Disclaimer- All Harry Potter characters and places belong to J.K. Rowling. The song "Simon" belongs to Lifehouse.
~Anything At All~
Draco Malfoy set out around the lake, darkness surrounding him. That was how he liked it. Everything seemed so muddled and confusing in the daylight…darkness was all encompassing, and it made him feel at peace. He tried to push back thoughts of everything that had happened at the Malfoy Manor over the summer. His father was once again an active Death Eater, and the wards around their house to keep Aurors away were getting more and more violent. Draco knew one day they'd get past them, and what would happen them? Narcissca was so frightened she hardly even spoke anymore. She silently obeyed Lucius, and never spoke out when he was angry at Draco.
Draco's father had been encouraging him in the way of the Dark Arts ever since he had been very young. He knew that innately, he should follow that path. It was what his father wanted, it was in his very nature to be evil.
But he couldn't. A slight tugging of conscience awoke within him whenever he tried to perform a Dark Spell. He had seen too much death…he supposed he should be immune to it. But it's almost as if it had started to wear away at the strong, emotionless façade he always put up. It was starting to reach him on a deeper level. A level of his conscience that he couldn't explain, and wasn't familiar with. Was it guilt?
He didn't want to serve Voldemort, he didn't want to kill. But he could never express that…couldn't decide how that could be possible to tell his father. His father would cast him out of the family as a disgrace to the powerful Malfoy name.
Draco was snapped from his thoughts when he realized he had walked a very far distance, almost to the other side of the lake. And he realized suddenly that he heard a soft sound…a sound of someone crying. Straining his eyes to see through the thick blackness, he saw a figure of a girl, her head in her hands, sitting on a rock by a lake. Squinting further, he made out a mass of red curls. Draco rolled his eyes. Ginny Weasley. He had only talked to her once or twice, and never more than a cruel passing comment. He hadn't even seen her since school started. Not that he cared. He started to walk away, when her head snapped up.
"Who's there?" Her voice called.
Draco didn't answer, hoping she couldn't see him.
She rose to her full height, and Draco was shocked to see that it was a considerable one. She had grown almost taller than him. Those Weasleys are all oversized. He thought sardonically. But she wasn't, besides being tall. She had a thin figure on such a long frame, and he was surprised to notice that she wasn't all that bad-looking.
"Draco Malfoy?" Her tear-choked voice said quietly.
"For sixteen years now, Weasley."
"W-What are you doing out here?" She crossed her arms after quickly wiping her tear stained cheeks.
He stepped closer towards here.
"Come on, I know you were crying. I'm surprised you didn't wake up the whole school."
"Still a bastard, apparently." Ginny rolled her eyes, trying to disguise her weak, tired voice.
"Wow, feisty."
"Seriously, Malfoy, I really was wondering-"
"Do androids dream of robotic sheep?" Draco cut her off, grinning.
"Er…no. Wherever that came from. I was wondering what you're doing out here."
"I should ask you the same question."
"And you actually think I'd tell you?"
"Oh, come on, Weasley. Why hate me? We don't even know each other."
"I know all about you."
'What, from an unauthorized and highly biased biography provided from older brothers and Potter? Please. I don't think that's painting a fair picture of me."
"I think they paint a pretty accurate one." Ginny said coldly.
"Really?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, really. Harry told me that you just hate everyone your father tells you to, and do everything he tells you to, because you're incapable of making decisions for yourself and nothing but a coward." Ginny stepped closer to him, eyes narrowed.
Draco felt a slight burning in his chest. Who did Ginny think she was?
"Oh, and of course, you trust everything Harry tells you. Bloody Potter knows everything, right, Gin?"
"You're just jealous."
"Of Potter? Hardly, babe."
"Right. Just because he has everything you don't, there's absolutely no reason to be jealous. He's better at Quidditch than you, he has actual friends who can form sentences and everything, and he's not a cold, bitter loner who does nothing but brood and push everyone away."
"Oh yeah, and he has a simpering little idiot who hasn't stopped stalking him since she came here. Gee, who wouldn't want that?" Draco said icily.
