Okay this is my first Batman fic. I'll probably write more sometime eventually. I hope you like it.
"HAAAAAAAAAARLEY!"
Silence.
The Joker furrowed his eyebrows, looking upward, waiting for her to respond. He could picture her getting ready in front of the dirty, cracked mirror, perking up at the sound of his voice. She'd call back in that loud, high pitched voice of hers, Yes, Boss? As she came hopping into view, blonde pigtails bouncing, greasepaint only half-applied, one shoe missing.
But no.
Nothing.
He frowned.
Had she fallen asleep while getting ready again? Last time this happened, he stomped downstairs to find her slumped over with her cheek smushed against the mirror, her slow, deep breaths fogging up the glass. He'd bashed her head into the mirror, cracking it and making a bloody mess.
The Joker growled, putting his hands on his hips.
"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARLEY!"
Again, nothing.
He stormed out of his room, grumbling to himself about not being able to count on anyone these days and how many bones he could break before breakfast.
The Joker approached her door, raising a brow at the new drawings she'd pinned there, and leaned over with one hand behind his back, knocking three times.
"Haaarls, sweet pea," he cooed, looking at the pink crayon hearts that the cartoon-version of him was sitting on. He and Harley sat hand-in-hand, and three little clown kids were running around with grenades.
He stepped back and shoved his foot into the door a few times, bashing splintery holes into the wood before it caved in with a loud bang, knocking over a lamp in the process. He submitted to a fit of giggles before stepping over the door, looking around for the kid.
"Harley, this is not the time to play hide-and-seek."
Hearing a few pitiful-sounding sniffles, he stopped in his tracks - She was in the bathroom.
"Come out come out wherever you are..." he giggled, pulling out a gun and aiming it at the bathroom door. Without warning, he shot at the handle, causing Harley to scream in surprise. The handle fell off and he pushed the door open, only to come face-to-face with Harley peering wide-eyed at him from the tub, her knees pulled up protectively to her chest.
"M-mistah J?" She stuttered, shrinking up into an even tinier ball. Her wet hair clung to her skin, and a little bubble was sitting on top of her nose. Her cheeks were flushed from the heat, and her eyes were dewy and soft-looking. Her lower lip trembled.
This was very unlike Harley.
He kneeled down, resting his forearms on the edge of the tub, "Now, now, why the long face, poo?"
She sniffled, relaxing slightly at his now-gentle demeanour, "It's nuffin', just a little soap in my eye, tha's all."
The Joker grabbed her chin, growling, "Ah-ah-ah, what did we talk about...?"
"No lyin'" she mumbled, looking disappointed in herself.
The Joker pat her on the head, "Now, spill your guts, Harls girl, or I'll do it for you." he giggled, a mad gleam in his poison green eyes. He wasn't just saying that - he meant it. He always meant what he said.
She swallowed hard, but nodded.
"Ah...was just thinkin'...," She started, looking down at the gun in his pocket, tears welling in her eyes.
She looked truly pitiful.
"just thinkin'... we oughtta..."
"Harley," his voice raised to a threatening high-pitch, "Daddy doesn't have all day."
She bit her bottom lip, and then sighed, "kids!"
The Joker blinked.
"It'd be nice to settle down with some kids, huh, Mistah J?" She smiled, wringing her hands together and sighing dreamily, "but the stinkin' bat keeps ruining our plans to have a nice family."
Her shoulders slumped down and she stuck her bottom lip out, pouting, "What I wouldn't do to get rid o' tha flying rodent..."
"Now, Harley," he started, petting her hair lovingly. She leaned into his touch, only for him to grab a handful and yank her head down, "I call the shots around here, alright, kiddo?"
"Y-yes, Boss!"
"Anyways," he sighed, letting go of her hair, "Have you forgotten?"
She looked up, raising her eyebrows, "Forgot what, Mistah J?"
"Oh, come now, don't tell me you've forgotten!"
Harley cocked her head to the side like a confused puppy.
The Joker put two fingers in his mouth and whistled loudly.
Within seconds, their pet hyenas, Bud and Lou, came running into the room to paw and lick at the two of them.
Harley giggled, petting Bud as he licked her face,
"Sure, they may be a little hairy, but they're kids like any other, eh, Kiddo?"
A blush spread across her cheeks as she grinned, throwing her arms around The Joker, giving him loads of kisses on the cheek and neck, "you're right, puddin'!"
The Joker rolled his eyes, patting her on the back, "I know. Now - are we all better, then?"
"Yes, all bettah!"
"Good. Now..." he sighed, standing up and brushing the dirt off his knees before turning around and walking out the door, "HURRY UP, ALREADY!"
"Yes, Boss!"