Roman descended down to the ring, through the roaring crowds of the arena, making sure to bump as many fists as he could along the way, but his mind was not on what he was doing. He couldn't even concentrate on how good it would feel to beat Bray Wyatt to a pulp, he could only think about Dean. The look that he had seen on his best friend's face as they passed in the corridor had worried the Samoan. He knew that look. The look that meant he would find Dean later, maybe in a bar, maybe in his hotel room, a broken wreck of a man, too much whiskey in his system, and too much self hate in his mind. He wished he had been able to follow him into the locker room, hold him like he would inevitably end up doing anyway, but he had a match to have. He couldn't just leave now, the bosses wouldn't take to kindly to that kind of behaviour, and he knew that Dean would never want him to jeopardise his career. He would want some to time on his own anyway, to dwell on whatever was on his mind, to give in to the demons he held. The match was just something he had to get through, something he had to put enough concentration on so that he didn't hurt himself or Bray through carelessness, but something that was unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Friends were more important, family was more important.
Dean was in a bar, four whiskeys deep and not feeling any better for it. He hated himself for getting like this, it's not even like there was a particular something that set it off, he had had a great match with Stardust, but that didn't matter. When his demons came to call, no great match could stave them off. He saw a cheap looking blonde eyeing him from across the room and he stared at her intensely, he knew that he would end up fucking her tonight, end up ruining her, and he hated himself for it. Why did he have to be like this? Why couldn't he just find a normal girl and date her, settle down? He knew that that would never happen to him, he was a complicated guy, and a simple, uncomplicated domestic life was nowhere in his future.
He knew that later on, when he had taken his frustration out on the pretty blonde, probably giving her the best fucking of her life, he would end up knocking on Roman's door and Roman would hold him while he tried his best not to cry, not to show that much weakness. Surely being held by his best friend was weakness enough? But it wasn't enough, he couldn't get what he needed. Before he knew it he had picked his cell phone out of his pocket and pressed call on that all familiar contact. He left the bar area and stood in the doorway of the building, the cold air biting into his skin, but he didn't care. The call was answered after four rings.
" Dean?" Seth's voice was groggy, he had forgotten there was a time difference between Oregon and Iowa.
" Seth." Dean said, his voice breaking slightly.
" Dean? Are you okay?" Seth seemed more awake now, worry tainting his voice.
" No, it's happening again." Dean answered, letting his back hit the brick wall behind him.
" Just calm down Dean, you're gonna be okay. Go find Roman."
" I can't Seth, it's worse this time." His voice was shaky and he really wished he had a pack of cigarettes now, stupid Roman making him give them up.
" You need to talk to him Dean."
" Are you crazy?! What do you want me to say to him?"
" Just tell him what you told me. Just ask him, what's the worst that could happen?" Seth sounded exasperated, as if what he was telling Dean to do was easy and Dean was just being difficult on purpose.
" He could leave me. He could never want to speak to me again."
" Dean, he's your best friend, he loves you. Just talk to him."
" You're no help Seth. Where are you when I need you? Two thousand miles away!"
" I wish I could be there Dean, but I can't, I need to concentrate on getting my knee all better, and then I can be there, but for now, you need Roman."
Dean hung up on his friend, he was pissed that Seth was so far away when he needed him, he was pissed that Seth was asking him to do such stupid things. How the hell could he ask Roman what Seth wanted him to? He growled and punched the wall, which only resulted in his knuckles pulsing with pain, it didn't help him ease the war inside his mind. He breathed out a hard breath before walking back into the bar. Immediately the eyes of the blonde were back on him and all it took was a motion of his head towards the door and she was out of her seat and walking towards him, so easy, too easy.
They didn't say a word as they walked in the direction of Dean's hotel, it wasn't a long walk by any means. As soon as the door to his booked room was closed behind them he had her pushed against the wall, probably hitting her back a little too hard against it, but she didn't seem to mind, not if the moan that left her mouth was anything to go by.
