The Future
This happens sometime prior to Spencer Will Be Mine
Sitting on the couch after work with Spencer snug against him, Derek's mind is focused on that little box he's been hiding from Spencer for over a month. Derek started to search for the perfect ring months ago after coming to the realization that he had no doubt that Spencer was the person for him, the only person. His heart is Spencer's for always just as Spencer's is his. Finding a ring to make it official was important to him. He wanted something unique and meaningful, befitting his beloved Pretty Boy. It took a while and had to be custom made. But remembering the ring in his mind, he knows it is perfect. Derek hopes Spencer thinks so too. Sometimes when Spencer is out, Derek pulls out the ring and runs his thumb over it, imagining it on Spencer's finger.
He pets Spencer's hair, enjoying how Spencer leans into the touch. Derek smiles to himself. *Some day soon, I'm going to ask him to marry me. I am going to make this beautiful, perfect man my husband.* He hasn't settled on how to ask Spencer yet. He wants to make it special because Spencer deserves it. He deserves to know how wonderful and important he is to him. Derek's going to plan a proposal Spencer will always remember.
Thinking about the proposal and marriage always makes him think of a subject he and Spencer haven't truly explored yet. "Do you want kids?" He catches the surprise on Spencer's face at the question before his expression turns thoughtful. Derek is relieved not to hear an immediate no.
"If you would have asked me that years ago, I would have said absolutely not," Spencer admits.
Derek asks, "And now?"
Spencer smiles as he thinks about his godson, Henry, and of Aaron's son, Jack. Both of them have proven that he isn't cursed in dealing with children. Henry and Jack love him, their 'uncle' Spencer. They aren't the only ones either. Kiara, Dai, and Damien all love him too. Even little Clay loves him. Spencer doesn't even know why; he gets why Clay would love Derek but not him. All he can think of is the stories he tells; Clay does appear fascinated whenever Spencer tells him stories.
He looks Derek in the eye and can easily picture him with children. A little girl he'll cherish, teaching her how to be strong and independent but still caring and compassionate. A little boy he'll adore, teaching him how to be kind and protective, respectful and caring. "You would be a terrific father, Der."
Derek is not sure if Spencer is being deliberately evasive or just stating what he believes. "But what do you want?" He cannot be a father if Spencer does not want children. Derek can be happy as long as he and Spencer are together even if that means they never have children.
Spencer thinks about the question for a beat before answering. "I never thought I would want children." In his late teens and early twenties, every child he encountered seemed to hate him, same with dogs. He couldn't fathom having a child or even a dog himself then. But now things have changed, he has changed. "Do you know how easy it is for me to picture you with a child of your own?" Spencer asks conversationally. Derek opens his mouth but Spencer continues before he can say anything. "I can picture myself with that same child, reading to her or him every night before bedtime, feeding and nourishing her or his love of books. Teaching him or her about science, math, academics, and fostering a curiosity about the world and a fascination for learning. Just loving her or him."
Derek smiles; he can easily picture Spencer talking excitedly about dinosaurs with a little boy or girl. "You would be an amazing dad, Spencer," he announces truthfully. Any child would be lucky to have Spencer as a dad. He loves with his whole heart. Derek has seen how he is with Henry, with Jack, with Kiara, and the twins. Spencer is great with them.
"You think so?" A part of Spencer is still unsure if he'd be a good father. His own father wasn't exactly an exemplar example.
Cupping his cheek, Derek vows, "I know so." Spencer is an incredible person: smart, loving, kind, loyal, and insatiably curious. He has a wealth of love to give and unashamedly free with his love. Spencer would be a great dad. "You know how I know?"
"How?"
"Because I've seen how you are with Henry. How much you love him and how much he loves you. I've seen you with Jack, how much he loves to hear you read to him. I remember how easily you got Kiara comfortable enough to see you as a friend and not a stranger. I remember how the twins latched onto you from the first meeting. I see how much you care for children that aren't yours and I know that you will love any children we have with your whole heart.
Spencer swallows roughly around the knot of emotion stuck in his throat. "Derek, I...I don't know what to say." The faith Derek has in him is staggering.
"I mean every word, Pretty Boy," Derek says fervently.
Spencer smiles shyly. "Thanks, Der."
Smiling back fondly, Derek hugs Spencer tight.
This is a big step for them both, simply the discussion of future children. They each want this. It will mean significant changes in their lives and that's exciting and slightly terrifying.
"So—children?" Spencer is stunned that they are seriously talking about children, about them having children. He and Derek. He's been absolutely blissful merely being with Derek, Spencer never considered that he could have it all. That he could have a partner that loves him to the end of their galaxy and back. And a child or children to love and nurture, to watch grow up before his eyes. A family, a true family filled with love. He hadn't let himself hope before now.
