Hi! This is my first Lord of the Rings fanfic, so please if you like it review. They would make me haaaaaapppppppyyyyy :) Warning: Mentions of self-harm, if you are uncomfortable then don't read also slash pairing.
Erestor was stood in his chambers staring out of the window. A blank expresion had come over him as he thought of the past. It was never very intelligent to dwell on a past that was full of hurt and sadness, at least that was what Elrond had told Glorfindel when he had first arrived in Imladris and used to suffer from vivid nightmares every night of the awful Balrog. The one that had essentially killed him. No! He mus'nt think like that, those were the sort of thoughts that could finally break Erestor. Without the prospect of seeing the esteemed Blarog slayer, Erestor wasn't sure if he would have made it out bed some days.
For the longest time, Erestor was terrified of telling anyone of his preffered choice in partners for lack of a better word. But then of course, one his closest friends who also happened to be the Lord Of Imladris had guessed. Erestors fears however, were proved wrong. Elrond had been entirely supportive of the fact that he was attracted to the same gender, afterwards, Erestor realized that it was silly really, to think that, in Imladris, he would be hated for it. Even Elrond had told him that the elves in Imladris probably wouldn't even bat an eye lash at the revelation, for Imladris was a safe haven open to all who desired to wander the halls of the esteemed elven realm.
Even though, deep down Erestor knew this, it was really really deep down. He just couldn't risk it, he had been kicked out of his parents home as soon as he had come of age as they disagreed with homosexuality and were always extremely vocal about it. Of course he had never actually told Elrond any of this, but he was pretty certain that his friend had a rough idea about why he was so secretive about it.
Thank the Valor though, he hadn't pressed Erestor for details and and had simply just promised to not tell anyone of it.
That was many millenia ago though and Erestor couldn't help but wonder about the elven Lords reactions to this new tid bit of information Erestor had yet to tell him about.
His thoughts were suddenly bubbling over with images a certain blonde elf. The same blonde elf that Erestor wouldn't be able to live without. A blonde elf with such sweet lips and such beautiful lblue eyes, oh how he had got lost in those eyes this afternoon.
He was suddenly bought out of his beautiful daydream when he glanced down and caught sight of his scarred he felt now was disgust. Disgust at himself for being so weak and feeble and fragile that he hadn't even been able ti take a few insults every now and then. But it wasn't every now and then it was all day everyday wasn't it. Though logically, Erestor knew that no one, especially an elfling. But at the time he was being extremely illogical as he was being now. All he felt was self-loathing when he caught sight of his scarred body in the mirror. Every single one of them were still there as vivid as the day he had made them.
'Ugh how could anyone even do this to themselves' he thought, 'For Valors sake, its fucking self- mutilation you disgusting, ungrateful elf.' He tugged at his hair in frutration and hatred at himself. There were tears rolling down his pale cheeks.
He hadn't cut in a long time, He had had a relapse about 200 years ago but he soon recovered again. But at certain times and on certain days, much like today he had come so close to it. In fact, he was pretty certain that if it wasn't for the fact that Glorfindel had professed his love for Erestor earlier on in the day he would have relapsed again.
Once again, Erestor was overcome with thoughts of self-hatred.
'How could you think like that? Yoy been granted a perfectly, healthy body for Erus sake, and what have you done. Gone and fucked that up like you do everything else. You have taken for granted the fact that the Valor have given you such a precious gift.
Oh Eru! What would Glorfindel think if he could see my scarred body? Surely he would be absloutely disgusted like I was with myself. Glorfindel would realise that he doesn't and couldn't love someone like me and instead choose one of the toned warriors who were actually worthy of Glorfindels attention.'
He was bought of his thoughts by a sudden knock on the door. He had been so emersed in his own thoughts that he hadn't even realized that someone was approaching. Quickly he made himself presentable and set his face with a cold hard stone-like expression. He opened the door to a certain blonde-haired fair elf.
Glorfindel.
Glorfindel was in his office, trying his hardest to finally get all the paperwork done. It was quite simple really, but because he hadn't been able to concentrate all day. All he could think about was the dark haired-elf whom had won his heart. Glorfindel thought back to the events that had transpired in this very office just a few hours prior.
Glorfindel had been writing a report; he had just returned from a patrol. He was halfway through when a knock sounded at the door. Wondering who it was, Glorfindel granted the person behind the door entry. He was suprised yet pleased when the Noldo beauty, also known as Erestor entered.
"Mae Govenann Erestor," Glorfindel said beckoning the elf closer to the desk.
"Mae Govenann, I am here to collect the report Glorfindel."
