I look at the Norwegian in front of me, sitting at the head of the table. His head in his hands, deep in his thoughts. A light frown was visible on the man's face. it was nothing unusual for him to frown.
I took a deep breath and adjusted the glasses on my nose. I would tell him the truth today, the truth I have been hiding from him for so many years now. A relationship build with me, who keeps hiding stuff.
But today that will change, for ones I will be honest with someone around me. It had never happened before, in my long live I was never able to be so open about anything. Not even to my long gone parents. I told lies to them as well, mostly from where all those bruises came from.
Suddenly I felt a pair of eyes staring at me, burning a hole in my chest. Which could have melted the ice around my heart if he stared enough at it. Though my body didn't allow him to stare longer at me than this.
"What is it, Berwarld?" His cold voice spoke up, no emotions in it like normal. The way I like it. Only showing emotions if needed, like I do. That almost never happens, maybe that is why people think I don't have any feelings. Not that I care much about what they think, but I like to think of it as a weird reminder that people don't care about who you are inside. They just look at the things in plain sight.
That is, I guess the reason why I fell in love with the man sitting across the long table in front of me. "Oh..yes Lukas, I wanted to talk you about something very important." I never have been someone who talks alot.
Never needed to, I never had a voice anyway. Well to the outside world I didn't have one, they always shut me up or never asked my opinion. Also, the fact that I have always been a very introverted person must have played parts in the story.
The Norwegian, born in a village not far from the capital of the country walked over to me. He is signifantly smaller than me and as far as I remember he always had been way smaller than me.
We met each other thanks to his former boyfriend, Mathias. I can't stand that man for different kind of reasons which I don't feel like pointing out now. Let's just say that man did things to me that I can't forgive him. Even after so many years.
Yet again the voilet eyes stared at me, those are like jewels. "What is the thing you want to tell me Berwald, it looks like you lost your tongue. We both know that you aren't the one to easy lose your tongue when you talk." He said." Well you don't talk much to be honest."
it was like on insitinct that I nodded when he spoke, My mind did nothing but yet my body reacted on his own, like that day that I couldn't control my body since my mind did nothing to stop it.
It was a nice feeling, that I had right now. That my body was able to function on his own and didn't need me. His power on me was that big that he could do everything with me and that it was okay.
There wasn't a need for my mind there, him was enough and my mind agreed on that without even saying or doing anything. It was a silent agreement that they had made.
"It is weird that you say that you have to tell me something and that you don't say anything at all." Again the icey tone in his voice. This time it froze the single thought in my head and made it shatter in a milion piece.
My ice blue eyes that people discribe to be as cold as his voice, stared at him. I than foind the courage I didn't had before.
"Yes..Lukas..what I wanted tell you is that it was my fault that Mathias ended up in the hospital that day, when he ended up in a coma."
Where I had found the courage to tell him this is unknown to me,but I didn't mind at all that I was finally able to get it of my chest and let him know how much of a monster I had been.
The Norwegian raised one eye brow as an indication that I needed to continue what I was telling him.
"My relationship with Tino ended because he said he could never me happy, because he wasn't the person I loved. Later I ended up in a argument with Mathais.
And I think I became jealous, that the one I love is with an idiot like he was and still is. I lost my mind and started beating him.
Later I overheard your fight with him. And that he kept telling you the truth about the monster I was,but you didn't believe him and kept seeing me as a prince.."
I had a feeling, like a hand that wrapped around my heart and softly started squeezing the poor thing. Like in an attempt to drain blood from felt that my heart was a grape were the wine was drained from.
"Berwald, out relationship was a sinking schip to begin with, there was not miracle that would have made it possible that I would survive longer than it did. What you did was good,since being able to make him that angry was enough to make him end the relationschip."
The norwegian that almost never smiled gave me a small smile. "You were the one,who saves me. You were my knight, my prince and you well always be that. You aren't a monster at all." he said. "I have tried to get rid of Mathias a few times in the past but I always seemed to fail at doing it."
His normally cold voice softly turned warmer, it was like the had been a weight lifted of the man's shoulders by just telling me. I was happy that I was able to do such a thing by doing nothing at all. It made my frozen heart melt a little.
"So I don't care what you did. You are still my prince, my hero." There was a new feeling that I felt in my chest, a very pleasant and warm feeling.
I think it is the feeling that Tino explained to me long ago when i told him to explain the werid feeling he said he had. I didn't know what it was but he called it love.
Yet I never expreanced the feeling that he called love in the way that he always felt it when he was around me. Never in my long life I would have thought to feel it and never in my sad past as well.
Let's just say that my parents weren't dealing with it well when I told them about my sexuality. They said that they would get me back to normal, to what I used to be. Yet they just didn't understand that I wasn't abnormal at all and that it was me. They went to hospitals and therapist with me, they remained possitive that there was something wrong with me.
I was misunderstood by them and the kids my age, they didn't really understand me either. I was only bullied and laughed at by them.
Then a mysterious grin appeared on the Norwegian's face." Oh I have a great idea." He said and started whispering things in my ear. The only thing I can really say that I really liked the idea a lot.
But I won't show you the idea since this needs to be a secret and it will remain that way untill we will die. A promise between us to keep it a secret.
The only thing I can say is that we did honour to our names and that Matthias never brothered us ever again.