A/N MattNnay shippers I'm sorry. No harm intended I just really dreamt about this last night and I was in the plane with nothing to do so I said why not? And then boom. But I really love Jaydam. And jaymatt. And yeah thank you.
Jayma's POV
Right now I was on my way to Matt's place. It's January sixteen, the day before he gets married to Renee. I called him up to make sure he was at home. Turns our he was and wanted me to come as well. I was going to tell him three very important things. And those things wouldn't make him happy.
He's getting married anyway, what's the use?
Next thing I knew I was in his front door. I knocked and he quickly opened it. He was as adorable as ever, his curls a bit messy, it was already seven o clock that lazy Matt.
"Did you just wake up? You're hair is all messy." I tell him before ruffling his curls.
"Jay, you're call woke me up." he glares at me like I was his prey.
"Aren't you getting married tomorrow? Why isn't Renee here." it was the first time I said her name out loud in front of Matt, he looked shocked since whenever we were together, there wasn't talking. Especially in his house. I don't know if he knows that it hurts me seeing her with Renee, I try to convince myself that what me and Matt have and do are worthless. But at the end of the day, it all comes back to me loving him.
I am married, but I couldn't deny the fact that I was falling in love with my co-worker and best-friend. He doesn't know.
I for a fact know that he likes me. Not love, like. He admitted it to me after that unscripted kiss back in season one. And now, here we were, me coming over his place three times a week. At first, I was doing this with him as a favor. He was my best friend and I couldn't stand him that miserable.
Time progressed and my feelings developed. Sometimes, while I lay in his bed and he leaves to get a shower, I hoped that it was forever, I hoped that this could happen everyday. And I hoped that it wouldn't be done secretly. But you can't always get what you want. And that's what lead us to this day. That and fear, fear and guilt.
"Aren't you going to let me come in?" I ask him. He still seemed startled. We had promised each other that we wouldn't mention the outside world when we were together. It wasn't fair for the both of us.
He nodded slightly. I took a deep breath and went inside his house. I heard the closing of the door and his hands on my shoulders. He spun me around and kissed me.
This was not what I came here for. But here I was again giving in to him. Cause after all we still got tonight. After tonight, nothing.
I wasn't due to go to the glee set anymore. I finished my last episode, 100, a few weeks ago. Despite that I still hung out with some of the cast members once in a while. And of course Matt. But then again, the only thing I know from the new Matt is the things I see in the Internet.
Maybe he loves me. There was one time that I heard him say it when I was lying on his bed after making love.
I disregard every I love you he says when at night. He doesn't mean it for sure. After all, he could just break up with Renee if he did. But he didn't. Selfish you ask? I was married, and even if I wanted to be out at this relationship I can't, I couldn't and I wouldn't.
I was so caught up with my thoughts that I forgot what was happening. He brought me to the sofa and was now hovering above me. He Pulled away to take his shirt off. I couldn't register anything.
That was until I felt his lips on mine once again.
"Matt." I whimpered. I think he mistook it as a moan and kissed me harder, holding the back of my neck to deepen the kiss.
"Matt, stop it." I say firmly. And this time he does. He sits down and pulls me up to a sitting position. He hasn't said anything since we got inside the house. He doesn't put his shirt on though.
"Why Jay? Did I do anything wrong?" he asks me. I was about to say yes, he did something wrong by marrying someone else. Instead I shook my head. And he kissed me fully on the lips again.
"Matt, I told you to stop." I said again, my voice was raising this time. "That's not what I came here for." I tell him. I cup his cheeks in my hands and he locks eyes with me.
"I need to tell you something." I swear my eyes were brimming to tears, one word from him and I would be sobbing. But I couldn't, I wouldn't. I had to stay strong. I paused for a long while. And I could see his expression contorting. His eyes were almost brought to tears as well. Did he already know what was going to happen?
He shook his head and made me take my hands off him. He looked across the room in sadness. I wanted to just hug him right there and kiss him again. He was irresistible.
I didn't want to lead him on too.
"Matt, look at me. I want you to understand." I tell him. He doesn't look.
"Matt, please." I try again. He finally looks at me, tears falling from his eyes.
"You're ending this aren't you? You came here and you're ending this." he says. I closed my eyes and let a few tears fall. I nodded.
He spoke again. "Jayma, I know you love me."
