Mighty Loot Run For Epic Skins
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"...and don't forget to bring me a bullymong, I wanna hang his head over our door."
Cozy...
"Are you even listening?"
I tear my eyes away from my friends crowding the Catch-A-Ride station nearby and, unnecessarily, reach for the Echo communicator in my ear. "Yup, two skags, a psycho-"
"A big one! I thought maybe we could turn him into a table..."
Don't ask, Maya, you don't want another one of those arguments...
I sigh and nodd. "A big psycho, couple of bandits and a bullymong. Got it."
No idea where she's gonna fit them in our already tiny place...
My eyes wander to the collection of corpses we've already managed to gather, all now piled up on the back of our technical with their distinct smell having attracted a considerate horde of flies already. Sal is so going to sit in the back for the rest of the day...
"WE FOUND IT!"
The Gunzerker's voice jolts me out of my musings and my head snaps back to my friends.
"What was that?" Lilith questions in my ear but I quickly fumble with the communicator's controls.
"No time, gotta go," I manage to mumble before I can hear a crackling sound and Lilith's voice dies down.
Good, I wouldn't want her to listen in now...
I spin on my heel and hurry towards the Catch-A-Ride station nearby, my eyes gleaming in anticipation. We'll finally learn if it's true...
There have been rumors... first being told by drunk patrons at Moxxi's, which, given the toxicity of Moxxi's brews, wasn't that big a deal, and we wouldn't have given them another thought if they hadn't stuck... All over Sanctuary there was someone who knew someone whose cousin had a friend who'd, allegedly, seen it... And even outside of Sanctuary, if you were really quiet, you could hear unsuspecting bandits talk about it, so we decided to find the truth behind these rumors once and for all.
I think it's fair to say we killed about half of Pandora's wildlife (bandits included), always hoping for the one, mystical piece of loot - and Lilith's "shopping list" was a welcome excuse to go out on a killing spree for days on end without having to answer any unwanted questions as to why I preferred spending my time with these freaks outside of the shabby excuse for a "home" Lilith had picked for us a couple months ago...
But as the days went by and the piles of corpses grew larger and larger (and we'd lost our interest in spending all the money we earned on Moxxi's slot machines – that never, NEVER spat out anything more than even more crappy guns) I had started to lose hope, starting to see these rumors as what they were again: rumors... No way a thing like that could exist... I mean, I should have been the first to know about it, right?
"After all this time..."
"It's... beautiful..."
"Can I touch it?"
"Don't you dare!" My hand shoots out and, just like so many times before, Sal finds himself trapped in one of my Phaselocks, his hand still outstretched to touch...
Lilith... in a bikini... on a bandit's hood... for everyone to see – and try to touch...
How...
Why...
I can't even...
How many of those skins are there? Ugh, I don't even wanna think about all these bandits doing unspeakable things to... ugh...
Determined, my hand crashes into the Catch-A-Ride station and sparks fly while the machine mutters its last, "Nooooooot cooooooool, duuuuuude" before it dies – and with it, the bandit standing in our midst flickers a few last times before the preview projection disappears...
"Dios mio, Sunshine..."
My hand still balled into a fist as I pull it out of the destroyed machine, I shoot Sal (who's just starting to regain control over his numb limbs again) a warning glare before I shove past Axton and stomp off into the wide desert surrounding us.
Someone will have some explaining to do when I get home...
"But... how are we gonna get back to Sanctuary now?"
"WE WALK!"