"Yeah," Derek agrees with a smile. He is walking on clouds knowing that Spencer wants kids too. Derek has always wanted children and having them with Spencer is exactly what he's dreamed of. "Children." Derek smiles as Spencer cups his face. They wear matching expressions of disbelief and happiness. Spencer gives a little giggle of disbelief at how sudden but right this feels. Derek grins back and joins him, laughing giddily. Settling down, Derek states, "Now we just have to figure how. Adoption? Surrogacy? I am willing to do either. There are a lot of children out there that need a home. As for surrogacy, I have a feeling JJ or maybe even Pen would be quite willing to be our surrogate. If they don't, we could consider asking a family member. Or even going to a surrogacy agency."
Spencer purses his lips before speaking up. "I agree. There are a lot of children out there that need a home and I think we could be great adoptive parents." He can't believe he is saying that. Spencer has faith in his ability to be a good parent, if only because he doesn't dare believe he'll fail like his own father. Derek's absolute faith in him helps too. He may have his doubts but Derek believes in him and Spencer needs to do the same. Spencer needs to believe they can do this. Both he and Derek, through their jobs and their pasts, are equipped to deal with emotional or behavior issues the child may have. "Surrogacy is also an option. I agree that JJ or Pen would likely be willing, although JJ maybe more so because she's had children of her own. If not, we can consider someone else. But Derek, you should know there are other options."
Confused at what these other options could be but interested, Derek wonders aloud, "There are other options?"
"New medical advances have provided some new choices. One involved combining sperm in our case, or two samples of eggs for a female couple, and creating a fertilized egg. The resulting fetus would be completely ours, half yours and half mine." Spencer's eyes dart to Derek's and then away, uncertain of how he will react.
Emotion wells within Derek, a baby that is theirs. He can see it, a little girl with his hair and Spencer's eyes or a little boy with his eyes and Spencer's smile.
Spencer eyes Derek carefully. When he doesn't detect any disgust, he continues, "The egg could then be placed inside of a surrogate. Or from what I've read, they are close to it being possible to implant the egg into a uterus, which is created using the male's own DNA and is naturally grown inside of the male."
Derek's shocked; soon, a male might be able to carry a baby? "Are you saying what I think you are saying?" How could something this significant not be all over the news? He and Spencer could have a baby together, one that is biologically theirs. And Spencer could carry their baby. It's almost too good to be true.
Spencer ducks his head, biting his lip, wondering what he'll do if Derek doesn't want this too. "Yes. In the very near future, it will be possible for men to become pregnant and successfully support a fetus. I-I could become pregnant with our child." He isn't sure if Derek would want that or if the unnaturalness of it would disgust him. He hopes not because deep down, he wants it. He wants to feel their baby growing inside him. Spencer avoids his eyes, not wanting to see Derek's expression if the thought of him pregnant makes him sick. Since he read the article about this, he hasn't been able to stop thinking about it despite trying fervently. Now that Spencer knows Derek wants children, children with him, he can't help but hope to carry their children. To feel it grow inside him, feel it move and kick. To see the wonder on Derek's face as he presses feels their baby move against his hand. He wants all that.
The advances in science amaze Derek. He never thought that they could not only have a baby, one that is half his and half Spencer's but that Spencer could carry their baby inside him. That they could experience birth the way a 'normal' couple does. Derek gently lifts Spencer's face to him, hating the sight of fear in his beautiful eyes. He can't let Spencer continue to fear. "Oh, Baby." He kisses him with all the joy and love he feels. "I would love for you to carry our child, to watch it grow inside of you," Derek says in wonder. He strokes his thumbs over Spencer's face before finishing tentatively, "If you are willing?"
"Yeah?" Spencer asks shyly.
Stroking his face tenderly, Derek answers honestly, "Yeah. You would be so beautiful, Pretty Boy, swollen with our child." He can picture it. A heavily pregnant Spencer with Derek's ring on his finger, glowing and absolutely gorgeous. Derek can see himself cupping Spencer's rounded stomach, a matching ring of his own finger and love in his eyes. Derek cannot imagine anything more perfect than Spencer as his husband and pregnant with their child.
Spencer smiles at how soft the expression is on Derek's face. He cannot help but to touch his stomach, where their child might grow someday. His heart jolts in happiness when Derek lays his hand atop his. He never thought he would want children nor had he ever imagined wanting to carry one inside him. Yet, Spencer wants that for them both but there is something they cannot overlook. "But Derek, we need to consider whether we want to risk our child having schizophrenia. Any child of mine has a four percent chance of developing schizophrenia." It is a small chance considering that his mother is the only member of either of their families to have the illness. Spencer also knows that it isn't simply genetics that is responsible for the disease's onset.
Derek knows that Spencer is more concerned about the child than his own feelings. Spencer has lived with the fear of developing schizophrenia, especially between the ages of 16 and 25, which is when most males develop the disease. They both know that while he has passed 25, he still has a chance of developing schizophrenia. "Spencer, the risk is low, especially since you have not developed schizophrenia yourself. We cannot ignore that it is possible for our child to have the disease but we must remember that there is a 96% chance our child would not develop schizophrenia. Even if she or he does, we will be there for her or him. You are a brilliant man and together we would do everything we could to help our child. Granted, it isn't something either of us would want but we can't let fear consume us. I can't worry excessively about it and neither should you. Whatever happens, we will love our child."
