Hairy Pottyhead
Chapter One
I dunno, you think of a name, why do you expect me to think of one.
Please note that this story is a direct parody of Hairy Potter and the Goblet of Fire's final Triwizard final
Hairy Pottyhead pulled out his magic hand and cast a spell. "Purple polka-dotus!" he cried. His spell jetted toward the Screwit but bounced off its armor and hit him in the forehead. Purple polka-dots spread all over his face, rendering him completely blind. He tried casting sleeping charms but, with his vision impaired, missed his opponent completely. His spell started to fade, however, his vision was still tinted purple. Hairy decided to run, but ran straight into a Sphinx.
"Answer my riddle or die...if you get it right I may spare you. What is short, trapped, about to die and very annoying?" the Sphinx asked,
"Uh...erm...well...uh...give me a second," Hairy sat down on the Screwit's shell and pondered. After a few minutes, Hairy jumped up, whacked the Screwit over the head, and announced rather forcefully, "ME!"
The Sphinx shrieked, "OF COURSE," and bounded towards him. Time seemed to slow as she and Hairy cast spells. The Sphinx caused Hairy a toe fungus but, sadly had her head turned around...literally! The Egyptian beast turned around to look at Hairy, but he stayed behind (well, in front) of her, hiding from the beast. When she had made a full turn, Hairy dashed off the path from which the Sphinx had come...talked to Coldrick, compromised to grab the glass together and disappeared to the graveyard.
Ten minutes later the Sphinx was still wondering, "Where'd he go?"
Chapter Two
At The Graveyard
Please note this chapter is weird
The second Hairy opened his eyes, he realized, "This isn't Kansas City, Britain anymore. Hairy looked around and saw he was in a graveyard.
Coldrick sounded terrified as he said "Hands out, maybe?"
"Good idea," Hairy whispered back. The two pulled out their hands, and snuck quietly forward, towards the sign that said, "COME THIS WAY LORD VOLVOMART
AWAITS YOU!"
The two reached the center of the graveyard and looked around. They had an odd feeling that someone was watching them. Suddenly, a voice cried out, "Kill the hare!"
A jet of green light flashed across the sky, and as the boys tracked it, saw it hit a hare in mid leap, killing and cooking it. Lord Volvomart strode out of the shadows, picked up the hare, and started to eat it. The boys stared at him in shock.
"What?" Volvomart asked. "Listen, I'm an evil villain, do you really expect me to share?"
"GET 'IM! I WANT MY HAREBURGER!" Coldrick yelled. He charged at Volvomart and cast the spell, "Gimmius thatus!" The half eaten hare flew to Coldrick, who started to eat it wolfishly. Volvomart cast the spell, "Returnt fromt gravet!" at the hare and it came back to life.
Chapter Three
The Half Dead, Half Eaten, Half Evil Hare
WARNING: THIS CHAPTER MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR ALL AUDIENCES, IF YOU ARE AFRAID OF ZOMBIE BUNNIES, YOU MAY WISH TO SKIP THIS CHAPTER
The hare jumped out of Coldrick's arms and onto his head. He bit into Coldrick and pulled out his hair. He then pulled a fork and knife out of nowhere and cut into himself, spoon-feeding Coldrick. When the hare was completely eaten, it disappeared with a pop and left the boys alone with the evil mastermind.
Chapter Four
Someone Dies
Please note that someone dies in this chapter.
With the hare scare done with, the boys turned their attention to Volvomart, who turned his attention to them. Hairy watched as Volvomart pulled out his hand, aimed at him, and cast a spell. The same blue light that had killed the hare flew at him. Coldrick dove in front of the blast and caught it with his stomach.
"At least...I'll die...full," Coldrick forced out, but was spited as, in his intense pain, vomited out his entire lunch of hare a la barbeque. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Was his last word.
Chapter Five
The Hero Escapes
Please note with this information in mind, you need not read this chapter.
With Coldrick out of the way, Volvomart turned his attention to Hairy, who turned and started to run away. Volvomart cast his own special spell, "Volvot fallt int frontt oft himt." A Volvo fell right in front of Hairy, just missing him, but blocking his path. He turned to fight Volvomart and cast a spell of his own.
"Pottyus swirlyus!" he shrieked.
"What's that going to do? Make me stick——" Volvomart was cut off as his head was dunked in a toilet and was flushed. Hairy took the opportunity to run over, kick Volvomart in the shins, pick up Volvomarts hand, snap it in two, throw the pieces down, pick up Coldrick, kick Volvomart again, throw a few rocks at him, bake a lemon meringue pie, eat a slice and stand up. Volvomart stood up, kick over the toilet (and in doing so, stubbed his toe and screamed, "That's it Pottyhead, you're finished! Your grandfather got away from my grandfather decades ago in a situation much like this, but not this time...I'm gonna—hey is that lemon meringue pie?"
"Yep, you can have some if you want," Hairy said. He passed the pie to Volvomart, who began wolfing it down, "and I don't mind you not sharing," Hairy said.
"You know kid, you're all right. Here's the keys to that Volvo I tried to squish you with, go back to Hogwarts and tell Dumbbulldork I'm back. Oh, and take this cream, it'll clear up that toe fungus. See ya!"
Hairy got Coldbrick's body, piled him unceremoniously in the trunk, got in the car and drove away, and he lived happily ever after. That is, until he turned 89 and died on his birthday from a heart attack. Doctors suspect that it was more than an accident, but no one can prove a thing.
Key:
Hairy Pottyhead: Harry Potter's grandson
Coldrick Digahole: Cedric Diggory's grandson
Lord Volvomart: Lord Voldamort's grandson
Professor Dumbbulldork: Professor Dumbledor's grandson
Screwit: Skrewt hybrid
Hand: New age wand