I was standing there in disbelief that this was how Fraser wanted to spend our weekend.
"No way, not gonna happen… count me out, Fraser." I took two steps back from the water lapping at the edge of the beach.
"I thought you said you wanted to learn how to swim. The weather conditions are perfect for it today. The water is calm and the temperatures are warm. There are no waves to contend with. It is an ideal time to learn." Fraser looked out over the lake and then back towards me.
"I lied. Plain and simple." I shrugged my shoulders as if it was nothing. "It's impossible. I'm never going to get over my fear of the water." I took another step away from the edge when Fraser tried to take my elbow and persuade me to step into the gently lapping water.
My breathing quickened and I started to panic. "What part of 'no' aren't you getting? I don't want to do this."
Fraser remained calm throughout my freak out. "You're only scared because you don't know how to swim. That's why I'm going to teach you. And it's not impossible, nothing is impossible if you put your mind to it." He tried to reassure me that I could learn something as simple as the doggy paddle.
The heat from the sun combined with my fear of the water was making me nauseas and lightheaded. "Come on, Ben. Let's just go back home, pretend I never had this stupid, crazy idea in the first place and play oh, I don't know, chess."
"But you don't know how to play chess, Ray." Fraser stared at me with that crooked grin of his.
"You can teach me. I promise to be a stellar student."
"But I want to teach you how to swim, not play chess. Gaining an ability, such as swimming, could perhaps one day save your life."
"Isn't that what I have you for?" I countered with a smirk. "You always get us into hairy situations and then save us."
Fraser looked like I had just stabbed him in the back. "I may not always be around to save you… then what?" His face was serious, his eyes losing a bit of their sparkle.
"Then I won't be getting into hairy situations anymore." I chuckled, trying to dig my way out of my deepening hole.
Fraser walked over to our towels and picked up his t-shirt and quickly slipped it on.
"Oh come on, Ben. It's not the end of the world if I don't learn how to swim."
He turned and faced me, hurt written all over his features and I wasn't entirely sure what had transpired to put him in a foul mood.
"You're right; it's not the end of the world." He picked up his towel and headed towards the car.
The ride home was eerily quiet, save for both our breathing. I attempted small talk to diffuse whatever situation had arisen but was given one word replies so I stopped trying. I unlocked the door and pushed it open. Fraser pushed past me and made his way to the bedroom.
"What the hell is the matter with you?" I called after his retreating form. "Why are you so pissed off that I won't learn to swim?" I leaned against the bedroom door and watched as he buttoned up his red serge. "Where are you going?"
"I told you, I have duties at the Consulate this evening. And no, it's not that I'm 'pissed off' as you say, that you won't learn to swim."
I threw my hands up in the air. "Then what the hell is the matter with you?"
Fraser had me pinned against the wall with his body and those fierce blue eyes. "I thought you trusted me, Ray."
"I do trust you."
"But not enough to trust that I won't let anything happen to you in the water."
"Come on… that's not fair. It scares me, okay. I can't help it that you aren't scared of anything and don't know what that feels like."
"I'm scared of a lot of things."
"Oh yeah," I pushed my finger into his chest. "Like what?"
Fraser's eyes grew sad and his voice came out a mere whisper. "I'm scared that one day, you will decide you don't love me anymore or that you're not getting enough out of our relationship. I'm scared that one day, I will come home and you won't be here and I will be alone again. And I'm scared that there will be that one time… when I won't be able to save you. And I will never be able to forgive myself."
"Ben…" I drew my hand up and cupped his face.
"But I don't let those fears hold me back from loving you with every ounce of my being. I take comfort from seeing flowers in the concrete, Ray."
"Flowers in the concrete? What's that supposed to mean?"
Fraser leaned closer to me, his warm breath teasing against my neck. "Tiny little flowers that stand up against all odds and thrive. No way should they be able to flourish under such extreme conditions, but they do. They grow up strong through the cracks, barely enough dirt or water for them to survive, but somehow, they do. Kind of like us loving each other. Not everyone agrees that we should be together, but we pay no heed to what others say. We don't allow anyone to tell us that our love won't last."
I suddenly understood what he was talking about and fell deeper in love with him in that instant. I slipped my other hand around his neck and pulled him close to me.
"I'm sorry… I love you and I do trust you." I pulled him in for a fierce and desperate kiss. I needed to show him, to prove to him that I trusted him. "I'll try again tomorrow. Show me how to be a flower in the concrete, Ben."
"You already are, Ray… you just didn't realize it."