Running Away

by asmilewaiting

No one will understand. So why tell? But Ryou will. Because Ryou wears a mask too. Masks are used to protect oneself from others. If they cannot see the real you, then they can’t say anything bad about the real you, right? And therefore, you can’t be

Running Away…

By Marron Yuuki

Rating: R (for lemon)

Warnings:

Ok, I took a lot of liberties with this fic. For many people this will be extremely OOC, which in fact, it is. But I played around with an idea and I think it actually works the way I did it. Of course, some people wouldn't agree with me. Just a warning.

This contains seme!Ryou, hinted masochism/sadism, lemon (I can't decide whether it's very graphic or not, thus the rating) and, as written before, major OOC-ness.

Summary:

No one will understand. So why tell? But Ryou will. Because Ryou wears a mask too. Masks are used to protect oneself from others. If they cannot see the real you, then they can't say anything bad about the real you, right? And therefore, you can't be hurt… right? Right?

= POV change

Italics = song lyrics (Running up that hill by Placebo)

Bakura POV

It's Dark.

It's so dark in here… darkness; it's cold, empty…lonely.

But I guess it's to be expected… for your soul room reflects your heart, your soul…it is your essence.

But is my heart really so dark? I guess it must be…

At least they would think so.

I look around, this field of grass and dark sky that is my soul room. I look up at the sky and see thunder clouds gathering, the wind getting stronger and blowing my hair around.

I look down at the cold ground I stand on, staring at the rocks scattered everywhere

until my vision grows blurry and I feel the tears leaking from my eyes.

Ironic, isn't it? One of the people that they most fear is sitting in his soul room crying.

About the dark no less. It's laughable in fact.

But they don't really know me. They don't know anything about me.

They've only seen my mask. They all assume it's the real me. That evil thing, cruel person that

they've seen.

But they don't know me. How could they? They only see what they want to see and part of

what I let them see.

The Pharaoh assumes he knows me, because he knew me from his time. But that was millennia ago.

And who can be trapped in the darkness of their own mind and stay cruel. Stay the way they were?

Because being trapped in the dark for thousands of years… you can't escape yourself.

When you are alive, when you can choose what you think and not, when you aren't alone…

the silence doesn't grow to be too much. Because you can distract yourself from it.

But I was in the dark with no one but myself for company. And this leads to a lot of contemplation. I always thought I was strong, I always thought I could live through anything.

I was wrong. I was almost driven insane.

I hated it, I still do. I look up at the sky as it darkens more and lightning flashes, thunder following as it begins to pour… rain drenching my clothes and hair as I continue to stare at the sky, my eyes burning from the water.

It was torture… in that… that piece of metal. I know I was evil. I was evil to the core. But no one, no one, deserves the punishment that I received. I wouldn't give it to even my worst enemies.

Yeah, you say Yami had to go through it too. Right. But that was under different circumstances. He knew what he was getting into.

My soul was ripped from my body with no warning, nothing whatsoever and sealed into the sennen ring, not able to escape, not able to do anything but listen to my own screams, my own thoughts… and the guilt grew so much stronger.

I had nothing to block it out with, I couldn't ignore it.

I had to relive all the things I did wrong over and over again… never able to forget…never able to ignore it. Because what was there to distract myself with?

Oh. The rain has stopped.

It's so strange. You would think I would have all control over my soul room… but I don't. It's odd really… I look up at the sky where stars are coming out. Little pinpricks of light. The wind blows by and my damp clothes make me shiver.

As I look up again, I can see the moon… so big and round… and pure shining white. Light.

It shines on my darkness and again I feel the guilt coming back in full force…

Who am I to feel pity for myself, when in fact I am the darkness, I am the evil and I am destruction. The total opposite of the light shining down on my face.

As I look at the moon I think of Ryou. The moon reminds me of him. So pure… my light.

Ryou… I wonder what he is doing? I close my eyes and focus on him.

Ah, he's in the kitchen. He must be making dinner…

I open my eyes and look around myself again. The grass swaying with the now gentle wind.

