Disclaimer: The characters all belong to JK Rowling, not me. The lyrics used by James in his argument belong to Great Big Sea.
Notes: *giggles* Don't flame me. I got this idea while listening to the song 'Widow in the Window' and reading Gedia and She's a Star's Snape/Lily story. This fic is dedicated to them for inspiring me to write this.
* * * *
It's hard to watch her stare after him like he'll be back within hours for her. It breaks my heart to know she pretends he still loves her, but no matter what I say, she refuses to believe me. She stares at her, green eyes wistfully remembering times when he was actually kind to her, times when they were happy together. She's twenty one now and alone as he ventures off into the world of the Death Eaters, leaving poor Lily to pretend he's coming back.
Sometimes I can pretend she loves me more than she does, sometimes when she stares at me I can pretend it's not him she's seeing. I've been on the outside looking in while she sits and waits for him. We have a son, a young, beautiful little boy and he looks so much like both of us and I think that's what kills her. He had her eyes and my face . . . sometimes I think she wishes that his eyes were dark and brooding, that his skin was white and his hair blacker than night. But he looks like me, not him and there is nothing either of us can do about it. She pretends not to still love him, but I know she does.
She's sitting at our living room window, staring out into the night as if waiting for a glimpse of his dark, shadowed face. Harry is in her arms and she rocks him gently, occasionally glancing down to smile at his lovely, innocent little face. They are a family and I stand on the outskirts, watching as I will always do. She is mine, but always just beyond my reach. She loves me, but not as she loves him. Never will our love be as strong as theirs was.
"Oh, Lily," I breathe, entering the room.
She glances back and smiles slightly. "James," she murmurs, then kisses Harry's forehead
"Why do yo do this to yourself?" I ask. "To us?"
Her lips turn up slightly. "I love you James, but . . ." she trails off and shrugs. She's tried to explain it to me endless times before and I know I will never fully understand. "I'll always love him. That will never change and maybe one day . . ."
I shake my head. "Waiting for the nightingale to sing. Waiting for the harbour lights to dim."
She glances at me and my heart breaks. She's beautiful, completely stunning and I love her more than anyone in my entire life. Lily and Harry mean the world to me and I will never be able to fully have them, her love for another will always separate us.
"I've been on outside looking in while the woman in the window waits for him." I smile gently, trying to soften my words. "But he won't be back, can't you realize that? He's laughing at your sorrow."
She turns away from me, looking back out the window as if she can reach him through the night.
"Waiting for a ship that won't come in. Waiting for a tear to reach your chin."
Her mouth quivers angrily, but she says nothing. She'll wait for him, no matter what I say.
"I'm knocking, but you will not let in." My son reaches a tiny hand toward me and it brings a smile to my face. If only she didn't wish he was her child with another man, everything would be okay. We would be okay.
"And he won't be back, can't you realize that? And he's laughing at your sorrow. How can I explain that your love is all vain? While he wastes your precious hours I could fill your days with flowers," I say softly, waiting to see a reaction.
No words come from Lily's mouth. Her green eyes flash with emotions that I can't place.
"How can I replace the smile upon the face of a lover that I can never be? How can I begin to make you love again?"
"You can't, James," she whispered, looking down at her hands. "You can't. He won't stay away forever."
"I've tried to make you see that he won't be back. Can't you realize that? And he's laughing at your sorrow."
"He'll be back."
"No, he won't be back. Can't you realize that?"
Her eyes shimmer with unshed tears. "He loves me."
"He's a Death Eater Lil . . . he made his choice graduation night when he left you. He said goodbye, said it was over and you still don't believe him."
"He loves me," she repeated.
"He won't be back," I say, then walk over to the window and take Harry from her arms. He grins up at me and I cradle him gently, then walk back toward the hall.
"I'll put him to bed," I murmur. "You stay in the window and wait for Severus Snape. See if he ever comes back."
As I walk away I hear Lily begin to sob and for a moment I feel guilty. It hurts her, but it's the truth. The woman in the window will remain alone forever because he won't be back.
