Well, here goes nothing!
You know, I'm beginning to wonder if maybe this whole jumping business was a good idea or not. Oh well, too late, I've almost hit the-
.
That hurt, for god's sake. And now there's blood all over the pavement, see, someone's going to have to clean that up now. For shame. I'm getting really dizzy now, why can't I feel my arm? Oh, God, Here comes John. Look dead, look dead. Try not to laugh at how much he's crying, you can laugh later. You know, I probably should have seen this coming. I should have come up with a better plan than "Just jump and hope for the best." I mean, really, I've probably been brain damaged and-
No. you don't think about that. Out of all the possibilities, that is not something that is going to happen. Not to me. If become brain damaged, I might be as stupid as Mycroft. If that happens, the whole of space-time will collapse. Sherlock Holmes must not be a mental. I think it's one of the 10 commandments.
Speaking of Mycroft, I can't wait to see his face when he hears the news. Heh heh heh heh heh. He's going to be like "What," And I'm going to go "Wham! Resurrection." I swear to god, no one is ever going to see it coming. Except maybe Moriarty. Yes, we're both in on this little game, I think. He probably thinks I didn't see the pellet gun and the fake blood. What a stupid trick, a child wouldn't fall for it. Oh, here comes the stretcher. Careful with that elbow, I need it to play the violin. Honestly, you people have no respect for real talent. Into the mortuary we go now, and if you drop me, I will stand up and do the Thriller dance. Yes, I know the zombie walk, what's your point? Now to plan my escape. Bollocks, I don't have the fake corpse. I'm under the sheet now, I hope they don't notice a phone. I have to text an irregular.
"Bring me corpse, Hospital, quickly lol. SH"
He should be here soon. Around the back. I can hear footsteps now, and a door. Ah, those doctors must have left the room. Time to get up, holding my breath is killing me. Round the back door we go, and here's the corpse. Good man. I'm just going to slip it under, bit of fake blood (I always carry some) and… perfect. DNA and everything. No one will ever notice. Now, for the next part of my plan. It's not exactly dignified, I must admit, but it does have that Great Escape notion about it. Into the wheelie bin it is. Hang on… The bins won't be collected for two days… I'm going to have a bit of a wait. Lucky no one ever uses this one. Plus, I hear a singsong can make a wait seem shorter! My day just keeps getting better.
I hope people don't find anything unusual about a bin that can sing Bob Marley.