Potions and Other Hazards
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling is the author of the Harry Potter series. All canon characters and canon situations belong to her. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended. No money is made from this story.
Summary: A Potions accident leaves Hermione and a group of fellow students with undesired side effects. Gender-swap story!
Hermione gets caught up in a weird "love triangle"; Ron enjoys the perks of womanhood; Harry is being, well, Harry; Astoria develops a strange fascination for someone unexpected and Draco perpetually acts like a drama queen.
Warnings: Occ-ness (hopefully in moderation) and disregard of books 5 to 7. AU.
A/N: This chapter has been beta'd by Rusty Weasley. Thank you!
Chapter 1: So Here's What Happened
Hermione glanced down at her wristwatch impatiently and swore under her breath. The time was ticking by so impossibly slow. She couldn't believe that only fifty minutes had passed and that there were still thirty to go. This was even worse than History of Magic! Not to mention, it was getting them absolutely nowhere!
Thirty whole minutes until she was finally free to leave… Until then, she would have to sit here and suffer through the irritating company of her classmates. Oh, how she hated people sometimes.
At one point, the Head girl grew so frustrated that she started tapping the glass of her watch to check the watch's functionality, earning many raised brows from the people in the room. Much to Hermione's chagrin, the watch worked just fine.
"Everyone calm down! I understand that this is a very upsetting and confusing situation for you, but we need to act mature about this. Violence is not the answer!" their group therapist, Mister Harris, repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last fifteen minutes. He too was getting irritated and now had an intimidating glare on his face.
Hermione couldn't blame him. Had she been in his shoes, she probably would just have bluntly told her classmates to shut the fuck up already and to plant their arses back in their seats. However, being the professional that he was, Mister Harris used other methods to make them cooperate. Hermione admired his professionalism. He was good.
"Thank you. Now let's approach this civilly," the therapist suggested, clapping his hands together once as his face brightened and his wide smile appeared again. He then went back to informing the group about what he and the professors had discussed and asked for their opinions. Not that he received many helpful answers, as most of them were too busy sending death glares in Ron's direction.
Despite being repeatedly told that punishing and beating Ron to a bloody pulp wasn't the solution to their problem, it was more than obvious that the students weren't convinced and were plotting for Ron's demise anyway.
Even Hermione couldn't help wanting to seek revenge at first. All she had wanted was to pounce on him and make him pay for what he had done to all of them. However, after a "good night" of sleep and a phial of strong Calming Draught, the world seemed a little less sucky than it had two days ago. Whilst she was anything but happy, Hermione also didn't feel the urge drain the life out of Ron's body either. Oh, the wonders of the Calming Draught.
Their shared predicament was entirely Ron's fault - there was no doubt about it (even Ron didn't dare deny it) - but Hermione agreed that everyone needed to give her poor friend a break. It wasn't as if Ron was happy about the situation either, seeing as he was equally affected. But thankfully the girls - or should she call them boys - were more willing to forgive Ron.
Hermione ran both hands through her hair - or what was left of her hair. Instead of her normal shoulder-length locks, Hermione now sported a short two-inch haircut that left no evidence whatsoever of her puffy curls. Never had she thought that she would miss something as trivial her unruly hair, but she did. However, as part of adjustment to her new situation, the hair had to come off. When she forced herself to think about it objectively, the whole situation was a little funny.
It had been one of those typical Fridays where no one could wait for the weekend to arrive. Hermione and her classmates had been down the dungeons for double Potions, desperately trying to stay focused after Professor Slughorn discreetly hinted that the potion they were concocting that day was to be part of their N.E.W.T. examination in June.
Hermione had, for once, been able to get Harry as her partner whilst Ron was stuck with the ever-charming Millicent Bulstrode in the front row. This, of course, hadn't sat well with Ron. He felt absolutely miffed about his lot and wasted no time in letting Harry and Hermione know. Both, much to his chagrin, gracefully ignored his complaint. As if the betrayal of his usual Potions partner wasn't bad enough, Millicent's non-stop criticism and bossy attitude didn't help raise Ron's mood either.
So when his partner left the table to retrieve some additional Moonseed from the storage room, Ron, being the hot-headed person that he was, saw it fit to make a rude hand gesture at Millicent's retreating back. This turned out to be one of Ron's ill-thought ideas and it didn't take long for him realise the mistake. Unfortunately, the realisation came too late and there was nothing Ron could do to stop the disaster. He watched in horror as the jars of bat spleens, Ashwinder eggs, and stewed Mandrake from the potions kit in his hands toppled into the bubbling cauldron with a loud bang, as the cauldron exploded.
