The Truth is Near

Disclaimer: Don't own Death Note. Unfortunately.

Plot: Near ponders on how he's really the unluckiest one of all.

It was 2 years after the Kira case. 2 years after the hell that Near had been through with that Kira mess. He remembered how he felt after Light Yagami died. Tired. Disgusted. Somewhat happy.

Of course he pushed away that one emotion that was threatening to tear him apart...like a constant sensation of being gnawed away by something. Like fighting invisible tigers.

Sadness.

Near was depressed. He knew that no one could possibly know, given the fact that he looked like an emotionless white blob playing with random toys half the time. Everyone assumed that despite his age, he didn't have a whole lot of emotions.

Wrong.

They were all wrong. Everyone.

Near never got over L's death. Even though he said "If you can't complete the puzzle, you're a loser" five..no seven years back when he found out L had died, he didn't mean it. He was just trying to push away that feeling of...what was it? Not sorrow really, he wasn't that close to L.

More like anxiety. That L could actually be beaten by anyone! Near was amazing (he knew that) but he was nowhere close to L.

And of the other death...he didn't even want to think about it.

Mello. Damn Mello.

Why Near every liked Mello was a mystery. Mello took every chance he got to insult Near in words or actions. He had recieved plenty of psychological and physical bruises from Mello in his years at Wammy's. But why oh why had he ever been attached to that boy?

Near knew that a part of him (approximately 28) hated Mello. That part of him hated Mello for being so cruel, for being so insensitive, for being such a..such an idiot. The fact that Mello couldn't see what was in front of his own eyes, was so blind to what Near really thought of him. Near couldn't forgive Mello for that. He wasn't even going to try.

Then, there was the other (possibly 62) that really admired Mello, like a role model. Mello was brash, loud, and wasn't afraid to say what he thought. He was like fire, while Near was ice. Together they would have been the perfect combo...

Near wished he could be like Mello, just for once, and damn the consequences. Not that THAT was ever going to happen. Not with Mello dead.

And then there was that strange 10 of him that didn't know what exactly to make of Mello. Was it love? More hate?

For the first time in his life, Near didn't know. He somehow knew that he would never find out the answer to that. He wasn't fit to be a psychologist like L or even Mello would have the potential to be. They were both very much in touch with their emotions. Near had emotions, but couldn't distinguish them. He knew that this would be a mystery forever.

Well, whatever that part was, Near didn't much care. He was still "in secret mourning" after all, for the deaths of the two people in the world (+ Mr. Whammy) that he cared about most. Not that he would ever let anyone know. No one would care and it would just make things awkward. Plus, it would be dangerous if anyone ever found out his weakness.

No, Near mused to himself, playing idly with the broken L and Mello toys.

I'll just keep fighting those invisible tigers.

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