Ryou is like that. He's so gentle. To everyone… he seems to care for everyone, even those who hate him. He worries about the slightest things… he is so full of love for everyone, I don't know how he does it.

I reach down and look at the sennen ring around my neck, it's pretty, the way the moonlight reflects off it. Such pain hidden beneath such a pretty surface.

Like Ryou.

I watch him… I don't think he knows, and if he does he hasn't shown it. I haven't talked to him in a long time… so I don't know. I don't let him feel my presence a lot, I block the link, because I do not want to cause him more pain than I already have.

But when I watch him… he seems so sad. His smiles so fake, his happiness so fake. I watch him when he thinks no one is there, he cries… he looks so distressed. So distressed that I wish I could comfort him…

But how can a spirit comfort a living person? I wish I had a normal body, that is my greatest wish… then I could forget about my past and live my present life. I could be myself…not wear my mask all the time. And I could comfort Ryou… If he would let me. If I ever were to get my own body that's the first thing I would do… after apologizing to him and begging for forgiveness. He is the only one who I would let see my real self. And he could be himself around me… not all fake smiles and cheerfulness.

He seems so much like me that I sometimes wonder if I shouldn't confide in him. But that would mean dropping my mask. That would mean showing him how weak I am… and he might take advantage of it… I don't want to be weak… I don't want to be hurt…I have no way of ignoring the pain, I have only myself for comfort, and I cannot let myself forget my faults. And I think if I feel any more pain I'll die…

Isn't that what I want though? Do I not want to die? Relief from all the pain, all the guilt. No…

I just want happiness… or at least freedom. Because I've never lived.

All my life has ever been is survival. Revenge. Hate. Pain.

And sometimes I think Ryou's presence could give me that… because he is so pure, couldn't he heal me? But wouldn't that make him less pure? And I do not want to make him impure. It is not my right…

But every time I watch him, every time I think about him, I begin to wonder what it would be like to tell him everything. Tell him about my life, my fears, my secrets…confide in him everything that I have told no one in all my life.

But would he understand? Would he even care? Would it matter?

I have ruined his life… so shouldn't he hate me? Why would he show any compassion for someone who took over his life, his body, his privacy?

And I do not wish to be a burden. For it is not his fault that he got the ring. I wish that he had never gotten it… but at the same time, I am glad he did.

What is the point of even contemplating this? Because I know that I will never tell him. I will not confide anything, for fear that he will hurt me. Not understand… Hate me…

Suddenly I feel pain. So strong… it burns. It covers my entire body and I feel myself collapse, no longer know which way is up as my hands clutch at my scull, hair being pulled, body curling up into a small ball as the pain overwhelms me.

And as I fall unconscious, my last thought is of Ryou…

"Ryou…"

It doesn't hurt me.
You wanna feel how it feels?
You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
You wanna hear about the deal I'm making?
You
You and me

"Ah!"

The frying pan falls to the ground, the potatoes scattering across the kitchen floor as I clasp my stomach in pain.

It was so sudden, this flash of pain and I feel my eyes blur with tears, as I reach up to turn off the stove before collapsing to the ground, clutching my stomach and curling into a ball, my breath coming in small gasps as I struggle to breathe.

Where is this pain coming from?! It hurts so bad… It feels like déjà vu… Where have I felt this before?

And as my vision fades to black I think…Oh yeah… I felt this pain when… mother died…

When I come to, I'm on a bed. I sit up and look around. It looks just like my room but it's…different somehow. Darker or something.

It must be my soul room. It looks different from the last time I was here. I haven't been here in a while… it's neater than it was last time, and the games and toys have been replaced with books and papers. Pictures of my family and friends hang on the walls… a single photo…the only one I have, and I don't even know where it came from, of Bakura.

As I look at the picture I suddenly remember the pain and I notice that it's not as strong anymore.

But now that I'm here, I can feel the source… not that I need to, because I already know what it's from…or rather, from whom.

