them no matter how well Gabriella and Xavier had performed.
"Hey," Eames said softly, breaking Arthur's train of thought. "I think I can hear how fast your brain is working. Calm down."
"I can't feel my hand," Arthur chanced whispering back.
Eames finally noticed how hard he had been squeezing the point man's hand. He laughed a little and released him. "Sorry, I guess I'm a little more worried than I thought!"
The audience was growing silent and after another moment, Saito turned to see another image projected against the rear wall, all according to plan. The wheel had been removed during the voting, leaving a nice empty space for the image to appear within. It looked like an unfinished graph.
There were two places marked on the graph; one was for Gabriella and another was for Arthur.
"Are you ready for the moment of truth?" Saito asked the audience or maybe everyone in general.
"Yeah!" yelled the audience as one!
"Then the votes have been tallied up and we will learn who the winners are in-," and as Saito spoke a countdown began on the screen, starting at five with the entire audience chanting in unison as the figure descended from five to zero.
At zero, the graph exploded with activity. Two bars shot upwards from the spots marked with their names. Numbers representing the number of votes for each person as they were added up, but it didn't matter in the end. The bar graph proved that in the end, Arthur was chosen as the winner!
The crowd positively roared its approval; Arthur and Eames's friends cheered and high-fived one another. Cobb still waved his sign.
It had been close. Arthur was going to point that out to Eames- he was also going to make a snide comment about the looks on Gabriella and Xavier's faces! But confetti was raining from the ceiling and Eames had to start kissing Arthur again.
Backstage, Arthur and Eames separated briefly.
"I think I want to shake Gabriella's hand."
Arthur raised his eyebrows. "Thank her for a contest well played? That's very sportsmanlike of you, Eames."
"Oh," the forger said, surprised. "No, no, not really. I want to get a better idea of how she holds her hands- what her grip strength might be for a not-so-pleased handshake. Maybe I can work my way backward from that and create something softer for Evan when we incept him to get away from her."
"Go for it," Arthur gestured to the restroom. "I need to splash some cold water on my face."
Arthur slipped into the restroom and looked at his reflection. He didn't look any different than he had this morning, or when he had sat down for hair and makeup to look him over. But he felt different. He was happier, a little more relaxed, and ready to take a real vacation with Eames. Somewhere nice, somewhere-
And Arthur's thoughts were interrupted when Xavier stepped into the restroom.
He had taken off his black jacket. It made his bright red shirt more garish and eye catching. Arthur decided to ignore him.
When Arthur was finished drying his face with a couple of paper towels, he crumpled them up and tossed them into a nearby trash can. When he looked back at the mirror, Xavier was still reflected there.
That appraising look was back on his face- he looked Arthur up and down, focused on his face for a moment then lazily gave him another once over.
Arthur didn't like the smile that stretched across the young man's face, but kept his expression neutral.
"What are you doing, Xavier?"
"Just looking," the personal trainer said. "You're very fit."
"Thank you," Arthur kept it short. Thinking of a way he could disable Xavier without causing too much bloodshed. He liked the shirt he was wearing, thank you very much.
"I caught you looking at me, too."
Arthur finally glared at him. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Xavier sighed a gusty sigh. "Hey, Arthur..." But Xavier wasn't satisfied with just calling Arthur by his given name. He had to trail off, adding, "Dude. Man. Bro." Arthur didn't think he could get more aggravated by repetitive use of single syllable nouns, but he was learning all sorts of new stuff about himself today. "I saw how Eames was staring at Gabriella."
Not waited for Arthur's reply, the personal trainer hissed in sympathy. "He's hot for her, I can totally tell. This happened to us before, you know? We were going strong until some other guy took notice. Then we broke up. It was all well and good that I had a guy on the side to keep my bed warm, but it was pretty low."
He took Arthur's silence as shock. Xavier moved in with an ingratiating smile, clearly itching to grab for Arthur's shoulder or maybe touch some skin.
"Sometimes," Xavier said, moving in nice and tight, close to the sinks where Arthur stood so there was less than an inch of space between them. "I find it helpful to start fresh if an ugly breakup rears its head. You might be interested in knowing that Eames was all over Gabriella the second you left."
Arthur said nothing, merely tucking his head down, staring into the sink.
Xavier didn't notice how Arthur slipped his hand into his pocket and came out with the only weapon he had on him.
And that was how Xavier got a spork to the face!
