Insomnia Chapter 1 - Occum's Razor
Gabriel clutched his legs closer to his chest, back to a pale plaster wall. The bed beneath him groaning in protest at the shift in body weight, it's springs creaking pathetically against the movement. Gabriel's eyes shifted nervously in front of him, scanning the bare room. Only four white walls, a barred window and a sturdy door stared back at him, and he closed his eyes in relief.
They weren't here yet.
Gabriel cherished these blissful moments of silence, where there were only the voices in his head, mumbling nonsense that he somehow understood, when there was nobody whispering treacherous words in his ears, nobody crying nonsense about heaven, a beautiful absence of accusatory words like traitor, coward and deserter.
It wasn't so bad in a psych ward really, Gabriel knew this was the best place for him, four white walls and a bed nestled amongst the terrified screams of other crazies from the rooms around him. Footsteps approaching his room alerted Gabriel of the time, there were only three times a day that people came near him, after all.
"Hello Gabriel, it's Melissa, time for breakfast!", an overly cheerful voice called out from behind the steel door, "I'm coming in, alright?". The tell-tale click of the lock announced her entrance, and a woman in her early fifties poked a smiling head round the door. Gabriel smiled back weakly in return; even though he was stuck in a place like this, he saw no reason to be cruel to people like Melissa, they were just doing their job after all. The carers were particularly nice to him, because he was different from the other patients.
Gabriel understood the fact that he was crazy. It was only a matter of time before his scrambled brain started up the daily dose of torture again, and he knew to savour these moments when he could almost pretend he was normal.
Gabriel reached out a tagged arm to take the offered tray from Melissa, maybe today he would say thank you. Perhaps today he would say something, anything. Maybe.
Gabriel was what people like Melissa called a 'special case'. Sure, he had all the usual problems to end up in a place like this; hallucinations, hearing things, swearing to your soul that you're something you're not. All the symptoms to get you a one way ticket to crazy-ville, diagnosed with schizophrenia. Yet still, he was more 'special' than most in a place like this, although almost everyone here thought themselves to be something they weren't; Jesus, the messiah, even Michael Jackson had passed through here a few times, but nobody seemed to be quite as weird as Gabriel.
All the other patients had back stories; progressions from sanity to the way they are now, but not Gabriel. Gabriel had nothing. The first thing he can remember was waking up in a motel room with no idea who he was, where he was, just noise. There had been a constant babble of voices, panicked voices, quiet voices, commanding voices, all clamouring for each others attention in a language that Gabriel knew he shouldn't be able to make sense of, but could, and he was only able to focus on one at a time to understand what they were all saying. Even then Gabriel had known he was crazy; nobody in their right mind hears voices.
There was one other thing he'd known from that first minute, and he still wasn't even sure it wasn't just another thing the crazy part of his brain had made up, but mere seconds after he'd woken up, when the voices in his head we're almost deafening, it had all faded out, into a high-pitched ringing noise. His vision had blurred into an impossibly bright white light, and an impossible, booming, whispering voice had said,
"You, celestial being, are an angel of The Lord. Your name is Gabriel".
Now, Gabriel could deal with that just being a thing his crazy mind made up, because loads of patients thought themselves to be something they weren't. But the really weird part, the part he hadn't even told his psychiatrist, was that the voice had continued,
"Enjoy your just desserts",
Gabriel's story was pretty much the same as everybody else's after that; soon after he'd regained consciousness, people found out that he was hearing things, so he got sent off to an asylum for the rest of his life, or until he got 'cured'. The hallucinations started not long after. But wherever they sent him, all the nurses continued to be baffled by his amnesia story; he was an unexplainable anomaly.
Even when he told them his name, or what he thought was his name, they couldn't find anyone listed with his description and name in any database in the world. Gabriel was an unexplainable John Doe, an impossible person. Even the motel owner swore he had no idea how Gabriel had gotten into the room, as it was meant to be empty, and there was no sign of a break in.
Gabriel could live with the constant babble in his head, he could live with being told his name by a white light in his head, but the one thing he dreaded above all else was his 'visitors'. His hallucinations haunted him incessantly. Ruthlessly taunting him, calling him out on things he hadn't done, accusing him of desertion, of cowardice and murder. Sometimes he just wanted them to shut up, and somewhere along the way, in the five-month period between him waking up and today, he'd shut up, and hadn't said a word to anyone since. Maybe he'd just had nothing to say, or maybe some childishly hopeful part of him figured that if he shut up, they would too.