I stand up quickly, alarm showing on my face as I turn to look for the door to Bakura's soul room. I have never been there, I didn't want to impose on him… and I was afraid he would hate me if I did.

I get lost in thought for a few minutes as I think of Bakura… he's so odd. Everyone says I should be glad that he doesn't bother me. That I should hate him. They say that he's evil and only wants to hurt me and that I should banish him… I am the only one who can banish him now, as Yami found out… and I'm glad.

For some reason I just can't believe that he is completely evil. Because no one is all evil. It's just not possible. All darkness has some light in it. As the light has dark. Like a Yin-Yan symbol. Because light and dark need each other to exist.

I am startled back out of my thoughts when I finally notice the door that has appeared in front of me, and the chains and Egyptian hieroglyphics all over it that start to glow. With a bright flash of light they dissolve completely, leaving a black door that opens when I approach it.

I'm still unsure whether I should enter or not, but I go in anyway, I am worried and Bakura is more important to me than my safety.

As I step into the room the door shuts behind me but I hardly notice as I stare around myself, in awe at my surroundings.

I always thought Bakura's soul room would be a room like mine… but instead I find myself in a field. It's raining and the wind is gusting around, blowing my hair in my face and in my eyes, making them sting.

I squint and look around, wishing that it would stop.

And it did.

"How odd…"

I look around again, now able to see better without the rain and wind blocking my vision.

I feel the pain flash back strongly for a minute and automatically turn in the direction from which I feel it came.

And am shocked at what I find.

Laying in the middle of a clearing is my other half… he's curled up in a fetal position and is trembling as tears leak from his eyes.

I run over to him as fast as I can and kneel next to him, trying to see what's wrong.

He seems to be unconscious but is suffering from a seizure, or something of the like.

I bite my lip and put my hand on his head to find that he's burning up.

"K'so"

What's wrong with him?! God, I hope he's ok… I know…it's strange that I would care about my dark side's health…but that's what he is, another side of me, another part of my life and therefore part of my heart.

I reach down and pull him into my lap before picking him up and carrying him into my soul room. I know I could probably change his soul room to something better, but that's not really my place to do so.

I lay him down on my bed and pull the blankets over him. I frown and wonder to myself what I should do… spirits don't get sick, do they? And this doesn't seem to be a sickness that I've seen before.

I decide to treat it like a common cold and put a wet cloth on his forehead and more blankets on the bed for the fever.

Then I just sit next to the bed and watch him.

God, I hope I'm doing something right… if he dies… I would be broken.

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
If I only could, oh...

"Mmmm…" I turn over onto my side and frown a bit…Ra it's hot in here… what?

I open my eyes slightly to peer out… this is definitely not my soul room… I'm in a bed with way too many blankets. I blink once more before sitting up, rubbing my head to find a wet towel on it. I blink again. Huh?

I glance to the side.

"Oh…"

My Ra… All of a sudden the memories of yesterday come back to me…depression… pain…darkness…

He must have felt the pain too and come to help me. But… why would he do that? I turn my body to face him, watching as his chest rises and falls gently - he's asleep.

I close my eyes to see what time it is… no wonder, it's 5 in the morning. Has he sat beside the bed the whole time I was out cold? It must have been uncomfortable.

Ah well, I feel better now… depression kind of gets to me sometimes, but it passes.

I ignore the voice in the back of my mind telling me I'm just lying to myself.

I stand up slowly, testing my legs, before moving over to pick up Ryou and laying him in the bed, pulling one of the blankets over him but leaving the others…wouldn't want him to have a hot flash...haha.

I look around. I haven't been in his soul room before. Hmm, looks just like his room in the real world. Funny.

I walk over to the desk and look at some of the books on it… 'Egypt'… 'American History'… 'The Bible' Hmm… weird.

I blink. I'm feeling a lot better now… and I think the reason is because I woke up to see Ryou… aaaw, how cute, haha note the sarcasm. I'm turning into a lovesick fool. I laugh out loud at this. Lovesick? Yeah, I guess. Now that I think about it, I guess I am in love with him. How did this happen? Weird… I shrug to myself. Oh well, dream on. I laugh aloud again.