"I do not stalk him." Ginny said, her jaw clenched.
"Please. I'm surprised he hasn't gotten a restraining order."
"Shut up."
"Ooh, snappy response."
Ginny glowered over him, and Draco realized with surprise that she was a little taller. Not much though, and certainly not enough to be intimidating.
"Gin, I think we'd better call it a night. As much as I want this conversation to last forever, all good things must come to an end. But, hey, you should know all about that. Charlie died over the summer, didn't he? He seemed to be a pretty nice guy…but nice guys die easier. Especially when there's Death Eaters involved."
Ginny looked at him in shock, her eyes glassing over.
"How dare you say that?" She almost shook with rage, tears spilling down her cheeks.
"That's why you're out here right? Can't move on? It keeps you awake every night thinking about who
could be next, doesn't it? You never thought it would actually hit home, but it did. And now your family doesn't know what to do with themselves. They're falling apart, Gin. And you're going right down with them."
Ginny didn't say anything, just stood there, tears spilling down her cheeks.
"It's not fair, is it? Not fair that you should have to deal with all this crap when you're only fifteen? You should be worrying if that cute guy in Herbology is ever going to talk to you, not if the Weasley family's going to get a downsizing. But it's frightening, and it's real, and it's right in front of us. And both of us can do nothing as we watch our lives crumble down around us."
"Both of us?" Ginny looked at him carefully
"Yes, both of us, Weasley. Don't you think there's some skeletons in the Malfoy closet? And in my family's case, I'm not being figurative. Every weekend, my dad has all his Death Eater pals over, and they plot how to kill the next innocent. It shouldn't bother me…I've been raised around it my entire life. But it does bother me, Gin. And I can't stand it."
"A conscience, huh? That's the breaks, Malfoy. Believe it or not, we've all got them." Gin said softy,
"I know that. And it's eating me up inside. I don't know what to do. Don't think you're the only one who's got it rough, Gin."
Ginny and Draco stood in silence for a moment, Ginny still reeling from a slight glimpse into Draco's feelings. But slowly she spoke.
"So we just stand back and let it happen? You become a Death Eater just like your father wants, and I watch as my family falls apart? My dad's never home, I haven't seen Bill since Charlie's funeral, Ron barely even speaks, Percy's burying himself in paperwork to escape it all, and Fred and George haven't cracked a smile in three months. And my mother…I don't even know what she's feeling. And I just watch it happen?"
"What else can you do?" Draco looked at her.
"I don't know. I'm just…I'm just so scared, Malfoy." And, despite herself, Ginny broke down. Hard violent sobs that made her feel as if she could hardly stand. She started to walk away, save herself some dignity, when Malfoy roughly gripped her forearm.
"What?" She choked out.
"It's going to be ok, Gin. You don't have to be afraid." He said, taking her in his arms in an awkward embrace.
Gin nearly cried out with surprise. Draco Malfoy was hugging her? What was he was playing at? But slowly, she let her head fall against his shoulder, putting her arms around him. He needed comfort just as much as she did, though he would never even come close to admitting it.
Draco felt Ginny's heartbeat against him, and it was oddly reassuring. To actually receive affection from someone was a very new experience to him, and he knew that tomorrow morning he would think he had completely lost his mind for doing this. Usually even the sight or mention of a Weasley made him burn with hatred, but he realized that that was just because that had been instilled in him his entire life by his damned father. It was almost as if he and Ginny, together like this, was a silent rebellion against everything his father wanted. And it felt good.
They stood like that for a moment, and Draco pulled back slightly, putting his thumb on her cheek.
Ginny's brown eyes widened. He wasn't actually going to kiss her? How much comfort did this boy need? But looking up into Draco's slate grey eyes and seeing his rather striking face that close to hers made her heart beat faster.
