A history of Yellow desklights, Fiction by words
001. Beginnings.
When he meets her for the first time, she is very drunk and he pretends to be sober. Still, she manages to get his tie straight while he doesn't.
002. Middles.
It is hard to find the middle between working too little and working too much for the both of them. Once, her mother said that they only found that kind of balance when they were together, and his mother laughed in agreement.
003. Ends.
He never liked ends. He liked beginnings. When he leaves for America, he thinks it might be one of those endings he'll regret.
004. Insides.
When he says she has beautiful insides, she understands him completely wrong and starts laughing uncontrollably. He isn't sure whether he has the heart to tell her meant her different personalities, because he's sure her liver is beautiful, too.
005. Outsides.
She says outside should be plural because one can't compare the city with the countryside. When in the back of the car, Freddie almost agrees. He doesn't tell her because she is talking to Hector, and he makes her laugh louder than his comment would.
006. Hours.
He is standing beneath her window. The stone he threw cracked the glass. She asks him what he's doing and he says he hasn't seen her for 13 hours and he can't take it anymore.
It is only four hours later he tells her his mother died.
007. Days.
There are days Freddie Lyon is insufferable, but somehow those tend to be the days he is most brilliant.
008. Weeks.
She has had the affair for weeks and he has known it for weeks. She knows he knows from the way he looks at her, and he knows she knows from the way she ignores that look.
009. Months.
He is abroad for months. He marries Camille without a second thought. Perhaps he does it cause her hair is long when they meet, but sometimes she resembles Bell so much he asks her to cut it. She does.
010. Years.
They have known each other for years. Perhaps that's why it hurts when Bell tells Hector in her whiney voice how no one ever wrote her a romantic poem.
011. Red.
He likes wearing red ties because sometimes he imagines her pulling him closer by it, and red suits her tone of skin so well.
012. Orange.
Bell keeps saying orange is the rainbow's top colour, and one day Freddie takes her outside into the rain to prove it's not. They are soaked when they return, but he's earned his Bill Haley record.
013. Yellow.
He buys her a desk light and explains her why. Years later, she forgets it, and he hopes she does because she knows he will follow her with it.
014. Green.
He would have liked his eyes to be green because it's her favourite colour. Sadly, they are not - and Hectors are. Once more, he repeats he hates privileged men.
015. Blue.
She wears blue dresses all the time because her banker said he liked it. Freddie toys with the idea telling her he likes purple better, just to see what she does.
016. Purple.
When they go out for drinks she is wearing a purple dress of which he knows she didn't have it before. It makes him smile.
017. Brown.
His hair is brown. His mother's hair was brown as well, but it was turning grey steadily. When she died, the first thing he asked himself was whether her hair would keep its colour now.
018. Black.
He never wears black. He wears grey, or blue, or brown. Even attending his mother's funeral he chose for a dark brown vest. Bell had smiled, knowing the woman had hated it, too.
019. White.
When he is choking on his own blood, Bell only wishes his shirt was still as flawlessly white as he always tried to keep it.
020. Colourless.
In the hospital, the light is so dim he seems transparent. He has never been colourless before, and Bell can't keep herself together.
021. Friends.
She knows Lix and Freddie are friends, and she knows Freddie sees Lix when Bell has made him very sad. When she sees the hickey on his collarbone, there is a slight pang of guilt.
022. Enemies.
Sometimes she fantasizes about what it would be like if Freddie hadn't chosen Hector as his sworn enemy. Then, she remembers Camille, and suddenly she understands.
023. Lovers.
Freddie has always been in love with her, but Freddie loves in a very strange way. For a long time, she thought he loved the wrong way, but eventually found the opposite was true.
024. Family.
Ruth was like his little sister, and Bell doesn't even call when she has died in his arms. He leaves three messages on his phone, on the last one he's crying.
025. Strangers.
She simply doesn't want to hear him say the word estranged, but she knows that is what they are right now.
026. Teammates.
They used to play croquet, but he sucked at it. Hector takes her to play it and turns out to be a natural, but Bell things it was more fun to be horrible together.
027. Parents.
Freddie's parents were very lovely parents. Perhaps, they were even more of Bell's parents than her own were.
028. Children.
She once asks him how he'd call their children if they had a boy and a girl, and he asks whether she'd be okay with naming the girl after his mother. It was the only moment she ever wished to be pregnant.
029. Birth.
When she thinks of Camille becoming pregnant, Bell has to cry. When she sees Freddie, bloody and battered, she thinks 'at least he won't be someone else's, now' - and feels horrible.
030. Death.
The beep is long and steady. His eyes are still open and Bell realizes he never shut them for anything before.
031. Sunrise.
He once films a sunrise just for her, but turns shy and tells her the film blew. She finds it after everything passed and when she plays it she has to repeat it, because she can't believe he is truly screaming 'I love you'.
032. Sunset.
She visits the beach and watches the sunset. Drawing in the sand, she realizes it's no fun without him and she spends her night in the hospital.
033. Too Much.
"Too much?" he asks her, showing off his dark blue suit with fitting bowtie. She straightens it, and thinks perhaps a little if she wants to contain herself.
034. Not Enough.
He says they are possible. The next time she sees him he can't say anything at all and she screams at him it wasn't enough. Not yet.
035. Sixth Sense.
He has a sixth sense for when she's sad. He pops up in front of her door with steak and wine, makes her eat and tucks her in. Sometimes he falls asleep in the chair next to her bed and she wakes up to his snoring.
036. Smell.
She is so used to his smell she almost doesn't notice it, but in the hospital it is so clearly absent it almost suffocates her.
037. Sound.
She knows he hates startling noises and loud sounds, but he visits the Christmas fireworks with her every year, anyway.
038. Touch.
He likes the touch of her hands in his hair most of all, and sometimes she ruffles it just to hear his content sigh.
039. Taste.
He has absolutely no taste, she thinks. It's an argument they often have, since their idea of fashion differs - and so does their idea of being right.
040. Sight.
When she is in sight he starts running, and instead of kissing her he lifts her up. It just isn't worth it if she doesn't feel the same.
041. Shapes.
When he is almost dead, his mouth shapes a word she doesn't hear, but understands anyway. She has never cried over the word 'Moneypenny' before.
042. Triangle.
Hector, Bell and Freddie make a strange triangle of love and hate. To be honest, he was more fond of the straight line between the latter.
043. Square.
The square is not a really practical spot to broadcast, but he does it anyway, and his voice is so beautiful it's perfectly audible, Bell thinks.
044. Circle.
He called it the circle of life. Bell calls it death. He is death, and he won't be back (even though she might have taken in the stray cat that sat on her balcony).
045. Moon.
She is the moon, he says, and she doesn't understand until she accidentally finds a poem that he wrote. The moon, loved by the sun who can't reach her.
046. Star.
There is only one star in the sky when she watches that night. She pouts and he puts his chin on her shoulder, gazing up with her until they find more.
047. Heart.
He puts his hand on her heart to feel it beating. She squirms under the touch and it is only than he realizes she thinks of her breasts before her heart, and that this is perhaps their grandest difference.
048. Diamond.
He's too poor to buy her a diamond and he is seething when Hector does, because he had been saving up for months and the man beat him by just one more week of salary.
049. Club.
Her mother called them the club of two, and Bell can't help but wonder why she threw Freddie out of his own safehouse.
050. Spade.
He loves gardening, and he still has a little patch of soil at the Elms' mansion where he grows roses for Bell that he never gives her.