Tenshi-san: There's a lack of humorous Labyrinth fan fictions, so low and behold I submit this small piece of insane writing for peoples to read. Oh, and I love this soundtrack; so if Jareth suddenly bursts into song, don't mind. ^^
Jareth: I hate you.
Tenshi-san: ^^ I'll be nice.
Jareth: -_- I DON'T believe you.
Tenshi-san: I promise not to dump you in the Bog of Eternal Stench.
Jareth: I still think you are a cruel, malic----
Tenshi-san: Whose got your pants in a twist?
Disclaimer: I don't own Labyrinth…
Chapter 1: In Beginning There Was Glitter. Everywhere.
There is a bus in every school that is whispered about, hinted at, and, finally, just plain talked about. The whole ride is punctuated by thrown objects. You know, spit wads, broken pencils, coins, and daggers. They really should put a sign stating, "The Surgeon General says that riding this bus is hazardous to your health." Don't expect any bleeding hearts on this bus but your own. Multiple stab wounds hurt.
In my school the bus is good old' number nine. This bus is a slice of hell. A moving, cold, damp, or, alternately, a moving, hot, humid, slice of hell. This is a lower ring that Lucifer thought was so bad, he removed it. And I, I have to ride this bus every day! But, still, no matter how bad it got I should never have said what I said.
You know the saying 'be careful what you wish for, it might come true"? Believe me, that is very good advise. I said, " I wish the goblins would come and take me away, right now!" Shouldn't ever say that. Ever. Unless you have a thing for goblins. (Wouldn't know why, goblins are icky. Don't even want to think of that.)
It had been a bad day, and riding the bus home made it ten thousand times worse. I had not had a lovely English class. I may be a bit of a smart ass, but the fact was I had corrected the teacher. Twice. And, being a slacker, I didn't do the homework for any of the other classes. All two of them. And, now, to top it off I'm stuck in the Goblin King's Labyrinth with about 10 hours left of the 13 to finish it. And I'm not sure I want to go home.
Being Friday, the bus was worse than usual. Everyone was shouting except me, I was staring out the window wishing I had a gun. Or a flamethrower. Hell a stake and mallet and some garlic would work wonders on this bus.
As I stared out the window and fantasized about using a flamethrower on half of the bus and an Uzi on the rest, a sticky hand hit my window. A middle school student said, "Give me my hand back!"
I, not at all happy from being woken from my reverie of pleasant thoughts, said "Why?" (I know, not the most interesting thing to say.)
"Because it's mine!" Junior high wasn't happy and looked as if he was going to start yelling in his high, squeaky voice.
"Then don't throw it at me." I stated in a monotone. I handed it to him.
A girl named Rose sat in the seat across from me. We were neighbors and sometimes friends. Usually. She didn't like my humor, and thought I was a pervert. "What did I do to deserve to ride this bus!?"
"I don't know, karmic debt, maybe…"
"Rhiannon, we would have had to have been…" said Rose.
"Multiple murderers, serial killers, thief who stole fire from the gods, wished a baby sibling to the goblins."
"You watch to much T.V. I couldn't have been a serial killer in my last life. I don't have a former life. And you can't wish your siblings to the goblins. You'd have done it long ago if you could." Rose didn't like reincarnation or goblins.
"You wouldn't remember a past life. And, why on Earth would I wish my siblings to the goblins. I'd go there myself!" I said.
"Only cause you find Jareth attractive." that last statement is, unfortunantly, true. I do find the Goblin King attractive.
"Hmph. He might be cute, but I like labyrinths." I said.
"You might like mazes, but you want to pick out curtains with the king!" Rose teased.
"Tapestries, Rose, not curtains. Jareth live in the castle…" I said in a singsong voice.
"Beyond the Goblin City in the center of the Labyrinth," Rose knew the speech. I had forced her to watch the movie many times. Coming to think of it, that may have been why we were drifting apart.
"Yep." I turned away to look out the window. "I wish the goblins would come and take me away, right now." I whispered. Thunder rumbled and a lightning bolt lanced down a few yard from the bus. I turned to Rose, 'what do you think, a thunderstorm in December?"
"Nothing is unusual. Perhaps a warm front came up from down south."
"It was snowing down south. Near New Orleans and Miami. It never snows that far south, Rose!"
"I suppose it's lover boy. You shouldn't ask for favors, Rhiannon."
"So--malicious… You feeling okay Rose?" I sounded worried. She was never so cold. It was worrying.
"Yes." she snapped, "I just wish you'd stop living in all those fairy tales."
"Okay. Jeeze, Rose, I'll stop talking about it. Anyway this is just an unseasonable freak storm. Nothing magical about it." I couldn't have been more wrong. "You think that my saying…nah…" I shook my head.
"What," she snapped with narrowed eyes, "did you say?"
"I wish the goblins would come and take me away, right now." I said sheepishly.
Lightning lanced down and hit the bus. The girls in the seat behind me screamed. The bus spun, and suddenly came to a halt. I stood and found in what appeared to be a wasteland that had been drenched in glitter. A defiantly surreal looking place. Scrub grass and brown boulder shouldn't sparkle.
I looked around, no bus, but people were picking themselves up and dusting the glitter off themselves. Really, someone had gone way overboard on the glitter. Strangely only people near me were here. Rose wasn't here at all.
I looked toward the wall that was the only thing other than the grass and rocks. I took a step back, onto the slight hill. It was the wall around a labyrinth. With a city in the center, and a castle in the heart of the city.
"Oh, God."
"Gods have no power here." British accent. HE was standing behind me. Jareth, the Goblin King.