They leaned towards each other, hesitantly, Ginny shaking slightly, and their lips met. It was almost as if the moment their mouths touched, something that had been dormant inside both of them for far too long awoke. Maybe it was just finding solace, maybe it was something approaching desire, maybe it just happened, with no explanation. But whatever it was, they were kissing each other, and neither planned on pulling away.
In all of Ginny's dreams of Harry, their first kiss was soft and beautiful and sweet. The kind in movies where everything goes fuzzy and sappy music plays in the background. But kissing Draco was like nothing she had ever imagined. It was strange and incredible, and made her feel as if she would collapse the second he let her go.
Draco had kissed girls before, but it was meaningless when he had. He had felt nothing during the kiss or after it, and usually they read too much into them anyway. But this was like being a dream-a beautiful nightmare that was filled with contradictions, and he couldn't bring himself to end it. It felt terrifying and wonderful to be kissing her like this, but he didn't care what it meant, or what it could mean. It was just happening, and neither made any move to stop it.
Ginny drew in a deep breath, pulling back only slightly, their lips barely an inch apart.
"Draco, what are-"
"Shut up." Draco replied recklessly, kissing her again.
After a long while, both pulled away, faces flushed with heat. Neither knew quite what to say. That had been such an experience that no words seemed fitting to follow it.
"I guess that grief and hormones can be a fatal combination." Draco finally said, smiling slightly.
"Incisive observation." Ginny smiled weakly back.
"Maybe we should consider a counselor instead of snogging each other silly the next time we're depressed." Draco grinned.
"Oh, I don't know…I feel better, don't you?"
"Actually yes…but I'm afraid this session better be our last."
"Getting off the couch so soon, Malfoy?" Ginny said, smiling.
"Looks like it, Gin. But, hey, thanks. I'll recommend you to all my friends."
"As long as you're not implying Crabbe and Goyle."
Draco laughed hollowly.
"So that's it? Back to our detestation of each other?" Ginny asked.
"Yeah, I'm afraid this relationship better end with the highly clichéd "it's not you, it's me" line."
Ginny looked at him for a second, and Draco sighed, exasperated.
"What do you want me to say? That I'm desperately in love with you?"
"Rule that out, Malfoy. Liars don't do much for me."
"Well, hey, Gin, that pretty much rules me out. I'm not a good guy and you can't make me one. I was raised to be an evil liar who does whatever he needs to do come out with the upper hand."
"Well, I wouldn't want to go against your childhood teachings. Why would you possibly want to turn away from that lifestyle?" Ginny said sarcastically.
"Maybe I do want to. But it's not that easy. I can't just click my heels together and make everything okay."
"That'd be kinda neat if you could though." Ginny said, trying to lighten Malfoy's mood.
"I'm not kidding, Weasley. My life has never been simple, and a relationship with you would just complicate things more."
"Well, hey, don't do anything if it's not easy for you, Malfoy. Wouldn't want to put you out or anything."
"Can't we just pretend this never happened?" Draco was looking across the lake, the water casting strange reflections on his pale, chiseled features.
"Sure, Draco." Ginny said, annoyed.
Draco turned to look at her, and Gin had never seen this expression on his face. No mockery, no sarcasm. Just a grave expression that seemed to look right into her.
"Ginny, right now…I-I can't possibly feel anything real, except for desperation…I feel lost and there's nothing for me to follow to find myself….the person I want to be."
Gin looked at him, and put her hand on his forearm, her expression sincere.
"Hey, if you ever find him…get back to me, okay?"
Draco smiled at her, but it looked pained.
"I'll think about it."
"Good…we better get back." Ginny said abruptly.
They walked in silence back to the castle. As Ginny headed up the stairs to the Gryffindor tower, and Draco down towards the Slytherin dungeon, they shared one last look.
"Hey, Gin, if you ever need a good snog, you know who to call." Draco said jokingly.
Ginny laughed slightly.
"I'll keep that in mind, Draco. Good night."
"Night." Draco replied, and they went their separate ways.
"Refuse to slip, refuse to fall, refuse to feel anything at all.
You can't be weak, you can't stand still.
Watch your back, or no one will.
