Together.
It's easier. Together.
It's how they belong. There's no 'where' they belong for them. They have no home.
But what they have, when they do, is each other. And that's almost as good, If it isn't better.
They are very nice when they are together. Wholesome.
They help around the house, they are pleasant to be with, they cause no trouble. Little angels.
However, split up? That's an entire different story.
Sarah is angry when she's alone. She pouts and throws tantrums. She snaps and she screams. She bites and she hits.
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven homes it is she's lived in by the time Siobhan Sadler comes to get her. Only her.
Helena is afraid when she's alone.
No, that's not true. In the beginning she isn't. In the beginning, she's friendly and tries to be helpful, thinking that this will get her back with her sister.
When they start to beat her she learns that being helpful and being obedient are two different things. And that neither will help her to get back with her sister.
Sarah is eight (no, she's not, she's five, five, because her sister is still five, because they were both five when they last saw each other and it just cannot have been three years, they are five, five, five) when Mrs. S says she will adopt her and Felix. Felix is Sarah's foster brother. He's three (he is).
Sarah throws a tantrum. She cannot be adopted. Not without Helena, she can't.
Although she doesn't understand a lot about the foster system and adoption, Sarah now knows that something about it is difficult. Here's the facts.
a) Mrs. S wants Sarah and for Sarah's sake is willing to adopt Helena.
b) Tomas, Helena's current foster father, wants to adopt Helena.
c) Tomas has a partner. Mrs. S doesn't.
Apparently married parents are more important than keeping twins together. Which is not really a fact, but something that has to be discussed in court. Which is not a boy's name (Kurt, that would be weird, discussing something inside a person, weird and gross), but a place where a judge and lawyers settle their case (which is not the case where you put your stuff when you change foster homes, but Mrs. S wanting Helena).
It annoys Sarah that they have to go through all of this before she can be back with Helena. Mrs. S is nice enough (very good at playing the piano) and with Helena, they will make a family.
Sarah turns nine in that courtroom, four months after her (their) actual birthday. She turns nine when she sees Helena again. After four years, four months and twenty-three days they are together again. Not really though, not yet. Sarah is sitting on one of the benches, all by herself, because Mrs. S has to sit up front to make her case. But today Sarah will testify and that's why she's there. Helena is entering the room, walking between two grown ups (her fosters, probably). Sarah is so happy to see her, but that happiness is not reflected in Helena.
It can't be as Helena does not see her. Helena is walking with her shoulders hunched and head down. Her hair is frizzy. Sarah's is in a ponytail for the hearing. She prefers it down (they both do).
"Helena", she calls. Her sister looks up. Their eyes meet. It seems to take a load off Helena's mind. Sarah can see her sister starting to move, move towards her. Together. That's how they belong.
The man stops her. He says something Sarah cannot hear, because everyone's talking and they are still so far away. Then the woman takes Helena's hand and takes Sarah's sister's hand and takes her and takes her away.
Helena doesn't look back. Shoulders hunched, head down.
Mrs. S does get custody (which means she will be her mum) of Helena when the trial is over. But she doesn't seem to be too happy about it. When Sarah asks, she just shakes her head. "It's not that I'm not happy about her joining our family, love. It's because of what was the cost for that. But she will tell you in her own time." Sarah doesn't know what that means.
Sarah is super excited for the day Helena comes to live with them. Mrs. S got them matching "sister" sweaters (Sarah insisted, that everyone at her school had to be informed who Helena was once they got there), and Sarah is already wearing hers. She's waiting by the front window in the sitting room, so she can be the first at the car.
Mrs. S has never seen Sarah as excited, joyful and positive. She is known not to shut up, but this time it's not cursing and swearing. She's asking for feedback. Will Helena like their room? Will she mind sharing (she probably won't, they like being together)? Could they have jello for tea? That is (used to be?) Helena's favourite. It's lovely.
Mrs. S really does hope that the price for Sarah's joy will be one they can pay.
"The outcome of what has happened to Helena cannot be known until she is exposed to certain situations", at least If you believe in psychologists. Mrs. S hopes, prays that Helena will react well to seeing Sarah. It could go either way, complete devotion or aggressive resent.
"They're here! They're here!" Sarah, basically bouncing on the sofa, that's how giddy she is, gets up and runs for the door. "Wait for me, love", Mrs. S says, although she knows these words to be wasted.
She's lucky. When she opens the door, her gaze falls upon two (happy) girls hugging each other until they are breathless.
Sarah and Helena are very good for each other, but that doesn't mean that Sarah can wipe away Helena's past. Nobody can. And sometimes it's hard for Sarah to understand.
Why does Helena have so many nightmares and why won't she talk about them? Why can't she have knifes and forks, only spoons? Why do they have locks in front of the fridge and cabinets now (she understands that partially, but Helena only threw up because she ate everything once and it was funny)? Why doesn't she bathe and dress with Sarah? Why does she have to go to the psychiatrist (someone who talks with her about things) and why can't Sarah go with her?
When those questions aren't asked and left unanswered though, they're good. They're better than they've ever been. Together.
Disclaimer: Orphan Black and its characters belong to BBC America.