Hey minna! Sorry it's been so long since I've written. ::ducks from random vegetables and fruit being thrown at her:: I've been just a little But anyways, yeah, I decided to start to write this story. It's been in my mind for a while, so I decided to go through with it.

Warnings: This story gets pretty dark and deep. This is my interpretation of Duo finally starting to deteriorate inside. Sad, yes, I know, but it somehow works. XD But yeah, there'll be swearing, most likely, talks about suicide and attempts at it, and eventually, shounen-ai and possibly slight yaoi; we'll see as things go along. You don't like it, don't read it. XD And if you don't know what shounen-ai or yaoi is, I suggest you go to a site that can help you figure it out.

Disclaimers: Don't own any of the characters, places, things, whatever. Though it'd be cool if I did--I'd definitely want Heero's spandex. XDD But yeah, don't own anything. ::sighs::

OK, I've talked enough. On with the fic!

Break the Façade

By Ari-chan

Chapter One

I sat there, razor in hand, watching the blood flow out of the veins in my slashed wrists, contemplating how long it would be this time before I would wake up out of my suicidal stupor and try to bandage the already scarred flesh surrounding my right hand.

How many times? How many days had I sat on the edge of the toilet seat, locked the door, grabbed my old, rusty blade, and dragged it across my rough skin, that had once been so sensitive before, and now was pretty much used to the almost daily attempts at my own demise?

The crimson liquid dripped slowly out of my wrists, beginning to make a small puddle on the bathroom floor. I stared at it for the longest time, wondering at its color, watching the almost melodic drips fall to the ground. Suddenly I shivered. Why? I had seen blood before, in much larger amounts than this, both in suicide and homicide. Why was it disturbing me so much now?

This fresh thinking seemed to get me out of my trance, because before I knew what I was doing, I quickly grabbed the antiseptic and the gauze to my right on the counter and began to clean the drying blood on the corners of my cuts. It stung slightly, but not as bad as it used to.

I sat up suddenly, which was a bad idea I soon found out, because as soon as I stood up, I felt light-headed and had to sit down again. I put my good hand against my head, and rested the elbow on my knee. Trying to stay awake and fight the growing fatigue, I focused on the mirror image of myself. Long, ill-kept brown hair tied in a messy braid that slung over my shoulder; eyes, violet in color, that had once held joy and happiness now looked gaunt and dead, and the circles under them made my entire eye area look sunken in. My cheekbones were much thinner than they used to be due to the lack of food I hadn't consumed lately.

I sighed, disgusted with how I looked. The nagging voice in the back of my mind--the one that told me to eat more, go to sleep, get some more rest, stop cutting my wrists--was telling me that this was the consequence for my actions. I mentally told it to shut up, when I heard a quiet knock on the door.

"Duo? Is that you in there?" a soft, feminine-like voice filtered in through the doorway.

"Yeah, Quatre, I'm all right. I just felt a little sick, y'know?" I tried to make my voice sound jovial, normal.

Apparently it worked. "Okay then, we need you out here. It's not the same trip with the Preventers without Wufei chasing you around with that katana of his." I heard the blond boy chuckle to himself.

A tiny smile crept across my face. "I know, it's my job to be the entertainer."

I must have sounded a little cynical, because the tone in Quatre's voice instantly changed back to seriousness. "Duo? Are you sure you're all right?"

"Fine! Never felt better! I'm coming out right now!" I quickly hid the blood-stained razor behind the toilet, its normal hiding spot, put the gauze back in the drawer, along with the antiseptic, covered the now rust-colored spot on the floor with the light blue bathroom rug, and strode out the door, making sure my right wrist was completely covered.

Quatre eyed me suspiciously. "I'll have you go see Sally, Duo. You've been sick a lot more this trip than the one we took two months ago. Maybe it's a virus?..." His voice trailed off when the hard look I gave him came into effect.

He sighed. "All right, on, everyone's waiting." He caught hold of my wrist, the one that I had sliced open only fifteen minutes ago. I instinctively wriggled out of his grasp.

Quatre turned to me, surprise and hurt in his eyes. But if he noticed anything wrong with my arm, he said nothing about it. He strode on forward down the long hallway, with me behind him trying to send him telepathic apologizes.

After a couple minutes of an awkward silence, we reached the entryway to the planning room. Quatre punched in the code, and as the door slid open he ushered me inside first, following me closely from behind.

The planning room looked the same as usual; brightly-lit with beautiful chandeliers, sterile-white walls, dark tile floors, and the long, black table where everyone was waiting for me to show up. But it wasn't the appearance of the room that was disturbing me; it was the air, the feel in the room. It felt...different. I shivered unconsciously.

The silence inside the room was deafening. Everyone turned to me as I entered, though there were no worried glances, just cold, irritated, unfeeling stares.

Of course I'd been used to this. This was the way they always were. We'd been through so much on and off the battlefield no one had to explain the reasons why.

But now, suddenly, I never wanted to hear that silence again.

"Hey guys! Sorry to keep you waiting," said a voice that sounded like mine, but had none of the pain or hurt inside me laced on it. Some force that I didn't know I had within me got my body to move and take a seat in my normal spot in between Trowa, the man of few words, and Heero, the cold, typically uncaring one. When it came to us, at least. Relena on the other hand...

A voice broke my thoughts suddenly. "Duo? You with us?" Quatre stared at me with confusion and concern mixed into one written on his face, in the process of handing me a paper. Wufei gave me a disgusted look, but some part of him looked concerned. Trowa gave me one of his many blank stares, this one meaning, "What the fuck?..."

And Heero...well, Heero didn't seem to care. The usual; I didn't feel particularly sad about it.

At least, I thought he didn't care; something looked different about him. His blue eyes looked sincerely worried, a look I had hardly ever seen him give. He looked sad, almost puzzled, which made him look incredibly hot, a thought I quickly dismissed with a hint of disgust.

It was then that he said something, something I'll never forget for the rest of my life:

"Duo? Are you all right?"

It was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. The force of what he said sent me into another sort of stupor. It was like his words were sent by a heavenly messenger, suspended on silver wings addressed to me and to me only, full of kindness and caring that I never dreamed this cold, stone-faced man was capable of. His words were like a sweet honey that a lucky bear came across, but would never find again, and would never find a honey more rich and golden.

And, for the first time in my life, I found myself wanting more of it. More kindness, more innocence, more love, wrapped into one tiny sentence.

And the last thing I remember about that was imagining what it would be like to hold him.

End Chapter One

::coughs:: Was it too deep for you all? Not enough shounen-ai for the fellow fangirls out there? XD I realize it went a little fast, but next chapter I'm gonna try to slow it down a bit. ::sweatdrops:: But, you can let me know how I'm doing by sending me comments and reviews! I live on reviews! They make me feel happy! XD

OK, enough of me babbling. XD See you all in the next chapter!