Two hours after he had seen Dean in the corridor at Raw and began to worry, Roman was finally back at the hotel. He had checked the closest bar first, but there was no sign of his friend. He hurried up the stairs to their floor, not bothering to wait for the lift, and headed towards Dean's room. They always held the spare key to the others' room, mainly because Dean had a tendency to oversleep and Roman often had to drag him out of bed ten minutes before they had to leave. As he slotted the key card into the door and pushed it open, he was met with a room in disarray, clothes strewn everywhere, lamps knocked off of tables and laying across the floor, the cables like trip wires. He also noticed a slim blonde in just her underwear, seemingly routing through the pockets of his friend's jeans.
" What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Roman barked out and the girl jumped about three feet into the air, she obviously hadn't heard him enter.
" Who are you?"
" Dean's friend. Who are you?"
" His name's Dean?"
" You didn't answer my question. Who are you and what the fuck are you doing, stealing?"
The woman dropped the trousers that were still in her hands onto the floor, amongst the other clothes. She looked guilty and also pissed off.
" How dare you accuse me of stealing? I was looking for a business card or something. Your friend, Dean, whatever, fucks me and then runs out of here like he's being chased. What am I meant to do? I was trying to find his number or something."
Her eyes were narrowed on Roman, who didn't believe what was coming out of her mouth. Well, he did believe that Dean had fucked her and then run, he had a tendency to do that, but he knew damn well that she had not been looking for a business card.
" Get your clothes and get out." He made his voice stern and intimidating and watched with mild amusement as she gathered up her clothes and pulled them on haphazardly before scurrying from the room with her heels in her hand.
As soon as she was gone, Roman left the room and shut the door behind him, he wasn't going to clean up Dean's mess for him, he could do that for himself.
He made his way to his own room, hoping that that was where Dean had run off to, his worry for his friend growing with every step. When he entered his own room, he at first thought it was empty, the street-lights from outside weren't lending much illumination to the room. Taking a step further inside he heard the sniffling and turned on the lamp to see Dean curled up in the corner, rocking back and forth wearing just his underwear, tears staining his cheeks. There had been many times over the last few years, more so the last couple of months that Seth had been injured, that Dean had turned up in Roman's room, or Roman had found him in his own room, breathing heavy and ragged and Roman felt the need to hold him, but never once had he seen him cry like this.
Even when the light had turned on, the blonde hadn't looked up, his gaze settled on the floor, Roman felt that he could almost see the battle that was going on behind that stare. He wished that he knew what made Dean like this, but he didn't even think that Dean truly understood what made him feel like he felt sometimes. The Samoan stepped towards his friend and crouched down, he placed his hand on Dean's knee and that's when those misty blues looked up at him finally, his heart broke at the look he found there. Dean looked truly broken, worse than he had ever seen him before, as more tears carved a path down his stubbled cheeks.
Roman pulled Dean into him, his strong arms wrapped around the slightly smaller man as he felt his body rock with sobs. He wanted to make Dean feel better, but he didn't know how. He tried to tell him every day how amazing he was, what an incredible wrestler he was, a great person, but it all inevitably came back to a broken Dean in his arms, trying not to fall apart. Tonight seemed different, it was as though Dean had already fallen apart and Roman didn't know how to put him back together.
" Hey, come on Deano, it's gonna be okay. I'm here." He pressed his cheek against the top of Dean's head and tightened his hold, he felt Dean's arms wrap around him.
" Ro?"
" Yeah, what's the matter, what do you need?"
Dean huffed out a bitter laugh at that, if only Roman knew what he needed, he wouldn't be holding him like he was now, he would be disgusted.
" It's not enough Ro." He choked out, hating himself for the sobs that were breaking up his words.
" What isn't? Talk to me Dean." Roman's hand was stroking through his hair and he instinctively leaned into the contact.
" This." He said simply.