But I have felt the same as you…I've felt the same."
Lifehouse, "Simon"
~Anything At All~
Draco Malfoy set out around the lake, darkness surrounding him. That was how he liked it. Everything seemed so muddled and confusing in the daylight…darkness was all encompassing, and it made him feel at peace. He tried to push back thoughts of everything that had happened at the Malfoy Manor over the summer. His father was once again an active Death Eater, and the wards around their house to keep Aurors away were getting more and more violent. Draco knew one day they'd get past them, and what would happen them? Narcissca was so frightened she hardly even spoke anymore. She silently obeyed Lucius, and never spoke out when he was angry at Draco.
Draco's father had been encouraging him in the way of the Dark Arts ever since he had been very young. He knew that innately, he should follow that path. It was what his father wanted, it was in his very nature to be evil.
But he couldn't. A slight tugging of conscience awoke within him whenever he tried to perform a Dark Spell. He had seen too much death…he supposed he should be immune to it. But it's almost as if it had started to wear away at the strong, emotionless façade he always put up. It was starting to reach him on a deeper level. A level of his conscience that he couldn't explain, and wasn't familiar with. Was it guilt?
He didn't want to serve Voldemort, he didn't want to kill. But he could never express that…couldn't decide how that could be possible to tell his father. His father would cast him out of the family as a disgrace to the powerful Malfoy name.
Draco was snapped from his thoughts when he realized he had walked a very far distance, almost to the other side of the lake. And he realized suddenly that he heard a soft sound…a sound of someone crying. Straining his eyes to see through the thick blackness, he saw a figure of a girl, her head in her hands, sitting on a rock by a lake. Squinting further, he made out a mass of red curls. Draco rolled his eyes. Ginny Weasley. He had only talked to her once or twice, and never more than a cruel passing comment. He hadn't even seen her since school started. Not that he cared. He started to walk away, when her head snapped up.
"Who's there?" Her voice called.
Draco didn't answer, hoping she couldn't see him.
She rose to her full height, and Draco was shocked to see that it was a considerable one. She had grown almost taller than him. Those Weasleys are all oversized. He thought sardonically. But she wasn't, besides being tall. She had a thin figure on such a long frame, and he was surprised to notice that she wasn't all that bad-looking.
"Draco Malfoy?" Her tear-choked voice said quietly.
"For sixteen years now, Weasley."
"W-What are you doing out here?" She crossed her arms after quickly wiping her tear stained cheeks.
He stepped closer towards here.
"Come on, I know you were crying. I'm surprised you didn't wake up the whole school."
"Still a bastard, apparently." Ginny rolled her eyes, trying to disguise her weak, tired voice.
"Wow, feisty."
"Seriously, Malfoy, I really was wondering-"
"Do androids dream of robotic sheep?" Draco cut her off, grinning.
"Er…no. Wherever that came from. I was wondering what you're doing out here."
"I should ask you the same question."
"And you actually think I'd tell you?"
"Oh, come on, Weasley. Why hate me? We don't even know each other."
"I know all about you."
'What, from an unauthorized and highly biased biography provided from older brothers and Potter? Please. I don't think that's painting a fair picture of me."
"I think they paint a pretty accurate one." Ginny said coldly.
"Really?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Yes, really. Harry told me that you just hate everyone your father tells you to, and do everything he tells you to, because you're incapable of making decisions for yourself and nothing but a coward." Ginny stepped closer to him, eyes narrowed.
Draco felt a slight burning in his chest. Who did Ginny think she was?
"Oh, and of course, you trust everything Harry tells you. Bloody Potter knows everything, right, Gin?"
"You're just jealous."
"Of Potter? Hardly, babe."
"Right. Just because he has everything you don't, there's absolutely no reason to be jealous. He's better at Quidditch than you, he has actual friends who can form sentences and everything, and he's not a cold, bitter loner who does nothing but brood and push everyone away."
"Oh yeah, and he has a simpering little idiot who hasn't stopped stalking him since she came here. Gee, who wouldn't want that?" Draco said icily.