End
Tenshi-san: Not very long. Oh, well. It'll get longer as I write. Maybe this will have a plot!
Neko-chan: Yeah, right! But still, read and review!
Jareth: I hate you.
Tenshi-san: ^^ I'll be nice.
Jareth: -_- I DON'T believe you.
Tenshi-san: I promise not to dump you in the Bog of Eternal Stench.
Jareth: I still think you are a cruel, malic----
Tenshi-san: Whose got your pants in a twist?
Disclaimer: I don't own Labyrinth…
Chapter 1: In Beginning There Was Glitter. Everywhere.
There is a bus in every school that is whispered about, hinted at, and, finally, just plain talked about. The whole ride is punctuated by thrown objects. You know, spit wads, broken pencils, coins, and daggers. They really should put a sign stating, "The Surgeon General says that riding this bus is hazardous to your health." Don't expect any bleeding hearts on this bus but your own. Multiple stab wounds hurt.
In my school the bus is good old' number nine. This bus is a slice of hell. A moving, cold, damp, or, alternately, a moving, hot, humid, slice of hell. This is a lower ring that Lucifer thought was so bad, he removed it. And I, I have to ride this bus every day! But, still, no matter how bad it got I should never have said what I said.
You know the saying 'be careful what you wish for, it might come true"? Believe me, that is very good advise. I said, " I wish the goblins would come and take me away, right now!" Shouldn't ever say that. Ever. Unless you have a thing for goblins. (Wouldn't know why, goblins are icky. Don't even want to think of that.)
It had been a bad day, and riding the bus home made it ten thousand times worse. I had not had a lovely English class. I may be a bit of a smart ass, but the fact was I had corrected the teacher. Twice. And, being a slacker, I didn't do the homework for any of the other classes. All two of them. And, now, to top it off I'm stuck in the Goblin King's Labyrinth with about 10 hours left of the 13 to finish it. And I'm not sure I want to go home.
Being Friday, the bus was worse than usual. Everyone was shouting except me, I was staring out the window wishing I had a gun. Or a flamethrower. Hell a stake and mallet and some garlic would work wonders on this bus.
As I stared out the window and fantasized about using a flamethrower on half of the bus and an Uzi on the rest, a sticky hand hit my window. A middle school student said, "Give me my hand back!"
I, not at all happy from being woken from my reverie of pleasant thoughts, said "Why?" (I know, not the most interesting thing to say.)
"Because it's mine!" Junior high wasn't happy and looked as if he was going to start yelling in his high, squeaky voice.
"Then don't throw it at me." I stated in a monotone. I handed it to him.
A girl named Rose sat in the seat across from me. We were neighbors and sometimes friends. Usually. She didn't like my humor, and thought I was a pervert. "What did I do to deserve to ride this bus!?"
"I don't know, karmic debt, maybe…"
"Rhiannon, we would have had to have been…" said Rose.
"Multiple murderers, serial killers, thief who stole fire from the gods, wished a baby sibling to the goblins."
"You watch to much T.V. I couldn't have been a serial killer in my last life. I don't have a former life. And you can't wish your siblings to the goblins. You'd have done it long ago if you could." Rose didn't like reincarnation or goblins.
"You wouldn't remember a past life. And, why on Earth would I wish my siblings to the goblins. I'd go there myself!" I said.
"Only cause you find Jareth attractive." that last statement is, unfortunantly, true. I do find the Goblin King attractive.
"Hmph. He might be cute, but I like labyrinths." I said.
"You might like mazes, but you want to pick out curtains with the king!" Rose teased.
"Tapestries, Rose, not curtains. Jareth live in the castle…" I said in a singsong voice.
"Beyond the Goblin City in the center of the Labyrinth," Rose knew the speech. I had forced her to watch the movie many times. Coming to think of it, that may have been why we were drifting apart.
"Yep." I turned away to look out the window. "I wish the goblins would come and take me away, right now." I whispered. Thunder rumbled and a lightning bolt lanced down a few yard from the bus. I turned to Rose, 'what do you think, a thunderstorm in December?"
"Nothing is unusual. Perhaps a warm front came up from down south."
"It was snowing down south. Near New Orleans and Miami. It never snows that far south, Rose!"
"I suppose it's lover boy. You shouldn't ask for favors, Rhiannon."
"So--malicious… You feeling okay Rose?" I sounded worried. She was never so cold. It was worrying.
"Yes." she snapped, "I just wish you'd stop living in all those fairy tales."
"Okay. Jeeze, Rose, I'll stop talking about it. Anyway this is just an unseasonable freak storm. Nothing magical about it." I couldn't have been more wrong. "You think that my saying…nah…" I shook my head.
"What," she snapped with narrowed eyes, "did you say?"
"I wish the goblins would come and take me away, right now." I said sheepishly.
Lightning lanced down and hit the bus. The girls in the seat behind me screamed. The bus spun, and suddenly came to a halt. I stood and found in what appeared to be a wasteland that had been drenched in glitter. A defiantly surreal looking place. Scrub grass and brown boulder shouldn't sparkle.
I looked around, no bus, but people were picking themselves up and dusting the glitter off themselves. Really, someone had gone way overboard on the glitter. Strangely only people near me were here. Rose wasn't here at all.
I looked toward the wall that was the only thing other than the grass and rocks. I took a step back, onto the slight hill. It was the wall around a labyrinth. With a city in the center, and a castle in the heart of the city.
"Oh, God."
"Gods have no power here." British accent. HE was standing behind me. Jareth, the Goblin King.
End
Tenshi-san: Not very long. Oh, well. It'll get longer as I write. Maybe this will have a plot!
Neko-chan: Yeah, right! But still, read and review!