Gabriel clutched the tray of food closer towards him, but looked down at it sickly. He'd lost all appetite for food since his admittance, and for the first few months, he'd barely eaten anything. Eventually, he'd lost so much weight that he was sat down in front of the head nurse, and told that if he didn't start eating, they would have to 'take action'.
In the end, it wasn't the threat that made Gabriel start eating more, it was the hopeful, doe-eyed looks the carers sent him every time they gave him a meal. Even now, weeks after he'd started eating what he was meant to, Melissa sent him an approving look as Gabriel dutifully shovelled cereal into his mouth, and he smiled a little around his plastic spoon in return.
"I bet she was pretty when she was younger", a voice called from one side of the room, "Don't you think? Could'a done that, huh", Gabriel's smile wavered slightly as he heard the tell-take fluttering that announced the arrival of one his 'visitors', and he set his spoon back into the bowl. It hadn't been thoughts of suicide via starvation that had made Gabriel stop eating, it was Lucifer.
Gabriel's file read, 'religious psychosis', which was the fancy way of saying he saw the devil, amongst other things. But of course, Gabriel couldn't just see a red cartoon dwarf with horns like the other crazies, no, he saw a blonde man with stubble and a smirk cruel enough to send a shiver down the spine of grown men. He'd explained this to his counsellor at first, which had been eagerly jotted down, but five months in, he'd stopped talking all together, and so, in turn, had his counselling sessions.
He was a lost cause. Gabriel's eyes wearily turned to his hallucination, a hard, deep-set resilience built up on days and weeks and months of torment evident in his stare. "Ooh, little brother's going to be fun today then, going to pretend to be all tough are we? Why bother, Gabriel? Everybody knows you're a traitor", Lucifer took a step towards him, "a coward", another step, "a disgusting little tumour of an angel who deserts his family in fear and the inability to suck it up and act like a man", by the end of his speech Lucifer was right in front of him, bending down so their faces were inches apart to intimidate the smaller man. Gabriel wanted to snarl and shout and deny knowledge of anything his hallucination said, because, come on, this was his mind accusing him of things he'd never heard of in his life. But Gabriel said nothing. He always said nothing.
"...riel? Gabriel, you okay honey?", Melissa's concerned voice slowly registered in Gabriel's head, and he twisted his body awkwardly so that he could peer past the devil to see the anxious woman behind him. Melissa smiled reassuringly, used to the unusual antics of patients here, twisting your torso to see her around another body that didn't happen to be there was hardly the weirdest thing she had seen in a place like this, "you put down your spoon five minutes ago", she glanced at the empty space of air Lucifer inhibited, before smiling sadly and reaching forward to take Gabriel's tray with the soggy cereal, knowing his habits well enough to know that he wouldn't eat any more now.
"I'll be back in a few hours to bring lunch. It's only one night now until you're able to go to the day room again", Gabriel smiled at her despite the fact that he knew he'd just be sent back here again. He never did get along well with other people, mainly because he never knew if they were real or not. He'd thought Michael was another patient for three days before he stood up, full of wrath, and declared Gabriel a vile traitor of an angel, and Gabriel had almost broken a carers arm in his terrified haste to get away from the hallucination. That was what ended him up in isolation this time.
He never understood his fear for these hallucinations, or how he knew their names before they told him them. His brain only registered that they could kill him, despite the fact that he knew they weren't real.
Melissa smiled once more, before leaving. It was just him and Lucifer now. And Lucifer knew it, "up for a little family bonding time, little brother?", a dark look came over the devil's face, before he stage-muttered, "Let me see, what sort of torture can I think up for us today then?". Gabriel closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the babbling in his head. Anything was better than Lucifer.
Sam Winchester waited in the lobby of the hospital. This was just another job, and according to Bobby, the apocalypse would continue without them. Bobby had insisted that the boys go check out a report from a source that said strange supernatural signs had been appearing in Boston, all within a five mile radius of this place. Dean still wasn't okay with the whole 'Surrender to Satan', idea, and Bobby had carted them both off in the impala to Boston to get their heads together before making a decision. Sam already knew what had to be done. Dean was posing as a janitor, and having picked the short straw, Sam played the only other open position of a carer.