"I do not stalk him." Ginny said, her jaw clenched.
"Please. I'm surprised he hasn't gotten a restraining order."
"Shut up."
"Ooh, snappy response."
Ginny glowered over him, and Draco realized with surprise that she was a little taller. Not much though, and certainly not enough to be intimidating.
"Gin, I think we'd better call it a night. As much as I want this conversation to last forever, all good things must come to an end. But, hey, you should know all about that. Charlie died over the summer, didn't he? He seemed to be a pretty nice guy…but nice guys die easier. Especially when there's Death Eaters involved."
Ginny looked at him in shock, her eyes glassing over.
"How dare you say that?" She almost shook with rage, tears spilling down her cheeks.
"That's why you're out here right? Can't move on? It keeps you awake every night thinking about who
could be next, doesn't it? You never thought it would actually hit home, but it did. And now your family doesn't know what to do with themselves. They're falling apart, Gin. And you're going right down with them."
Ginny didn't say anything, just stood there, tears spilling down her cheeks.
"It's not fair, is it? Not fair that you should have to deal with all this crap when you're only fifteen? You should be worrying if that cute guy in Herbology is ever going to talk to you, not if the Weasley family's going to get a downsizing. But it's frightening, and it's real, and it's right in front of us. And both of us can do nothing as we watch our lives crumble down around us."
"Both of us?" Ginny looked at him carefully
"Yes, both of us, Weasley. Don't you think there's some skeletons in the Malfoy closet? And in my family's case, I'm not being figurative. Every weekend, my dad has all his Death Eater pals over, and they plot how to kill the next innocent. It shouldn't bother me…I've been raised around it my entire life. But it does bother me, Gin. And I can't stand it."
"A conscience, huh? That's the breaks, Malfoy. Believe it or not, we've all got them." Gin said softy,
"I know that. And it's eating me up inside. I don't know what to do. Don't think you're the only one who's got it rough, Gin."
Ginny and Draco stood in silence for a moment, Ginny still reeling from a slight glimpse into Draco's feelings. But slowly she spoke.
"So we just stand back and let it happen? You become a Death Eater just like your father wants, and I watch as my family falls apart? My dad's never home, I haven't seen Bill since Charlie's funeral, Ron barely even speaks, Percy's burying himself in paperwork to escape it all, and Fred and George haven't cracked a smile in three months. And my mother…I don't even know what she's feeling. And I just watch it happen?"
"What else can you do?" Draco looked at her.
"I don't know. I'm just…I'm just so scared, Malfoy." And, despite herself, Ginny broke down. Hard violent sobs that made her feel as if she could hardly stand. She started to walk away, save herself some dignity, when Malfoy roughly gripped her forearm.
"What?" She choked out.
"It's going to be ok, Gin. You don't have to be afraid." He said, taking her in his arms in an awkward embrace.
Gin nearly cried out with surprise. Draco Malfoy was hugging her? What was he was playing at? But slowly, she let her head fall against his shoulder, putting her arms around him. He needed comfort just as much as she did, though he would never even come close to admitting it.
Draco felt Ginny's heartbeat against him, and it was oddly reassuring. To actually receive affection from someone was a very new experience to him, and he knew that tomorrow morning he would think he had completely lost his mind for doing this. Usually even the sight or mention of a Weasley made him burn with hatred, but he realized that that was just because that had been instilled in him his entire life by his damned father. It was almost as if he and Ginny, together like this, was a silent rebellion against everything his father wanted. And it felt good.
They stood like that for a moment, and Draco pulled back slightly, putting his thumb on her cheek.
Ginny's brown eyes widened. He wasn't actually going to kiss her? How much comfort did this boy need? But looking up into Draco's slate grey eyes and seeing his rather striking face that close to hers made her heart beat faster.
They leaned towards each other, hesitantly, Ginny shaking slightly, and their lips met. It was almost as if the moment their mouths touched, something that had been dormant inside both of them for far too long awoke. Maybe it was just finding solace, maybe it was something approaching desire, maybe it just happened, with no explanation. But whatever it was, they were kissing each other, and neither planned on pulling away.