"…heehee…"

I'm startled and turn slightly only to see Ryou sitting up watching me, a smile on his face. He looks amused. I raise an eyebrow.

"What?"

Oops. That was not my normal tone of voice. Aw, fuck it. Doesn't matter anymore, he was in my soul room. He'll want an explanation… and I just don't feel like putting on my mask right now… I'm too happy right now for that. I smirk slightly at that thought…talk about bipolar… And he giggles again.

I turn around completely and raise my eyebrow even more.

"What?" I repeat.

This time I receive an answer…though not one I expect.

"You look cute when you're thinking to yourself."

I blink and you look a little ashamed. I'm surprised at that.

Even more surprised when you bow down, still sitting in the bed.

"Gomen… I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry if I offended you."

I blink some more.

Wow. This is…odd.

"S'ok."

Oooh! Your turn to be surprised.

I grin at you.

You blink.

I laugh.

And you blink some more.

This is friggin' hilarious! I sit down in a chair that appeared from no where and proceed to laugh my head off.

And every time I look up the look on your face is so comical that I start laughing all over again. I think I've seriously freaked you out. Wow, this is making me feel so much better.

I laugh a little more before getting a hold of myself and looking up at you, smiling slightly.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have laughed…but you should have seen your face."

You blink but smile this time. Then your expression turns serious.

"Ne… are you ok? You were in a lot of pain and you were burning up."

I frown and you look a bit upset, biting your lip in worry.

No. I can't tell him. Never. He won't understand. I can't.

"Forget about it." Ooh… that was a harsh tone. And you noticed. You look scared now. Damn… oh well, not like it would last anyway.

You look down at the ground and look like your going to say something, but then you shake your head and sigh, looking up at me again.

"Well, I'm glad you're feeling better again. I need to go then, school soon… bye." You smile and disappear, going back to your real body.

Fuck!

It was a fake smile… I hate it.

The guilt…it's coming back… I shouldn't have been so mean… I've lost my chance. My chance… for what? Even I don't know the answer to that.

The tears slowly begin to stream down my face again and as they leave little stains on my shirt, the pain becomes too big, but I put up a shield, blocking the link like normal, before collapsing onto the ground, sobbing.

I fucked things up again…my fault…my fault…

You don't want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.
There is thunder in our hearts, baby.
So much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?

I come to on the floor in the kitchen. Oh yeah…

I open my eyes slightly and… "Eeeeew!" Oh, potatoes… better clean these up.

As I clean them up I think about what happened. Bakura… He was so nice at first…and then he turned harsh all of a sudden.

Just because I asked that question…

I wish I had had to courage to go over there and hug him or something, to show that I care and he can trust me… I wish I could have had the courage to say the words I wanted to say.

"I know how you feel… you don't have to hide from me."

But I was too damn cowardly!

And now he probably thinks I'm mad at him. And for some reason I don't think that he doesn't care about it.

I close my eyes and try to find him, but he's blocked the link, like he normally does… why wasn't it blocked yesterday?

I reach out for his mind and push against the block… it's so weak. I contemplate what might happen if I break it. He might be angry…but he's already angry with me…

So what the hell?

I give it a small mental push and it gives way immediately, but as soon as it does I'm overwhelmed by the pain again.

"Oh my God! Bakura!"

I quickly go back to my soul room, very worried about him.

I'm surprised to find you still in there, I would have thought you would have gone to your own. I walk over to where you are laying… unconscious again.

How many times is this going to happen today?

I pick you up once again and take you to the bed, laying you down and pulling a blanket over you, sighing softly at the tears streaks drying on your cheeks.

I don't understand you. It's been so long since I last talked to you, and yet I don't understand how you could have changed so much.

You seemed like someone nice and then when I said something about your pain, you suddenly got angry.

Why are you so sensitive about it? Are you hiding something?

