BE BRAVE FOR ME
Jack had found love once. An innocent man named Joseph that'd wanted nothing but to love him and it be returned. Of course it was without question, but being prince meant—or so he was told—that he couldn't be who he truly was, who God made him. So he chased away the one man that loved him without an agenda.
Upon hearing of Joseph's death, Jack was devastated, enough so that even the ever-oblivious David noticed.
As time grew on, Jack came to the horrified realization that he was falling for David—the man his father favored more than his own blood—much like he had fallen for Joseph. To add to his list of problems, Jack knew that this knight in shining armor already gave his heart freely to another, to his own sister. Out of love for Michelle, Jack respected that and did not strive to win David's affections like Joseph had done to him so long ago.
It was maddening, being so alone.
It drove him to make choices out of grief that he never would've made otherwise, choices that led to his imprisonment in a half-life doomed to be trapped until he could produce an heir with a woman he didn't love.
But Jack wasn't stupid. He knew that as soon as a child was born, he would be put to death. So suffer he did. He suffered so death would hurry to him, and hurry it did not. Lucinda Wolfson eventually gave birth to a healthy son.
Jack had just enough time to learn the name of his heir before Thomasina put a bullet in his skull. Jonathan. Some kind of twisted joke of his father's that his son would have the same name as him. Another Jonathan Benjamin. Another chance for his father to raise a son that wouldn't be a failure at every turn.
Even as he took his last breath, Jack prayed that his son wouldn't be cursed in life as he was. That God would favor him as Jack, himself, never was.
The prayer that accompanied that one was that he would make it to Heaven so he could see Joseph again.
But, alas, that prayer was refused.
He awoke in a new life, one with technology far inferior to what he was accustomed in his previous life.
James Buchanan Barnes, his name was now. He went by Bucky. Much like his time as Jonathan Benjamin, Jack wasn't fond of his birth name.
He began his search for Joseph almost immediately. Jack's hope was that his lover had been reborn like he had.
And he was right.
Quickly in this life, he found Joseph's bright soul in a sickly boy known as Steve Rogers. He seemed to have acquired some of David's spirit this time around in his hatred for bullies and clear ideals of right and wrong. Jack couldn't help but blame himself for his soulmate's weakness, seeing it as his sins from their previous life weighing down the one soul that'd truly cared for him.
Despite all that, Joseph seemed to remember him just as Jack did, so they were instantaneous friends. In the cloak of darkness of whichever of their rooms they had decided to spend the night in, they talked about their previous selves, of their true selves. The love still danced between them as strongly as it ever did in the past.
It was just as taboo for them to be together as it had been in Gilboa, but they managed.
Under the safety of their shared apartment, they lived happily until war struck their lives just as violently as it had done in the past.
Jack found himself pulled away from Joseph once again; this time to serve a land where he was a virtual nobody instead of a prince.
When he was strapped on that table in some Hydra base, Jack once again prayed for death. He prayed that Joseph was still safe from the war back home in New York. That it would be a long wait for him in Heaven—for he had done no evil in this life because of Joseph—before he would meet his lover again.
Again, his prayers were ignored.
After the doctors all fled, abandoning their experiments on him in favor of their lives, a man wearing Joseph's new face came to his rescue. No longer was his lover cursed by the sins of Jack's past, but Jack couldn't help but wonder if something in Steve had changed along with his body. He seemed more like David than ever, now, even after they escaped that facility together.
Still, Jack would follow Joseph's soul to the ends of the Earth if it meant they would be together, so he made no comment about the changes. Even until that last fateful mission.
The other Commandoes all knew about their relationship and were remarkably accepting of it. The couple's previous lives, however, couldn't be explained as easily, so they never were. Under the veil of teasing about an incident at Coney Island, they teased one another about their time in Gilboa.
Neither knew that that would be the end of their time together in this happy life.
As he fell, Jack, Bucky, whoever he was anymore, prayed that Joseph would be there wherever he ended up. New life or not. He would wait however long he needed, but he hoped that Joseph wouldn't suffer as he finished this life.
