Truth

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters nor do I own CSI. But when I do take over the world that will be the first matter of business I attend to, I assure you. XD. Unfortunately, for now, I own nothing and suing me won't do you any good because I'll win anyway; I included a disclaimer :).

Spoilers: After the Show, Catherine's first two lines are taken from this episode but I changed Sara's answers.

Thanks to Jess and Sarah for checking this over for me, you guys are the best.

"At every step one has to wrestle for truth; one has to surrender for it almost everything to which the heart, to which our love, our trust in life, cling otherwise. That requires greatness of soul: the service of truth is the hardest service…"

—Freidrich Nietzsche.

The only question which remains is, is it worth the risk?

--

"Did your father ever tell you you were pretty?" Catherine's blue eyes flicked up at her as she asked the question. For a moment Sara considered lying, but ultimately she decided that the truth might be a better option. Something about the older woman's voice made her feel at ease, which was odd considering their patchy relationship.

"No" she answered, glancing away.

Catherine was wrong footed for a moment, not expecting that answer. A moment later she was back on track, "He ever tell you you were smart?" Catherine questioned, her whole attention on Sara now.

"No" Sara answered once again, still refusing to look at Catherine.

"He wasn't around much when you were growing up?" Catherine queried.

Sara chuckled darkly, "No, he was around," she stated.

Catherine was confused, but she didn't know what to say, instead she focused on what she had been trying to explain to Sara. "My guess is Julie Waters father told her she was beautiful all the time, so she believed that was all she was good for; something pretty to look at."

"Right." Sara said more for the sake of it than signalling she understood.

"Your opinion of yourself is based on what other people tell you." Catherine continued. "My parents told me I was beautiful, and I believed them. It wasn't till later in life that someone else told me I was smart"

Sara chuckled morosely, "Well it's a good thing I didn't listen to everyone else then."

"What do you mean?" Catherine asked carefully.

"It doesn't matter" Sara retreated quickly, realising this was getting too close for comfort.

"Sara" Catherine reached out and places her hand on Sara's arm causing the brunette to look up at her.

Sighing Sara broke their gaze, "I mean if I had listened to my parents then I would have spent my entire life believing I was worthless, nothing. A piece of shit to be kicked around; treated like a dog." Her voice was full of venom causing Catherine's grip to tighten on her arm.

Catherine swallowed, scared at finding herself so out of her depth. She had no idea what to say as she and Sara had never been close. She winced as she remembered the harsh words that she had let loose on her over the years.

Suddenly Sara turned and met Catherine's eyes, her gaze icy. "If I'd listened to you I'd think I was a second rate CSI not worth the time of day. I'm just glad I'm stronger than that" and with that she left the room.

--

Catherine's mind was made up. She didn't care what this did to their working relationship, it could hardly get worse than it already was, and she gave Sara a little more credit than thinking she would get totally weirded over the fact.

So come the end of shit she was haunting the locker room; waiting for Sara. It was two hours later that Sara actually showed, long after most people had left and even Grissom had already gone home.

Catherine didn't mind, it gave her time to think through what she was going to say. She didn't want to rush Sara, and truthfully she didn't really want to have this conversation.

When Sara came in she didn't seem to notice Catherine, even if she had she probably would have ignored her. She would still be pissed off that Catherine had taken the case from her.

"Y'know, I think you should start listening to the people around you" Catherine started, knowing she had to start somewhere.

Sara whipped around quickly, her eyes widening at Catherine's presence. "What are you still doing here?" she asked, her voice not giving away any of the surprise she obviously felt.

"Waiting for you, we need to talk" Catherine responded.

"I have nothing to say to you" Sara answered coldly, turning back to her locker.

"Fine, then just listen. I didn't take the case from you because I thought you couldn't do it, I know you would have done just as good a job on it as I did. I took the case because Delhomme was more receptive to me; he was willing to tell me stuff he wouldn't have told you. If you were in my position I'd expect you to do exactly the same thing."

"So why didn't you ask me to help with the case?" Sara asked, shooting Catherine an accusatory glare.

"You were up for promotion, so was Nick, I needed someone without an agenda." Catherine stated tiredly.

Sara turned back to her locker, "You should know I never let my personal feelings get in the way of doing my job."