I know though… that feeling… I've felt it before. After my mother died… it was depression as I was told… but… Why should you be depressed?

You don't, didn't, seem like someone to get depressed like that.

I wish I could help you… We are both the same person and yet at the same time we aren't… even if we trust only few, wouldn't we be the first on our lists? We are closer than most people - soul mates. I wish you would trust me…

But do I trust you? How can I ask you to trust me if I don't trust you?

But as I think about this I realize that I do trust you. It's always been there, I always trusted that you wouldn't hurt me, that you would protect me, even when you were so cruel.

Do you trust me though?

I sit down on the edge of the bed and watch you sleep. Reaching up with one hand I touch your cheek… your skin is so soft. It's so pale too, paler even than mine… you look dead when you lay like that.

I'm surprised at how much that thought scares me… I never realized that I cared so much about you… my other half.

I'm so confused… All my feelings muddled together…

I'm so tired… and the bed begins to look really nice, especially with you in it.

I bite my lip but decide what the hell, pull back the covers and lay down beside you, curling up and going back to sleep.

You,
You and me,
You and me won't be unhappy.

Warmth. I feel warm. It's so… nice.

I try to get as close as I can to that warmth, wrapping my arms around it.

Half asleep I hug it to me, and am surprised when I hear a soft murmur of happiness.

I blink open my eyes to be faced with… Oh my Ra, Ryou!

I scramble back, almost falling off the bed, clutching my heart.

Whoa, that scared me. I catch my breath again and shake my head to myself, sighing softly.

But wait a minute… how did..? I thought he left? Huh?

As I contemplate all this, only one song can come to mind. I hum it softly to myself.

"Mmmhmm…where is my mind? Where is, my mind? Hmm…"

Funny song, makes no sense. Now… I look up at the sleeping figure of my hikari, smiling softly. He looks so happy when he sleeps, not sad like he does when awake.

I reach out and run a finger down his cheek, stroking softly… and he smiles. I continue this, it's nice to see him smile a happy smile.

"Hmm… 'Kura…." He mumbles in his sleep, startling me slightly.

Odd.

I shrug and go back to watching him. Hmm, I'm sleepy… I lay back down on my side next to him, stopping my stroking to lay my hand next to my face, frowning slightly when Ryou frowns at the loss.

But I don't have the strength to continue, I just fall back asleep. Hmm… strange how crying can make you so tired.

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building,
If I only could, oh...

I wake up slowly, blinking my eyes to focus them. Crap, what time is it? …Oops, I'm missing school. Oh well.

Instead of focusing on that thought though, I contemplate the person laying next to me on the bed. With his arms wrapped around me.

Oh. I blush when I realize what position we're in, with you holding me close and your arms around my waist.

I don't mind really… I just hope you aren't mad when you awaken… I don't want to see you glare at me… I'd much rather see you smile…like you were smiling earlier. It was so… cute. I suppress a giggle - don't want you to wake up… you might think the wrong thing.

Crap, too late.

I blink to make sure I'm not wrong, only to meet your blood-red stare. Such pretty eyes. Like spilled blood.

I bite my lip and hope you aren't going to be angry with me. But you just blink and pull back, removing your arms and standing up.

I can't help but sigh in disappointment at the loss of your comforting warmth.

I just continue to look at you though, and you do the same.

"Bakura? Are you ok?" I ask softly, flinching slightly and awaiting some cruel remark.

But it doesn't come.

Slowly I open my eyes and watch as you slowly raise your hand and begin to stroke my cheek. I smile and lean into the touch, sighing happily.

I look up and meet your gaze, smiling at you.

It scares me though, when suddenly your eyes fill with tears and begin to drip down your face.

"Ryou, I-" You collapse into my arms, sobbing and I can barely hold you.

I sit there for a few seconds, too shocked to do anything.

My yami is sobbing in my lap. Ok, that is not something I thought I would ever experience.

Recovering, I lay back down, pulling you with me so you are laying curled up next to me.