" This isn't enough? Then tell me what you need?"
" I need Seth." He whined, hating how needy he sounded.
" He's not here Dean, you know that, he can't be here. Let me help. How can Seth help when I can't?"
Roman sounded so concerned and Dean loved that about him, he loved how much Roman cared about him, that's why he couldn't tell him. Instead he pressed his face into Roman's chest, willing this to be enough, willing his mind to stop turning over and over, telling him he was worthless.
" Come on Dean, I hate to see you like this. Why do you need Seth?"
Dean realised that Roman wasn't going to stop pushing, that was just who he was, caring to a fault, and the thoughts inside his head weren't going to stop anytime soon, not unless . . .
" He fucks me." Dean finally admitted, his voice low, he felt Roman's body tense against his bare flesh and he knew what he was thinking.
" He what?" Roman asked, confusion in his voice, surely he had misheard Dean.
" Seth fucks me. That's what I need. This isn't enough sometimes." His voice was still low, he really didn't want to be telling Roman these things, but Seth was right, what did he have to lose. Sure, Roman could never want to speak to him again, but there was a chance he would, and if Dean had kept quiet, not given Roman a chance, then he was pretty sure he would have destroyed himself tonight.
Roman hadn't spoken for a couple of minutes, his arms were still around Dean, but they were tense, not comforting like they usually were. Dean was terrified that he had ruined everything. After a couple more seconds of silence, Roman cleared his throat.
" Are you saying . . . are you saying that you want me to . . . you know?" The Samoan stammered.
" Fuck me?" Dean felt Roman tense again. " Yes."
This time Roman's arms left his body, his naked torso feeling cold at the loss of contact. Dean couldn't stop a few more tears from escaping his eyes, he flinched as he felt Roman's thumb brush them from his cheek. Dean chanced a look into the brunette's eyes, but he couldn't figure out what Roman was feeling, he was unreadable in that moment, closed off, and Dean felt sick.
" Go take a shower Dean, it might help."
Dean couldn't believe what Roman was saying. Take a shower? A fucking shower? Yeah sure Rome, I just told you what I need and you tell me that a shower might help? If only it was that easy. Despite his thoughts, he let out an exasperated sigh and headed for the bathroom of Roman's hotel room.
When he heard the water start running Roman sat back on the bed. He couldn't quite believe what Dean had just told him; Seth used to have sex with him when he was feeling like he was tonight? That's what he needed? He ran his hand over his face and through his hair, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. He realised that his shirt was damp with Dean's tears, so he quickly pulled it off over his head before the salty water dried and became uncomfortable against his skin. He breathed out a huge sigh and took his phone out of his pocket.
" I'm guessing Dean spoke to you?" Seth's voice was sleeping down the phone and Roman almost felt bad for waking him.
" How did you know?"
" I told him to. What did he say?"
" That you fuck him." Roman stated simply. " Is that true?"
" Yeah." Seth sounded almost amused and it annoyed Roman, how could Seth be so calm about this.
" So what, are you guys gay or something?"
" Or something." Seth replied and Roman could hear the smirk that was surely on his face. " Look Rome, it's not about sexuality. What did you say to him?"
" I told him to take a shower."
Seth laughed softly. " Brilliant. He tells you something that was really hard for him, and you tell him to take a shower? You're an ass Rome."
" What do you expect me to do? Say, okay bend over? I'm not gay Seth."
" I told you, it's not about sexuality."
" What does your girlfriend think about it?" Roman said coldly.
" She doesn't know. Anyway, Dean and I haven't done anything since I've been with her. He's been coming to you."
" Has he wanted this the whole time?" Roman suddenly felt strange, all those times he had held Dean, was this what he had wanted?
" I don't know. He doesn't always need that, sometimes holding him is enough, but it's worse this time. He needs you Ro." Seth's voice was full of concern for his friend and it made Roman smile, despite the situation.
" It's not that easy Seth, how can you just say it like it's normal. I'm not gay."
