Got the inspiration for this after listening to some really dumb pickup lines. This may or may not be a long fic, but tell me what you think either way!
Kanra snarled at her phone as she saw that she had yet another message from her overbearing cousin. As if she cared about his image at all. She deleted it before reading it, just to spite him. She dropped it in her purse and went back to prowling for a good bar.
When she found one that looked cool enough for her she walked in and made her way straight to the bar. She glanced around and noticed how hot the clientele is. She took a seat at the bar and ordered a fruity drink that would get her smashed after only a few of them.
"This one's on me," a man said to the bartender before she could pay for the drink. Kanra glanced sideways at him with an expression that appeared surprised. "You don't mind do you?" he asked her with a flirty smile.
"I'm flattered," she replied with a flirty smile.
"Did it hurt?" he asked looking concerned.
Oh no, she thought t herself. "Did what hurt?" she asked naïvely.
"When you fell from heaven," he finished with a beaming smile. He was lucky he was cute. His brown hair was tousled in just the right way to look purposefully done, and his outfit screamed well-off and desperate.
She giggled cutely and said, "Do you always use lame lines like that?"
"I just thought happiness started with an 'h'," he continued, "but I guess it actually starts with 'u'."
Kanra wanted to punch him. What kind of idiot actually expected a girl to reply to those? She forced herself to giggle again. "You must be a horrible speller then."
His phone rang and he checked the number. "Excuse me for a bit, darling, would you?" He left before she could reply, going into the corner to answer his phone and talk to whoever it was.
Kanra downed her drink in one gulp. She wanted to get laid, but if her only options were as dumb as that loser then she'd rather get off to porn alone in her room. "Can I get another?" she asked the bartender.
"I think you owe me a drink," a different male voice said.
She glanced to her side and noticed that this man was way cuter than the first. He had dyed a strip of his black hair red to be fashionable but not punk, and his outfit screamed party boy. He'd definitely be one okay with a one-night stand. "Why?" she asked in her best naïve kitten voice.
"Because when I looked at you, I dropped mine," he finished. He leaned in closer to her and she noticed that his eyes were a brilliant shade of blue.
"Well that's your fault for being easily blown away," she teased, flipping her hair at him while turning back to the bartender. He had just given her a new drink, which she paid for, and walked away. "And I bet you use lines like that on all the girls."
"Just you, baby," he purred.
She forced herself not to shudder in revulsion. He was so close to her ear that he practically whispered into it. His breath smelled like fish, disgusting.
"You're clearly drunk," she said while pushing him back half a foot.
"Just drunk on you," he replied.
She readied a response but they both turned to look at the door when it chimed. A woman in a bartender's outfit walked in without removing her sunglasses. Kanra couldn't help but stare at her huge curves, her outfit being tight enough to deserve to be illegal. Her long brown hair had blonde highlights and seemed to fit her appearance so well that they should've been natural.
"What's your name, angel?" the man at Kanra's side asked.
The raven turned her attention back to the man, now looking more like a hipster than a hottie. "You'll have to do way better than that to deserve the honor of my initials," she replied.
The woman who walked in switched with the bartender who was currently working and they started talking. Probably about work since he pointed to a few things below the bar and a couple of the customers.
"Then should I try walking by again?" the pickup artist continued. "Since you clearly don't believe in love at first sight."
That was almost painful, Kanra thought. "Maybe you should keep walking with those lines and try them out on the next girl."
He shrugged and walked away. But just as Kanra thought she would get a reprieve, the first man walked up and sat next to her. "I take it this seat isn't taken?" he asked with a smile.
"Did whoever called you tell you to use more lame lines since they weren't working before?" she asked with a huge smile.
He looked hurt and left after buying a drink.
Kanra sipped at her drink, glancing around in hope that there were any other hotties. No idiot pickup artist was even worth a one-night stand. No one was worth the time. No women either, despite that they were casting glares towards her as if she were stealing all the guys. You can have them, Kanra thought, turning back to her now empty drink.
The raven ordered a margarita and tried to distract herself with the sports game that was showing on the TVs. She ended up staring at the curvy bartender. The woman seemed to be a magnet for the drunks, apparently being considered hotter by being the bartender and unable to escape or diss them bluntly.
A drunk who had been openly staring at her for ten minutes walked straight up to the bar and said to her, "Do you have a map? Because I'm lost in your eyes."
"No, but I can point you to the exit," she replied, pointing that the glowing EXIT sign and going back to mixing drinks.
Another man tried a short time later. "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?"
"Maybe when you asked me another lame line last time I was working," she replied coldly.
Not to be disheartened he continued, "Oh I know! You were in my dreams last night!"
"Do you often have dreams of women slapping you for saying retarded lines like that?" she asked again, fixing him with a stony glare that scared him away.
Kanra chuckled but looked away when the bartender glanced at her.
"Do you have a minute for me to hit on you?" one extremely bold man asked, his words slurring slightly from drunkenness. His friends back at their table were giggling to themselves, clearly finding this hilarious.
"Can I hit on you back?" the bartender asked. At first the man looked super happy, but then the brunette cracked her knuckles and gave him a vicious smile.
Kanra saw his pants darken at the crotch and he ran for the bathroom. She couldn't hold back the laughter and clutched her stomach to try and stop it from hurting.
The bartender ignored her and started cleaning the counter.
The best one was this obvious teenager who came in with a group of other kids too young to be in a bar. He was the most pompous, wearing clothes that were clearly newly bought and perfectly in fashion. He could probably have gotten any teenage girl to fall in love with him after just one look, but no one in the bar was simple-minded enough to even look interested in him.