In all of Ginny's dreams of Harry, their first kiss was soft and beautiful and sweet. The kind in movies where everything goes fuzzy and sappy music plays in the background. But kissing Draco was like nothing she had ever imagined. It was strange and incredible, and made her feel as if she would collapse the second he let her go.
Draco had kissed girls before, but it was meaningless when he had. He had felt nothing during the kiss or after it, and usually they read too much into them anyway. But this was like being a dream-a beautiful nightmare that was filled with contradictions, and he couldn't bring himself to end it. It felt terrifying and wonderful to be kissing her like this, but he didn't care what it meant, or what it could mean. It was just happening, and neither made any move to stop it.
Ginny drew in a deep breath, pulling back only slightly, their lips barely an inch apart.
"Draco, what are-"
"Shut up." Draco replied recklessly, kissing her again.
After a long while, both pulled away, faces flushed with heat. Neither knew quite what to say. That had been such an experience that no words seemed fitting to follow it.
"I guess that grief and hormones can be a fatal combination." Draco finally said, smiling slightly.
"Incisive observation." Ginny smiled weakly back.
"Maybe we should consider a counselor instead of snogging each other silly the next time we're depressed." Draco grinned.
"Oh, I don't know…I feel better, don't you?"
"Actually yes…but I'm afraid this session better be our last."
"Getting off the couch so soon, Malfoy?" Ginny said, smiling.
"Looks like it, Gin. But, hey, thanks. I'll recommend you to all my friends."
"As long as you're not implying Crabbe and Goyle."
Draco laughed hollowly.
"So that's it? Back to our detestation of each other?" Ginny asked.
"Yeah, I'm afraid this relationship better end with the highly clichéd "it's not you, it's me" line."
Ginny looked at him for a second, and Draco sighed, exasperated.
"What do you want me to say? That I'm desperately in love with you?"
"Rule that out, Malfoy. Liars don't do much for me."
"Well, hey, Gin, that pretty much rules me out. I'm not a good guy and you can't make me one. I was raised to be an evil liar who does whatever he needs to do come out with the upper hand."
"Well, I wouldn't want to go against your childhood teachings. Why would you possibly want to turn away from that lifestyle?" Ginny said sarcastically.
"Maybe I do want to. But it's not that easy. I can't just click my heels together and make everything okay."
"That'd be kinda neat if you could though." Ginny said, trying to lighten Malfoy's mood.
"I'm not kidding, Weasley. My life has never been simple, and a relationship with you would just complicate things more."
"Well, hey, don't do anything if it's not easy for you, Malfoy. Wouldn't want to put you out or anything."
"Can't we just pretend this never happened?" Draco was looking across the lake, the water casting strange reflections on his pale, chiseled features.
"Sure, Draco." Ginny said, annoyed.
Draco turned to look at her, and Gin had never seen this expression on his face. No mockery, no sarcasm. Just a grave expression that seemed to look right into her.
"Ginny, right now…I-I can't possibly feel anything real, except for desperation…I feel lost and there's nothing for me to follow to find myself….the person I want to be."
Gin looked at him, and put her hand on his forearm, her expression sincere.
"Hey, if you ever find him…get back to me, okay?"
Draco smiled at her, but it looked pained.
"I'll think about it."
"Good…we better get back." Ginny said abruptly.
They walked in silence back to the castle. As Ginny headed up the stairs to the Gryffindor tower, and Draco down towards the Slytherin dungeon, they shared one last look.
"Hey, Gin, if you ever need a good snog, you know who to call." Draco said jokingly.
Ginny laughed slightly.
"I'll keep that in mind, Draco. Good night."
"Night." Draco replied, and they went their separate ways.
"Refuse to slip, refuse to fall, refuse to feel anything at all.
You can't be weak, you can't stand still.
Watch your back, or no one will.
But I have felt the same as you…I've felt the same."
Lifehouse, "Simon"