The One Thing I Can Control
By SailorSpice7
Chapter 1
Why do I have to be so perfect?
Why do I have to be such a perfectionist?
I have flaws.
More than anyone will ever know…
Sitting at the table in the cafeteria. Alone, as usual. The typical routine this had turned out to be. How could someone be so popular, yet so alone? No, popularity was the wrong word. But what about the people who called themselves her fan club? They didn't count. They didn't make her happy like real friends. Perhaps at one time they did make her content. But it was more of an amusement than anything. Now they just annoyed her. They didn't know her. They didn't care about her emotions.
Briskly pulling out her compact, she gazed into her empty reflection. Those sad eyes stared back. Crying for help, a reaching hand that understands.
"Urgh!" She yelled, stabbing her fork into her lettuce.
I don't have to look good.
I don't care how others view me.
Or do I?
I'm not beautiful…
"Hiya Quisty!"
Quistis quickly slid her compact back into her handbag. It was that slightly annoying, yet always vibrant voice of Selphie.
"Hello Selphie," the blonde quickly responded with no emotion.
How does she do it?
Can someone really be so satisfied with themselves?
Is she covering up, like I attempted to?
She has to be…
Selphie peered at Quistis. She had been watching her. Quistis had been sitting there for half an hour and hadn't taken a bite. Normally, she would have that ingested in less than five minutes. Then be on the run to wherever she had to be. That was the normal workaholic rush. But today, something was different. But Selphie didn't want to make it too obvious she knew something was wrong.
"So what do you want?" Quistis bitterly asked, pulling her hair back.
"What do I want?" Selphie repeated, slightly giggling.
"To talk to you of course! Isn't that what friends do?"
How should I know?
Friends are one of the many things I don't have.
I've never been able to 'talk' to anyone.
Why should I start now?
"I suppose." She flatly responded. She set her fork down and looked up as Selphie sat down across from her. They sat in silence for a few distinct moments.
"Selphie…do you have any insecurities?" Quistis blurted.
"What?" Selphie tilted her head. Is THAT what was bugging her? She never really thought about that. Quistis…insecure?
"Of course, that's like asking if I'm human." Selphie responded. 'Was that a comforting answer?' She asked herself.
No one needs me.
I'm not even good enough to be an instructor.
Do I really belong?
I wish I could just disappear…
1 "I just…" Quistis looked up at Selphie. Did she really want to say? Would Selphie laugh it off, and say the usual "Oh Quistis, you're perfect stop worrying so much"?
"I don't feel needed, that's all," Quistis lied. That was part of it. But surely not all of her emotionally stripping problems.
"Not needed?" Selphie asked.
"We all need you. You're important to me. I look up to you. Yes, we all need you. As a friend more than anything." Selphie answered, trying out her serious side.
There was that word again. Friend. Friendship? Selphie would know. She had plenty of friends. People cared about her for who she was. Not because they wanted to be seen with a young instructor. Something about her made everyone want to be around her. While Quistis seemed to intimidate people instead. What about love? All Quistis ever wanted was love. But what she thought was love, turned out to be Rinoa's star instead. Love came second hand to depression. She didn't need that. She didn't need anything. Quistis looked down to her tray.
Food.
I may not be able to control what others do to me.
But I can control food.
I don't need to eat.
I bet I could go all day without food…
Selphie worriedly watched as the former Instructor stood up, and dumped her Styrofoam tray full of salad into the garbage.
By SailorSpice7
Chapter 1
Why do I have to be so perfect?
Why do I have to be such a perfectionist?
I have flaws.
More than anyone will ever know…
Sitting at the table in the cafeteria. Alone, as usual. The typical routine this had turned out to be. How could someone be so popular, yet so alone? No, popularity was the wrong word. But what about the people who called themselves her fan club? They didn't count. They didn't make her happy like real friends. Perhaps at one time they did make her content. But it was more of an amusement than anything. Now they just annoyed her. They didn't know her. They didn't care about her emotions.
Briskly pulling out her compact, she gazed into her empty reflection. Those sad eyes stared back. Crying for help, a reaching hand that understands.
"Urgh!" She yelled, stabbing her fork into her lettuce.
I don't have to look good.
I don't care how others view me.
Or do I?
I'm not beautiful…
"Hiya Quisty!"
Quistis quickly slid her compact back into her handbag. It was that slightly annoying, yet always vibrant voice of Selphie.
"Hello Selphie," the blonde quickly responded with no emotion.
How does she do it?
Can someone really be so satisfied with themselves?
Is she covering up, like I attempted to?
She has to be…
Selphie peered at Quistis. She had been watching her. Quistis had been sitting there for half an hour and hadn't taken a bite. Normally, she would have that ingested in less than five minutes. Then be on the run to wherever she had to be. That was the normal workaholic rush. But today, something was different. But Selphie didn't want to make it too obvious she knew something was wrong.
"So what do you want?" Quistis bitterly asked, pulling her hair back.
"What do I want?" Selphie repeated, slightly giggling.
"To talk to you of course! Isn't that what friends do?"
How should I know?
Friends are one of the many things I don't have.
I've never been able to 'talk' to anyone.
Why should I start now?
"I suppose." She flatly responded. She set her fork down and looked up as Selphie sat down across from her. They sat in silence for a few distinct moments.
"Selphie…do you have any insecurities?" Quistis blurted.
"What?" Selphie tilted her head. Is THAT what was bugging her? She never really thought about that. Quistis…insecure?
"Of course, that's like asking if I'm human." Selphie responded. 'Was that a comforting answer?' She asked herself.
No one needs me.
I'm not even good enough to be an instructor.
Do I really belong?
I wish I could just disappear…
1 "I just…" Quistis looked up at Selphie. Did she really want to say? Would Selphie laugh it off, and say the usual "Oh Quistis, you're perfect stop worrying so much"?
"I don't feel needed, that's all," Quistis lied. That was part of it. But surely not all of her emotionally stripping problems.
"Not needed?" Selphie asked.
"We all need you. You're important to me. I look up to you. Yes, we all need you. As a friend more than anything." Selphie answered, trying out her serious side.
There was that word again. Friend. Friendship? Selphie would know. She had plenty of friends. People cared about her for who she was. Not because they wanted to be seen with a young instructor. Something about her made everyone want to be around her. While Quistis seemed to intimidate people instead. What about love? All Quistis ever wanted was love. But what she thought was love, turned out to be Rinoa's star instead. Love came second hand to depression. She didn't need that. She didn't need anything. Quistis looked down to her tray.
Food.
I may not be able to control what others do to me.
But I can control food.
I don't need to eat.
I bet I could go all day without food…
Selphie worriedly watched as the former Instructor stood up, and dumped her Styrofoam tray full of salad into the garbage.