A/N: Hi people of the Fandom. :D

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the 39 clues, the Bible, or the Church. Or anything that was not made up by my really imagination-deprived mind.

This story was a result of boredom. It was actually thanks to my teacher that it ever came into being.

One day, while we were having our CLE class, our teacher said something about a prophet called Jonah who got swallowed by a whale. So my friends and I came up with this really crazy fanfic.

Hope you enjoy it!

THIS is what will happen when "Jonah da Wiz" decides to become a priest:

All his fans will become priests/nuns.

"Today, the Vatican has reported that there are a large number of teenagers suddenly interested in becoming priests and nuns. Rumors say that the Pope has a suspicion that it may be due to the fact that Jonah Wizard, the internationally known singer, has decided to become a priest himself….."

His next music video would feature the Church.

"Jonah Wizard's new song, All For You, is now at the top of the charts. What is surprising is it is featuring Father James, a Vatican priest. The Pope said in an interview yesterday, 'We are all surprised that Reverend James is a very good rapper. We are very thankful that god has given him this opportunity to showcase his talents. I don't think that we would have found out about the Reverend's…. '"

All of the priests and nuns would be present during the Grammy Awards to cheer him on.

"'And the Oscar goes to….. Jonah Wizard!' Two whole rows filled with priests and nuns stood up and started clapping, doing the sign of the cross, praising god for Father Jonah's success…."

He would upgrade the ways of the Church, from CDs to USBs.

"No, no, no! CDs are old, hommie. USB's the new 'in'!"

And when preaching….

"'ALL HAIL THE JONAH! ALL HAIL THE JONAH!'

"' NO, NO,NO! Don't hail ME, yo! Hail GOD! He's mah hommie!

"'ALL HAIL GOD! ALL HAIL GOD!'"

RAP:

I got swallowed by a whale,

And now I'm a rapper!

And I love rapping about the last supper!

Now Spreading God's word is my new mission

Hey, I'm just following mah hommie's vision

And spreading the gospel about Jesus Christ,

Why can't I make it fun for all you guys?

WOOOOOHH! WOOOOOHH!

Christ in the house!

WOOOOOHH! WOOOOOHH!

Sunday Mass!

It's better than fresh sea bass!

WHAT! WHAT!

Go to confession!

WHAT! WHAT!

Go to confession,

Or else you'll go to He—

"Jonah, what are you doing?"

"Uhhh… nothing, Mom!"

I also cannot take credit for the rap. It was created by my friends, Clover and AlTy.

R&R please!

~SkellyVal