I pull you closer, stroking your hair and whispering soft words in your ear, hoping you'll calm down enough to tell me what's wrong so I might be able to help you.

'C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon, darling,
Let me steal this moment from you now.

"Shh… 'Kura, shhh calm down, it's ok babe…"

I reach down and lift your chin so I can look you in the eyes to find that tears are still leaking from your eyes. Without thought I lean in and kiss the tears from your cheeks and eyes, licking at the salty wetness before kissing your forehead.

"What's wrong?"

You look at me and I can see you debating in your thoughts, unsure as to what you should do.

"Shh… you can trust me… you don't have to tell me if you don't want to…"

You nuzzle up against my chest and I feel a feather-like kiss on my neck. Did I just imagine that?

"How can you be so nice to me, Ryou…" I hear your faint whisper as you look up at me again.

"How can I not?" I look at you and smile. "You're my other half, Bakura."

Your eyes fill with tears when I say that. You're so emotional today… it's kind of endearing.

"I love you Ryou… arigatou…"

You wrap your arms around me and sob quietly into my chest. I blink a few times. Did you just say what I think you said?

Well. That's a big change from the last time I talked to you.

I smile to myself. But it's nice.

"I love you too…now sleep."

I feel you relax against me and I sigh happily, letting myself fall asleep as well.

C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling,
Let's exchange the experience, oh...'

Bzzzzzzzzz

I blink sleepily. Hmm, wha?

Crap, the doorbell! I sit up quickly, but am careful to keep from waking you. Pulling the covers back over you and making sure you're comfortable before leaving my soul room and rushing to the front door, pulling it open quickly.

It's Yugi.

"Oh… hi Yugi!" I say, sweatdropping… crap, what is my explanation for missing school?

"Hi Bakura-kun, are you ok? You missed school."

No crap. "Yeah, I'm fine… I was feeling a little sick this morning but I took some medicine and I'm fine now."

"Oh, ok, well I brought you the homework. See you tomorrow!"

"Ja!"

I roll my eyes. You could lie to that boy about anything and he would believe it. Oh well.

I set the homework on a desk and return to my soul room.

I smile when I see that you're still asleep. You look like an angel. I sit down on the bed next to you and run my hands through your hair. So soft. You moan softly and lean into my touch.

Heh, your getting turned on by this. Funny…hehe, your cheeks are pinkish. I lean down and place my lips on yours and oh you taste good. I lick your lips and you open your mouth. I wonder what you're dreaming?

I cautiously push my tongue into your mouth and begin to explore, all I can think about is the warm wetness that is your mouth and your taste…like dark chocolate and cinnamon.

"Mmmm…" I moan softly and continue to kiss you. So good.

When I finally decide to stop, I open my eyes slowly and meet blood red.

Oops.

I blush hotly and scoot away, bowing in shame.

"Forgive me, I should not have done that…"

But you don't respond. Instead, you pull me to yourself and flip us so you're leaning over me, smirking slightly at my dazed look before kissing me full on the lips, giving me the same treatment I was giving you seconds ago.

It feels so good I close my eyes, lost in the emotions that are taking over my mind. I moan softly and hear you moan in return, your hands trailing to my waist, pulling me closer before moving back up, under my shirt.

"Aaah!" The feel of your warm hands on my skin is like heaven, I press up, trying to find more contact. You break off the kiss and lick my lips before licking my cheeks and trailing down my neck to place butterfly kisses all over. I lean back with my head, revealing more skin. You lick and kiss down to my collarbone, before stopping and biting me there, hard.

"Mmmm…" The mix of pain and pleasure is too much for me and I feel my pants getting really tight. You lick at the wound, drinking the few drops of blood that dripped out before straddling my hips and pulling my shirt off, hands trailing all over my chest, stopping at one of my nipples to play with it gently.

I open one of my eyes to look up at you, your face flushed and eyes full of lust, I lean up to kiss you once more before falling back and closing my eyes as you continue with your ministrations.

"Oh 'Kura… love you…"

You lean down and take one of my nipples into your mouth, while twisting the other between two fingers. Licking and sucking.