He and his friends walked straight up to the bar and ordered a series of drink. They had IDs that were clearly fake. The bartender looked at the flimsy pieces of plastic for one second and then snapped them all in half. She kicked them all out and threatened to call the cops if she saw them again.
A man in a suit watched all of that and went up to the bar and cast her a huge smile. "That was impressive."
"That's my job. Are you going to order something?"
"No seriously, you're like a weapon of mass destruction. Your looks alone could kill."
She had clearly had enough because she cracked the glass in her hand and set it down before replying. Gripping the counter to steady herself she said firmly, "I'll be bent on killing you in a second if you continue standing here spewing shit at me."
He backed away and left without ordering anything.
Kanra snickered and asked, she thought quietly, "Where have you been all my life?"
The brunette clearly heard her and stomped over to her spot at the bar. "I'm not opposed to kicking a girl's ass," she growled.
Kanra laughed and held up her hands in surrender. "I didn't mean it like that, I swear!" She kept laughing and it must have convinced the other woman that she was telling the truth because the woman backed away and walked over to serve a drink to a customer waving her over.
When the woman returned to mix the woman's drink, Kanra asked, "What's you name?"
"None of your business."
"Interesting name, but somehow I don't think it does you justice. Mine's Kanra."
She didn't get a reply. The bartender served the woman her drink and took her cash to put in the cash register.
"You're not very sweet are you?" Kanra asked with a hurt look.
"Not if I don't have to be."
"Good, because I like the taste of sour more."
It took the woman a couple seconds to realize that was another pickup line. She shattered the glass she had just picked up and clenched her fist. She slammed it down in front of Kanra and snarled, "I'll give you five seconds to leave before I wring your scrawny neck!"
Kanra mentally smirked. "Sorry, I just thought it might be fun being the one to give them for once. You can try some on me if you'd like."
The customers were almost all gone despite that it wasn't too late. The woman had managed to scare away all of the men and most of the women. The only ones who were still there were huddled in the corner whispering to each other. They had half-empty drinks on their table, probably considering whether to drink them or run for safety first.
"No," the woman spat, going to the sink to clean out her cuts.
"Come on, it's fun," Kanra encouraged. "Just ask: Kiss me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Margaret?"
"Punch you if I'm right, but aren't you just as desperate as those horn-dogs from before?"
Kanra pouted. "That wasn't funny at all! And I'm not as desperate as them, since I waited until we were alone before putting the moves on you." She smirked as the last two women rushed out of the bar. "I'm guessing you aren't the most popular bartender."
"Mind your own damn business."
"I will once you tell me one lame pick-up line. And it has to be good!"
The brunette sighed and asked, "Are you Jamaican? Because you're Jamaican me crazy."
Kanra booed at her. "That doesn't count! You totally didn't have your heart in that one! Come on, you've got to have better than that!"
The bartender clenched and loosened her fists. Kanra thought she was probably imagining strangling the annoying raven. "Will you sleep with me tonight? 'Cause I'm scared of the dark."
"Better, but not good enough!"
"This is ridiculous!" She tried to look annoyed but Kanra could see the hint of a smile on her face.
"Like this: If I was a skateboard, I'd grind you all night!" The raven paired her dirty line with an obvious checking out of the bartender.
She wasn't impressed. "Is that your example of a good line? That's terrible!"
"Oh yeah? Prove it!"
"I just made my bed, wanna help me mess it up again?"
"What are you doing tonight? Besides me of course."
"I'm tired, you're tired. Let's sleep together!"
"Are those fuck me eyes or fuck you eyes?"
"You must have a mirror down there, because I see myself in your pants."
"If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?"
"That dress looks very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you, I'd becoming too!"
They both erupted into a fit of laughter. Kanra watched the bartender's eyes water and try to wipe away the moisture. She was taken by how adorable the woman looked when she smiled. She though the woman was breathtaking before, but this was on a whole new level.
"Maybe you were right," the brunette said with a small smile after catching her breath again. "Maybe it is nice to just laugh at them once and a while."
"Glad you see my point," Kanra smiled. "Am I allowed to have your name now?"
"Shizuka."
"That name suits you better than the other one."
"So… Kanra was it?"
"Mhmm."
"Why did you come here if you weren't looking for a cheap lay?"
"The wonderful atmosphere," Kanra lied with a grin.
Shizuka's smile disappeared.
"Okay, fine. I was looking for a sex partner for later, but I have standards which those losers failed to meet."
Shizuka grinned. "Not your type?"
Kanra felt there was more meaning to that than what was on the surface. "Not really," she replied measuredly. "I like more badass partners, like you."
"You can stop with the lame pickup lines now."
"I meant that. You're just my type."
Shizuka looked directly into her eyes with a stern look, clearly trying to determine how honest she was being. "Are you a lesbian?"
"Bi," Kanra admitted. Just as things were getting intimate, Kanra's phone rang and she regretfully answered it. "What?"
"If you're planning on having a place to stay for the next week then I suggest you come back now!" her idiot cousin ordered.
"Like you'll actually kick me out," Kanra called his bluff.
"Namie," he called to his reluctant secretary, "I need you to get the locks of the apartment changed…. Of course tonight! Why would I bother asking—"
"Fine!" Kanra stopped him. "Call off your gofer, I'm coming."
"See you soon!" he replied sweetly before hanging up on her.
"Asshole," Kanra grumbled. Glancing up at the gorgeous bartender she sighed, "I've got to go before my cousin kicks me out."
Shizuka nodded. "Come back again."
Kanra regretfully got up from her barstool and walked towards the door.
"Wait," Shizuka called after her.
She turned around to see the brunette smirking.
"Remember my name, because you'll be screaming it soon enough."