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It was hardest in those times when they weren't allowed to see each other- when she was away with her family, or doing exams or simply spending a day apart from him. Thinking about him constantly used to make her feel pathetic, but nothing stopped the instantaneous pleasure of remembering his voice or his smell or his hands.
When they called each other, their conversation bounced from light and cheeky, to deep and full of meaning, to silences where they would just listen to the other's breathing. In these moments, when there were no words to say that weren't being expressed by the intensity of the quiet, she could hear his body and visualise it like it was in front of her. The tight curves of muscle on his arms, the hardness of the planes above his heart, his waist. She imagined him sprawled on his bed, his hands picking at the threads in his jeans.
She remembered with a vividness that scared her, the way he leaned his elbows on his knees and when he regarded her, or the way he would put his hand on his neck when he was defeated. She remembered the little groan he made when she kissed a certain spot on his neck, and the mischievous smile he would give her before pulling her to him. She tried not to think of his lips more than necessary. So warm, sometimes even hot. Always soft, their intensity depended on his mood.
Sometimes she knew she pushed him too far, pressing herself up against his torso, and his mouth would be fierce when it moved with hers. Other times he would be looking at her and when she caught his eye and he would place his lips on hers and they would fit like a puzzle. She was forever amazed by the way they seemed to be made for each other.
She knew his life was draining, and that it was hard for him. But she took comfort in the fact that he relied on her; that she could be there for him in a way that no one could.
Sometimes he would unconsciously lean into her and she would respond by running her finger tips lightly down his back, or pressing her lips to his shoulder or whispering in his ear.
She adored him because he often got uneasy about his hold on her; that she would get up and leave one day. At the beginning she tried words- saying how much she loved him over and over. But as their relationship developed, she simply brought his mouth down to hers and kissed him in the way the she knew he loved, until he was gripping at her waist- a silent plead to let him melt in her. She always complied.
The intensity of their connection used to scare her. Now she only saw the promise of a future. Their future together.