When he felt the not-so-sharp tines of the spoon-fork digging into his face, he let out a pained yelp of surprise. Arthur, glaring his best, evaluated the situation and decided on a plan of action that went beyond possibly sporking Xavier to death, even if he only wanted to just so he had the right to say he had done such a thing. From the look on Xavier's face, Arthur knew that he was already considering it a possible fate- and then the personal trainer pissed himself.
Rolling his eyes and making sure that he was out of the way of Xavier's mess, Arthur went with his plan.
The plan went like this:
Arthur kept the spork against Xavier's cheek and allowed him to sob and beg and apologize. Arthur had him by his short dark hair and if he tugged hard enough he would have a nice handful of it. Maybe he could give it to some birds so they could make a nest out of it. But he probably wouldn't do either of those things.
Instead, Arthur marched Xavier out of the bathroom and into the green room, running directly into the two people he needed to see the most.
The first was Eames, whose eyes widened at the sight Arthur made wielding a spork like it was Excalibur. Arthur almost wanted to name the spork Excalibur, just because he was a man named Arthur and he had never had the opportunity to do so with any other weapon, no matter how ridiculous it may have sounded.
"He wanted me to cheat on you with him, because he was certain you were doing the same with Gabriella." After looking around, it was clear that Gabriella was nowhere to be seen. Too bad. And as an afterthought, "This isn't really related to what's going on now, but I confirmed it; Ariadne lost the bet. Xavier is bi, not homosexual."
Eames ignored the bet thing and glared at Xavier. "You tried to poach my boyfriend? At what point in this entire game show experience did you get the idea that I'm not head over heels for the man currently threatening you with plastic cutlery?"
The second person was Saito, who looked at the pair Arthur and Xavier made and frowned his most forbidding frown. It almost made Arthur's most stoic look appear to be soft and cuddly.
"You assaulted Arthur in the restroom."
"No!" Xavier pleaded. "I didn't! I thought he wanted me!"
"And that is what a rapist would say," Eames responded coolly. "Are you going to try and tell me that Arthur asked for you to corner him in the restroom?" Eames stepped closer, doing his best to loom over Xavier. It was hard because Xavier was actually a couple of inches taller. The way he cowered was enough to even the difference, though.
Arthur chose that moment to let Xavier go. He gave the spork now dubbed Excalibur to Saito, who held it away from himself with two fingers.
Then he pulled Eames away from the green room.
"But where are we going? We have to deal some justice. I have to make him pay for trying that on you!"
Arthur did stop, but it wasn't for any reason that Eames provided. Arthur called back to Saito who already appeared to have called security to take care of Xavier.
"Saito, please offer the free vacation to Cobb so he will stop bothering me about stupid Disneyland and how badly his children want to go there."
Cobb was there too, in the background, fist pumping the air because his kids would get what they wanted! Then, Arthur looked around and realized that there was hardly anyone around in the green room- he didn't even know where Yusuf or Ariadne had disappeared to. He decided that it didn't matter.
"Cobb," Arthur said firmly, but in a softer voice so as not to be overheard by the one man who wasn't in the know. Xavier had caused enough trouble. "Eames and I both expect to get paid double the usual rate for the job you pulled us both in on. Push the inception of Evan Simmons back a couple of weeks, me and Eames deserve some alone time.
Arthur and Eames had a vacation. They didn't go anywhere special or exotic. They stayed at home because the point of the vacation was to be away from work, not home.
They spent quality time together; Arthur starting teaching Eames how to play his guitar agreeing that if they ever had the opportunity to start a band, Eames could be the guitarist while Arthur played the drums. Eames presented Arthur with a gift after they had been home for a week- Saito had thought to send them a check for the prize money they had won and at Eames's request, had kept the spork and put it on a plaque. The plaque was engraved with the phrase "Take me up" at the top, with the spork mounted proudly in the middle, and at the bottom it was engraved with the phrase "Cast me away (but do not recycle)." Arthur hung it on his wall and took a picture for his photo album.
"That," Arthur said, stepping away from where his new plaque hung on the wall, "is the coolest thing ever. It is the greatest thing to come from that dating show."
Eames wasn't willing to argue with him on that, he had learned that sometimes it was better just to agree. Never mind that he was looking at what he believed was the greatest thing to come from that stupid dating show. But Eames was terribly sentimental and wanted to make Arthur smile some more.
"Of course it is, darling."