Danny's POV
"Visiting day! If I call your name it means someone's here to see you. Jeffery Adams, Franklin Andoles, Carter Benson, Phillip Bresner…" He went on and on, I sat with my head against the wall in the small cot they called a bed. Waiting for my name to be called to go see my father or maybe- no, Jo would never visit me. The look of her face that day, her and Lacey's, so scared and shocked, It was like I could read their minds, how could he have done this? The answer is I didn't. I could almost laugh at the irony.
"Charles Danes, Andrew Dobbs," What no? That had to be a mistake. Even if Jo never came, my dad had to. The only reason I am in here is for him. To hide his lies. He ends the list and starts to walk out the door.
"OH! Desai!" I knew it had to be a mistake. My father would never abandon me like that. I instantly stand.
"Yes sir?"
"You're on dinner duty tonight. Be in the kitchen by 5:00 o'clock." I put my head down and focus on the floor.
"Yes sir." All hope gone from my voice. He left. He wasn't coming. maybe he just couldn't come today.
Jo's POV
"I don't know. Sometimes I just flashback to that day. The rope in his hand, the look of sheer guilt on his face, the way he almost begged us. Sometimes his words just ring in my ear. 'Please, don't hate me.' And the weird part is I don't know if I do. I hate him for putting me through this. For what he did. I guess sometimes I feel stupid because it's been almost a year and I'm still here."
"Jo we talked about this. You have PTSD."
"Yes and I am so sick of hearing it. 'you have PTSD, no one could see what you saw and not be traumatized, especially at 11.' I know the speech and I'm sick of it."
"Jo it's true. You shouldn't feel stupid."
"I know I shouldn't, but I do! You can tell me what all my feelings mean and why I feel that way but you can't stop me from feeling like this." I just want to leave. Nothing this guy says will stop me from feeling like this. If all he does is say the same thing over and over it's like Danny's words ringing over and over like a broken record.
"So let's not talk about that day. What's going on with you. Your birthday must be coming up."
"In about a month."
"Have you made any friends?"
"No, haven't you heard I'm the weirdo who was best friends with a psychopathic killer."
"Jo come on, what about Lacey?"
"It's been weird. After what we went through. I think it will always tie us together even if neither of us wants it too."
"I think you two should just try talking-"
"Well I don't, so can you just drop it. Please."
"Okay, okay. You can leave if you want." I grab my bag and leave. I don't want to think about it. It's just too much every day. All anyone ever asks me about, all anyone ever makes fun of me for. Hey Jo, how's it like? Being friends with a killer and all. Hey Jo, see any dead bodies lately? I walk fast trying to be invisible like always. Then I turn down the familiar street and then into the woods and up the hidden path me and Danny had made years ago. I hike my way up and look at the old house. Still intact. Before I know it I am pushing my way past the old green string and walking inside.
Nothing has changed. not a thing has been moved out of place. My drawings, the board games, even the matches we used to light fires in the small pit. I go and sit on the log by the fire pit and make the mistake of thinking. I miss Danny. I even miss Lacey. I miss how we were before this all happened. Now all I can picture is Tara dead on the floor. Danny gripping that red jump rope with everything he had. Begging for us to forgive him. Trying to talk to Lacey out of going inside. Danny grabbing on to my hand when I almost fainted. The way my dad almost tore me away from him. The last memory of seeing him in person, having our fingers touching until they literally couldn't anymore and his hand fell to his side. The cops walking him outside. He was numb. That wasn't the Danny I knew. That wasn't the Danny I loved. That wasn't the Danny I missed.
~flashback~
I sit on the log waiting for Danny to show up. He said he would be here at eight. It was hard to sneak out but I did it. Where is he? Just then the strings are pushed aside and he comes in. I can't help myself and smile at him and he smiles back.
"Hey." He comes over and stands in front of me.
"Hi Danny. Now will you tell me what was so important that I had to meet you here at eight o'clock?" He comes over and sits next to me.
"I couldn't sleep. I wanted to see you."
"That's why I'm risking getting yelled at?" He gives me a little half smile.
"Come on Jo. When would they ever yell at you? And that's not the only reason."
"Then why?" He shifts and looks at me in the eyes. His deep brown eyes melting my piercing blue ones.
"Jo, have you ever thought of this?" He never breaks eye contact.
"Thought of what?"
"This!" He waves his arms around the small space finally breaking our intense eye contact.
"What it would be like if we had never hung out with Lacey. If we had just stayed me and you."
"Not really. I mean, I love Lacey, she's my best friend. Your's too."
"Not like you though and you know that. I could handle losing Lacey. Not you. I love you Jo." I look up at him again. Shock must have been clear on my face. But I hide it best I can.
"I love you too Danny." I rest my head on his shoulder and he loops his hand it mine. I feel him kiss the top of my head and I feel my heart start to pick up a little.
"You're special Jo Masterson. Never let anyone tell you different." I smile and look at out hands looped together. My pale skin in contrast to his tan hand.
"Thanks Danny."
