A/N: this is a totally indulgent thing I wrote in order to get myself out of the angsty head space I was in after be cool. Don't get me wrong, I love angst, but I wanted to write some fluff too. This may seem a little OOC and I suppose it is OOC for the characters as the stand now, but let's hope for the future eh?
There isn't any one thing really. It's a bunch of little things. He hates how cliche it is, and how often he's heard it harped on in those romantic comedies that she watches, but it's true. He loves the way every single little part coalesces and makes her who she is. He doesn't know how to say it, so he just tells her he loves her, not really expecting any particular response. He just needs to get the words out.
But, in true Mindy fashion, she doesn't let him settle back into the couch, popcorn in his lap. She won't let him pretend to be interested in the movie they're watching. Her eyes sparkle as she bounces up in down in her excitement. She has so many questions, and she rattles them off between affectionate pecks. "You love me?" His temple. "When did you know?" The corner of his mouth. "What exactly do you love about me?" The hollow beneath his ear.
He's struck speechless by her enthusiastic response, and just stares at her expectant expression, his lips parted in amazement. She wants to know when? He's not entirely sure when. He could tell her the first moment he felt the strange giddiness in his chest. Hearing her laughter, evoked by himself, for the first time. Only, he hadn't known why he'd felt that way. So surely it couldn't have been love.
He could tell her the way his stomach had dropped to his toes when he'd seen that she'd cut her hair for Casey. How he'd adamantly remained in denial, his heart in his throat, until she'd actually said the words. Even then, he hadn't really known what it'd meant. So surely that wasn't the time either.
He could tell her about the swirling sensation in the pit of his stomach the first time he'd ever held her close, the momentary breathlessness when he'd realized how perfectly she tucked into him. Then he'd known what it meant, or at least what it could mean, but did he really know how far he could fall? Certainly other people had seen it before he'd acknowledged it. Amy's words had rung in his ears for days.
He'll be specific for her, because he knows she wants all the details. He tells her he felt the first thrill of attraction the first time he ever saw her. A purely physical stab of lust, he'd been so quick to squelch. It had been easy to push aside, until she'd spoken to him, pushing every single button he'd never known he'd had. Buttons he hadn't known he'd wanted pushed, until she'd gotten her way.
He tells her, the first moment he realized it wasn't just lust, that he truly cared for her, and hated to see her unhappy. It was the first time he'd opened up about his past, willingly anyway. He'd needed to show her that love was waiting around every corner, and that she shouldn't give up just because she hadn't had a Nora Ephron moment. On the outside looking in, taking her to a place so significant to a love he'd once had might have seemed strange, but he'd wanted to show her that a warm heart did in fact beat, that he wasn't incapable of feeling. He hadn't been ready then, not quite, but he hoped she understood what he'd been saying.
He tells her about all those other moments, all of the terrifying realizations that have struck him along the way, and still, he doesn't say when he knew. He's coming to that, and he's afraid it might make her angry, but it's the truth. "Before I say when, can I tell you why?"
She gives him a look, dubious but pleased, scooting closer to him she lifts his arm up over her shoulder, slipping closer to him. It's her favorite way to sit together. "Sure. Tell me all the reasons I'm amazing and so worth loving. I'll help you out if you forget anything."
He smiles, glad she's taking his roundabout answer in stride. "Well, your optimism, for one. I'm so relentlessly pessimistic sometimes. I don't know what I'd do without you, opening windows for me to look through. You've shown me that I'm allowed to be happy, that things can work out."
She sighs. "You and your way with words. How on earth did you hide this ability from me for so long?" Her fingers found their way to the stubble at his chin, tracing their way along the line of his jaw. She adopts an overly romantic tone, her inner narrator coming out. "Such a quietly stoic man."
Laughing, he reaches up and twists a lock of hair around his finger. "You're kidding me? Half the time I can't get a word in edgewise." He laughed. "But, that's another thing. Your constant chatter. You like so many things, your world is this huge vibrant toy box filled to the brim with the things you enjoy, and I feel lucky to be privy to it, to be part of it." Capturing the hand at his face, he kisses her knuckles the way he knows she loves, because it reminds her of Knights courting princesses.
She's loving this, he can tell. The enjoyment spreads across her face as he continues to enumerate the things he loves about her. Her seriousness in the face of medical emergencies. The compassion she shows toward her patients. Her unrelenting confidence in herself, even when he knows she has self doubt, like any other person in the world.
The way she loves her parents, mothers her little brother, almost smothers him. "You'll be such a wonderful mother."
"Yeah?" Pausing, she hazards a peek at his face. "We haven't talked about that. I thought maybe you were a little… scared?" Her eyes get soft, and he can see the sheen of tears in them. Happy ones this time, not at all like the ones he'd seen on the night he'd truly realized he loved her.
He nods. "You make me feel like I can do anything, even the things I've always make my fears seem so unfounded. I know I won't make the same mistakes my father did."
This time the tears fall, and he's reminded again that he still hasn't told her when he really knew. "Mindy, I loved you for so long. It's impossible to pinpoint the exact moment it happened. It was this slow building sensation that I didn't know was there until it had completely enveloped me." He takes a deep breath, feeling strange hearing such long spiel coming from his mouth, but he pushes forward. "For so long, I didn't know what it was. I didn't recognize its significance."
Her expression turns serious as she looks up at him, biting her bottom lip, eyebrows slightly furrowed. He traces the tracks of her dried tears with the pad of his thumb, hoping his next revelation won't hurt her.
He continues. "I can pinpoint the exact moment I knew that it was love, and that it had the power to destroy me." Swallowing, his arms tighten around her involuntarily. "The night I walked away from you, it tore at me, the realization that I loved you. That time we weren't together, only cemented the feeling."
He chances to look upon her again, fearful of what he might see. She is looking up at him, much the same as before, only now her expression is totally clear, the worry gone. He even sees a small little smile on her face. "That's when I knew too."
He feels his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallows hard. "You love me?"
Her eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and she pulls away for a clearer view of his face. "Was there ever any doubt?" Her expression falls. "Oh, Danny, there was?"
He can feel the blood rushing to his cheeks, his ears turning crimson. Yes, he'd had his doubts, but now they were gone. He opens his mouth to tell her so, but she speaks before he can say anything. "I do love you, and I'll tell you this. It's the first time I've ever loved anyone, really. It's like those unfortunate kids whose parents make them eat carob, instead of chocolate, and it's fine, because they've never had chocolate, they don't know what they're missing. They could go their whole lives eating carob and probably be ok with it, but then one day, some other kid slips them a piece of milk chocolate, and it's like their world is turned upside down, carob would never be satisfactory again."
He laughs, feeling an irresistible urge to express his affection, he pulls her closer, plucking hungrily her lips. He can feel the curve of her smile under his own as she scoots closer, practically climbing on top of him. Finally, pulling back to catch her breath, she looks down at him, eyes sparkling. "God, I love chocolate."