Hi All,

So this is my second Gossip Girl piece of writing! I sat down and wrote it all in one go. It may need an epilogue though, I haven't quite decided yet.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl (cause if I did I sure as hell wouldn't have had Chuck sleep with Jenny and then get shot!)

Please be aware of some coarse language, it is infrequent but please be alerted it is there.

It had been years since she'd been back. That summer in Paris made her realise she never wanted to return to the catastrophe of her life back in New York. She didn't tell Serena she wouldn't be returning, she simply told her she was going to her father's chateau for a while. She'd be back before the start of the semester. Of course she wasn't. That was 4 years ago now. Sure, she wanted to go back and make sure he was ok after being shot. But she couldn't bear it, to see his face in pain. Staying away was better.

It wasn't until 3 months ago she started wondering if she'd made the right choice. Serena was getting married; to Carter Baizen. Shocking really, but they were in love. Anybody that talked to either of them could sense that. She wasn't involved in the wedding. Serena had sent her an invitation, but Jenny Humphrey was Matron of Honour. Unbelievable. She'd been replaced by Jenny in more ways than one.

Living in Italy had its advantages. For starters, nobody would ever consider coming to look for Blair Waldorf in Italy. France, is the first stop, even England would come before Italy. It made her feel oddly close to him. The first trip he'd ever let her down on was to Italy. Thank goodness for her basic knowledge of the Italian language. She was now finished with College, and moving on to Law school, at Oxford. Packing up her life that had been in Italy, and moving to England. It was quite exciting actually. She just wished she could share it with someone.

She hears her phone ring from behind her, and turns to answer it.

"Hi S" Blair says into the phone.

"Hey B! I wanted to know if you were coming for the wedding! We'd love to have you!" Serena said excitedly into the phone.

"I'm sorry S, I can't make it, I'm moving at the moment, and I have to pick up my keys on the day of your wedding. I'll send you a gift though!" Blair says with false excitement and dismay into the phone. She really doesn't have to pick her keys up that day. She just doesn't want to face him.

"Chuck won't bother you Blair. Please come! I can't get married without my best friend there" S pleads.

"You don't need me there S, you've got little Jenny Humphrey to replace me. It's what she does best" Blair snarks into the phone, whilst she closes it shut, ending the conversation.

It really wasn't just him Blair didn't want to see. Jenny Humphrey; the slut of Brooklyn. Strange to think that she was now almost 20 and yet still racoon eyed. It was shocking; Blair was turning 24 in the coming year. As was everyone else, Nate, Serena, him.

She couldn't bare say his name. It hurt too much. Blair always believed that the pain would subside over the years. The pain he cased her, in more ways than anyone could ever imagine. The pain of loosing him to Jenny, the pain of knowing he had been shot and there was nothing she could do about it, and the pain of loosing his child, while nobody was around.

The miscarriage had about destroyed her. Serena didn't even know. Which Blair found surprising since they'd been in Paris for 2 weeks at that stage. Serena didn't notice the pain she was in, her constant trips to the bathroom; or the fact that she sent Serena out sight seeing on her own so Blair could make trips to the doctors.

She closes her eyes and stares up at the roof. How did she get to this place? How did she get to the place where she could not even utter his name! This wasn't her. She was stronger than this! She had knowledge, which meant she had power. She was going to be a lawyer for goodness sakes! Shaking her head she turns back to her bedroom to continue packing.

A/N:

Well that's the first chapter. What do you think?

So you are aware, all chapters have been uploaded I will just need to post them when I get the chance. I should be once weekly, with a high possibility of more :D