"You'd like to think so" Catherine parried. "Truth is Sara, we all do. Every single one of us gets affected by cases, it's the nature of the beast. You go off the deep end when ever you get a case with a hint of domestic violence and, after today, I can't say I blame you." Catherine let Sara know she had read between the lines of their conversation earlier.

"I wouldn't have let my feelings towards you stop me from doing my job." Sara insisted vehemently.

"I'll remember that" Catherine nodded, "But I also didn't want you distracting me."

Silence stretched between the two women. "Why are you here?" Sara asked eventually breaking it, a confused look on her face.

"Because…" Catherine began suddenly feeling her face heat up as her heart rate increased. "I wanted to tell you…you aren't nothing. You are beautiful. You are funny. You are kind. You're not smart, you're a fucking genius. You are passionate. You are determined. You're a brilliant CSI, and you should listen to what people say about you."

If possible Sara looked even more confused.

Catherine sighed in frustration, "Don't give me that look" she ordered, raising her voice.

"What look?" Sara frowned.

"That look; the one you're giving me. You're looking at me like you think I'm crazy." Catherine elaborated. "Sara, you know me well enough to know I don't say things I don't mean just for the sake of it, and I certainly don't stroke people's egos because I feel sorry for them. I am saying these things because they're what I think. I'm saying these things because I think you need to hear them. I'm saying these things because I don't want you to think I hate you. The least you can do when someone pays you a compliment is say thank you"

"Thank you?" Sara echoed, still thoroughly confused. She had spent her whole life working her butt off to get some sort of praise from her parents. When that didn't work she had turned to substitutes, her teachers, neighbours, lecturers. She always strived for more because she didn't get the praise she wanted. Not until now. God, not even Grissom had been as nice as Catherine was just then. Sure, he had said similar things, but he had really only complimented her one her work; and once on her looks, sort of. But Sara had rarely had a nice word from Catherine. To have all of these strung together in one long paragraph was almost too much.

"Damn it Sara, why is it that when it comes to anything to do with work you always act like you were born with brass balls, but the moment it comes down to accepting a compliment on who you are as a person you shut down?"

"I guess I'm not used to it" Sara responded carefully, grabbing her things from her locker and closing it softly. "If this is how you really feel, then how come you haven't said these things before?" she questioned. That was the moment Catherine retreated, she dropped her gaze and unconsciously her shoulders hunched forward slightly. Sara observed the change in body language curiously.

"Because…I…" Catherine started. She sighed with frustration, turning away from Sara to stare at the lockers. "I figured if I kept you at arms length I'd be safe" she whispered softly, leaning backwards against the lockers. She could feel Sara's intense stare on her skin and she felt it start to flush red.

"Safe?" Sara asked quietly.

"Yes Sara, safe" Catherine looked up at her young brunette colleague. Sara swallowed at the suddenly vulnerable look in Catherine's eyes and suddenly she found it hard to move. "The first time I met you, you were investigating one of my best friends, but I found myself liking you. I didn't want to like you." Catherine confessed softly, her eyes holding Sara's.

"But then I wasn't, and I joined the team" Sara pointed out.

"Yes. And I found myself liking you more. Then Grissom asked you to investigate Warrick again, and I felt almost as though you had betrayed me by agreeing. Stupid I know. And I hated myself for it. I hated that feeling, so I pushed you away."

"Ok" Sara stated slowly, prompting Catherine to continue.

"Then there was Hank. And damn it Sara I was jealous." Catherine sighed explosively, breaking their gaze. "I was happy when you guys broke up, and I felt guilty as hell for that so I took you out for a drink. I guess that was when I worked it out. I like you Sara. And I just wanted you to know…" she raised her eyes to meet Sara's again, "You aren't nothing. You are beautiful. You are funny. You are kind. You're a genius. You are passionate. You are determined. You're a brilliant CSI…and you should listen to what people say about you" Catherine offered the stunned Sara a small smile before she lent forwards and brushed her lips against hers in a quick, chaste kiss, and with that she left the room leaving Sara staring after her.

A/N: Reviews would be much appreciated, and I'll hopefully post the second chapter soon. Thanking you in advance -- XX Chez.