~end of flashback~
I look at my hand and I can almost feel him holding it. I miss him. But he had never tried to reach me. He clearly didn't care about losing me as much as he said.
Danny's POV
It had been a year since my dad had visited. One year and eight months since I saw Jo. And one year and eleven months since I told her I loved her. Not a day goes by I don't think about her. I was right when I told Jo I could handle losing Lacey. It hurt not seeing her. Lacey was my best friend and I regret getting in a fight with her before I was sent away, but not seeing Jo was agonizing. It felt like a piece of me had been taken away when I was sent here. A few months I thought I would be able to handle, but now it was going to be five years and I felt like I couldn't wait another minute. I sit down and decide to write her a letter. I had wanted to so many times but I never could. It felt like it wouldn't be the same. I sent one to Lacey apologizing for our fight but never heard back. I try to think of what to say to Jo. And I get nothing. So I start the easiest way possible and go from there.
Dear Jo,
I miss you. Everyday I wish I could see you, hold your hand, anything but be away from you. I have wanted to write for so long but even now it feels wrong, like it isn't even real. I hate this feeling. I went from seeing you everyday to not seeing you at all. I know you must hate me but please understand I was just trying to protect you. Please I know you might rip this up, but please Jo, answer me. I am begging you. I love you and I miss you more than you know.
-Danny
I close it and sent it to the outgoing mail. Now I just had to wait. A big part of me knew she would never read it let alone answer. But a bigger part of me was hoping for nothing more than to have her reply.
Jo's POV
Three years. Exactly three years today since Danny went to Juvie. And the letter from last year was still sitting in my closet unopened. I got up early that day and got the mail. I saw my name written across the top in Danny's neat slanted writing, and the return address from the South New York Juvenile Hall. I put the rest of the mail on the table and sat on my bed staring at the ivory colored envelope for almost an hour. Finally I took it and threw it to the corner of my closet where I would never see it again. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about it though. The words, whatever they said, taunting me, daring me to open it. But I never could. I go downstairs and see my dad sitting there. Waiting to drive me to school. Freshman year was a slow drag. It was November and it already felt like it should be May. One friend. Rico and me had decided to throw ourselves into school. Me to escape thinking about Danny, and Rico for whatever reason he never told me. But we have the highest GPA's in the school, if that counts for anything. Our booth at the diner. A normal routine I could live with. My flashbacks had gone down, and I almost never heard Danny's words in my head any more. Some days were worse than others. Days when I would lie in bed just thinking about that day. Or the days before. My hand in Danny's, him being pulled away. Days when all I could see when I close my eyes is Tara on the floor or Danny's hand around the jump rope. Days when I feel like all I want to do is sleep but I can't because I will have nightmares. Days like today. Three years later and I was still obsessing over this.
Danny's POV
Five years. Five years today. Today. I was leaving. I was going home. Not that I wanted to go to Green Grove, but it's where Jo was. The only good thing about that place. I couldn't believe after so many letters, she never answered. One a week after the first one and nothing.
~flashback~
"Hey! Charlie! Can you sent this out for me?" My cellmate turned and looked at me.
"Yeah sure. Who's it for?" He looks at the cover and reads her name.
"Jo? Seriously bro? You have had me sent out a total of three letters to this girl since I got here and she has never said anything back. Time to give up."
"No. I could never give up on Jo."
"So tell me about her."
"Who, Jo?"
"Yeah. Who is the girl behind the letters?"
"It's hard to explain."
"So are a lot of things."
"She has been my best friend since we were born. And I love her, and she loves me too. Or at least she did."
"Why doesn't she?"
"She was there that day."
"When you killed your aunt?" I nod slowly.
"Ouch. Well what's she look like?"
"She's beautiful. She has curly blonde hair and the brightest blue eyes you have ever seen. Pale skin like snow white. And since I got here, I lost her forever."
"Think positive. Maybe she is really ugly now."
"Hey don't say that about her. She could never be ugly. She's perfect. She always will be."
"How about the other chick you talk about sometimes?"
"Lacey? She was my best friend. Me, her, and Jo. Lacey is awesome but she used to get jealous sometimes. One time she told me she liked me 'like that', and when I told her I wasn't interested she demanded to know why, so I told her I love Jo and she freaked out. But the next day she promised she wouldn't bring it up again. That was right before, you know."
"Sounds like you had a lot to lose."
"I had to protect them. My aunt she knew, secrets. She said she knew things that could hurt Jo and I couldn't risk anything hurting her." I recited the lie back to Charlie with a little more of the truth than I had said to anyone before.
"Hey, Charlie, you never did tell me why you are in here?"
"Need to know."
"Come on."
"Alright…"
~end of flashback~
"Danny Desai!" I hear the familiar voice call my name and go to the gate. It opens slowly and I take my bag.
"Good luck kid." I nod and turn to look at Charlie in there. Wondering who would take me spot. But now I have to go back to Green Grove. I walk down to the front and see my mom standing there. It feels amazing seeing her. But I had one person in mind. I had to see Jo.
End of chapter 1