The explosion covered the nearby students in sticky, smelly goo. Amongst those unfortunates was Hermione, whereas Harry had been lucky enough to be spared since fate had decided that his foot had to itch that exact moment, having him bend down under the desk down to scratch it.
Naturally, everyone that had come in contact with Ron's concoction was immediately sent to the Hospital Wing for a check-up; however since no visible injuries or other danger from the potion could be detected, the students were released soon after. But as it turned out twenty-four hours later, Madam Pomfrey's optimistic diagnosis was proven wrong. Apparently it just took some time for Ron's potion to kick in and show its effects.
The concoction of Befuddlement Draught and the three additional ingredients resulted in a new and very interesting potion of its own that none of them were prepared for.
Unsettling screams echoed throughout the halls of Hogwarts when the seven victims of the explosion woke up and glanced into the mirror the following morning. Instead of finding their normal selves staring back at them, they found a Mister Granger, Mister Brocklehurst, Mister Turpin and a Miss Corner, Miss Malfoy, Miss Weasley and a Miss Hopkins staring right back at them...
"I already told you lot that I was sorry. What else to you want me to say? I didn't do this on purpose! Sometimes unfortunate things happen. Shit happens!" Ron's nervous voice squeaked from behind Mister Harris' back as he still stubbornly refused to part with his human shield. Hermione thought it was kind of hilarious to see Ron squirm like this, although she also felt sorry for him. He was one of her best friends, no matter what happened.
"No, Weasley! Shit like this doesn't happen! Blokes don't suddenly turn into women and women don't suddenly become blokes! Look what you did to us! I'm a bloody girl now!" Michael Corner hollered, gesturing at his now very curvy and feminine self. Hermione supposed she would have considered the tall dark-haired Ravenclaw attractive, if it weren't for that crazy dangerous look on his face.
Not wanting his group to take ten steps back after finally making what one could almost call progress, the therapist quickly held up a hand authoritatively and gave Michael a stern look. He then turned to Ron and whispered an instruction. Hermione couldn't make out the words, but saw Ron nod weakly take his seat.
"Listen, I understand that this is a difficult situation for all of you, but we need to make this work. Your Potions professor and two very competent potioneers from the Ministry are already working on a cure to reverse this effect. I'm convinced that a cure will be found and that you'll have your normal bodies back soon. But until then, you'll have to learn to accept and how to deal with this situation appropriately. I can help you cope if you let me."
Several students (Mandy, Wayne, Ron and Hermione) nodded at this, showing their willingness to cooperate, whereas some (Michael, Draco and Lisa) only turned to zero in on Ron who was squirming uncomfortably in his chair.
"I want us to meet up regularly. I was thinking about setting up sessions every Monday and Friday at three. In these sessions we'll discuss the problems that you may encounter and think of solutions together. And I know from experience that it can be hard to talk about personal matters and share your feelings with others, but you once you get over that initial fear, you'll see that it can be very liberating to talk. I want to do this with the whole group for now; however, should you feel too uncomfortable, we'll split the group up - so that there will be a separate session for the boys and a separate one for the girls," the therapist explained. When he was about to continue, he was interrupted by a silky, but still annoying as ever, voice.
"But what if we don't to partake in this? What if I don't want to share my feelings with these dunderheads?"
"Of course, he would protest," Hermione thought, rolling her eyes at the girl with the white-blonde hair. Once an arse, always an arse.
"Mister-?" the therapist asked.
"Malfoy, sir."
"Mister Malfoy, if you really don't feel like talking about yourself, then you won't have to. I'm not going to force anyone, but it'll still be mandatory for you to attend these meetings. Your friends may need the support, and would surely appreciate your help," therapist Harris answered calmly before adding in a more stern manner, "And please refrain from insulting your classmates - I will not tolerate it."
Not happy at being told off, Draco nodded reluctantly and crossed his arms over his chest, unintentionally drawing attention to that particular area. Hermione almost died when she caught herself staring at Malfoy's bust for far too long.
Meanwhile, Draco mumbled something under his breath that made Michael snort and nod in agreement. Hermione wasn't surprised that out of all people, these two bonded. Their snotty attitudes and insufferable characters was the ideal basis for a life-long friendship. It was practically a match made in heaven.
"I want you to be aware of the things that'll change for you. Whether you want it or not, things will change; it is inevitable. People that have known you before the incident will most likely act differently towards you; even close friends. You must understand that they don't necessarily do that consciously or do it to be hurtful. This is something they will need to get used to as well," Mister Harris said solemnly.
"Yeah," Hermione mumbled. This was definitely something you needed to get used to. One would think she'd be able to have a normal school year for once, but it just wasn't meant to be - as always.