His worries lessens with Derek's reassurances enough that Spencer smiles. A part of him will continue to worry about passing schizophrenia to his child, just as he worries about developing it himself. But Derek is right. They can't let that fear take away the joy of having a child, a family together. Needing confirmation, Spencer asks, sounding a little giddy, "So, we are seriously considering this?"
Grinning, Derek answers, "Definitely. There's no need to rush but yes, we really are. We still have to plan out what changes we will be making, whether it is concerning our careers or our house or whatever." They still have time to work out all the details. Spencer in particular is a planner and having a child will bring significant changes in their lives. They need to plan and prepare before they even consider starting the process of having a child.
Hesitant to bring it up but realizing the importance of discussing it, Spencer bites his lip and asks, "H-Have you thought about our jobs?" They are both gone a significant amount of time. While Aaron makes it work because his job is who he is, Spencer is different and he thinks Derek is too.
Derek sighs, "Yeah. I love being profiler, I do, and I know you do too. But if we have a child or children, at least one of us should have a job that doesn't include so much travel." JJ makes it work because Will rarely has to travel and Aaron has Jessica's help. One of them needs to be there day to day. Having a child is a significant commitment and neither is willing to let their child or children be raised by a nanny instead of them. "I'd be willing to change careers."
Spencer beams, gladdened that Derek is willing to quit a job he loves for any child they may have. Spencer loves that both of them are willing to put their future child first. He kisses Derek sweetly before pulling back and echoing sincerely, "So would I." He loves being a profiler and working with his team. It's the first place he felt loved and at home and although it'd be hard, Spencer is absolutely willing. He and Derek would still see the team; they are too close for those bonds to suddenly disappear. Spencer thinks the team would understand why one or both of them would leave as well. They would support his or Derek's decision to leave. "I have a lot of options outside of the BAU. I could consult on the side to give myself an outlet to satisfy that need to help. My degrees and my continued presence in academia should translate well to future prospects."
Derek grins at Spencer's modesty. "You mean that if you put yourself out there, people would be scrambling to convince you to work for them."
Spencer blushes but doesn't deny it. He frequently receives job offers and he isn't even looking.
"Clearly, you would have no trouble finding another career."
"Neither would you, Derek," Spencer challenges.
Derek laughs and shrugs. True, he doesn't get as many offers as Spencer does but then he isn't a genius with an eidetic memory either. However, he does receive job offers with some consistency. Lucas McWills, who is a good friend of theirs as is Luc's husband Josh, is a consistent one. "Luc keeps bugging me to come work with him." Derek has considered it over the past two years but has not had a reason or desire to change careers. He loves working with Spencer and their team but having a child would change that. Derek wants to be there for his child and Luc's job offer is a good one. Luc's security company isn't an average one. Sure, he does private security but often, it is much more than that. Luc employs ex-military for a reason. Derek's intelligence, leadership qualities, and proficiency with weapons and hand-to-hand combat would be great assets to the company. Derek would not be starting at the bottom, not with his skill set. He knows Luc would love him to be an overseer, working from home base, training the other employees, and handling missions. It could be a perfect fit.
"You could. Luc would be thrilled." Luc has been persistent over the years and wants Derek to be a leader within his company.
"I also could take up Lee's offer to be an instructor at the Academy." Lee Park has been trying to convince him to make the switch for a few years.
"Another viable option, Lee would be ecstatic that the begging paid off."
Derek laughs, "Yeah, Lee sure would."
"You could also be your own boss and do home reconstruction yourself," Spencer suggests. He's seen the houses Derek's worked on and he does good work.
Thinking out loud, Derek agrees, "I could." He enjoys working with his hands. "I could do it full-time, hire a crew of my own maybe." Derek could possibly making flipping more of a career and less of a hobby.
"We have a lot to consider," Spencer concludes. Both of them have options. Now, they have to decide what is best for them and their future family. They snuggle happily on the couch, both lost in their thoughts. Spencer's brain rushes through all the possibilities and changes they'd have to make. But in the front of his mind, he's focused on the joy they'll experience from having a child. Spencer may not love change but he is looking forward to these changes and to having a family with his beloved.
Derek thinks about the ring he wants to give to Spencer, about the wedding and how he'll feel to be standing next to Spencer at the altar and to see his family and friends there to witness it. He thinks about how happy he'll be to hold their first baby in his arms and what Spencer will look like doing the same. And the joy his mama will feel holding their first child in her arms. Derek thinks about the amazing future he can have with his one and only, beaming at all that can be.
Their future is bright, full of possibilities and love.
This would have been up earlier but I have had internet issues for the last week. I'm working on edits for the next (very long) chapter of Give Me Your Forever.