I can't stop moaning and my breath is coming in short gasps… my mind working overtime with all the pleasure coursing through my veins.

You bite the nipple before moving back up, kissing me heatedly again, tongue breaking past my lips to lick and suck at my tongue in a playful request to dance.

I finally find the strength and willpower to raise my arms, wrapping them around your shoulders to run my fingers through your silky long hair and I open my eyes to see your face flushed, eyes closed as you pant softly. Yes, you like that. I raise up one leg to rub it between your legs, softly caressing the hardness in your pants.

Your breath quickens as you moan and I flip our positions again, leaning over you as I pull off your shirt, still rubbing you with my leg. I lean down and begin a wet trail of kisses down your chest, stopping at the navel and dipping my tongue in and out before continuing to the waistline of your pants. I look up at you and decide that you really can't say much right now, but it's clear you want me to continue so I slowly unbutton and unzip your jeans, pulling them and your underwear down and throwing them on the floor.

I move back up your body and kiss you again and you respond lustfully. I reach down with my hand and begin to stroke you, caressing your tip with my thumb every now and then. The kiss becomes even more heated as you get closer to your peak and I quicken my pace, wanting to bring you to orgasm.

Suddenly you break off the kiss, gasping as you release your seed all over my hand and our stomachs, your head turning to one side and you breath in and out, chest rising and falling quickly. I kiss you on the lips softly and raise my hand to my lips, licking off the mess before curling up next to you, laying my hand on your chest to wait until you've calmed down a bit.

After a few minutes your breathing slows and your body relaxes and I think you're asleep.

But you raise your hand to my cheek and stroke it, proving me wrong.

"I love you Ryou… thank you." You lean down and kiss me.

"Now…" You continue before reaching down with your hand and cupping my crotch.

"Ah!" I thrust up into your hand, gasping at the feeling. I don't know for sure, I can't open my eyes, but I think you're smirking.

You remove your hand but before I can respond I feel you unbutton and pull down my jeans. I gasp at the shock of cold air, moaning at the odd sensation.

But soon after that you surround me, sucking strongly and licking my tip. I gasp and thrust into your mouth but you move your hands to my hips to hold me down. I can barely stand it, it feels so good. I can't stop moaning and no matter what my mind tells me, I can't stop my body from trying to thrust up.

I can feel myself nearing the edge quickly and you can too I think because suddenly you deep-throat me, swallowing around me.

My world explodes in a flash of light as I spill my seed into your mouth. You swallow and lick me clean before moving up again and kissing me. Odd, I can taste myself on your tongue.

But my mind has lost it's capability for thought and I slowly lose consciousness, my last feeling that of you pulling my onto your chest and covering us with a blanket.

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems.

When I wake up again, I am no longer in my soul room and I mourn the thought that it was all just a dream. But as I turn around I see you sitting in the window, looking out at the moon.

You must've sensed my gaze because you turn.

"You can't stay in your soul room too much, it's not healthy, so I took you out."

I smile.

You smile back and stand, walking over to me and sitting next to me on the bed, hands on your knees as you swing your feet idly.

I really wish I could lean on your shoulder right now… but you are but a spirit. I sigh sadly at that.

You look up, a silent question.

"It's nothing, 'Kura… I was just thinking about the fact that you must have a sad life, without a body, always having to stay in your soul room…"

You smile sadly at me. "It was. But I have you, so it's ok."

"Yes, you have me." I smile and kiss your ghostly lips, bringing us both back to my soul room with a thought before my lips touched yours, and wrap my arms around your now solid neck, pushing you back onto the bed as I kiss you. But before the kiss can turn into something more, I break it off and gaze into your eyes.

"You have such beautiful eyes. They contain so much pain and loneliness and yet… they are so gentle. I love you 'Kura."

You smile softly yet happily, one of my beloved smiles and respond:

"I could say the same about your eyes… I love you too Ryou…"

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems.

'If I only could, be running up that hill.'

Owari