"I Don't Love You"
Author: Mari2Anne
Disclaimer: none of the characters are mine; I do not own them or Smallville
Pairing: Chloe/Clark
Status: Completed/One shot
Just a short mushy romantic tale /PG-13. Clark realizes finally who his heart truly belongs to but is he too late?
Spoilers: Not really, unless you haven't seen any of S7 before the Veritas episode: Just borrowing a few memories of some things that happened in Gemini, Persona, Siren and Traveler.
"I don't love you…"
Clark had known she was going to say it. He had prepared himself. Rehearsed his reaction in his mind. He knew he'd waited too long. He knew everything. But all his knowledge was wrong. Her words hurt like hell. It took all the control he could muster to not double over from the awful shock to his system. He had no right to feel hurt.
There had been plenty of clues that she no longer loved him.
She had a boyfriend.
He knew that. Personally, he believed Jimmy didn't deserve her; the foolish man was going out with Kara, too.
But then there was that infamous little story that had made its rounds on every floor at the Daily Planet water coolers of how Chloe and Jimmy were caught in a major lip-lock in a malfunctioning elevator during the last Christmas party. And Clark also knew that she had finally trusted Jimmy enough to share the nature of her meteor infection with him.
Not that Clark really harbored any illusions. He didn't deserve her, either; he'd made her life seriously difficult, so often putting her in danger. Always taking advantage of her skills, her feelings, her generous heart; and then self-righteously lecturing her when she used those same skills to help Oliver. She'd put her life on hold so many times for him and because of him.
He'd broken her heart more than once. A heart that could not lie to him, no matter what words her mouth gave voice to. Her heart raced as much as it had that moment she had kissed him in the Daily Planet basement the day the world was coming to an end.
"I told you…I don't love you…" she repeated it because he just kept looking at her and had yet to say a word.
He knew different. He heard her heart beat. He felt it and he knew her heart and her love still belonged to him. She had told his Kryptonian father. In a desperate plea to complete his training Jor-El had played it back for Clark, showing him the courage of the race he had to learn to protect. She had risked so much to save him, daring the wrath of an alien intelligence she had little reason to trust. Jor-El had even admitted to misjudging the importance of that one life the first time she'd followed Clark to the Fortress
She never thought of herself first when Clark was in danger. No-one aside from his adopted parents had shown love like that. She showed it every day in everything she did.
She constantly put her life, her heart, her happiness and even her soul in jeopardy.
She had learned well to lie because of him. He knew that even a lie detector machine would not be able to label her a liar today. Only he who knew her heartbeat better than his own could detect the telltale flutter that revealed her love for him. A love hidden and protected well within the strongest fragile walls on the planet.
It was time he honored that love by telling her the truth and giving her the chance to live her life without him. It was her turn to know his heart and to walk all over it if that would ease any of the pain he'd caused her.
He smiled at her as she got a little frustrated. She was angry; she'd finally begun to reconcile herself with the fact the Clark and Lana's relationship had actually survived the Phantom impersonation fiasco and now suddenly he wanted to wreck some serious havoc with her heart. What game was he playing and why?
"Why did you bring me to the caves, Clark? Why are you suddenly so concerned about whether I love you? You've got Lana, I've got Jimmy. It's time to move on to the 'normal' life you've always wanted so badly. The world will probably survive quite nicely without you following a destiny you don't believe in." And she started to walk past him towards the exit.
He reached out and stopped her.
"I believe you are my destiny and I love you."
Before she could react he pulled her into his arms and kissed her with the same intense end-of-the-world-I-might-never-see-you-again desperation she had shown that fateful day mixed in with all the love and passion that was in his heart. And in the same automatic heart-felt reaction he had demonstrated then she now responded to him. Her arms reluctantly at first crept up his chest and curled around his neck and then quickly pulled him tighter, clinging to him with the strength of a drowning victim.