End
Notes: *giggles* Don't flame me. I got this idea while listening to the song 'Widow in the Window' and reading Gedia and She's a Star's Snape/Lily story. This fic is dedicated to them for inspiring me to write this.
* * * *
It's hard to watch her stare after him like he'll be back within hours for her. It breaks my heart to know she pretends he still loves her, but no matter what I say, she refuses to believe me. She stares at her, green eyes wistfully remembering times when he was actually kind to her, times when they were happy together. She's twenty one now and alone as he ventures off into the world of the Death Eaters, leaving poor Lily to pretend he's coming back.
Sometimes I can pretend she loves me more than she does, sometimes when she stares at me I can pretend it's not him she's seeing. I've been on the outside looking in while she sits and waits for him. We have a son, a young, beautiful little boy and he looks so much like both of us and I think that's what kills her. He had her eyes and my face . . . sometimes I think she wishes that his eyes were dark and brooding, that his skin was white and his hair blacker than night. But he looks like me, not him and there is nothing either of us can do about it. She pretends not to still love him, but I know she does.
She's sitting at our living room window, staring out into the night as if waiting for a glimpse of his dark, shadowed face. Harry is in her arms and she rocks him gently, occasionally glancing down to smile at his lovely, innocent little face. They are a family and I stand on the outskirts, watching as I will always do. She is mine, but always just beyond my reach. She loves me, but not as she loves him. Never will our love be as strong as theirs was.
"Oh, Lily," I breathe, entering the room.
She glances back and smiles slightly. "James," she murmurs, then kisses Harry's forehead
"Why do yo do this to yourself?" I ask. "To us?"
Her lips turn up slightly. "I love you James, but . . ." she trails off and shrugs. She's tried to explain it to me endless times before and I know I will never fully understand. "I'll always love him. That will never change and maybe one day . . ."
I shake my head. "Waiting for the nightingale to sing. Waiting for the harbour lights to dim."
She glances at me and my heart breaks. She's beautiful, completely stunning and I love her more than anyone in my entire life. Lily and Harry mean the world to me and I will never be able to fully have them, her love for another will always separate us.
"I've been on outside looking in while the woman in the window waits for him." I smile gently, trying to soften my words. "But he won't be back, can't you realize that? He's laughing at your sorrow."
She turns away from me, looking back out the window as if she can reach him through the night.
"Waiting for a ship that won't come in. Waiting for a tear to reach your chin."
Her mouth quivers angrily, but she says nothing. She'll wait for him, no matter what I say.
"I'm knocking, but you will not let in." My son reaches a tiny hand toward me and it brings a smile to my face. If only she didn't wish he was her child with another man, everything would be okay. We would be okay.
"And he won't be back, can't you realize that? And he's laughing at your sorrow. How can I explain that your love is all vain? While he wastes your precious hours I could fill your days with flowers," I say softly, waiting to see a reaction.
No words come from Lily's mouth. Her green eyes flash with emotions that I can't place.
"How can I replace the smile upon the face of a lover that I can never be? How can I begin to make you love again?"
"You can't, James," she whispered, looking down at her hands. "You can't. He won't stay away forever."
"I've tried to make you see that he won't be back. Can't you realize that? And he's laughing at your sorrow."
"He'll be back."
"No, he won't be back. Can't you realize that?"
Her eyes shimmer with unshed tears. "He loves me."
"He's a Death Eater Lil . . . he made his choice graduation night when he left you. He said goodbye, said it was over and you still don't believe him."
"He loves me," she repeated.
"He won't be back," I say, then walk over to the window and take Harry from her arms. He grins up at me and I cradle him gently, then walk back toward the hall.
"I'll put him to bed," I murmur. "You stay in the window and wait for Severus Snape. See if he ever comes back."
As I walk away I hear Lily begin to sob and for a moment I feel guilty. It hurts her, but it's the truth. The woman in the window will remain alone forever because he won't be back.
End