A/N: Hi everyone! I'm back! Sorry it took so long. Thanks for giving this a chance. I know there's going to be TONS of post Knockout fics. Hopefully I bring something new to the table. I can't promise regular updates, because I have finals to study for..and a Criminal Minds challenge fic to start. But I promise I will update. Just not every day. And for everyone who watched Castle last night: did you cry? I sobbed. I'm not even kidding. I couldn't even fall asleep! Anyways, give this time, and thanks for reading! Yours till the wheels fall off ;)

"And I found myself in a bitter fight, while I've held your hand through the darkest night. Don't know where you're coming from but you're coming soon.."-Matt Kearney

Chapter One

Javier Esposito and Kevin Ryan were dead on their feet. Through the entire three hours Beckett had been in surgery, they had stood vigil in the waiting room, still clothed in their full uniforms. When Kate had made it through alive and had been moved into her own room, they had stood outside of it as well, as she hadn't been allowed visitors. There was nothing more that the pair wanted to do than go home and forget everything. But they couldn't. There was no Montgomery to tell them to get some sleep. Not anymore. Lanie sidled up to Javier, and with a touch as gentle as a butterfly, placed her hand on his arm. He flinched, and then sighed, rubbing his eyes in frustration, confusion, and sheer exhaustion.

"Lanie," he said softly, more of a question than anything. She studied him for a moment.

"Go home," she said at last. But Esposito was already shaking his head.

"You know I can't. I can't leave Kate. She's-"

"Family," Lanie whispered, "I know. She's my family, too. And she's safe here."

"She's not safe, and that's the problem!" he exploded, dangerously loud, "If she was safe, she wouldn't be in the hospital with a bullet hole in her chest!" Kevin approached from behind and wrapped his arm around his partner so that his fist lay over Javier's heart.

"Calm, bro." He nodded.

"Lo siento, Lanie, it's just..." he murmured, I'm sorry.

"Don't apologize, baby. I feel too. But the mayor sent them over," she pointed to a small army of police officers, "So please. Go home. Get some rest. Just get out of here," she gestured to Ryan, "And take Kevin, too." Javier considered for a moment, and then nodded.

"Okay. I'll go. We'll go. But make sure they take good care of her. I'm serious." Lanie smiled sadly and kissed his cheek.

"I will."

"Let's go," Kevin said. The partners wandered from the hospital, more or less holding each other up.

Kevin and Javier had gone to a nameless bar, gotten good and drunk, and then returned to Ryan's, where they had fallen into a silent, mindless game of Madden. Before they'd taken a drink, they hadn't known what to think. Now, they gratefully settled into their alcohol induced haze. Finally, somewhere near four hours later, Javier had hit pause, and Kevin turned the power off. They continued to stare at the blank screen.

"What are we gonna do now, man?" Kevin slurred. Javier dropped his controller and threw himself back against the couch.

"I don't know. This is so effed up bro. It's frickin' insane." He hadn't meant to, but somehow Esposito had broken into a fit of incredulous laughter. Ryan stared at him for a moment, and then burst into hysteria as well. The two laughed for somewhere near five minutes before they calmed themselves. They didn't know what they were going to be up against. Everything was different. Kevin opened his mouth to speak, but was cut short by the buzzer.

"Was that the door? Who's here, man? You know you don't have any friends besides me!"

"I don't-You know what, your mom. It's your mom." Javier pointed at him, nearly breaking into another fit of laughter.

"Don't talk about my momma, brother. Partners or not, I'll kick your ass." Ryan stumbled over to the door, tripping over the controversial red couch and nearly collapsing to the floor. He buzzed him in and grabbed the doorknob. When he caught sight of his visitor, he instantly sobered.

"What are you doing here? I mean, how..?"

Castle burst into the hospital, disheveled, drained, and wearing the suit he'd donned earlier. Kate's blood had dried on his shirt, but he couldn't bear to change.

"Is she awake?" He was breathless. Lanie walked over and enveloped him in a hug. This time there was no friendly teasing, no jokes about 'the girls'. She held him out at arm's length.

"She's starting to wake up. The surgery went fine, and the doctors said she'd be fine." Lanie sounded about as stable as she felt. It was amazing that she hadn't managed to dissolve completely yet. She would, she knew would. Just..not yet. There was no time to. The air seemed to leave Castle, and Richard fell against Lanie in relief. In all her years...she had never seen the writer like this. The seconds after Kate had gone down, Richard looked like he'd taken the hit, too. The way he held onto her for dear life..it made her heart hurt. But maybe now..maybe now they would be able to figure each other out. Maybe.

"Can I..am I..should..I..um.." Lanie pressed a finger to his lips to stop his stumbling.

"Go." But he couldn't.