"Mr Samuel Jones?", Sam's head whipped up at the sound of his name, before he hastily stood and wiped his hands on the back of his uniform slacks, offering one to the woman who had come to greet him. "Uh, it's Sam, but hi", he smiled back, she blushed slightly, shaking his hand, before continuing, "My name's Emily, I'm here to show you around, you'll be shown how to do Melissa's rounds on your first day", Sam's confusion must have shown in his face, because she smiled and added, "Melissa's the carer you'll be filling in for. She's on holiday", she smiled shyly, and lead him through a pair of double doors, guarded by a pair of security guards, into a large room full of tables and chairs.
"This is the day room, it's where the patients come during the day to socialise, watch TV and play games", Sam glanced across the room; people were milling around, talking to thin air, or staring blankly at the walls.
The room felt empty, despite the amount of people. Hollow almost, and Sam couldn't help but feel like he shouldn't be there. There was a distinctly uncomfortable feeling which only the people working there seemed able to detect; all the patients were off in their own worlds. Emily noticed his awkwardness, "don't worry, everyone feels like that on their first day, but you get used to it", she smiled and looked round at the patients, "they're harmless really, they just live inside their heads. The only reason they're in here is because society can't accept them". Sam glanced round the room again, slightly dubious, "yeah, I suppose you're right", he mumbled eventually. Walking through the room, Sam had to remind himself that it was only a job. He couldn't understand why people wanted to do this, he supposed it was one of those jobs in which you felt you owed the system for whatever reason, and just got into it. Everybody had their reasons for being here, patients and carers alike.
Sam felt much better after they'd passed through the double doors on the other side of the room. The cold, hollow feeling left him, and the corridors just had that cool, clinical feeling Sam had learnt to associate with hospitals. Emily lead him through a maze of hallways, stopping every now and then to explain the important rooms, with a helpful synopsis or tip to go with each, "dining hall - all the patients except the ones in quarantine eat here twice at day - breakfast is served in the rooms... Staff office - coffee machine tastes like crap, I bring instant and use the hot water... Medical room - any injuries, staff or patient, are treated here", Emily came to a stop outside another set of double doors, she peered in cautiously, before unlocking a series of bolts and locks and opening them.
"This is the high-security ward. Any patients deemed too dangerous to themselves or others are housed here, the only other way to get put in here is during isolation", Sam stuck his head around the door to get a good look at the corridor. It looked pretty much the same as all the others, the main difference was the amount of security in this hallway; each door was solid steel with a small barred window, there were thick metal bolts securing it to the wall, a guard sitting on a chair chewing gum and reading a newspaper, and a series of locks for added security.
A quiet muttering could be heard from some of the cells, and there was the occasional hysterical yell or shout. Goosebumps erupted across Sam's arms and up the back of his neck, and he quickly stepped away from the doors. His discomfort in the day room was a mere pinprick compared to the thick sense of danger apparent in the air of this corridor. Emily gave him a look of sympathy, "don't worry, almost everybody hates this place, patients and carers alike, there are only a few who are confident enough to look after these patients", she hastily shut, locked and bolted the doors behind them, giving one last uneasy glance into the empty-feeling corridor.
Emily was just leading Sam away from the corridor when something caught her eye behind them. Her face broke into a smile, "Melissa!", the nurse waved towards an elderly woman who had just turned the corner, and was heading towards them, "Melissa, this is Sam Jones, he's the nurse who'll be filling in for you whilst you're in the Caribbean", Sam winced at the title, carer sounded a little more masculine at least, "I was just showing him the high-security ward". Emily turned back to Sam, and explained, "Melissa here is part of the team who look after certain patients in this ward", the older woman offered a warm smile towards Sam, "Nice to meet you", Melissa extended a hand towards him, which was politely shaken, before switching her gaze to Emily, "I was just heading in actually, it's time to serve lunch", she looked down at the wrapped Twinkie in her other hand. "I just had to pop out to the staff kitchen to fetch something for pudding that Gabriel would eat", Emily chuckled knowingly, "yeah, the guy refuses to eat sweets with less than 15 E number on the back".
Sam's interest perked, a person named Gabriel with a love for sweets? It sounded pretty darn familiar. Sam internally dismissed the idea and scolded himself for his assumption; there hadn't been any peculiar deaths in the area, and anyway, it couldn't be, that Gabriel was dead, Lucifer had killed him. Despite this, the hunter felt a prickle of hope that the trickster was alive, it felt a hell of a lot like a way out, a better way to defeat the devil.