" How many times do I have to say that it's not about being gay, it's not about your sexuality, it's about love Rome. Dean needs you. You love him don't you?"
" Of course I love him, he's my best friend. But this is weird, I've never been in a situation like this before." Roman was running his fingers through his hair again nervously.
Seth laughed again. " It's not that much different Ro, just a lot tighter."
" Seth! I didn't mean . . ." Roman huffed out a breath. " So what happened, he just came to you and said he wanted you to fuck him and you agreed, just like that?"
" Well, yeah, kinda. I mean, we talked a little, but I could see that he needed me, that he wanted my help and I just wanted to take his pain away. Don't you want to help him Ro?"
" Yes, of course I do."
" Then help him."
" Seth . . . I . . . Did you guys like kiss and stuff, or just fuck."
" I gave him whatever he needed Ro, so yeah, we kissed, I held him, I fucked him." Seth was getting tired of this conversation, he just wanted to go to sleep, but he could hear the change in Roman's tone of voice, maybe there was mild interest there.
" I gotta go, I think he's getting out of the shower."
" Okay, night Ro, and . . . just think about it, yeah?"
" Night Seth." Roman ended the call and placed his phone on the bedside table. He was still sitting on the edge of the bed when he heard the door to the bathroom open.
Dean re-entered the room nervously, he didn't know what he was going to be met with. Roman watched how timidly his friend moved, he looked up and saw that Dean's eyes were rimmed with red, he had probably still been crying in the shower. The blonde had a towel around his waist and water droplets adorned his whole torso, his hair was stuck down to his head, in short, he looked adorable, adorably sad. Roman held his arms out to Dean, who looked confused but stepped forward anyway. When he was close enough, Roman grabbed hold of the other man's hips and pulled him into his chest, his arms wrapping around the damp, lean body.
" I'm sorry Dean." He said, against the flesh of his stomach, sending a shiver through him.
Dean knew what that meant, that Roman couldn't give him what he needed, he had asked too much, he had lost his best friend. He placed his hand on the Samoan's shoulder, his fingers absent-mindedly tracing his tattoo. He then felt Roman tug on his hand and saw him pat the space next to him on the bed, he instantly sat down next to him. Dean watched as Roman turned to him, his eyes still unreadable, he hated that, he could always tell what his friend was thinking. Roman's hand move to cup Dean's cheek and then he was moving in, his face getting closer until his lips pressed gently against his own. Dean was in shock, did this mean that Roman would give him what he needed?
He didn't want to push the other man, so he didn't move his lips, but after a few seconds he felt the pressure change, felt Roman's plump lips move against his own. He began to kiss back, already feeling his dick starting to harden at the thought of Roman giving into him, helping him. The kiss was slow and deliberate, not full of passion, and Dean understood that, this wasn't about passion, it's not like Roman was attracted to him.
When the kiss finally ended, Roman pulled back and looked into Dean's eyes, now the blonde thought he saw a little lust in those warm brown eyes. That was encouraging. He felt a hand on his shoulder push him back onto the bed, his towel parting with the movement. He saw Roman look down at his exposed flesh, his manhood now fully hard and resting heavily on his stomach, a strange growl left the Samoan's mouth as he stood and undid his belt and jeans. He pushed them down, along with his boxers, and Dean saw that Roman was already half-hard.
" Are you sure about this Ro?" Dean said, almost scared that his words would break the spell.
" I want to help you Dean." He answered simply.
Dean lunged forward and took Roman's semi-erect cock into his mouth, shocking the other man and eliciting a gasp from his mouth. As Dean began to suck him to full hardness, he felt Roman's fingers in his hair and heard the moans coming from his mouth, at least he seemed to be enjoying this. Roman was soon hard and Dean pulled off of him, laying back down onto the bed as Roman climbed onto it on his knees.