Again, Jack woke.
Another new identity to get used to. TJ Hammond. His real name was Thomas Hammond, but again he didn't fancy it, so he took a nickname.
Again, he was in America, but it was a future he'd never anticipated.
He was basically a prince again while his father was president; though, the man was thankfully nothing like Silas had been. The man shared the trait of never supporting Jack, but that was nothing new. He would prefer being ignored to being scorned for who he was any day.
The strange thing about this new life was that, after one photo someone had managed to capture of Jack kissing another boy and he was outed to the country, he was supported. This notion was absolutely alien to him. He had the love of his family no matter who he loved.
Still it wasn't enough.
He could not find Joseph in this life for the goddamn death of him. The one life he'd found so far that they could be happy together, and God hadn't seen fit to reincarnate Joseph's soul here.
So Jack made do.
He tried to forget the lives he'd led with Joseph—or Steve—as Jack Benjamin and Bucky Barnes, so he buried himself in man after man, high after high, and gallons of alcohol. TJ found temporary solace in Sean, a man unlike Joseph or David had ever been, but that only brought him more suffering.
He knew the man was no good for him, but much like the drugs he took so often, Sean was oh-so addicting.
In a way, this life was harder even than that of Jack's had ever been. Here, he had the unconditional love of his family, but the hole in his soul where Joseph was supposed to reside prevented him from being happy.
Eventually, TJ was forced to end it like Jack and Bucky hadn't. Two times had failed before, but as they say, third time's the charm. This time, Jack didn't even pray to meet his love again. Instead he could only hope that he would see the light of his life again.
This time it was granted.
It was as if he was trying to catch a breath when being pushed down by the pounding waves of the ocean that he awoke in this life.
In those moments of clarity, Jack knew that he had somehow been returned to the life of Bucky. Those very moments were triggered by Steve—Joseph's—face. Jack wanted to scream every time he was forced to take up arms against the man he loved, but as he soon figured out Hydra had tried to erase who he was before, erase Bucky and Jack alike. It took all he had to even ask his Master who the man on the bridge was just as a test to see how much control these people had over him.
It wasn't until Joseph—not Steve, no this was all Joseph—asked him something that haunted him through every life. "Was any of this real to you?"
Finally, Jack managed to halt that monstrosity of a metal arm that'd replaced his left one. He carefully, so carefully, cupped Joseph's face in that hand. It's almost funny how I kept my face yet his had to change, Jack thought fleetingly. "You're the only real thing I've ever touched," he vowed brokenly.
Then Joseph fell.
Out of instinct, Jack held onto a support bar that didn't give way. It was only a few seconds before he was following his soulmate into the Potomac. Once Joseph was safely on the shore and breathing, Jack wanted nothing more than to stay with him forever, but he knew that would have to wait. He needed to find out more about the time he'd missed in this life. He needed to know what'd happened while he was TJ.
He knew Joseph would always wait. Since the light of his lives knew that he was alive, Joseph would look for him and be waiting for him to return so they could be together once more.
This time Jack wouldn't make the same mistakes.
He didn't care who knew. Once he'd sorted himself out, Jack would come back and finish his life with Joseph and follow him through war or whatever else came their way.
No prayers were needed as Jack placed a tender kiss to his lover's lips, just three words. "I love you."
"And I love you, Jack," Joseph said through Steve's mouth. A weak chuckle escaped him. "You're leaving me, huh?"
"Not for long," Jack promised. "A hospital chopper is on its way here for you. I just need to figure out some things. I'll be back before you know it."
"Good, and I told you so."
Jack smiled even through his confusion at the strained, upward quirk of Joseph's lips. "Told me what?"
"That you were too brave to be such a coward. Go be brave for me."
Another kiss shared between them and Jack was standing. "Anything for you, Joseph."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Okay, so this was actually inspired by a work over on AO3 called Rebirth by aengel that I then branched off in a hella-different direction because this idea popped into my head about Jack and Joseph because I just want them both to be happy. Anyways, tell me whatcha think and hope you enjoyed!