It was just a wild fancy, Sam knew the archangel was dead. Although there had been no-one present in that lure hotel when Satan had killed the other archangel, Sam had hacked the police database as soon as the massacre had been found, and knew Gabriel's body had been found above an 'unexplainable' ashen print of three sets of wings. It was incredibly unlikely Lucifer had allowed his traitorous sibling to live, let alone been fooled by Gabriel into thinking that he had killed the other archangel when in fact he hadn't. Sam dismissed the idea, it was probably just another random guy with the same name who liked sweet things. That wasn't so impossible, in fact, it was the most likely explanation.
Emily said goodbye, and lead Sam off on the rest of his tour. "I think Melissa will be the one showing you how to do some rounds. Don't worry, although she is responsible for one or two patients in the high security ward, most of the people on her charge are regular patients", despite the fact that Emily's statement was meant to be reassuring, Sam couldn't help but cringe at the thought of having to set one foot inside those double doors, let alone speak to some of the people inside.
Sam finally finished his tour, and was lead back to the welcome room, "I hope I haven't put you off too much, Mr Jones", Emily said. "No, no, it was just what I expected actually", Sam lied, making a couple of dismissive gestures with his hands. Emily smiled once more, before handing him a slip of paper with a his hours on, and left with a goodbye. Sam looked down at the slip, he was expected to show up at 2pm tomorrow for his first shift, and as he'd been told, it was with Melissa. He gulped, Sam was sure he could blame his typical Winchester luck for that.
Crumpling up the note, he slipped in into the pocket of his slacks, reached for his phone, and dialled a number. Moments later, the line connected, "Hey Sammy, how was your first day with the crazies?", Dean's familiar voice drifted teasingly through the phone. Sam glanced around, before replying, "fine. I couldn't see anything suspicious on my first tour, but I'm coming in again at 2 tomorrow for my official first day, so I'll have a good look around then". A grunt of approval came down the line, "Sure thing Sammy, I'll be there later on to make my rounds, so I can double check anything weird you see", Sam nodded unconsciously, and said, "I'm heading back to the motel, see you in five".
Sam slipped his phone back into his jeans, whilst he pushed out of the front doors. If that place gave a person like him the heebie jeebies, he couldn't even comprehend the moral stamina of the other carers to make them want to work there.
Gabriel fiddled with the empty plastic wrapper of his dessert, the noisy crinkling just about able to block out some of Michael's righteous speech about cowardice and desertion. None of the counsellors had been able to figure out why his hallucinations constantly ranted on about faults that Gabriel swore he had no recollection of. Probably because he had no recollection of anything. The claims his visitors made against him were so ludicrous that none of his therapists were able to make any connections, and then Gabriel stopped talking.
The blonde man knew that someone like Melissa would be back soon to clear away his tray, and he would be left with no distractions from his visitors. When he'd first started to see Angels, he stood up against them, and spent hours denying their claims and arguing his innocence, but five months of never-ending accusations and spiteful words from an enemy that couldn't be touched or forced to shut up in any way did things to a man's resilience, and Gabriel had all but given up.
It was only a night until Gabriel was out of this cell and in a more social one. He didn't understand why they didn't just permanently move him here, when he was in a less secure dorm, he could never keep a hold on his temper, and would end up trying to get rid of his hallucinations any way he could. It was when he resorted to violence that he got isolated.
Gabriel placed his tray and Twinkie wrapper on the ground next to the door, and trudged back towards his bed. Michael could talk himself deaf for all he cared.
Despite that notion, Gabriel fell asleep to the peculiar feeling that he had missed something incredibly important today. That he'd been teetering on a pinnacle that would change his life irrevocably, and fallen the wrong way.
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PLEASE READ
I know many people skip AN's, but this is important, if you've read this far there are a few things you should know, first, BARE WITH, Gabriel is out of character for a reason that will soon be revealed for dramatic effect, and this story is far from over. Castiel will make an appearance later on in the story, and other characters will be added.
As far as updates go, I'm pretty much finished writing, I'm on the last chapter and couldn't wait to upload so thought i might as well start. I'll upload a new chapter every week, but will probably upload two this week because I like to give you guys something to chew through. This is also only the first chapter, and therefore the shortest, if you hold out, there's 50,000 words coming your way.