Dean watched entranced as Roman moved up the bed so that he was between Dean's legs, his hands moved up and down his thighs as he looked down at his ass. Dean placed his hands over Roman's and tried to pull him forward, encouraging him.
" Don't I need to, you know, prep you or something, like, with lube?" Roman stuttered, seemingly a but nervous.
" No, I don't need it Ro, I just need you."
To Dean's surprise Roman leaned over him and claimed his lips once more, this kiss deeper than before, with more passion in it, which wasn't surprising seeing as they were both rock hard now. Roman took his cock in his hand and lined up with Dean's ass, he took a deep breath before trying to push forward, which was difficult. Dean pushed his hips forward to help and soon the head of Roman's cock was inside him. The Samoan let out a gasp, he had never been in something this tight before. He laced his fingers with Dean's as he pushed further in, Dean letting out a mewling sound that got to Roman, made him want to protect and help Dean at all costs.
He was now fully seated inside of Dean, the tight heat overwhelming, he couldn't move for fear of exploding too soon. He lay his head on Dean's chest, trying to regain some composure. Dean's hand was on Roman's shoulder, rubbing soothing circles on his skin. Thirty seconds later Roman felt ready to continue. He looked up at Dean as he withdrew himself halfway and then pushed back in. Dean's lips parted in pleasure and Roman thought that in that moment, Dean looked quite beautiful. He set a steady rhythm, pressing kisses to Dean's chest and shoulders constantly, he wanted Dean to know how special he was. He angled his hips differently and his eyes shot up to Dean when he heard a strangled sound escape the other man's lips.
" Shit, did I hurt you?" He asked, concerned.
" Hell no, keep doing that." Dean gasped and Roman thought that he had perhaps found Dean's prostate, he had heard about that before.
He carried on at the angle he was and found himself enjoying the sounds that he was pulling from Dean, little gasps and moans of pleasure, he didn't seem to be hurting anymore, his thoughts calming, Roman was taking his mind off it.
" Oh God." He heard Dean say as he brought his hand up to his own shaft and began pumping himself in time with Roman's thrusts.
" Fuck!" The blonde yelled as he came, covering his own hand and stomach in his release.
Roman didn't know what happened, but seeing Dean's face contort in ecstasy as he came did something to the Samoan, it released something primal inside of him that had him chasing his own release. As Dean's inner muscles began to contract around him it felt as though his orgasm was pulled from him, the intensity of it left him breathless. He kissed Dean once on the lips and then pulled out of him, rolling to the side and lying on his back.
Dean didn't speak, he just rolled onto his side so that his back was to Roman, his knees bent and his arms wrapped around him. Even though Roman could tell that he had given Dean what he needed, helped him to forget, he didn't like how Dean seemed to be pulling away from him now, shutting himself off. He had forgotten to ask Seth what happened afterwards, he had been too busy contemplating the actual event to worry about the aftermath, but this didn't seem right. Roman reached out his hand and rolled Dean onto his back, his eyes looked nervous, as if he didn't know what to expect now, he probably expected Roman to chuck him out now, regretting what he had done.
" C'mere." Roman stated simply and pulled Dean into his arms so that they were both on their sides, facing each other.
He saw Dean's face relax, so he pressed his lips against his friends in a closed mouth kiss. Dean rested his head against Roman's chest now, all tension seemingly released from his body. Roman didn't even mind that they were covered in their own cum, he was just so glad that he had been able to help Dean, he had never seen him so relaxed. It also helped that he had just experienced the most intense orgasm of his life. He wrapped his arms tightly around his friend as he pressed his lips to his forehead.
" From now on Dean, I'm here for you, whatever you need." He hoped Dean could hear how sincere he was about this. Yeah, he had felt weird about it at first, but seeing how calm and happy Dean now seemed, it was definitely worth it, he had even enjoyed it.
" Thank you Rome." Dean said as his eyes closed and he fell into a peaceful sleep.
Roman let his own eyes drift closed as he held his best friend in his arms.