Glorfindel didn't know what had compelled him to do it, but he did. He just couldn't help himself anymore, he needed that elf!
"Oh and here I am thinking that my wonderful friend, whom I was sure loved me deeply had come to say hi after such a tiring patrol, but I was mistaken, all you want is more work from me. " Glorfindel clutched his heart in fake misery hoping to have the desired outcome.
"Of course I love you, you fool," Erestor had replied without even thinking. It took a few seconds for the true meaning of what he had said and when it did Erestor finally understood why Glorfindel had been smirking at him.
A blush was rising on his cheeks and he was opening and closing his mouth as if he was a fish out water gasping for breath. Erestor was looking for something to say, which turned Glorfindels smirk into a loving smile as he came round the desk and kneeled down to the Noldos level. Erestor immediately looked away, not wanted to meet the golden haired balrog slayers eyes. Glorfindel gently put his finger under Erestors cheek and turned his head till he was looking into his eyes. In Erstors eyes, Glorfindel saw panic and fear and also another emotion. Love? Could it be? Glorfindel gently caressed Erestors cheek, calming him.
The smirk returned to the balrog slayers face as he said,
"My, my Ersetor, what was that?" The elf took great pleasure in Erestors rapidly reddening face.
"You love me do you?" Glofindels smirk only grew as the Noldo splutterd,
"I-,"
"Well," Glorfindel was now whipering into Erestors sensitive ear barley audibly, "Guess what?" He gently brushed his lips over Erestors pointed ears and nuzzled his neck as a shiver went down Erestors spine.
"Wh-what?" Erestors voice was icredibly raspy and there was trepidition in it
"I love you too." Glorfindel finished placing a sweet kiss to Erestors brow.
"Y-you do?" Erestor asked uncertainly.
"Mhm," He paused for a second to look right into Erestors eyes.
"Gi mellin Erestor."
"Gi mellin Glorfindel."
Glorfindel placed a sweet loving kiss on Erestors inviting lips. They tasted better than he could have ever imagined.
He was beyond pleased that the seemingly cold counseller had returned his feelings.
Glorfindel had been lost in this memory for quite a while when he suddenly stood up without any warning, and allowed his feet to guide him through the halls of Imladris. Before long he found himself outside the door leading to the chambers of the chief counsellor.
The balrog slayer paused for a moment and heard... crying?
'Why would Erestor be crying, Is he okay?! I'd better check on him'
Not wanting to startle the Noldo by barging into the room, Glorfindel knocked on the door lightly and waited patiently for an answer.
He heard a frantic scuffling on the other side of the door for about a minuite before it finally opened. Erestor looked a bit shocked at first but quickly granted him entry.
Sensing that Erestor needed some form of comfort right now, Glofindel quickly engulfed the Noldo in a hug.
"Are you gonna tell me whats wrong?" The balrog slayer whispered in Erestors ear.
The golden haired elf could feel a wet patch forming on his shoulder where Erestors head was resting and he could hear the Noldo sniffling. But Glorfindel didn't care about the wet patch, all he cared about was makingsure Erestor was okay. He pulled away from Erestor and led him over to the couch.
Erestor sat down and suddenly found the floor very interesting. Glorfindel sighed at this and put his hand on Erstors cheek and forced the dark haired elf to look at him. With his thumb, he gently wiped the tears away .
"What has made you so upset my love?"
There was a sad faraway look in Erestors eyes and he just shook his head.
"Why not Erestor? Why can't you tell me?"
"Because...I...-uh" Erestor sighed in frustration, got up and walked back to the window.
He felt a strong pair of arms encircle his face and whisper into his hair,
"You. can. tell. me. anything, anything at all, no matter what it is, for our imperfections make us whole, they make us who we are. Not on the outside, that doesn't mattter. But on the inside."
There was a finality to this statement as though Glorfindel was absoloutely 100% positive about that. Erestor really hoped he was.
'Not when he see's you. You foolish elf, he is talking about the sorts of wounds one would recive on the battlefield. Not some freak who made the wounds himself.'
Erestor burried his head in his hands , he couldn't tell Glorfindel this, he didn't even know how to go about it.
Glorfindel turned Ersetor around to face him and attempted to pry his hands away from his face.
"Tell me please Erestor, for it would cese my worry and I may be able to help."
"No!"
It was then that Erestors sleevfell down a bit, revealing to Glorfindel, Erestors awful secret.
Hiiiii, hi hi hi. Thank you if you read, and pleeeeaaaaaase review, it would make me a haaapy unicorn. neig-unicorn noise.
Hope you liked, will have the next chapter up soon.