A/N: This is not a story. It is distilled madness. Written after a late night conversation with psychic soul whose stories are good and you should read.
Beta readed by two of my friends, both of which are insane and for some reason demanded I upload this.
God dammit, you all pressured me into translating it. You people are no fun. Oh well. Check the end for the translatory shiz.
Have fun!
Robin's Insane Parenting Scandal of Awesome
Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.
10:42 at night. The tension in the room was so thick you could cut it with a knife.
"First question: Who gave Robin thirty adrenaline doses in two seconds?"
No one answered Batman, but Artemis slowly and mortifiedly put her hand up in the air. Batman glared at her.
"Explain." he said, in the tone of voice that would have had Doomsday, Zod and the Guardians of the Universe running for cover.
"Well, I was going to s...shoot a tranq arrow at Wally, to shut him up, but I accidentally missed and I hit Robin, thenIfoundoutIusedthewrongarrowsorryBatmanpleaseIw anttolivedon'tkillme."
"Second question: Where. Is. Robin." Batman drew himself up to his full, intimidating six-foot-11 height.
Wally gulped more air that anyone could possibly need ever. "We sort of...um...lost him...Batman...Um...sir?"
Batman sighed and said "Wally, hold my belt." He took of the belt in question and dropped it into Wally's hands.
"Wow, that's really cool. Hey, what does this button do?"
Beep.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!
Wally crumpled to the floor, after about 50,000 volts ran through him. Batman casually picked the belt up and clicked it back around his waist.
"M'gann. Telepathy. Robin. Find. Now."
M'gann's eyes glowed their customary green for almost five minutes.
"His mind keeps bouncing around and it's hard to pin down a location, but I think he's in the hangar."
Batman span around and strode to the hanger bay, cape billowing behind him and five nervous teenagers (well, four walked and Artemis dragged Wally by the ankle) trailing along at a distance.
When they reached the hangar bay, Batman was already there and talking to the rafters.
"Robin, ai de gând să cobori de acolo orice moment în curând?" (1)
"În nici un caz, tată. Îmi place capriori. Sunt rece. Unde a plecat toată lumea?" (2)
"What language is that?" Artemis asked mentally.
"No idea." Connor replied through the mind-link. "Sounds European or something."
"Hei, tată? Știi că echipa este așezat chiar în fața ușii, ascultând tot ce vorbim?" Robin chirped. (3)
"Desigur, Robin. Se pare că ai uitat că eu sunt nenorocita de Batman." Batman said, turning towards the door. "Te-ai calmat încă?" (4)
"Mmhm." Robin said, flipping down from the rafters. "Artemis ... Hãy đến và chơi!" (5)
"What did you say!?" Artemis jumped out from behind the doorframe. "I do not "play", especially when you tell me to!"
"So, Robin, what did you specifically do while you were higher than Kiteman on a windy day?" Batman asked.
"Not much. Hacked the NSA. Tried to hack the Vatican. They changed their password from "W3L0V3POP3" again. Oh, wait...I think...I phoned Mamă...and I honestly think she's on her way over."
Batman facepalmed. "Oh, tae. You just had to, didn't you."(6)
"Sorree. Just saying, you should probably tell the League about her already."
The team watched the exchange with interest. Batman's married? Batman's Robin's FATHER? And why hasn't Batman told the League?
"RECOGNISED HOSTILE CONTACT: Ccca- SYSTEM OVERRIDE: ACCESS CLEARANCE: A-02. WELCOME TO MOUNT JUSTICE."
An athletically built woman in a tight catsuit and tall, high heeled boots with a whip and some bola on her belt stepped out of the glowing Zeta tube and clicked over to Batman and Robin.
"Baby Bird! It's been ages...why didn't you call before? I missed you!" she said, kissing Robin on the cheek and ruffling his black hair.
Batman was trying to sneak out of the room without anyone noticing, and he was doing a pretty good job of it too, until the woman (apparently, the team surmised, his wife) turned on her heel and caught him by the neck with a crack of her whip.
"We have a really abusive relationship, I hope you know that." Batman coughed.
The Bat-wife gave a burst of tinkling laughter. "I think that's only the second time you've made a joke since we met. Now," she said, narrowing her red-goggle-covered eyes, "why didn't you tell me you didn't tell the League about me?"
"I didn't think you cared."
"Well, I do. Anyway," she directed this at both Batman and Robin, "We are going home now, so A can shout at you two and I can actually sleep already, because Harley and Ivy have been driving me crazy! Do you know how hard it is kicking two deranged, PMSing girls with superpowers out of a jeweller's shop when you're sleep deprived? And then have to deal with Firefly's awful flirting while explaining that your boyfriend is the Goddamn Batman, and it's really not a good idea to piss him off, and also worrying about you two on black ops missions that you could get yourselves killed on..."
The team stood there staring while the Bat-Wife/Girlfriend pushed Batman into the Zeta tube and Robin cartwheeled after them, waving and telling them he'd be back in the morning.
When they had left, the entire Cave was resoundingly silent for at least three minutes straight, due to the team standing there gaping.
Kid Flash gulped.
"What...what was that?"
(1) - Romanian: "Robin, are you going to come down any time soon?"
(2) - Romanian: "No way, Dad. I like the rafters. They're cool. Where's everyone gone?"
(3) - Romanian: "Hey, Dad? You know that the team is sitting right outside the door, listening to every word we say?"
(4) - Romanian: "Of course, Robin. You seem to have forgotten that I'm the Goddamn Batman."
(4) - Romanian: "Have you calmed down?"
(5) - Vietnamese: "Artemis...come out and play!"
(6) - Filipino (psychic soul XD): "Shit."
AND ALSO! REVIEW REPLIES :D Emiko Sora: I might write more. Maybe. MAMA CATS IS AWESOME 3 psychic soul doesn't get a response, so there
yuu101cutie: Here's your translation! Ta for the cookies. I might do a Chapter 2.
Guest: I love you too.
chocolatedream075: Keep the love coming. I like love.