The summary basically describes the base of the story so I'm not going to go into too much detail but I would ask you to check out my profile once and awhile because I'll be posting lyrics and sayings on what inspired me for chapters, some inspirations I'll just put in the author's note. Ok so Stark's ex, Lila, is in her last counselling session in the Chicago house of night, be warned, there is some language.

Disclaimer: I do not own the house of night series nor will I ever!

Chapter 1 - unsaid words.

"How do you feel today?" Grace's smooth voice made me snap my eyes open and sigh. I had been daydreaming about going to the beach instead of picturing the scene Grace, my counsellor, had been describing, I distantly heard her mention letting go of my feelings and watching them go in the wind but then I went back imagining the lovely beach scene.

"About a 9." I mumbled. It was never a good or ok with Grace, I had to do it on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being horrible and 10 being ecstatic.

"Why not a ten?" she asked.

"Why should I be feeling a ten?" I asked, irritable that she didn't find nine good enough, I mean about a month ago I was a big fat zero, maybe even a negative number but I don't really know how I felt back then to be honest, that's why I picked zero, I felt nothing.

"Well you're moving to a new school." she said impatiently because I wasn't cooperating today.

"Nerves have got me being a nine, ok?" I took a deep breath and continued in a firm voice. "I am happy, I honestly am, I really want this fresh start to go well so why can't we just talk about normal stuff and be happy that I am happy."

"I'm still not sure about this Lila but I prayed to Nyx and I just have this feeling it's the best for you. But remember, I am just a phone call or even an email away so if you ever need help I am here." she smiled and pulled me into an awkward hug seeing as I'm 5'11 and she's like 4'8.

I smiled as she had said Nyx but it wasn't a happy smile, it was bitter. Of course Nyx wanted she to go, she told me to leave and help Zoey Redbird. Helping the special chosen one made me shiver, Nyx knew well that I had my own battle to fight with Kanola, the winged man who kept appearing in my dreams to ask me questions like I knew the answers, and Nerfret who appeared to me in a dream and called me a her 'heir'. she has also added she didn't need one but I would be useful seeing as I was so close to the bulls…

The bulls caused all this mess, I should have just died in that fire…

"Lila?" Grace's tone was boarder-line scared, she knew I was thinking of the fire.

"I'm ok." I smiled but I knew she was worried. So I tried to change the mood. "So can I finally have my life diary to keep?" I asked hopefully.

"Oh I nearly forgot!" she laughed and went to her huge filing cabinet to pull out my diary.

Grace was a modern vampire, although she was old, and liked new ways of dealing with issues. One the first visit to her she gave me a diary and told me it was my life diary, she explained it helped bring up issues I wouldn't be able to talk about otherwise, so that night at my desk I wrote my earliest memory. I wrote right up until the accident and then she kept it to read and we started tackling my issues.

I sat down on the large sofa and opened it on a random page.

I had always wanted the best in life. I came from a rich family and it was natural for me to be the perfect daughter. I was popular, had a preppy style and I was on the honour roll . I think my boyfriend at the time was Keith, he was dumb but kind. It was the night of the winter formal, I was 16 and everything had started off perfectly, Keith had even remembered to match his tie with my dress and I was sure I would ice queen. Then I got marked. I remember being in the restroom and it happened in an instant, I then applied makeup over the mark and I lied and said I felt sick before leaving. I heard them call out my name for ice Queen just as I was leaving and when they heard I wasn't there my best friend got it. I remember feeling like a robot as I went home to my mother and father and calmly told them we had a problem, my mother sighed and started ringing her friends who were the mothers of my friends and telling them my grandfather insisted I'd be sent to a boarding school immediately as he did not want his grand daughter to miss out on a fine education. My father then rang my grandfather and told him what had happened, my grandfather paid some friends of his to put files in an abroad boarding school so it looked like I had actually went. I just felt as if it was an a blip in the road, but my parents thought it was best if I was erased from there, they moved to France two weeks later. I had no more family in America. I was alone in a weird vampire school but my mother did say one thing to me before she left, succeed in that school and become on top. I did just that.

I shivered at how stupid I had been and flicked a few pages forward.

Stark just had to ruin everything. As that arrow went through his mentor I saw everything I has worked for slip away, but I was still the high priestess in training and I felt I had to make it right. I had feelings for Stark even though he was cocky and cruel and I stood by him when people whispered murderer in the halls. That was my biggest mistake, I should have done what I had always done and thought only about myself, I shouldn't have stuck by that cruel boy who I called my boyfriend since I became Queen bee in the Chicago house of night. He just left one night and any feelings I had for him just went down the drain. Actually all my feeling went down the drain…

It was so ironic that I after that incident I thought Stark was so stupid for not being able to control his affinity and now I'm in the same position only worse, it's not like it goes out of control really, but it's like something else inside me control them and forces me not to use my good ones. Darkness and light are inside me, it's like they are battling it out and I'm the battleground.

I knew not to look past that page. Things got worse.

I said goodbye to Grace and rushed to my room to pack my belongings into two huge suitcases. Then I quickly hauled them into my car and I was off. I wasn't going to wait to have my room magically packed off and brought to Tulsa house of night by some adult vampire, I wasn't even going to the house of night there, nope, I was going to the tunnels just like Nyx told me too.

So that's chapter one, I hope you liked and please show your interest by reviewing, also feel free to ask questions although things about Lila and her past life will slowly be explained through the chapters. Thanks for reading!