"How selfish!" I spat out at him.
"What do you mean? I know you do." he says again. Tears coming down more rapidly. "You love me. You wouldn't agree to this setting in the first place but you did because you love me. You won't come here if you didn't live me" he says again. He was right.
"Listen to me." I tell him. He closes his eyes and tears fall. "I won't be coming tomorrow." I tell him. How could he honestly invite me to the wedding if he knew what I felt for him.
"What?!" he shouts. "You know how important you are to me. You have to be there Jayma. Don't you know how important you are to me?" he asks me.
"Important?!" I shout back at him, "I don't feel important." I say.
"I love you." there he said it. And I swear if I hadn't put my mind and heart to what I was about to do, I was going to just give in and run to his arms.
"Matt, I'm going away for three months." I tell him. "Me and Adam are leaving tomorrow. And we promised each other to leave work and other things behind here in LA. It would just be me and him and no one else. No distractions." I tell him. He see,s to not like the idea.
"Three months? Are you telling me I can't talk to you for three fucking months?!" he shouts.
"You'd be with Renee. You won't need me. And three months is nothing compared to what I did to Adam." I tell him.
"Don't you understand Jayma? I thought three words and eight letters would be enough. Don't you understand what love is? Love means I need you."
"Love also means letting go. That's what I'm doing." I tell him. There were still tears in both of our eyes.
"No." he says.
"Well your no cant change anything. I'm leaving tomorrow." I tell him. He looks at me. His eyes begging me not to. He was about to say something.
"Matt, I told Adam." I tell him. He looked puzzled he didn't get it.
"Told him about what?" he asks me.
"Us. What we've been doing for the past six months." I tell him.
"Are you serious Jayma? How can I ever see you now? How can you sneak out three times every week to come here? How can you?!" he shouts the last sentence.
"I can't. I won't." I told him.
"What?!" he shouts again.
"Let's end this." I tell him. "You have Renee now, and the only reason we even had this affair was because you were lonely." I tell him.
"Why are you doing this now?! To make me feel bad about marrying Renee?" he asks me. Tears were still flowing.
"No. I just want you to be happy." I tell him. "I don't want you to start a relationship with lies,"
"Okay, next question. Why did you schedule leaving tomorrow? We all know very well that I sent the invitation to you months ago and I'm sure it wasn't scheduled then." there was no way out. I had to tell him why I did schedule it tomorrow.
"What would you feel of the woman you love is getting married and you need to go? It hurts Matt. Do you expect me to not feel anything about your wedding? It hurts so much."
"You're married and I never complained." he tells me selfishly.
"When this started, I was already married to Adam. And when you and Renee started we already had this, this affair!" I tell him. "I feel like I'm not enough. I'm never enough cause you had to go out and find someone else." I spat out.
"Jay, I." he tried to say but nothing came out. Tears were freely falling now.
"But I let you. Because I wanted you to be happy, I knew from the very beginning of all this that in the end, whatever we are having won't last forever. And I wanted you to be happy, I wanted you to not be alone when that time comes. I wanted you to be happy."
"Do I look happy?! It's the day before my wedding for Pete's sake and I don't care." he says. "You're the only one who could ever make me happy." he says, his tone rather desperate.
"You're getting married, I'm patching things up with Adam. That's that." I tell him.
"What about us?" he asks.
"Well, us, we're done. Today is the last day we'll get to see each other. Today is the last day I would talk to you or hold you." I tell him. He just seems to get even more sad. More tears were falling from his eyes.
"When will you understand that the only way I'd be happy is if you be with me? Run away with me. I could totally leave her without thinking twice. So long as you're with me." he tells me.
"I don't make you happy. Every single time I see you together, there's that wide grin that I love. Every single time I see you with her you look like you just want to kiss her then and there. But when you're with me, even if you shout my name repeatedly. You never were happy. And when you kiss her. It's so meaningful, full of love. And no matter how many times you kiss me, it won't be as meaningful as one from her," I tell him. It was hard, telling him everything I felt when I first found out that he was dating someone. It hurt when he introduced her to me. It still hurts until now.
