Not For Me
I had forgotten how small it was.
That was my first thought, after we had gotten rid of Saruman and Grima, and I could catch my breath for a moment.
I had forgotten how small, and insignificant, and not-beautiful it was. It wasn't ugly, really, when you overlooked the temporary destruction Saruman had wrought. That would be fixed soon enough. It just wasn't beautiful, either. Not after the otherworldly beauty of Rivendell, or the wheeling freedom of the mountains, or the sparkling city of Minas Tirith.
It was just a little town, with little doors in the hills, and little people going about their mundane business.
There was absolutely nothing special about it, and I had forgotten that.
Always, The Shire had been my dream of happiness.
Because when I was there, I had been happy. But I had realized now that it had never been The Shire at all. It had been me.
I could still feel the Ringwraith's sword in my shoulder, still hear the ring whispering to me, still feel the fires of Mount Doom.
Being in The Shire did absolutely nothing to change it.
With each place we had passed, I had said to myself, 'I was happier in The Shire. Therefore, The Shire must be a lovelier place than this.' And so I built as perfect a picture as I could imagine, greater than Rivendell and Rohan and Minas Tirith together. And I had begun to expect The Shire to be more wonderful than the City of the Elves.
And it wasn't.
Simple as that.
I knew the beauty of Rivendell now, and I could never un-know it. I had forgotten, on the journey, that once upon a time I had never even dreamed of a city built all of white stone.
There was no final, desperate stand, no heartbreakingly beautiful farewell, not even the simple things I had come to expect on our journey home; elvish tunics, fine food, good ponies.
Just a humble little hobbit village that could never live up to my dreams.
And so, when Gandalf and Elrond offered a place on their ships, what was there left to say?
Only a final good-bye to Sam, and Merry, and Pippen. And perhaps someday, Sam will come to me where I am, the Undying Lands, but I rather think that he will not.
Sam was wiser than I, and he is content with Rosie and The Shire. He will stay by her side, and their children's side, until he leaves Arda forever.
Because Sam never changed; steadfast, faithful Sam.
And The Shire never changed; the green, peaceful Shire.
It was only ever I who changed.