He wanted to hold on forever, but when she eventually had to come up for air she backed away slightly but not enough to escape his hold. The love that beat in her heart for him was not hidden as it brightened her eyes with unshed tears as she bravely faced him and patiently waited for him to explain what had just happened between them.
"I don't have Lana. I don't think I ever did. Even though I know she married Lex because she thought she was protecting me from Lionel, she had no such fear when she first fell in love with him, too easily ignoring and forgetting what an evil man he could be. And whatever fragile trust we finally had, died when she was so easily fooled by my notorious double. We both tried to revive something that wasn't there in the first place, even revealing our dark sides but we both realized that only guilt kept us together. She knows I don't believe she's the one I'm destined to be with. She knows there's always been a part of me that doubts her; nothing with her is natural or automatic. Before I reveal anything to her about myself I think and rethink it to find reasons not to."
"Since I told you where I'm really from I've never stopped to think about anything I tell you. I open my mouth and whatever my heart or brain needs to voice out it comes. As much as that has been because you're so easy to trust, it's also been selfish of me. I've burdened you with all my woes because when I'm with you it's the only time I don't feel that I don't belong, and the only time I don't feel alone. I can tell you anything and you still love me. I went into a jealous rant when I found out you were working for Oliver. You quickly put me in my place, but you forgave me. And you still protect me. You braved Jor-El to save me. You risked getting caught by Lana and the Phantom to 'borrow' Dax-Ur's Kryptonian shield from my loft to protect me. It's time I started to work on deserving your sacrifices."
"It's no sacrifice…." She whispered.
"You're amazing, Chloe. I know I've waited too long to come to my senses enough to tell you what's in my heart. But you deserve to know that you hold my heart and you always will whether you are with me or not. I know you have a future with Jimmy. I won't jeopardize that anymore. You and Jor-El have convinced me that this world is worth saving. And if that is truly my destiny then I am ready to accept it. I am ready to finish my training, to learn everything necessary to become the hero you see in me. I will strive every hour of my life to become worthy of the faith you have in me, Chloe."
He paused for a long moment, holding her close, before reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out the key to unlock the portal to the Fortress.
"I brought you here to say good-bye. I don't know how long the training will last. Jor-El is not very forthcoming on that subject. It might be years. I went to Washington to talk to Mom, so she knows I'll be gone for a while. Maybe you could help Kara keep in touch with her once in a while for me. I've arranged for neighbors to take care of the farm until my Mom decides whether she wants to sell it or not, although the neighbors think I'm going to study in Europe. For now the farm will remain Kara's home. She's going to keep an eye on the Luthors until I return to make sure they don't harm you, Lois or Jimmy. And there was one more reason I brought you here; to ask one last favor and I will completely understand if you don't want to do it."
There was no hesitation in her voice, "Anything you want, Clark, you know that."
He showed her the key. "You know how to use it to find me in the Fortress if there's more trouble than Kara can handle. Will you keep it safe for me?"
"Why me? Why not Kara?"
"I think Jor-El still has issues with her because of his brother. And I don't know if he'd stop her from entering the Fortress if she came looking for help. Jor-El trusts you and so do I."
"Okay," she replied slowly, a little awed, "I'll keep it safe for you."
"Thank you. Be happy, Chloe."
He kissed her deeply one last time as the tears filled his eyes. She smiled bravely when he finally let her go and she stepped away from him so that she wouldn't be pulled into the portal.
He was gone in an instant and she slowly slid to the ground after removing the key and let the torrent of tears rain down her cheeks. And she spoke her heartache to the Kawachi cave walls, the truth she couldn't reveal to Clark for fear he would stay. And even though he finally would have been hers, she couldn't be responsible for delaying his trip to save humanity from itself.
"I lied. I don't have Jimmy. I do love you. I won't be happy until you return. I don't care how many years it takes, I will wait. Learn fast and come back to me, Kal-El."
THE END…………….