"You think it's meaningless when I kiss you?" he asks me. I nod. "Meaningless!? Every time I do, it's a plea. A plea that you'd leave him for me. A small I love you, don't leave me. Jayma that's what I want to happen when I kiss you." he tells me. I wanted to give my plan up. Just forget tonight and run back to him. Cancel my plans with Adam. Make Adam think I broke up with Matt but in reality I didn't.
Then there was that voice again. Adam's voice telling me to continue. Telling me to choose him.
"When you kiss me, it only means you want me to come over your house and make love to me, that's all it ever meant." I say wiping my tears away.
"Wow, you tell me my kisses are meaningless because of a wrong understanding." he says rolling his eyes.
"Matt, do me a favor and let the both of us be happy." I tell him. He was mad, very very mad.
"But I love you Jayma." he tells me.
"And I love Adam," I tell him.
"But, you can't just- Jayma!" he says. Acting like a child.
"I can. But because you're getting married tomorrow, I have something for you." I tell him. I take of my coat. I was wearing a very short dress. His favorite.
"You told me you didn't come for-" he trails off.
"If you don't want me to then I guess I'll just have to go home and ask Adam." I say biting my lip flirtatiously. He stands up and walks closer to me. He takes my hand and kisses me. He gave in.
I kiss him back. I know I'd miss this, I have to admit. I put my legs around his waist and he carries me to his bedroom. So many memories, so little time.
He lay me down on his bed. I was panting hard. He pulls away from me. His shirt was still off so I started to explore him one last time. It was when I was fumbling with his belt when he pulled away.
"Jayma, can we change your plans. I just want to hold you. Sleep with you, lay next to you. Kiss you like I mean it. I want to just have a normal night with you before everything." he tells me. I understood. I too wanted that.
He kisses me and we lay in his bed snuggled up.
"In another life, you would be my girl." he sings that line only. "We can keep our promises be us against the world. In another life, I will make you stay. So I won't have to say you were the one that got away." he sings again. Tears were falling. This night was perfect. We stayed that way for a couple more minutes just looking at each other. Stray tears falling down because both of us knew that this was the last time we were going to hold each other.
He broke the silence though.
"I love you. I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe I'm losing my best-friend."
"You're never going to loose me. I'll be in your heart and you'll be in mine." I tell him.
"I can't believe I'm losing you. The day I saw you in that cast list I told myself hat I was never going to fool around again. I'd ask you out. And we'd be together like we should be years ago." he says. He disregarded my comment.
"But then, I saw you that day. There was a man right next to you. You were so happy just looking at him. Then you kissed him. And then and there I just wanted to run to you and make you feel the same way he made you feel; happy." he says.
"Matt-I." I stop as he butts in.
"You were so happy. I can't believe I never had the chance to make you feel the same. The only thing I gave you was sadness, depression, heartache. I never taught of your happiness. Because I thought that the only way you would be happy is if I fight for you. But turns out I made your happiness disappear. And I'm so sorry." he says.
"You made me happy." I tell him. He shook his head no.
"I didn't. And I'm so sorry. You deserve so much more. I'm letting you go, but I'm never going to stop loving you. I'll love you from afar." he says cupping my cheeks. "You're so beautiful. You can't compare to anyone."
I couldn't say anything. I love him. I love Adam too.
"I'm sleepy." I tell him. I turn my back to him and bury my head on one of the pillows. There it was. The tears again. I thought I was over and done with it but no.
"Jayma, if you would just leave him and runaway with me I'd do it. If he happens to fall out of love for you or decides to leave you I'll be here." he says. He snuggles closer to me.
"Your getting married." I say. Cold and heartless. I didn't want him to get married that's for sure.
"Trust me." he says. He hugs me by the waist and puts his head on my shoulder. "Goodnight love." he says. I wish he moved a lot, I needed to leave before he woke up. Before he changes his mind about marrying Renee tomorrow.
Xx
Matt's POV
I woke up shouting Jayma's name. She wasn't there. I looked at the bedside table, she usually left notes for me when she left.
And there it was, the note. I grabbed it and rubbed my eyes. Opened it.
"Goodbye." it read,
"Thank you for the last six months."
"I loved you."
I said it again. "I loved you." she loved me. LOVED. Not loves, loved. And then I lost all hope, she loved me.
Knocking. I threw myself out of my room and opened the door. Mom and dad. Crap. It's my wedding day. But nothing mattered anymore, Jayma left me already. She's probably having a good talk with Adam about how perfect their life would be because I'm gone. Because I let her go.
