Break Down

By: Kiku Nakamura

Summary: Something was wrong with Shade. Everyone was asking Fine why that was happening. She knew, but what if she wasn't right. It wasn't like she wanted to; she actually hoped it wasn't happening to her. What if it was? Fine was pushed past her breaking point and if Shade didn't tell her, she would ask him herself. Major FxS and minor RxS.

Fine:

His eyes looked aimlessly at a book. He was on the couch reading about the process of creating Japanese teas. He was like that a lot lately. He's always thinking about something. He never tells me about it though. He just shrugs it off. The guys have been asking me the same thing: What's with him? Another thing is also bothering me. HE seems to always stare at one thing or person, in this case.

He's my boyfriend, Shade. His eyes are mesmerizing. Shade is a cool, but hot-heading, and loving kind of guy. We have arguments all the time. Sometimes it's about such ridiculous things; I can't even remember. For a while, that hasn't been happening.

This isn't him though. Sure, it's always him and his thoughts, but it's starting to get to me. He's different these days. I just can't deal with it any longer. I'm too curious and he's too thoughtful. He doesn't want to worry me with what he's not telling me, but ironically, this is worrying me even more. I'm going to ask. I have to.

I have a hunch. I really hope it isn't true. If it was, I don't know what I would do. It's a terrible thought, but not entirely impossible. That's what scares me. I'm having doubts.

I leaned down on the couch so I could rest my arm on top of the couch and turned to face him. Slowly, I asked him the question. "What have you been thinking about recently?"

"Nothing, why do you ask?" he simply replied.

"Don't lie. You have that face on again. You're guilty," I said. "I'm your girlfriend. Is there really something you can't tell me?" My eyes were filled with a hurt expression. I really was.

"That's exactly why I can't tell you!" He yelled back. His blue eyes glared into my red ones.

"Oh really, is it because you're ashamed, huh? Is it?!" I shrieked. Our eyes locked onto each others.

"What's gotten into you?" That's all he said. He didn't even answer my question. That's what freaked me out. I was hoping this wasn't reality. I knew it was because my fists were clenched and my fingernails digged into my palm. I didn't know what I should feel. Angry? Sad? Betrayed? I don't know.

I slowly opened my fists and covered my face leaving my eyes out. No, this isn't happening.

"You like Rein don't you?" I asked, my throat both sounding and feeling tight.

"What are you talking about, Fine? I like you!" He said in distress.

Did he think he was good at lying? I certainly didn't. There was a glint of an apology in his eyes. He turned away and wouldn't look me in the face. I was outraged.

"Are you kidding me?" I screamed. I wasn't looking for answer; I knew the answer. "Really, after three years then you admit it? Shade, three years!"

"I'm sorry, Fine. I don't mean to do this to you." Oh so now I get a sorry. I always hated that word when it was directed at me. He did something wrong.

"I don't want to hear it!" I yelled, "I liked you, loved you even!" Then in a hushed tone I said, "and I still do."

Shade was going to open his mouth to say something, but I beat him to it. "Of course, why didn't I know? You still didn't let go. I should have known. Why would anyone like me?"

"I do like you," he said. Why does he still have the nerve to say such lies? They're so fake. That is impossible.

"Rein is Rein! She's pretty She's girly, but still fearless in her own way." I found Shade nodding to every word about Rein I said. "Why did I believe? I'm not pretty. I'm just a tomboy who is full of fears."

I felt a sting notifying me of coming tears. I knew they would flood my face. I tried to push them back from my eyes. I bit down on my lower lip.

"You are perfect yourself," Shade argued. Even if I was, he wouldn't love me for that.

"I've seen the way you always stole glances at her in middle school. I knew, but I kept on wishing. Until you said it, I wouldn't give up," I looked at him. I couldn't bring myself to hate this boy. "You would ask Rein something while I spoke. You would say 'Hey, Rein," and then 'Hi, Fine'" These were all just simple clues.

"I did like her, but I realized you're the one that my feelings were for."

"Yeah and those feelings changed again." I spat. "Your feelings for Rein were directed at me because she started dating Bright. I'm just a replacement in your eyes!" I screamed. I felt my eyes start to water and a few tears were starting to fall slowly down my cheeks.

"Stop it, Fine! You know that it's not true. You aren't Rein's replacement." He didn't even try to sound convincing. I think he was trying to tell that to himself, not me.

"No, Shade. You stop lying to yourself! That is all that I am." At this point of the argument, I would have Shade comfort me. One of our defenses would break. Not today, today it was not going to happen. I saw all the tears land on the backs of my hands. Fine, get yourself together, I told myself. I couldn't.

I really do love Shade. It hurt so bad to know that he loved my sister. She was my twin so I would just be looked upon as a phony. I didn't try to be her, but as her twin, we were the closest to being the same. He had to know that we weren't the same.

I cannot endure this anymore. I ran to the door, turned the knob and just made my way to no where. I just kept moving. I didn't know where I was. All I knew was that the wind was slapping at my face and my feet moving without my brain knowing.

When I opened my eyes, I realized where I was. It was my elementary school's playground. It brought back a comforting feeling. There was a secluded area where willows hung over benches. I loved this place.

I sat down on one of the benches and just wept. I didn't care anymore. I looked at the back of the bench were cold metal was pressed against my arm. On a small plaque it quoted Emily Brontë's Wuthering Heights, "He was always, always on my mind."

I guessed the school decided to choose quotes of classics to put up as a reminder of the amazing works of literature.

I looked past the bench and saw the mural of my graduation classes of that year signed. Since then, everyone signed it as a gift to the school and a way to say good bye. It was a tradition that I began. Layers upon layers of paint and multi-colored Sharpie were piled on the wall.

I walked to the wall of signatures. I looked for my name. I spotted it, the pink squiggles on the wall. Blue was next to it, Shade's name. I stared at it. If my eyes shifted just a bit over to the side, I would see Rein. Permanently, he was next to her. I heard screaming. It took me a moment to realize that the source of the sound was me. I felt a strong pair of arm circle around my waist. As soon as I screamed, cold fingers were clamped over my mouth. My first instinct was to bite the hand, so I did.

"Ow!" it screamed. I recognized that voice. It was just the person I was getting away from.

"Get away from me!"

"Why are you running away?" "

Why do you need to know?"

"Why can't I know? I'm your boyfriend for God's sake!"

"Then act like it." I wasn't going to just give up without a fight.

"I do."

"No, you don't. It's not how you feel; it's how I am supposed to feel. I'm your girlfriend, but I feel like I'm just a pile of crap. Keep your bull away from my ears!"

"Fine, I love you," he said.

I hesitated. I don't know what I was supposed to do. My knees went weak and I just buried my face into Shade's shirt and cried.

"It's okay. I'm right here," he hushed. What about your heart? Is it here too? I thought.

I believed him though. When I woke up in the morning, I could solve it all then.

Author's Note:

So I totally loved this one-shot. I hadn't did one of those in a while. As for all my That Year and A Half followers, it isn't going to be up until a bit later. I can't even promise that it'll be up this month.

Anyways if you have the time I humbly ask you to review this. Also I really want to have several reviews for my Percy Jackson and the Olympians story "Beat the Summer Heat". I really would appreciate it. I will let you live your life now.

I better sleep earlier tonight. I have my State Test and need rest. I bid farewell to you for now.

Signed,

~xxxKikuNakamura