"Mom, dad." I say opening the door.
"Matt, what are you doing? Did you just wake up? You're getting married today." mom tells me. I slept in.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I rolled my eyes. This was the worst time to get married, "The wedding isn't until this afternoon, chill mom." I tell her.
"Well, I have your suit so come on Matt. We have to head to the hotel." she tells me.
"I'm going to change." I answer back. I get inside without inviting them in. I love them yes. But I really wasn't in the mood to see anyone, maybe Except for Jayma.
I put on some clothes and went back down and literally let my parents drag me around. Once we were in the car I pretended to fall asleep. My phone playing 'Still got tonight' yes, I have my songs on my phone.
As I listened, all I could think of was Jayma, I made a song that expressed our relationship and I wasn't even aware of it.
We were in the Hyatt hotel. I went to one of the rooms and people started doing my hair. I was getting married. It was very boring in the hotel room. Ring bearers and groomsmen filing in and out. Congratulating me.
Then the cast came.
"Congratulations Matt." Dianna said. I nod at her.
"Where's Jayma?" I ask. It was foolish but I hoped she changed her mind about coming.
"Uh, we saw her car outside but I don't think she's coming in." Dianna says. What could she have been up to?
"Can't she come in? I want to see her." I groan. They weren't answering me. The rest started filing out. Except for Jane. She's like my big sister, me and Jayma's big sister, there she was again, haunting my thoughts why does she do that?
"They went out already." I tell her. I wasn't in the mood.
"She's crying." Jane says. I didn't understand. I gave her a puzzled look. "Jayma is crying." she says before walking out of the room. Clearly disappointed.
She was crying. Wasn't there anyone for her? Was she all alone in the car? Why wouldn't she come down? I went down to the parking lot and saw her car. It was about to leave, It just passed by me. She was alone. Wasn't she leaving with Adam?
Everything went out okay. Well close to okay of my mind hadn't been on Jayma and why she was crying. If I was getting married to her. But I wasn't. The entourage was lining up when I felt like I couldn't deal with this.
I ran. I got a cab and people were coming after me. I lost them when the cab went faster, I ordered it to. And I didn't know if I was drunk or what. I was suddenly reciting Jayma's address. I was surprised to see her car parked there. She was supposed to be leaving with Adam. I payed the cab and went down.
I slowly walked to her front door. I was going to knock if I hadn't heard the sobs that filled the house. I prayed that it wasn't locked and thankfully it wasn't.
I opened the door. The sight killed me. She was on the floor, clinging to the sofa, mascara running down from her face, her dress was all torn up and dirty. That was what she told him she would wear on his wedding day a few weeks ago. She was supposed to come, but here she was crying again. And I knew it was all because of me. My hone was buzzing but I didn't mind it.
It wouldn't stop. So I threw it on one corner. Jayma wasn't minding me. I went to her. I kneeled down and hugged her petite frame.
"What happened Jayma? You're supposed to be on vacation." I remind her.
"He left me." she sobbed. "I told him that I needed to go to your wedding because it was important to you. And he got mad at me cause he said that I would always choose you over him. Then he got so mad... He packed his stuff and left me." she sobs.
Jayma did it all for me, for my happiness. I couldn't say anything.
"I was... I was going to go to you. Remember what you told me yesterday?" she asks me.
"If he falls out of love for you or decides to leave you, I'll be here." we both say together.
"I'm still here for you." I tell her. "Why didn't you continue?" I ask her.
"You were never happy with me, and I'm being selfish to just take you away from the woman who makes you happy. So I decided to just go, forget about that promise and live my life without you." she says. "But I guess it isn't possible." she sniffles. There were still tears, I could feel it. She still didn't face me.
She stands up and frees herself from me.
"You have a wedding to be at. I'm fine here." she says. She obviously wasn't. She was lying to me.
"I just left them there. I can't do it, I can't do it without you. I love you Jayma. I'd run away with you right?" she nodded.
"Run away with me. Let's escape reality." I tell her. I didn't really mean runaway run away, I meant be with me. Let's forget about everything and everyone who would judge us. She seemed to get the message.
"Matt, I-I love you."
That's the end to my one-shot. Review please. I'm sorry if your offended by this. I don't mean to.